Parents vs Gf
My parents are putting me at odds, with them vs my gf. We’ve been dating 7 months now, she’s not Indian but I am an American born Desi.. my gf just moved in a month ago and my parents have gone furious. I told them we were gf/bf after dating 3 months and they were furious then too but they eventually got over it. They said if I care about my sister, I need to kick my gf out as living together is taboo in our culture and will hurt my sister’s chances of arranged marriage. Problem is my gf already rented out all the rooms in her house, she has to live in an office room now if I comply with my parents. I love this woman, I also love my parents.. its a f###in’ sh##y situation and I don’t know what to do. My gf says I need to man up, I want to, I’m sick and tired of my parents. I tried listening and working with them but they always sabatoge everything. They asked for her passport, birth certificate, drivers license, immigration papers all because they don’t trust her and my gf showed them everything. She gave my parents so much respect but my parents trashed it.. after seeing all the proof they keep asking for more. They said if we don’t stop living together then say bye bye to their blessings, that I should never speak to them again, I really don’t know what to say to that. I already made plans for my gf to visit my parents for Thanksgiving but now my gf says she wants out. I think we’re breaking up and it’s my fault.. I fought thousands of yrs of tradition by dating her and telling my parents about it, but I guess it’s only half the battle. I don’t think my gf can take this much longer and I understand her feelings.
You know after all this, if your sister, as she could be American Born Desi as well, loves and marries someone who is not an Indian, after you give up your girlfriend, that’s shitty. Say you break up with your girlfriend, are you sure your sister is up for arranged marriage? You never know. If she marries someone she loves from a different nation, your parents would say, “sorry for fucking up your life son.” Looking back at my life, sometimes I had to do things my parents wanted me to, even though I didn’t like to do them, things went wrong, then my mom would say “Sorry, I didn’t know this would happen. Who would have guessed?” That pissed me off big time. A simple sorry? I took it up as my fault because I did it irrespective of anything. This happened couple of times and I heard couple of sorries but 0 fucking regrets from my parents. Today, my girlfriend isn’t Indian. But I am tired of hearing “I am sorry it didn’t work out” from my parents if arranged marriage won’t work. I am not going to regret marrying my girlfriend, because I love her. I don’t want to listen sorry from my mom if I marry someone through arranged marriage and it won’t work. So suck it up, YOLO. Make your bed and sleep on it. Your parents will never sleep on it, even if they make your bed.
Thanks man! I think I’m going to do just that
Same situation here, except I was born and raised in India. Parents pushed for an arranged marriage. I hated the idea and refused to get married by that lottery process. That’s the thing about Indian parents. Tomorrow, if your marriage doesn’t work, they will shrug and tell you all marriages have problems and you’re being too sensitive. And if you have really amazing parents, you’ll get a “sorry” with that shrug. The consequences of that decision will be yours to deal with.
Let me guess, your parents are also big into the whole caste system.
Yep nailed it
This will probably be one of the most important sales jobs of your life. Convince them that this is the right choice for you. From what I understand, you have three ways to get what you want. 1. Slowly convince them that this is the right choice for you through conversations, but this could take a long time. 2. Tell them that this is what you want and force your decision on them. Then the onus for the next step will be on them. They could be upset with you and disown you, which is a pretty bad outcome I’d say. 3. Put them together in a dinner or lunch situation and ask your sister to be on your side. And ask your parents to give her a chance. This could be a very awkward meal but I have personally seen this work and you might have to do this multiple times. Maybe try to have a talk with them beforehand about the social situation you are about to throw at them. Out of all of those I think only the third option is realistic.
Almost in the same place expect haven't told my parents about it yet. We have been dating for well over a year now and I am constantly anxious thinking about the day I have to tell them. To make matters worse, she is a Hindu and I am a Muslim guy both raised in India. I have thought about it everyday for as long as I can remember and reached to the following conclusion. You do you, you are not hurting them by following what you want out of life esp when its someone you love. Be respectful and just try to reason with them. I have been vocal to my parents about my beliefs against arranged marriage for me or even for my two younger sisters, so they understand that arranged marriages are not our cup of tea. I just sad how our parents think it's their duty to get us married along with everything else they did and they take it upon their personal honor to do that. You can't undo generations of conditioning in a single conversation. It has to be a multi year process and it won't be an easy process. My options were to remain single for the rest of my life and obey my parents or choose love and try to reason with them. Needless to say I chose love and will do every time. It's your parents choice too, to either choose love and their kids or their honor.
Your gf is right. You should man up. But if you cannot survive without your parents' money, I take back my advice. If it is the case, you deserve it.
I don’t need their cash.. but they helped guide me my whole life, maybe I should just tell them to back off and see what they do
I am assuming you are an adult now. They should let you do your adult stuff and not intervene.
Your GF is right. You need to man up.
Made up fake story. Your Inglishhh is so poor that it’s easy to figure out you are not US born. Don’t know what kink you are satisfying by posting this.
Man shut the f%#% up.. how’s that Ingles homes
Dude it’s obvious. You need to man the fuck up. Ignore all your parents’ threats. They’ll forget about everything once you get married and have kids. Which brings me to my next point, if you like it you should put a ring on it. But, first make up with your GF before you spring that on her.
You can do one of two things: make your own choice, pave your own path, and suffer the outcomes. Or you can let society pave your path for you, and potentially suffer too. Neither solution is clearly superior. On the one hand, your culture has functioned for many generations, and probably for a good reason. Also, your choices might go horribly wrong. On the other hand, if you make your own choices, you won’t grow resentful and bitter of the society that shaped you into its own image. The choice is yours.
Damn desi romeos are an epidemic. I was hoping at least ABCD kids must have learnt how to circumvent their parents’ emotional blackmailing.
u seem like a drama queen, did u date her just to experience all this drama, since u knew what was gonna happen?
I didn’t know this would happen, I grew up here.. my parents were very liberal or so I thought
the topic never came up before? this ur first gf?