Is it okay to physically harm your children? (yes, that includes spanking; use a dictionary, it means hitting)
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Article 49. Application of Discipline and Compulsory Education Measures to Child
1. Parents and other legal representatives of the child may appropriately, according to their judgement, discipline the child, for avoiding to carry out his duties and for disciplinary infractions, with the exception of physical and mental torture, other cruel behaviour and the humiliation of the child's honour and dignity.
- There is definitely a right way to raise a child based on psychology and brain development. Every kid is different and develops at different times, but every kid deserves to grow up in a loving and violent free environment. Anything other than that is bad parenting. Parenting is a job. If someone doesn't put forth the effort to learn how to effectively and safely do their job, they'd be fired. Making a baby doesn't make someone a parent, learning the best way to parent does.
- Obviously if I’m spanking my kids for every little thing they do wrong it’s gonna harm them but if I reserve it for only certain situations I don’t see that as detrimental and the research doesn’t show that. The question is whether or not a small amount of spanking is more effective than no spanking at all. Personally, I don’t know a single parent who has NEVER hit their kid.
- The research does show that. Even once can cause damage. There’s no reason to ever consider it because there are tons of effective alternatives. Just because you don’t know a parent that hasn’t hit their child doesn’t mean there aren’t any out there. There are entire countries that ban it and teach better ways
- Can you cite where it says once will cause permanent damage? All I saw was “the more you do it, the more harm it causes.” But I haven’t spent much time reading into this.
On a lighter note, classic one liners by parents while they are spanking their kids:
“This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
“I’m doing this because I love you.”
“One day you’ll know why I’m doing this to you.”
- Say what u want but I was beaten by my parents by unimaginable things in unimaginable ways but it never was abusive... I knew the length of slack given to me and the consequences for pushing it too hard... and I love my parents for not letting me become an asshole....Iooking back at my kid self...I would have beaten that rascal myself 😊
- @Tmobile I agree.
I was beaten up while growing up, so were my siblings. Their heart would hurt more than mine when they used to beat me because they loved me to the core. But I wasn't listening to any of the things they were teaching me so they had to resort to hitting me. I wouldn't have passed grade 6 or maybe been a drug addict had they not hit me. It was never their first means to teach me, but yes it was definitely the last one. I have no complains, I love them to the moon and back.
That being said, I don't know what's the best way of parenting. I am still trying to figure out.
- The other way to look at this question is - how many of us were hit? If we were, and we turned out well - then it’s probably ok?
- MathWorks L7jhU2tIsn't there a lot of research showing that any form of corporeal punishment is really ineffective and harmful to children?
This is a meta-analysis of many studies, and in all cases, spanking has serious harms to the children.
- There are also studies that show the contrary. The studies cited here actually address varying levels of physical punishment.
- I understand what you're saying, that mild physical discipline can be used to reinforce a punishment, and that article seems to share that opinion, but the fatal flaw is three fold with it.
1st, the article is simply someones interpretation of several other articles, and not a study or research paper that is peer reviewed.
2nd the other sources it cites aren't themselves peer reviewed research papers either, but rather just other articles on the subject.
and the 3rd and biggest problem with the article is:
All the sources that it cites are almost 40 years old.
We know a lot more about brain and child development now a days, a lot of which was learned in the mid to late 90s, and sources from back then simply couldn't factor things that we didn't know back then into their conclusions.
I can tell by your insistence that this is really important to you, and you want to make the best possible decision, so I really recommend you read newer studies, or maybe pop by your local Uni and talk to one of the Dr.s there that study child and brain development.
They will usually give you a bit of their time if you ask.Feb 242
There is always a way to avoid it, no matter how frustrated you are. Only thing it will teach your kid is to be afraid of you.
It's an easy and unfair way to win a conflict where one uses a power which other side doesn't have.
- I agree with you on scaring your kids. Me and my brother were rebellious AF (still am) with egos that couldn’t fit a baseball arena. The number of times we used to be dicks to each other and our parents needed quick and physical intervention.
However, I believe that made our relationship stronger. Sometimes I don’t know whom I am closer to, my wife or bro. It’s what makes and keeps me happy. Hope that context helps.
My wife and bro in law were very docile kids and hardly fought and yet they were scared of their father. They too have a close relationship with each other. So I believe there are many means to the end in raising good kids.
- Look at it this way. People say there should be no physical punishment. Then, the kid meet his/her first cop and the cop throw the kid thru the air and deck him/her on the ground. Breaking the kid's teeth. Or worse, the kid wave his phone around and the cop shot the kid claiming the kid was armed. Well, maybe some form of physical punishment is ok? There sure be something in the middle between getting shot and no physical punishment?
- Oath / EngxxxcdBook time, please please all parents should read this book
- Microsoft FBisEvilSeems like a lot of kids today lack discipline and perhaps the no spanking movement has played a role.
- In 1979 Sweden was the first to ban spanking and other physical and mental violence masked as discipline. They’ve closed many prisons. There’s also many other countries that followed behind Sweden and their violence rates are extraordinarily lower than the US. Not using physical or emotional violence toward children doesn’t mean there is no discipline
- Amazon / EngpopozaomoreIt has nothing to do with the no spanking movement and everything to do with the not holding people accountable to their problems movement.
When a kid comes home with a shitty report card and mommy’s reaction is to call the teacher to complain they are being unfair to little Johnny doesn’t deserve the bad grades because boys will be boys and he needs to be captain of the football team or else he’ll lose his chance at a sports scholarship... that’s why kids lack discipline - mom and dad solving all their problems for them.
- My parents punished me viciously and constantly threatened me and frightened me. It reduced toward the college but I’ve never forgotten this and once I become an adult I confronted them and they said that it was a needed evil and I have to understand them (albeit my father never said anything). I can’t understand how an adult can cause such damage to a child in order to make them behave well, so it broke me completely and I severed all contacts with my family and here I am, 4 years since the last time I spoke to my family.
- yeah, I was talking to them over Skype one day and some thing led to another and they were angry at me, and I realized that it’s all about control. Then the whole childhood came out and I wrote them longest messages in my life explaining what I’ve been feeling all this time. And in response I only got some cheap explanations. So I decided not to talk to them anymore and I think it kind of improved my life and mental health.
I envy my friends who love their parents, I can’t say that about myself at all but I wish I could. I hope I will.
- New KulaFrom a legal perspective, below the waist spanking might be legal, but you can never “harm” the kid, never
- I wonder how many of the folks who voted yes are from shithole orthodox countries with a value system strongly rooted in tradition and not science. I am from one of those countries and I was punished in some extreme ways as a kid. I am glad that I was able to extract myself from that environment but the extreme punishment has messed me up in several ways.
- I guess I'm from the similar environment. I wasn't too wild as a kid, but spanking was an ok thing in my childhood too, and I also observed how other kids were treated.
I voted no not because I've experienced it and didn't like it, but more because it's a fundamentally wrong approach which brings a quick solution, but never treats the cause.