Health

Physical Violence

New / Creativeknewgty
Feb 23

Is it okay to physically harm your children? (yes, that includes spanking; use a dictionary, it means hitting)

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  • Amazon Sanchezos
    If I had a daughter, no, but a son yup.
    Feb 2328
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      In the words of Professor Staffan Janson, a celebrated child health expert in Sweden:

      “Parents who are not sure how to discipline their children can find it easier to adopt the simple message that you get quicker results by hitting them.”
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      Lithuania

      Article 49. Application of Discipline and Compulsory Education Measures to Child
      1. Parents and other legal representatives of the child may appropriately, according to their judgement, discipline the child, for avoiding to carry out his duties and for disciplinary infractions, with the exception of physical and mental torture, other cruel behaviour and the humiliation of the child's honour and dignity.
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      There is definitely a right way to raise a child based on psychology and brain development. Every kid is different and develops at different times, but every kid deserves to grow up in a loving and violent free environment. Anything other than that is bad parenting. Parenting is a job. If someone doesn't put forth the effort to learn how to effectively and safely do their job, they'd be fired. Making a baby doesn't make someone a parent, learning the best way to parent does.
      Feb 23
    • Amazon Sanchezos
      Obviously if I’m spanking my kids for every little thing they do wrong it’s gonna harm them but if I reserve it for only certain situations I don’t see that as detrimental and the research doesn’t show that. The question is whether or not a small amount of spanking is more effective than no spanking at all. Personally, I don’t know a single parent who has NEVER hit their kid.
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      The research does show that. Even once can cause damage. There’s no reason to ever consider it because there are tons of effective alternatives. Just because you don’t know a parent that hasn’t hit their child doesn’t mean there aren’t any out there. There are entire countries that ban it and teach better ways
      Feb 23
    • Amazon Sanchezos
      Can you cite where it says once will cause permanent damage? All I saw was “the more you do it, the more harm it causes.” But I haven’t spent much time reading into this.

      On a lighter note, classic one liners by parents while they are spanking their kids:
      “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
      “I’m doing this because I love you.”
      “One day you’ll know why I’m doing this to you.”
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      There’s nothing “light” or humorous about child abuse
      Feb 23
    • Intel UGeJ58
      You know how toddlers throw tantrums when they can't communicate their points and ideas?

      When parents can't communicate their points and ideas, they use size and weight to their advantage by spanking
      Feb 23
    • Apple industry
      @sanchezos, you Indian?
      Feb 24
    • Amazon Sanchezos
      😂American bro
      Feb 24
  • Yelp XBro15
    It’s not ok to physically or verbally harm anyone, regardless of age.
    Feb 235
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      Then why did you call the person above us an imbecile?
      Feb 23
    • Intel bittie
      It’s ok if you are defending yourself or someone else and there is no other route to take.
      Feb 23
    • Yelp XBro15
      Op you’re right. I’m not perfect.
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      Neither am I. Nobody is. You’ve done what most cannot and that’s admit that
      Feb 23
    • BlackRock Lary
      Stop it guys I’m crying here 😭 #onelove
      Feb 23
  • T-Mobile WozniAK
    Say what u want but I was beaten by my parents by unimaginable things in unimaginable ways but it never was abusive... I knew the length of slack given to me and the consequences for pushing it too hard... and I love my parents for not letting me become an asshole....Iooking back at my kid self...I would have beaten that rascal myself 😊
    Feb 2312
    • T-Mobile WozniAK
      @knewgty wish I had some surveillance proof for you
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      There are children who have developing brains and are trying to figure out the world around them, that’s it. Every child is different but they all deserve a childhood filled with love and devoid of violence
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      Violence is not love
      Feb 23
    • @Tmobile I agree.

      I was beaten up while growing up, so were my siblings. Their heart would hurt more than mine when they used to beat me because they loved me to the core. But I wasn't listening to any of the things they were teaching me so they had to resort to hitting me. I wouldn't have passed grade 6 or maybe been a drug addict had they not hit me. It was never their first means to teach me, but yes it was definitely the last one. I have no complains, I love them to the moon and back.

      That being said, I don't know what's the best way of parenting. I am still trying to figure out.
      Feb 23
    • T-Mobile WozniAK
      @marvel I feel you.. punishment is like a flu shot..hurts buts saves your butt from bigger harm. Of course it shouldn’t be abused.
      I have an unwritten rule that I shall never beat my kids and I have never broken that yet..but keeping my options open 😜
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      If you have to resort to hitting your children then you haven’t tried everything. Choosing to physically harm someone smaller than you says more about you than the child
      Feb 23
    • @Tmobile 🙌
      Feb 23
    • Amazon
      vmprwrkday

      Amazon

      PRE
      Google, Facebook
      BIO
      I’m just here for the scraps
      vmprwrkdaymore
      Relying on norms an good intentions is never wise. Expecting parents to know exactly how to strike the balance between effective corporal punishment and abuse is asking too much. Don’t hit kids, end of story, and then there’s no ambiguity.
      Feb 23
    • OP, don’t ask a question if you already have a bias.
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      My bias isn’t altering the responses. And even it was, this isn’t a professional survey or scientific study.
      Feb 24
  • The other way to look at this question is - how many of us were hit? If we were, and we turned out well - then it’s probably ok?
    Feb 235
    • Uber isu
      Ah the survivor bias. Suppose a population is given a serum at birth that kills 90% of children - the 10% will grow up, look around, “we turned out ok, then it’s probably ok?”
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      If you were hit and think you turned out okay, you’re not okay.
      Feb 23
    • Shopify / Mgmt
      2krob601g

      ShopifyMgmt

      PRE
      Apple
      2krob601gmore
      Very true ^

      A everyone is blind to their problems. If we weren't we'd fix them. "I don't want to fix them" is also a coping mechanism for problems that are too big or difficult to fix.

      Our blindness and protection methods run deep.
      Feb 23
    • Amazon PIPorGTFO
      Go ask this to all the ones that did not turn out OK. They are legion
      Feb 23
    • “Survivor bias”? Come on. I’m not talking about beating the shit out of your child or using torture devices and shit.
      Feb 23
  • BlackRock Lary
    If you need to hit a child to teach them something then you have already failed as a teacher and as a parent !
    Feb 230
  • MathWorks L7jhU2t
    Isn't there a lot of research showing that any form of corporeal punishment is really ineffective and harmful to children?
    Feb 231
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      50 years of cold hard research!
      Feb 23
  • Snapchat mmmMMMmmk
    Your question says harm, not every physical contact causes harm.
    Feb 2310
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      Actually based on 50 years of research, it does when it comes to your interactions with children
      Feb 23
    • Snapchat mmmMMMmmk
      Please link said research
      Feb 23
    • Shopify / Mgmt
      2krob601g

      ShopifyMgmt

      PRE
      Apple
      2krob601gmore
      http://local.psy.miami.edu/faculty/dmessinger/c_c/rsrcs/rdgs/emot/spanging.meta.2016.jFamPsych.pdf

      ^
      This is a meta-analysis of many studies, and in all cases, spanking has serious harms to the children.
      Feb 23
    • Snapchat mmmMMMmmk
      The quoted studies are jokes in terms of controlled methodology and sample size. I see many with large variations in confidence interval.
      Feb 23
    • Amazon Sanchezos
      There are also studies that show the contrary. The studies cited here actually address varying levels of physical punishment.

      https://goodparent.org/corporal-punishment/research-on-corporal-punishment/evidence-favoring-the-use-of-disciplinary-spanking/
      Feb 24
    • New / Creativegrimace
      Enjoy harming your children 👍🏻 ima enjoy a strong relationship built on love and trust
      Feb 24
    • Amazon Sanchezos
      If 70% of the outstanding students in their study were spanked as children, I think we’ll be ok.
      Feb 24
    • New / Creativegrimace
      Lol your kids will be okay, mine will be amazing. Because I’ll be there supporting my children with love and understanding. You’ll be there hurting your kids because you don’t understand brain development
      Feb 24
    • Shopify / Mgmt
      2krob601g

      ShopifyMgmt

      PRE
      Apple
      2krob601gmore
      I understand what you're saying, that mild physical discipline can be used to reinforce a punishment, and that article seems to share that opinion, but the fatal flaw is three fold with it.

      1st, the article is simply someones interpretation of several other articles, and not a study or research paper that is peer reviewed.

      2nd the other sources it cites aren't themselves peer reviewed research papers either, but rather just other articles on the subject.

      and the 3rd and biggest problem with the article is:
      All the sources that it cites are almost 40 years old.

      We know a lot more about brain and child development now a days, a lot of which was learned in the mid to late 90s, and sources from back then simply couldn't factor things that we didn't know back then into their conclusions.

      I can tell by your insistence that this is really important to you, and you want to make the best possible decision, so I really recommend you read newer studies, or maybe pop by your local Uni and talk to one of the Dr.s there that study child and brain development.

      They will usually give you a bit of their time if you ask.
      Feb 24
  • New ycy
    Hitting the children is a failure of communication and give them a bad example of dealing with anger. Reprimand them properly but give them respect.
    Feb 230
  • Microsoft
    Never.

    There is always a way to avoid it, no matter how frustrated you are. Only thing it will teach your kid is to be afraid of you.
    It's an easy and unfair way to win a conflict where one uses a power which other side doesn't have.
    Feb 231
    • T-Mobile WozniAK
      I agree with you on scaring your kids. Me and my brother were rebellious AF (still am) with egos that couldn’t fit a baseball arena. The number of times we used to be dicks to each other and our parents needed quick and physical intervention.

      However, I believe that made our relationship stronger. Sometimes I don’t know whom I am closer to, my wife or bro. It’s what makes and keeps me happy. Hope that context helps.

      My wife and bro in law were very docile kids and hardly fought and yet they were scared of their father. They too have a close relationship with each other. So I believe there are many means to the end in raising good kids.
      Feb 23
  • New eSt6g
    no but it's ok to hit your wife
    Feb 231
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      Careful some people may not understand this is sarcasm
      Feb 23
  • Amazon PIPorGTFO
    NO And you should be ashamed that an adult has to resort to violence to handle a situation.
    Feb 230
  • Broadcom Ltd. Poyayan
    Look at it this way. People say there should be no physical punishment. Then, the kid meet his/her first cop and the cop throw the kid thru the air and deck him/her on the ground. Breaking the kid's teeth. Or worse, the kid wave his phone around and the cop shot the kid claiming the kid was armed. Well, maybe some form of physical punishment is ok? There sure be something in the middle between getting shot and no physical punishment?
    Feb 245
    • Amazon PIPorGTFO
      You clearly need mental help
      Feb 24
    • Broadcom Ltd. Poyayan
      and you clearly need to learn how to formulate a counter argument :)
      Feb 24
    • Amazon PIPorGTFO
      Typical American thinking every cop confrontation ends up in someone being shot
      Feb 24
    • Broadcom Ltd. Poyayan
      Where did I say every cop confrontation ends up in someone being shot?
      Feb 24
    • Amazon PIPorGTFO
      Up there.
      Feb 24
  • Oath / Engxxxcd
    Feb 230
  • Microsoft FBisEvil
    Seems like a lot of kids today lack discipline and perhaps the no spanking movement has played a role.
    Feb 233
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      In 1979 Sweden was the first to ban spanking and other physical and mental violence masked as discipline. They’ve closed many prisons. There’s also many other countries that followed behind Sweden and their violence rates are extraordinarily lower than the US. Not using physical or emotional violence toward children doesn’t mean there is no discipline
      Feb 23
    • Amazon / Eng
      popozao

      AmazonEng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      I’m from Fresno
      popozaomore
      It has nothing to do with the no spanking movement and everything to do with the not holding people accountable to their problems movement.

      When a kid comes home with a shitty report card and mommy’s reaction is to call the teacher to complain they are being unfair to little Johnny doesn’t deserve the bad grades because boys will be boys and he needs to be captain of the football team or else he’ll lose his chance at a sports scholarship... that’s why kids lack discipline - mom and dad solving all their problems for them.
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      Exactly. Kids need to be able to learn on their own in a violent free environment
      Feb 23
  • New / Creative
    XDUS80

    NewCreative

    PRE
    Randstad
    XDUS80more
    Violence breeds more violence
    Feb 270
  • Intel UGeJ58
    You know how toddlers throw tantrums when they can't communicate their points and ideas?

    When parents can't communicate their points and ideas, they use size and weight to their advantage by spanking
    Feb 230
  • Datadog New Relic
    My parents punished me viciously and constantly threatened me and frightened me. It reduced toward the college but I’ve never forgotten this and once I become an adult I confronted them and they said that it was a needed evil and I have to understand them (albeit my father never said anything). I can’t understand how an adult can cause such damage to a child in order to make them behave well, so it broke me completely and I severed all contacts with my family and here I am, 4 years since the last time I spoke to my family.
    Feb 245
    • Apple industry
      Where you from? India? I can relate - I don’t interact with my parents much either. I would say their behavior was a major factor behind my decision to move as far away as possible.
      Feb 24
    • Datadog New Relic
      Eastern Europe. All I wanted is them admitting of mistakes but as usual they said that all they wanted is for me to have better future, it’s all was about control so I realized that I’m an adult now and can craft my future the way I like and don’t need to please anyone.
      Feb 24
    • Apple industry
      Same here. They can’t stand losing control.
      Feb 24
    • Datadog New Relic
      yeah, I was talking to them over Skype one day and some thing led to another and they were angry at me, and I realized that it’s all about control. Then the whole childhood came out and I wrote them longest messages in my life explaining what I’ve been feeling all this time. And in response I only got some cheap explanations. So I decided not to talk to them anymore and I think it kind of improved my life and mental health.

      I envy my friends who love their parents, I can’t say that about myself at all but I wish I could. I hope I will.
      Feb 24
    • Intel UGeJ58
      Proud of you homie - legit.

      It takes an immense amount of courage and resolve to look your family in the eye and confront their wrongdoing. Even more so that when they admit no fault, you take action to improve the quality of your life.
      Feb 25
  • New Kula
    From a legal perspective, below the waist spanking might be legal, but you can never “harm” the kid, never
    Feb 232
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      The law isn’t always what’s right. Slavery used to be legal...among other things. The US is the only country in the UN that still allows parents, and in some states teachers, to physically harm their children
      Feb 23
    • New / Creativeknewgty
      OP
      Also there’s 50 years of research proving that any type of physical harm at any duration is extremely harmful for a child’s development
      Feb 23
  • Apple industry
    I wonder how many of the folks who voted yes are from shithole orthodox countries with a value system strongly rooted in tradition and not science. I am from one of those countries and I was punished in some extreme ways as a kid. I am glad that I was able to extract myself from that environment but the extreme punishment has messed me up in several ways.
    Feb 241
    • Microsoft
      I guess I'm from the similar environment. I wasn't too wild as a kid, but spanking was an ok thing in my childhood too, and I also observed how other kids were treated.
      I voted no not because I've experienced it and didn't like it, but more because it's a fundamentally wrong approach which brings a quick solution, but never treats the cause.
      Feb 24

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