Curious, what did you guys put on there. I'm dating someone who is against the concept of prenuptials. But I am finding it hard to not think over it. I don't care if my income gets divided in the event of a separation, I make 4x his TC; but I have inheritance of over 6 mil and I really don't want to enter a marriage without ironing that out. What are the laws in CA and NY. This is a long distance situation so all the more worried, but there's enough love so I am willing to marry him. TC 400k
You definitely need a lawyer who have experience not just writing prenups, but actual enforcement. Also read about commingling. I've lost so much money because I didn't know about this.
Thanks, looked it up
Given his TC is 100k the agreement should include him leetcoding way more.
hahaha
He's a postdoc in physics.
Lawyer up.
If it was a male asking this question, the advice would’ve been how this is the wrong mindset to enter a marriage, and how marriage is about being a team and diving everything equally, etc.
Though I agree, I thought it was a guy! Don’t group me in with the rest of them :C
I assumed it was a guy. Actually guys are the ones who need prenups because they are usually the breadwinners.
This is where it’s worth talking to a lawyer, not blind lol.
Prenup is an absolute must for every single couple, man, woman, everyone. Remember that at the heart of it, marriage is a business relationship. Love is important but it isn’t the main event. If this guy refuses run the fuck away.
+1
OP the moment you suggest a prenup you will break your partners trust. It basically says “hey you’re great but in the future I may meet a higher TC partner and will leave you for him. In which case this prenup saves me”
Then how do you suggest I do it? It's to secure the inheritance from my family which is in the order of few millions. I would want it to be written off to my children if I die, or stay with me during separation (including the income from those investments and properties) I make more TC than him and always will if I continue to grow in my career and he moves into academia. So we both know that if I was optimizing for a higher TC partner I would not have dated him during the last 4 years of his PhD and essentially will be paying for our wedding as well.
Maybe start by not putting money on a pedestal? At the end of the day all this Monopoly money you earn will not go with you into the grave. Might as well share the wealth and enjoy it while you’re here.
Talking to a lawyer as everybody else has said is not a terrible idea, but I wanted to point out something nobody else had said -- inheritance is not treated as a marital asset, and thus is not subject to splitting during a divorce. However, for that to be true, you must keep the inheritance strictly separate from your joint finances. For example, if you use the inheritance to buy a house, and that house becomes your marital residence (whether or not only your name is on the title and mortgage), the house is now a marital asset, the value of which will be split in a divorce. If you don't think you can keep it separate, then you need to discuss setting up a trust for it.
What about the interest and returns on the investment? Does that not count as marital assets?
As long as it's kept separate and not used to buy shared assets or pay shared debts, it does not become shared. And if you do decide to use some of it to buy a shared asset like a house, only that portion of the inheritance becomes shared. I'm assuming this is still a theoretical inheritance. If it's money you've already inherited, at $6 million you really should have a financial advisor managing that money, and they should also be able to help with questions like this.
Thanks guys. I will be talking to a lawyer. If you have any ideas on how to convince him to sign one that will be awesome. Maybe from your past experiences with your own partners?
I would say that if your partner is saying that you bringing it up is demonstrating a lack of faith in the relationship, you can counter with saying that him signing it indicates his faith in things working. Because so long as you’re together you won’t need to exercise it.
Hmm. Good idea
definitely talk to a lawyer and of course he’s against a prenup here lmao
^This. 10x. Get a prenup. If you (OP) find yourself walking down the aisle without one, slap yourself silly to wake the f up.