“Raising kids is the most difficult thing”

Jul 11 30 Comments

I don’t have kids myself so I’d appreciate some opinions from blind folks: most people say raising kids is the most difficult challenge a person could ever experience. However, how can that be true? Literally the vast majority of people end up having kids and raising them ok-ish on average (otherwise society would collapse in a generation), so by definition is something easily accomplishable.

So, while I understand it is very tiring and requires a lot of effort... is spending 18 years to raise a kid really more difficult than spending a couple decades focusing on chasing stellar TCs, becoming CEO or a successful politician?

Sometimes I feel that’s just what people like to say to justify to themselves why they are not doing anything else with their lives besides raising kids.

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TOP 30 Comments
  • LinkedIn inculcate
    This thread has basically listed all the reasons why I absolutely never want to have kids.
    Jul 11 8
    • Google sbdiebs
      Sure. Maybe you can offer some pros to Parenthood in the thread
      Jul 11
    • Apple Okidoki
      No, it is not best for everyone. In order to have a good experience you need to be absolutely sure you want it. And if society stopped shaming parents who are disappointed they had kids, we would hear a lot more true stories.
      Jul 11
    • GE jjdndn
      Don’t work in FAANG, May be too much work n stress making you all feel like not having kids
      Jul 11
    • Apple Okidoki
      Work has minimal impact, in fact, I go to work to get some rest from the kids) And I have seen lots of young fathers who stay late and play games at work instead of going back home and taking care of their kids.
      Jul 11
    • LinkedIn inculcate
      @jjdndn be like *galaxy brain* becuase my parents did something that was right for them it must ALSO be right for me!

      Look, this is literally how every single parent reacts when someone tells them they don’t want kids. It’s precious. You get sooooo triggered over it. Do you get as triggered when you meet a vegan? Why do you care so much about the personal choices of others? I know why, it’s because you realize that I must have reasons for not wanting kids, and if I have reasons, those reasons might also apply to you, making you feel bad, as if I’m implicitly judging you by announcing my lack of interest in being a parent.

      And honestly man, I’m glad you’re having a great time as a father! Because that puts you in the extreme minority. Psychologists have been studying this forever and the data is as conclusive as it gets in psychology: happiness TANKS after having kids. Go watch Dan Gilbert’s talk on this, since I know you’ll question the validity of my assertion.
      Jul 12
  • LinkedIn moooooooo
    Society isn't doing too well. Also - its a ~20 year commitment you can't back out of, and involves lack of sleep for the first few years and a dumb rebellious teenager in the middle. It also ruins your social life, spare time, vacation planning etc.
    Jul 11 0
  • Apple Okidoki
    Raising kids is ok, raising them without spanking or ipad 24/7 is a whole different thing. If you can’t ignore your kids needs and have a high bar regarding your kid’s development then it is hard.
    Jul 11 0
  • Google / Eng yogi bear
    Raising a kid is not difficult, just lots of work. To educate a kid well is the most difficult thing yes. It’s like becoming CEO yourself VS teaching the kid to become a CEO in the future.
    Jul 11 0
  • Tableau / Eng
    ZeroKooll

    Tableau Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    ZeroKoollmore
    People complain about lots of terrible managers.
    Now imagine being manager with no experience, no coaching, limited power over your direct reports (you cannot fire them, their compensation doesn't depend on you) and for the most part your reports are completely unreasonable, they can't understand you, can't communicate well, and you will have them for 18 years to teach them the job, and they should also like you.
    Sounds like a very difficult job to me
    Jul 11 0
  • Tektronix BazzokaGrl
    Let's see:
    1) it costs a lot of money for toys, clothes, food, medical, and all sorts of bills

    2) in the USA most households both parents have to work in order to have a decent income and child care is expensive! Example for twin infants it was more a month than my mortgage

    3) most employers are not flexible when it comes to the needs of the employees children.

    4) the first few years you get a lot less sleep than you did before, like the most sleep deprived in your life children generate more laundry, dishes and mess than you would believe an infant needs 7 bottles a day when I had twins we were averaging 16 bottles a day and 3 loads of laundry.

    5) sleep deprivation, messy house and having less money is stressful and it often causes stress between the parents

    6) Family start telling you how to raise your kids and your life like you wouldn't believe

    7) women who have kids are often penalized and loose income while men tend to get a raise.

    There are lots of reasons it's difficult and lots of reasons it's good.
    Jul 11 2
    • TuneIn WsvF24
      This is so much of an asshole post and wrong in so many ways 🤳
      Jul 11
    • Amazon bdiak
      The sleep deprivation is real. I would randomly break down in tears at work over how tired I was.
      Jul 11
  • Google ggtf45
    it's a lifetime commitment
    Jul 11 0
  • Oracle not_larry
    Raising a kid ‘well’ is the difficult part.
    Jul 11 0
  • Hardest thing you’ve ever done. Especially if you want to do it well.

    It will break you and make you so many times over.

    In the end you sacrifice your life for people who may never realize it or be grateful to you; funny thing is you’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.
    Jul 11 0
  • Uber ndada
    New Dad. It’s not the ‘hardest job’ as much as the Hardest job you’ve ever done. Imagine everything you’ve done (work, tc etc) you have to still keep doing but now a) you really need the job and standard of living and b) it’s at least the third most important thing in your life.
    Also you can’t screw up at all. One mistake is a dead baby and you’ll literally kill yourself
    Jul 11 0
  • Airbnb SzMe10
    Raising kids is rewarding. You learn a lot from the process and grow with them. Fame and money will eventually fade away, but your genes will be carried on by your kids.
    Jul 11 0
  • Facebook derpd
    (Not a parent, but been thinking about this a bunch)

    I suspect part of it might be that success in this area is pretty poorly defined. A lot of people that say this also have otherwise challenging careers etc., and I feel like they're trying to compare.

    I think the point they're trying to get across is, while there's a pretty clear path to getting better at your job, there isn't really a clear path to being a good parent. There's only (at most) two of you, and probably not too many good role models (I feel like I don't agree with the parental styles of most people I know).

    You can't get better at parenting by taking classes, or working with a mentor, or being put on an improvement plan like you can with work. A lot of the time, you probably don't even know if you're doing a bad job until it's too late. It's easy to fuck up, and when you fuck up, there's a good chance that there will be lasting consequences. On top of all this, there's a good part of parenting that just really isn't up to you, and is determined by genetics / temperament of you child.
    Jul 11 0
  • Atom Tickets ddm
    Raising a kid is like deploying to prod on a Friday without possibility of rolling back. Every day for the rest of your life.
    Jul 19 0
  • MeridianLink / Product XVrn30
    I use the college analogy for people without kids. It's like you get accepted to your dream school then you actually go. It costs huge amounts of money. You are constantly learning and not necessarily things u want to learn. It's exhausting. Sometimes you have to stay up all night. You don't have a car so your pretty much stuck on campus. And at the end of this 18 year college you're not even sure they will get a job. It's like that.
    Jul 11 0
  • Wells Fargo angel32
    Its another full time job with declining tc. So yes its hardest thing in the world.
    Jul 11 0
  • GE jjdndn
    Think it’s a part of your life. Once you have kids, you will love it no matter whether it’s a lot of work.
    Jul 11 0
  • Oath fTBk83
    I’m doing other things besides raising 3 kids. Grew up in a small town in India, struggled my way up to get masters degree from a top university, work ex of 15 years. I’m mid management now. Still, raising kids is hands down the toughest job I’ve ever done. It just is.
    Jul 23 0
  • Amazon klulez
    But the parents not only raise kids but also chase TC and CEO job and most of whatever a single person does.
    Jul 11 0
  • BMW BBGW30
    Don’t think it’s that difficult. Just time consuming and all encompassing. However the ROI is higher than monetary pursuits in my experience YMMV
    Jul 11 0
  • Effort and complexity are two different things.

    If you define ‘difficult’ to just mean ‘effort’ then sure, it takes 16+ years to raise a kid so that’s a lot of effort.
    Jul 11 0