Reaching out to a Recruiter through LinkedIn
I want to reach out to a recruiter that now recruits for a FANG company for tech positions. Is my message too long? if so, how can I shorten it? I haven't talked to her for quite some so I wanted to refresh her on our relationship. She’s a PM for tech staffing. Message: Hi [Name], I hope [Insert FANG] is treating you well in NY! I know it’s been quite some time but I wanted to thank you again for the opportunity of interning with [Previous Big 4 Accounting Firm]. I had an inkling that I wanted to do something along the side of IT but I didn’t have all that much experience but as time passed in college I knew I wanted to do something more with technology and programming because I became a database developer and was managing all of HR retail and residential dining services databases at my college. At that time I had already accepted an offer to move into IT Advisory at KPMG because I felt that this opportunity would be the best for me and it was! But I think now after working for a year I believe I should start focusing on more of my programming and data analytics passion. I wanted to reach out to you and ask if you could critique my resume and see if there are any positions at Google that I'd be great at working on that utilizes my skill set. I currently have 3 positions that I've applied for that I haven't heard back yet for and they're all data analyst positions. Thank you!
Too long. It should be smth like: hey! I hope you remember me from... I’m really interested in working for google, can I send you my resume? And make your LI profile adjusted to what they are looking for. That’s the first thing recruiter is gonna look at.
Too long. 3-4 short sentences max.
I stopped reading at sentence 2, you are rambling
Literally just say hey I’m interested in this role at your company. Let me know if there’s any interest from your end. They are going to decide based on your job title/company you work at or have worked at/YOE and call it a day. Content of your message doesn’t matter
I stopped reading after inkling. Drop that word.
TL;DR
Even I didnt bother to read your message.
Should I just shorten it to Hi I’m looking to see if you could tell me if my skill set on my resume would be good any data analyst positions at google ?
Not even that, be more direct and ask what positions she has available you'd be a good fit for and ask for some time to talk about your background and skills with her agree with other poster, I stopped reading above after the second sentence