Rejecting offers is exhausting !!!!

BlackRock / IT!trumpet
Mar 11 31 Comments

So I rejected an offer that I had accepted and a few others that were offered ( not accepted yet ) because I got an offer the others won’t match up to and my experience has been very unpleasant. To some I spoke over the phone and to others I wrote emails and I don’t think I was condescending or rude about it.

So many times recruiters don’t even bother to come back to the applicants with updates, or keep delaying saying the hiring manager hasn’t come back ( is sick, is out on a trip etc etc ) or back off for the promised numbers ( or benefits , sponsorship etc ) and if the applicant isn’t professional with them they go as far as blacklisting that person in their firm ( and possibly even others where they have contacts). And yet when an applicant is rejecting their offer, they are total d*cks about it w/o any consequences !!! Isn’t that an abuse of power ?

How can I make offer-rejection upfront and yet not as unpleasant as it has been ?

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TOP 31 Comments
  • Tinder rool
    I will say, as a HM, nothing pisses me off more than someone who accepts an offer and subsequently changes their mind. We put you into our headcount and project plan based on your acceptance, and you very well may have prevented another candidate from an opportunity.

    I have never and would never accept an offer that I'm not committed to. I have a couple friends who do this and always give them shit for it. It's a bad look, so don't be surprised if the recruiter, HM, and even company as a whole treats you badly as a result.
    Mar 1115
    • Tinder rool
      @tc250 I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience. That's definitely the most extreme example I've ever heard and I wouldn't have been surprised at all if I was your HM and you accepted another offer. Sounds like, while the immediate feedback was positive so the recruiter was optimistic, the team leveled you below senior. But you made a big mistake, your equity would have almost 10x'd and even below senior that would make you millions. 🤷
      Mar 11
    • Tinder rool
      @horizontal Maybe it's not the case at Microsoft, but every time I've joined a new company I've seen 15-30% total comp jump. That doesn't really happen internally unless you're being underpaid relative to your peers.
      Mar 11
    • Wish tc250
      My big mistake 2 years ago is bitcoin. If I could all in, I am billionaire already. Look at what you said on this thread. You said you don’t pay top of the market. And then you judge my decision based on the money.
      First, money is not the only factor. Second, how the heck do you know I didn’t make millions :)
      Anyway, I am happy I dodged the bullet.
      Mar 11
    • Microsoft horizontal
      @tinder Have you thought why though ? Because people like you normalize or advocate for it. If you are a hiring manager, why wouldn't you pay competetive internal adjustments when you are willing to hire external candidates with competetive packages ?

      Its because corporate greed and just because the company thinks it can get away without paying market rate. If more and more people vote with their feet, things will change.
      Mar 11
    • Amadeus Trick2g
      @tinder, what millions are you talking about lol? Paper money is paper money. Millions of dollars of paper money is not what people are looking for. Opportunity cost is lost every minute working in a company which doesn’t offer liquid stocks. Also wouldn’t you jump ship if you get a huge raise with an external offer? Or would you stay put with lower tc because you want “to be loyal”. Come on man, be real.
      Mar 11
    • Tinder rool
      @horizontal I'm glad you mention this. At Tinder, we really really care that we don't have unfair comp packages where new hires get paid more just because they got an offer later. Every level has strict bands to prevent this, and these bands are evaluated regularly (so if things are below market we'll adjust in the next cycle). 15-30% TC jump means you were really underpaid and we do our best to prevent that. It is possible if you were leveled low at the low end of the band and then perform way higher and get promoted.

      So no, we are not willing to hire external candidates with bigger packages than current employees, I just relayed my experience in the tech industry as a whole.
      Mar 11
    • Tinder rool
      @Trick2g Tinder is liquid bro. $MTCH. When I joined it wasn't and I knew that going in. That's the whole point of joining a startup - high risk, high reward, passionate people who believe.
      Mar 11
    • Amadeus Trick2g
      I see! I stand corrected on that then. Thanks. But coming back to the point, people don’t care about company pay bands and what the ranges are. It’s cold hard numbers. I learnt that these pay bands are just artificially created and destroyed based on how good a candidate negotiates and what leverage they have with other offers. If you can’t compete with a top of the market tc offer, then you will never be able to attract good candidates. Also I disagree that the tech industry is fair when it comes to paying its internal employees. I have been at both sides of the table myself. We had many external hires at my old place who were paid 30-40% more tc as compared to me. I made one job change and now I am making top of the band pay at my present job which coincidentally more than even my previous manager lol. This was possible because I had another offer as leverage which I aggressively negotiated on.
      Mar 11
    • Tinder rool
      @Trick2g oh yeah, no disagreement from me that the tech industry is not fair. We just really care at Tinder. There have been several times where a candidate had a bigger offer from another company when I already got them the top of their band, and the only way to compete with it would be to level them up, but their experience/interview performance didn't meet that bar. So I've had to basically say that's all I can do. So we have a fair system here, but we lose some candidates who are just trying to get the highest TC offer (even though the equity growth would have been more rewarding for them).

      Hope that makes sense
      Mar 11
    • Tinder rool
      @tc250 sorry if my comment came off rude. Let me explain.

      You said "the offer is shit" and I was trying to demonstrate that it actually would have been more rewarding for you than a 30% higher TC offer from another company due to the equity growth. That's the reward of joining of startup that ends up being successful, even though it's not immediately visible when you get the offer.

      So yes, we don't offer the absolute top of market because this brings in candidates who believe more in the company's future/growth and the team/culture. We have a small team of less than 250 engineers so the cultural fit of each hire is really important.

      Hope that clears up the sense of mixed messaging my other comment.
      Mar 11
  • Amadeus Trick2g
    I went through something similar with my latest job switch. I had two offers. You need to grow a thick skin and approach this with minimal emotions. You are trying to improve your life by getting the best offer possible. Keep your goal in mind. Everything else is fluff and fleeting.
    Mar 111
  • Hulu SweetVict
    Keep it simple and professional. There’s nothing wrong with saying you got a better offer somewhere else. There’s no such thing as company loyalty.
    Mar 112
    • KPMG
      BackClock

      KPMG

      PRE
      Deloitte, Accenture
      BackClockmore
      Done 🤣
      Mar 11
    • KPMG
      BackClock

      KPMG

      PRE
      Deloitte, Accenture
      BackClockmore
      Just looking out for a blind buddy (pun intended)
      Mar 11
  • Oath newJoine
    U cannot make everyone happy .
    Mar 110
  • Expedia qkDp46
    Blow them off. That’s what they’d do to you if they were turning you down.
    Mar 110
  • Wells Fargo gyut
    You have to disappoint someone by rejecting their offers in the process..so don’t have hard feelings..
    Mar 111
    • BlackRock / IT!trumpet
      OP
      Yeah but it’s so tiring and time consuming too
      Mar 11
  • Microsoft joyfull
    Did you accept then reject?
    Mar 124
    • BlackRock / IT!trumpet
      OP
      I accepted one then got a way better offer and so decided to go with the better one ... and first one isn’t even talking about matching it ... all they are doing is patronizing me
      Mar 12
    • Blend tKRb03
      consider this - if the HM gets paid less than what your new offer is and they definitely can’t match that - it would make a lot of sense for them to get very unpleasant
      Mar 12
    • BlackRock / IT!trumpet
      OP
      Then they should accept than and move on instead of patronizing me ...
      Mar 12
    • Microsoft joyfull
      Usually negotiation happens before accepting offer. By accepting it you agreed to the amount they offered. They will get upset when you desert an offer which you accepted. It is very hard to be politely rejecting it hence any of your wordings could have made them upset.
      Mar 12
  • It's your fault. In my opinion, rejecting an accepted offer is not professional. Try to avoid these type of situations in the future and learn from your mistakes. There is always a better offer somewhere, but you can't earn all the money in the world and the world is quite small, tbh.
    Mar 140

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