Serious question for men - how hard would it be to move on from a woman you’ve been with for more than 5 years? Would you still be able to love her and make things work if she’s making efforts to fix things between the two of you (major compromises and willing to make a lot of reasonable and healthy changes to make it work between you)? Does she deserve a chance? I’m asking because I’m trying my heart and soul to rebuild a better and stronger relationship with my ex who I was with for 5+ years. He says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now and has no room for love. He’s worn out and is afraid of making any more effort towards a relationship. I really hope he will eventually come back and I know we can make it work. We were basically a married couple without the paperwork. And we brought out the best in each other, helping each other through different phases of life (grad school, unemployment, first jobs etc.) Men, please tell me that it’s not easy to un-love someone you were in love with for so long, someone who really wants and knows how to make it work for real this time round 😢
Love never dies. Make an effort and let him know that he means a lot to you. See if there is someone else in his life.
Thanks for your response. I am consciously making efforts but he says he doesn’t care about any of it right now. He does say though that when he feels like he’s ready for a relationship, he will talk about us again. So I’m just waiting for that day. I do know that he’s close to a coworker but he says he’s not trying to form a connection with anyone at the moment. He’s so sick of relationships. The best I can do here is trust him on that I guess. Plus he did say that I’ll be the first one he talks to when he’s ready :(
But what happened between the two of you that pushed him over the edge - he seems burnt. Take him out for coffee and tell him your feelings. It’s not easy to forget a 5 year relationship. Did you get involved with someone else that broke your relationship?
TC?
(American male perspective here) Love has different meanings depending on the relationship. Now at five years the choice to stay was either made out of love or out of a desire not to be alone. The latter of which is a bad reason: news flash: it is perfectly ok to be single. If it was the latter, then you fell out of love long ago and you need to remind yourself why. If it is the former: then you need to truly go back and analyze the relationship as to what went wrong in the first place. If you feel like that issue has been resolved or will never occur, then yeah pursue a relationship again. Know this, however: don't ever go back to someone just because you'd rather have someone than be single. Being single is something you need to be perfectly ok with, not something that saddens you. A relationship should enhance who you are, but you shouldn't be broken without one. Take my advice with a bit of salt though: I'm perpetually single (and ok with it); so I may be niave.
Thanks for your response. For sure, it’s the former. I don’t think either of us has a problem with being single. I’ve been single since the breakup and I actually like it. I’ve been single before too and I’ve never felt the need for someone in my life. It’s just that once you find that special someone, you don’t need them but you want them. And I think that’s what it is now. I don’t need him in my life. But I do want him, as my life partner, because of all the wonderful things we had and can have between us. I can live and be happy without him but I’m happier with him. I think for both of us, we decided to stay in this for so long because of the love, not because of fear of being alone. When I asked him why he stayed for so long, he said it was because he hoped the love would make it better.
What did you do girl? Rode a few dicks while he was being loyal?
If it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be
let him go. once he turns around, it is done.
Much DDLJ ?
You can't get a uniform answer from all guys. Every guy is different. However, here's a piece of advice: if you act desperate that's not a reason for him to get back to you. Remind him of the good reasons to be together. Show him your best self and the happiness you can bring to his life. Seduce him if you can. But if he broke up with you because of some drama (which most girls have) I doubt he'll ever get back with you again.
I wish it was drama. Unfortunately, it was my struggle with depression that led to this. I wish I could control that but I can’t.
Sorry to hear about the emotional turmoil. I’m not sure Blind has a great track record for credible relationship advice, so I will refrain from any attempt outside of one truth: not fighting for something has a predictable outcome. As a side note... I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit on overcoming depression. Maybe this is how you fight for him (and yourself). Consider counseling if you haven’t already. It’s tough and a lot of work but you can make big strides with experienced guidance and support. Best of luck - really hope things turn around for you.
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