Rising up from broken state/divorce
Two weeks ago my husband left me because he said he is devastated to be with me and he has changed. First couple days, I begged and cried until I realized he has changed and he does not have the strength to give our future one more try no matter how much I beg.
A part of me keeps believing that he will come back when he feels better, and I'm unable to accept the reality because he had always promised me he won't ever leave me no matter how tough it gets
Every day till now, I have only been worse and I do not know a away to move forward. My pain of losing him has been too much that it has started to affect my other loved ones--my parents. I cannot let that happen...How am I supposed to recover from knowing the person I loved the most won't ever be with me? I'm unable to focus on things, messed up work big time-- broke production because it is taking over me.
The pain has been both physical and emotional and I haven't even ate food properly for the past two weeks.
Backstory: I was going through a trauma rooted from my husband's action leaving me insecure and it went on for under a year. He is under the belief I won't ever be able to recover from that stage and he said he cannot do anything to help me and he has to help himself.
However, this has turned out to be a wakeup call to my initial trauma. That, it was important for me to get out of it...for our health and happiness.
A part of me cannot believe that he gave up (this is a marriage...not a relationship), but I understand that he was absolutely devastated (similar to my current state) that he had to leave me. He stubbornly said he is not willing to try again.
I have tried counselor/therapist and she is only been saying compassionate words and that by itself is not being helpful.
I do not want a relationship any more in life..as I know he had actually loved me and if he was not able to persist through it...and no one would have. This was also my only relationship in life and for a person who has not even experienced heart break, a divorce feels harder than death.
I do not even know how to take the next step, cannot keep myself distracted and just unrealistically dream that he will come back tomorrow... But I know that won't happen and I want to recover.