Second kid + Job search + no nearby fam...how to cope?Feb 25
I just gave birth to my 2nd (VBAC with 2nd degree tears). Unfortunately my LO is suffering from severe jaundice and had to be emergency hospitalized this weekend. We are free now - not in danger, but not cured yet - but my dr visits are now doubled and my sleep is nil (LO needs a lot more breast feeding to wash this crud out of her system).
On top of this all I need to keep applying for jobs. Despite landing a few interviews before delivery- I haven’t landed anything offer wise. Going back to my current role is not optional (long story - don’t ask). I need a new gig before my leave ends (3 mos paid) due to childcare costs (...given the demand in Seattle, if I don’t keep both kids enrolled ...I’ll lose my childcare coverage for at least a year).
Today I did a 3 hour application with a yellow babe attached to my boob, bleeding out large clots (tear is very sore and I keep forgetting my meds), and fielding 6 Dr calls ( PPD survey requests, scheduling for more appts...etc etc) and 1 follow up visit for the LO.
Also did some laundry, house cleaning, and daycare dropoff for kid #1.
I feel loopy and exhausted. If I even had an interview this week I doubt I could stay standing at the white board.
How do I survive this- and get back to fighting form without compromising my family (both in health and finances?).
- New / EngsparkedYou do this by stop trying to do everything at once. I know it sounds counter intuitive but it sounds as if you are in no state to present your best self in interviews so your best bet is to slow down for a week and get better and then kicking off the search again.
- LinkedIn Vogy87Don't get me wrong but where is the father of your kids while all this happening?
- Oracle orcl32one thing at a time. You need to prioritize. It looks like like you are dealing with many things. Make sure your health is intact, this is the time you need to take care of you also. Don’t worry about job, it looks like you need it but health is more imp. It is adding an another layer of stress for you. Just think you are laying low. Sometimes tiger takes few steps back just to make a powerful jump. Think you are laying low.
- Brightcove madt00thSorry for your hardship. Things that might help: seeking supportive care (even if you need to pay for it. Some health insurance will partially or fully cover it). Goes without saying but I am sure you have considered using formula to supplement, this is particularly helpful with fathers and will let you get some sleep.
- Amazon babymakes5What I’m going to suggest may be odd, but try sleeping on your side while breastfeeding (coalescing) if it’s possible.
Also, akin to skin contact helps infants who are ill recover faster (there’s literature about it when looking at severe cases when infants are in ICU). Your husband can help with this part.
Finally, the way to maintain sanity as a parent through this is to triage everything. Right now you have a lot on your plate so I would recommend using 1-2 hours on Tuesdays-Fridays to line up interviews for Mondays. Use the weekend to rest up some and trade off kid time so you can be in fighting form for Monday interviews. I highly recommend against taking more than 1 interview a week since they are draining too and you need energy for the little one.
- Ok, I can’t give you work advice here but I CAN give you baby/sleep advice.
My first was on formula and in her own bed (for about six months anyway) and I had to get up, make a bottle, take her out of the crib, feed her, try to put her back without waking her up. Rinse and repeat.
My son slept in our bed and I breastfed. He would wake up, I would shove my boob in his mouth and we would both fall back asleep. It was a zillion times better.
If you want info on safe cosleeping, send me a message and I’ll send you some links.
Also, seriously, your husband can be doing the childcare for your oldest, the housework, and the doctor appointments.
Also, you’re putting yourself at risk for PPD with all the stress. Right now should be the happiest time in your life, but you’re doing too much and not getting help. Your husband really does need to step up.
Also, what happens if you lose your childcare benefits? Can you reapply? I think you need to let yourself heal and focus on baby for at least the next month or so. Then start worrying about finding a job. And maybe a new husband?
Congrats on your VBAC. I’ve had two caesareans and my goal is a VBA2C if I ever have another baby.
- Microsoft / OtherMuskofElonmoreCongrats on your LO and so sorry it is so rough! What kind of role are you seeking?
- Pharmacyclics WXbV35Congratulations on your baby!
Are you able to eat well and take enough rest?
Some employers offer backup care options where you might be able to request at home nanny for your little one at a small co-pay. (might cover only a few days). Please check if your or father's employer has this benefit. I would suggest focusing completely on the newborn for 6-8 weeks and taking care of both of you. Once you are in good shape, you can start the job search.