Women in Tech

Second kid + Job search + no nearby fam...how to cope?

Tableau / EngStressd
Feb 25

I just gave birth to my 2nd (VBAC with 2nd degree tears). Unfortunately my LO is suffering from severe jaundice and had to be emergency hospitalized this weekend. We are free now - not in danger, but not cured yet - but my dr visits are now doubled and my sleep is nil (LO needs a lot more breast feeding to wash this crud out of her system).

On top of this all I need to keep applying for jobs. Despite landing a few interviews before delivery- I haven’t landed anything offer wise. Going back to my current role is not optional (long story - don’t ask). I need a new gig before my leave ends (3 mos paid) due to childcare costs (...given the demand in Seattle, if I don’t keep both kids enrolled ...I’ll lose my childcare coverage for at least a year).

Today I did a 3 hour application with a yellow babe attached to my boob, bleeding out large clots (tear is very sore and I keep forgetting my meds), and fielding 6 Dr calls ( PPD survey requests, scheduling for more appts...etc etc) and 1 follow up visit for the LO.

Also did some laundry, house cleaning, and daycare dropoff for kid #1.

I feel loopy and exhausted. If I even had an interview this week I doubt I could stay standing at the white board.

How do I survive this- and get back to fighting form without compromising my family (both in health and finances?).

🙁

comments

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  • New / Engsparked
    You do this by stop trying to do everything at once. I know it sounds counter intuitive but it sounds as if you are in no state to present your best self in interviews so your best bet is to slow down for a week and get better and then kicking off the search again.
    Feb 250
  • Facebook BaseFook
    Are you a single mom ? Wheres the other parent ??
    Feb 251
    • New / Media
      psychx

      NewMedia

      BIO
      Former customer service/management turned stay at home mom turned newspaper employee.
      psychxmore
      Not to be an asshole, but moms tend to do the vast majority of childcare and household work, even when both parents work full time. There have been numerous studies.

      Also, daddy doesn’t make milk, so...
      Mar 3
  • LinkedIn Vogy87
    Don't get me wrong but where is the father of your kids while all this happening?
    Feb 259
    • Tableau / EngStressd
      OP
      Father is involved as he can be - he just doesn’t have boobs or much paternity leave.
      Feb 25
    • New / Engsparked
      If father is involved, why not go on his HC? Having a child is a valid trigger for reenrollment if you choose; can relieve your ticking time bomb
      Feb 25
    • ServiceNow desi09
      Im sorry but OPs comment here cracked me up.
      Hope you get what you need. Good luck ! Stay strong.

      What roles were you looking for?
      Feb 25
    • Tableau / EngStressd
      OP
      @sparked - what is HC?
      Feb 25
    • New / Engsparked
      Health care
      Feb 25
    • Tableau / EngStressd
      OP
      @desi09 I’m a senior dev - 10 YOE - hoping to go into data science or management at this point.
      Feb 26
    • Chase / Eng
      FloridaMan

      ChaseEng

      BIO
      15+ yoe, Java, etc
      FloridaManmore
      Do what my wife did and get on my health plan. She stayed home for like 6+months after giving birth. Trying to do work or job hunt while recovering from a rough pregnancy is asking for trouble.
      Feb 26
    • Amazon Jеff Bezоs
      @FloridaMan, it’s very generous of you to offer OP to get on your health plan.
      Feb 27
    • Chase / Eng
      FloridaMan

      ChaseEng

      BIO
      15+ yoe, Java, etc
      FloridaManmore
      That's not what I... nevermind
      Feb 27
  • Oracle orcl32
    one thing at a time. You need to prioritize. It looks like like you are dealing with many things. Make sure your health is intact, this is the time you need to take care of you also. Don’t worry about job, it looks like you need it but health is more imp. It is adding an another layer of stress for you. Just think you are laying low. Sometimes tiger takes few steps back just to make a powerful jump. Think you are laying low.
    Feb 250
  • Brightcove madt00th
    Sorry for your hardship. Things that might help: seeking supportive care (even if you need to pay for it. Some health insurance will partially or fully cover it). Goes without saying but I am sure you have considered using formula to supplement, this is particularly helpful with fathers and will let you get some sleep.
    Feb 252
    • Amazon MeiuMeiuMe
      Seconding formula. I know boobs are free but it might be worth the cost of formula for a little sanity back. Fed is best!
      Feb 26
    • Tableau / EngStressd
      OP
      Will Insurance cover maybe a pp doula? That is a great idea... if possible.
      Feb 26
  • Amazon babymakes5
    What I’m going to suggest may be odd, but try sleeping on your side while breastfeeding (coalescing) if it’s possible.

    Also, akin to skin contact helps infants who are ill recover faster (there’s literature about it when looking at severe cases when infants are in ICU). Your husband can help with this part.

    Finally, the way to maintain sanity as a parent through this is to triage everything. Right now you have a lot on your plate so I would recommend using 1-2 hours on Tuesdays-Fridays to line up interviews for Mondays. Use the weekend to rest up some and trade off kid time so you can be in fighting form for Monday interviews. I highly recommend against taking more than 1 interview a week since they are draining too and you need energy for the little one.
    Feb 261
    • Tableau / EngStressd
      OP
      @babymakes5 - thanks this helps
      Feb 26
  • Where’s your man? Is he dead? Why can’t he take some time off and take care of the elder kid? Seems super irresponsible to me.
    Feb 250
  • New / Media
    psychx

    NewMedia

    BIO
    Former customer service/management turned stay at home mom turned newspaper employee.
    psychxmore
    Ok, I can’t give you work advice here but I CAN give you baby/sleep advice.

    COSLEEP!

    My first was on formula and in her own bed (for about six months anyway) and I had to get up, make a bottle, take her out of the crib, feed her, try to put her back without waking her up. Rinse and repeat.

    My son slept in our bed and I breastfed. He would wake up, I would shove my boob in his mouth and we would both fall back asleep. It was a zillion times better.

    If you want info on safe cosleeping, send me a message and I’ll send you some links.

    Also, seriously, your husband can be doing the childcare for your oldest, the housework, and the doctor appointments.

    Also, you’re putting yourself at risk for PPD with all the stress. Right now should be the happiest time in your life, but you’re doing too much and not getting help. Your husband really does need to step up.

    Also, what happens if you lose your childcare benefits? Can you reapply? I think you need to let yourself heal and focus on baby for at least the next month or so. Then start worrying about finding a job. And maybe a new husband?

    Congrats on your VBAC. I’ve had two caesareans and my goal is a VBA2C if I ever have another baby.
    Mar 31
    • Intel orient
      Lol you are cute. Exactly! My exh would go so jealous if i cosleep with our baby wgere I was trying to maje it easier, on top of that he would not even wakeup once at night to help. I left him after seing that!
      Mar 4
  • Amazon / Engno you
    You need to take care of yourself first and heal. It will be better in the long run. Can you afford to hire a nanny or other help temporarily so you can focus on the job search?
    Feb 260
  • Google lowprofil
    My heart goes out to you. Take care and feel better. Focus on you and your baby first...I know it's easier said then done but really, take a week or two for yourself
    Feb 250
  • Microsoft / Other
    MuskofElon

    MicrosoftOther

    PRE
    Moosejaw, Google
    BIO
    Beware of elves
    MuskofElonmore
    Congrats on your LO and so sorry it is so rough! What kind of role are you seeking?
    Feb 251
    • Tableau / EngStressd
      OP
      I’m a senior dev - 10 YOE - hoping to go into data science or management at this point.
      Feb 26
  • Pinterest Marchp
    “Going back to my current role is not optional (long story - don’t ask” but according to law they need to at least give back your position. Is T so bad to new moms?
    Feb 280
  • Google Sgfru
    You poor thing. It's a brief time in life. Will be over soon. Remember you can always quit your job and keep your kids covered by either putting them on husband's insurance or just covering cost via COBRA continue their current coverage for a few months. It's ok to rest.
    Feb 260
  • WTF is your husband doing. I’m assuming you have a SO
    Feb 250
  • Intel orient
    Good luck for the recovery ❤
    Feb 250
  • New
    EMVH32

    New

    PRE
    Amazon
    EMVH32more
    Sorry you’re going through that. Single mom?
    6d0
  • Pharmacyclics WXbV35
    Congratulations on your baby!

    Are you able to eat well and take enough rest?
    Some employers offer backup care options where you might be able to request at home nanny for your little one at a small co-pay. (might cover only a few days). Please check if your or father's employer has this benefit. I would suggest focusing completely on the newborn for 6-8 weeks and taking care of both of you. Once you are in good shape, you can start the job search.
    Mar 40

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