So here’s my situation: I am 41, have been married 11 years, have 2 kids (11 and 6). I am very fit (read extremely) and decent looking. Wife’s beautiful as well. Both above average as per other folks however boastful that sounds. 6 years back me and wife got into a trust situation and since then life’s not been the same. We haven’t been husband and wife since then - we have not even touched each other since then, live in separate parts of the house, sleep separately. We both love our kids to death and that’s one reason we are still together. The main reason we haven’t divorced officially coz of my immigration which is still pending the rut (I am from India). We would have split amicably otherwise. Last year summer on a trip, I happened to meet a woman just by coincidence and she happens to be one of the prettiest women you will ever see. Period. Extremely beautiful and at the time when I met her I didn’t know her life situation ...turns out she was going into divorce. We both came close due to our situation AND more so coz we totally match each other. Physically, mentally and in every single aspect of life. Add to this..she is a multi millionaire although that’s not important but important to mention that she is very financially secure. Also men fall for her every single day given she is so pretty and sweet. She is 48. We both are in love. We love each other to death. Now back to my wife she says I can do whatever provided I give her financial security and take care of kids. I do care for my wife (technically she is still my wife). I want her to find a partner so that she can be happy as well. So I am now at crossroads since we can’t apply for divorce as I don’t have a GC and she is on dependent visa. She works though. I know the most selfish thing I can do is run away from my situation and just be with the one who I love. But I am very aware of my life situation and responsibilities and I will take care of my kids and wife financially for sure and be there emotionally for my kids. Can’t break their little hearts. So I am at crossroads on what to do. Options I have are: 1. Tell my wife and maintain my relationship with the one whom I love and wait for the immigration condition to settle so that I can remarry and my wife is also in the boat to remarry. Keep living with my family and just be open. But I don’t know if my relationship will survive that. 2. Take a transfer to CA which is where my love is. Maintain both sides of my life. Of course make both sides aware of that. 3. Say goodbye to my love and make peace with life. There is no way my wife and I can get back ..that’s for sure. So this will mean both of us suffering in silence for until the kids are in college or immigration is resolved. I can’t even imagine life without my love. 4. Take a transfer to outside US for an year, get GC in EB1 and come back and be in a better position to amicable settle down. Please understand that this is one life we all get to live and with great difficulty we find true love. There’s no good or bad.we live with our decisions. And we have opportunity to make corrections. Also I can get to be a citizen if I marry my love. But that’s too far fetched. Pls don’t judge me as I am a very lovable and affable person. I have never hurt anyone other than my wife sadly. She is a great intelligent and beautiful person, she works too and is a very very devoted mom. Our frequent arguments in the house have started affecting kids which I feel is more dangerous than we living unhappy with each other for long. Pls don’t pass judgements again as this could happen to anyone. Thanks for listening. Would love genuine opinions. Again pls know that I am totally fine with my wife finding a partner as well. She has no interest in me and we have already grown apart as husband wife . We haven’t even touched each other since 6 years..no kiddin. Only sticking coz of fucking immigration .
If you have enough money you could go the EB5 visa route and get your GC immediately. Or in the very least do that for your wife. It will cost something like $500k-$1m and you may or may not get your money back.
6 years ago, did she cheat? If so, divorce her. If you cheated, well, that’s a difficult issue.
The first thing, is you should probably get some therapy. That’s not a slight/slur, but if you’re needing advice/confirmation from strangers, you should probably listen to professionals, and not random strangers on the interwebz. Personally, no judgement, and as someone who has made “mistakes”, if I was in your situation, I’d probably be honest with everyone. Tell your current wife, you’re going to have a relationship with this other person, but provide for her, defraud immigration with a sham marriage until you can both get GC/stable, and man up and provide for your wife and kids. If your love is willing to put up with the inconvenience of your split attention, for a few years until your immigration status is cleared, then you’re golden. (She should understand you not betraying someone your care about / the mother of your kids). if she can’t, then it wasn’t meant to be. You do get only one life... but sometimes a little sacrifice makes life worth living. Or at least I try to live a life that makes me proud of my own actions and hurting others as little as possible. But again, all that is only knowing a fragment of the situation, and talking about what I might hypothetically try to do, in that position. The bigger question is what do you want to do, and what kind of person do you want to be? And that’s why we’re back to find a therapist to talk it through with. They’re going to be better than a forum. And they’re professionals at helping you figure out what you want (and learning to cope with life by making the “hard decisions”), instead of impressing their biases on you, to make your decisions “easier”.
He values the opinion of people on Blind rather than therapist out there who will loot him at the drop of a hat..
Still not the best solution for the problem though. To understand what is really going on, would take 50 back and forth questions (without others dragging things off topic, or feeding answers). So an informed answer, isn’t likely possible. The rest is just biases.
do what your heart craves. remember, there's no karma in life. just look at who got to be the President.
The concept of karma, in the Hindu religion from where it originates, isn't an immediate thing. It is carried through multiple births, like an eternal bank account, so it is too premature to come to your conclusion. 😀
Jupiter, that’s not how karma works, it is supposed to transcend multiple incarnations
Any idea how long it will be before you get the gc?
Wife working on dependent visa? What work does she do? What if trump policies prohibit from working her in future? If you divorce today, she has to go back. I m sure you are aware of this. If she doesn’t work, who will take care of kids? Is your gf ready to stay with your kids ?
Does your GF know about your family and immigration situation? If yes, what are her thoughts about this? What’s your priority date? If you and your wife have not loved each other for over 6 years, that relationship is a goner. Only thing that’s left there is the kids and her immigration status. Does she work? That is, can she support herself with her income or half your assets (assuming you have more money)? One thing is clear: your long term relationship is better off with your GF. How to work that out is the question. Also, the most important factor here are the kids. If you split at some point, maintaining shared custody across state lines is going to be challenging so most likely they will spend majority if their time with one of you during school season.
Why not seek legal advice? Good consult is costly but hey you have the dough man. Don't cheapskate it out here. Ugh
What happened six years ago?
Begone ye troll! (This is such bad advice! He’s said his marriage is already over. You don’t know what happened 6 years ago. The whole “dries up” comment is awful too...)
Ok deleted