Sending money to parents back in India

Oracle aladdins
Jan 10 104 Comments

This question is primarily for Indian women here who are married and whose husbands send money to support their aging parents. Also would ljke to head from married men who send money back to India to their parents. Do you usually think it’s unfair for husbands to send money back to parents - do you have a limit you think is the max? I take home around$8400 per month- my wife has been going ballistic on me for sending $200 every month. She tells me that $200 per month is too lavish and that my mom is overspending for a lavish lifestyle. Am I being unfair here? It’s a lot of emotional strain that I am taking. I would like some help understanding how others approach this.

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TOP 104 Comments
  • Groupon XPTO54
    Would she sing the same song if you were helping HER parents ?
    Sounds like your wife is a selfish b**ch - excuse my language.
    What I did is I bought an apartment which my parents are renting out and take the money - no need to send every month.
    Jan 10 0
  • Google EVsM02
    Your wife sounds like a can't
    Jan 10 0
  • eBay cCSF40
    Yes you are being unfair... to your parents. You need to be sending $1000 a month to them. Your wife has no business preventing you from helping your parents. Start by doubling the transfer to $400. Maintain a separate account if necessary. Do this in full visibility of your wife.
    Jan 10 2
    • Cognizant APIPM
      Epic response 🤗
      Jan 10
    • Booking.com / Data dsntw
      Sir/Ma'am, I signed in just to like this comment :) . Epic
      Jan 13
  • New Ezos
    Based on your post, I can also say that your girl is manipulative. It won't hamper even if you send them $500 a month. They are your parents. Your wife's a complete bi**h.
    Jan 10 0
  • Microsoft NoDefense
    I really hate women now. Wtf man
    Jan 10 0
  • Apple AppleCar
    1. Your wife is a bit#h

    2. You guys should both allocate some $$ every month you can spend on yourself(no questions asked), she can go shopping buy useless stuff, you can drink, send to ur family

    3. you are dumb/stupid, not able to hide this small amount from your wife and letting this create an issue, god help you

    You posted the same thing a few months ago, don’t waste others time if you cannot standup in front of ur wife for $200
    Jan 10 2
    • Microsoft Dr. Root
      Why hide it though? It's literally chump change. OP needs to man the fuck up and learn how to face this (stupid) situation.
      Jan 10
    • Apple AppleCar
      Sometimes you need to be smart and pick the right battles
      Jan 10
  • Axtria DesiLaunda
    I think it's pretty reasonable unless you have other major medical or house bills to pay, that make you survive paycheck to paycheck.

    I don't think someone can afford a 'lavish' lifestyle in India for $200. She may be upset about other things, which is spilling over to this issue. Or it may be a valid issue if you don't let her send money to her parents.
    Jan 10 1
    • Intel
      mort

      Intel

      BIO
      The
      mortmore
      I agree with the 2nd paragraph
      Jan 10
  • Microsoft Sup007
    Dude, I send/spend more than $1500-$2000 a month to my family in India for various things for house payment to medical bills. I am so far away from them. At least I don’t want them to have shortage of money. Our parents did so much for us and that’s why we are here. I am not married but even if I was, I am going to carve these funds for my parents. If my future wife, would want to do that for her parents, I wouldn’t have a problem as long as we manage it and spend less elsewhere. I am willing to cut on my expenses to send $ to my parents.
    Jan 12 6
    • Uber unoppos
      Clearly your parents are living lavishly on your money. Update us after marriage. 🤣
      Jan 12
    • Microsoft Sup007
      Don’t make assumptions you stupid Uber. They put everything they had on the line to fund education of me and my siblings including their house when business went down. If it wasn’t for their sacrifices, I wouldn’t be responding here to people like you who wouldn’t know a thing or have empathy about what it takes to come from another part of the world here when you don’t even have any resources. ( of course I made some assumptions here myself but allow me to vent given your response).
      Jan 12
    • Uber unoppos
      Fair enough. You’ll know the reality in a decade. Wish you good luck!
      Jan 12
    • Microsoft Sup007
      Thank you! I wish you good luck too. All good.
      Jan 12
    • New 5'6
      @microsoft same here. I spare, and want to continue sparing, some funds for my parents back home. I hope my future husband understands this (and I also hope my parents' dynamics with me doesn't change wrt money post marriage which is pretty common with indian parents). I hope there are more people like you who continue to understand the sacrifices that our parents made for us.

      Ignore @Uber's comments. If he is non-indian (which most probably he is), it is very difficult for him to understand our point of view because of the difference in parenting between the two countries.
      Jan 12
    • Microsoft Sup007
      Yeh it’s all good!
      Jan 12
  • INPHI nappy
    There might be other side of story hidden here. It is important to know how your parents treat your wife or how you are treating her parents. I am surprised to see how people are jumping into conclusion. Such a male dominant environment here at Blind.
    Jan 10 5
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      Fair point. But if those were the concerns, they shouldn't spill over to not sending money home. They need to be addressed separately.
      Jan 10
    • Microsoft helperfunc
      Axtria has a valid point but it's real hard to express support to that username
      Jan 10
    • Microsoft NoDefense
      +1 to desilaunda.

      That’s what you need to understand feminists! Address the problem. Don’t replace it with another one. Dang I’m scared to marry this Indian chick now
      Jan 10
    • Samsung mangocake
      Pls dont marry
      Jan 10
    • Roche mnbvcxzlkc
      So true
      Jan 11
  • LinkedIn
    plowing

    LinkedIn

    BIO
    Always plowing hard
    plowingmore
    I think your salary is joint property with your wife. So if you send $200 to your parents your wife should be entitled to send $200 to her parents. And that is the fair way to do it.
    Jan 10 2
    • Oracle aladdins
      OP
      Their parents are very rich. I don’t ask her anything in how she spends her money
      Jan 10
    • LinkedIn
      plowing

      LinkedIn

      BIO
      Always plowing hard
      plowingmore
      I would just ask my wife to send $200/month to her parents to settle the argument.
      Jan 10
  • Cisco / Eng
    rDdS86

    Cisco Eng

    PRE
    Nokia, Qualcomm
    rDdS86more
    Divorce her. Out of 8400$ of your own money you are free to send how much ever you deem fair for your parents. She has no role to play in it. Unless of course if you are sending HER money to YOUR parents in which case she has the right to object
    Jan 10 1
    • Oracle aladdins
      OP
      I am sending my money. She made all bank accounts common though.
      Jan 10
  • New me2you.
    Secret not known to many white men seeking asian and indian women.

    They become hardcore btches after marriage...and after 60 yrs of age she becomes yoda.

    Youve been warned
    Jan 10 0
  • Cisco xceM43
    Off the topic, but Buy her a $200 gift a month and that will get better.
    Jan 10 2
    • Oracle aladdins
      OP
      She needs the money to live her life so hard money is needed :(
      Jan 10
    • Damnit oracle. Cisco is saying buy a gift for ur wife.
      Jan 10
  • That’s stupid. $200 is a drop in the bucket and she sounds like a horrible person. Divorce her.

    Do the needful and maybe don’t be so kindly.
    Jan 10 0
  • Samsung mangocake
    Do not generalize this for all indian women okay? My friend and her husband bought the the house his parents were renting, when it came up for a sale, and the parents now live there rent free. She contributed upto 65% of the total cost of the property. Her husband is a nice guy and so are his parents. So she naturally doesnt feel threatened by them and considers them like her own.
    And most of my friends are like that.
    I do not think 200$ is the issue here. Something else might be bothering her and she is showing her displeasure this way. Why don't you ask her all her concerns and act more attentive to her.
    Jan 10 6
    • Yahoo beatdawife
      Not generalizing but some just don't want to give a morsel to in laws.. what you are saying is the best case. Usually they hold a different standard to their own parents!
      Jan 10
    • Samsung mangocake
      And that is not wrong. To each their own parents are important. Most men would not live with wife's parents or engage with them more than necessary unlike how they do with their own parents. Does that make men have double standards?
      Jan 10
    • Yahoo beatdawife
      Agree that Indian women have to engage in laws more than the men. but it does not give you the edge to favor your parents compared to your spouse's.
      Jan 10
    • Samsung mangocake
      I am sorry but that is not how it is. Another person's (even if it the husband's parents) can only be respected. They cannot and will not be considered and treated like own parents. Men favour their parents more than their in-laws. Nothing wrong with the girl doing the same.
      Jan 10
    • Yahoo beatdawife
      Well whatever your argument is.. at least don't be an ass and let them suffer.
      Jan 10
    • Roche mnbvcxzlkc
      I agree with this!
      Jan 11
  • ServiceNow lilcheeto2
    I am a non-Indian married to and Indian. We send $500 per month to parents in India. I never even questioned it. Not even once. What in the heck is the matter with your wife? Does she work? She is not living in reality. $200 per month is pretty reasonable.
    Jan 10 0
  • Robert Half whteva
    ur wife is bit#h
    Jan 10 0
  • Veritas / Other 13Jija
    I don’t send money on regular basis but help my parents whenever and wherever. Though they never need!

    My answer is keep sending money($200) and bloody don’t care. She will shout and do tamasha for 4-5 months or maybe taunt you for an year. But, just like a drunkard elephant, don’t give shit! Keep sending money!

    It is extremely important not to leave side of your parents.

    PS: If you feel that your parents don’t need any money and by sending money you are just showing that you are doing ‘son’ duty then you should be get 100 lashes for every $1 send to India.
    Jan 10 7
    • Microsoft NoDefense
      If he wants to send, he should be able send for whatever reason. She has no say here. Similarly, she can send whatever she wants. He has no say there.
      Jan 10
    • Microsoft NoDefense
      And stop liking your own comment.
      Jan 10
    • Veritas / Other 13Jija
      Sometimes, money can be used somewhere better. Investment, save for child’s education, pay debt, buy a house, invest in secondary property etc.
      Jan 10
    • Veritas / Other 13Jija
      NoDefense- I have not liked my comment. Plonker!
      Jan 10
    • Microsoft NoDefense
      K
      Jan 10
    • Microsoft NoDefense
      No chance you’re a male. F** feminist

      I hate indian women. So entitled
      Jan 10
    • Veritas / Other 13Jija
      NoDefense - Ask your wife. I repeat you are a ‘Plonker’!
      Jan 10
  • eBay / Eng elon_muskk
    Ignore people who say to divorce your wife. We are all humans and the way you see your parents, your wife can never see them the same way and don't blame her for that. You need a strategy to handle the situation. As someone suggested, get them a regular stream of income which doesn't require proactive involvement from you every month. Like rent of a house, or interest of a FD. Settle the matter once for all.
    Jan 12 0
  • Goldman Sachs gpwl21
    Simple. Just don’t let her know that you are sending. Just don’t waste time either to convince her or you banging your head
    Jan 10 2
    • Oracle aladdins
      OP
      She made all bank accounts joint and asked me to share credit card account details
      Jan 10
    • Google NBwU26
      Dude, then you should be addressing this larger issue first !

      Create a separate salary account buddy !
      Times have changed. Marriage is until lawyers do us apart.
      Jan 10
  • Google BbCB40
    Seems like there is a conflict between your parents and her. If they mistreat her or her parents (more accessible to them), I won't be surprised about her behavior
    Jan 10 1
    • Roche mnbvcxzlkc
      That is true.. maybe this is other side of story op hasn’t disclosed yet. I strongly feel for the girl to feel valued and respected guys parents need to take that effort... and if she doesn’t get that... be it 50$ or 1000$.. every little thing u do is going to look negative in her eyes! So you see how it goes both ways. I dont think she is crazy
      Jan 11
  • Microsoft / Eng maison
    $200 is like INR 14K. Good luck living in luxury on that. I send home around that much & I don't even earn in USD. Your wife is overreacting.
    Jan 11 0
  • Google NBwU26
    Never let the woman in your life think she owns all your money or time !

    Always be ready to walk away.... even if you have kids.
    Jan 10 0
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Microsoft Dr. Root
    Wow. Sorry but your wife is a selfish douchebag. You have every right to support your parents financially. She has to learn to STFU.
    #KindlyRevertYourMarriage
    Jan 10 0
  • New / Eng
    NerfIndian

    New Eng

    PRE
    InsideView
    NerfIndianmore
    I'm in India and I can confirm that $200 a month doesn't remotely qualify someone for a 'lavish' lifestyle.
    Jan 10 0
  • Oracle aladdins
    OP
    The sad part is that the fight on financial responsibility only happens when there is a discussion on sending money to India. There is so much money spent every week in eating out etc. if I had spent same amount on something else the intense fight does not happen. It’s a crazy logic.
    Jan 10 2
    • Cognizant APIPM
      Exactly
      Jan 10
    • Cisco / Eng fghkiy
      Do you have kids?
      Jan 11
  • Twitter Oomnj
    That’s like two dinners, or one dinner for two. Why does your wife even know about such little expenses?
    Jan 10 2
    • Oracle aladdins
      OP
      She asked me to make all bank accounts common. And calls me out in things
      Jan 10
    • 8x8 / Eng garbledtxt
      I guess you can open another account and tell her to stay the f*** away from your personal account. You need to support your parents. How you spend your salary is completely upto you.
      Jan 10
  • New / Eng hub
    $200 is pretty less, you should send more to your mother, may be 800-1000 . Your wife should not object to it. It’s your hard earned money.
    Jan 10 1
  • Lumos Labs / Data
    KiUt42

    Lumos Labs Data

    PRE
    Lumos Labs
    KiUt42more
    Open a second bank account and send out $200 into that account from your paycheck and then transfer from there to your parents.
    Jan 10 1
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      I am sure with this attitude, it's not a matter of $200. And the problem is gonna expand into other realms as well.
      Jan 10
  • Bank of America blacKnight
    Women(wife) are like that dude.. they always eye on your money.. your mother is the first one who took care of you.. and she is the one with who you have the oldest and most pure love relation.. love her.. you should give $20 to your wife and $2000 to your mom.. I am giving this advise after not following and regretting it...instead I was doing what you are doing now and I was wrong.. support your parents... if you can’t be there physically when they need you atleast help them economically.. they started your education and hence you are earning in US
    Jan 10 0
  • New / Product tkmade0
    Does your wife work or stays home? You mentioned her parents are Rick. I assume she is used to a lavish lifestyle. Is she able to live the same after marriage and in US? I get the feeling she wants to have a lavish life and isn't able to.
    Jan 10 0
  • Cognizant APIPM
    Every time you spend money on your wife, say “ its a lavish lifestyle”. We spend $200 just on groceries or a dine out. She is totally wrong. Send your mom whatever you can and reserve something in case of any emergency or health issues for your parents. You don’t have to give your wife any details either.
    Jan 10 0
  • Amazon / Eng prakashy
    I’ve a friend in microsoft who does the same to her husband. It’s so so so wrong. She should not question you at all on how much money you send. Its her family now after all.

    If she has a brother, there is a nice way to attack this. You could ask her
    what would’ve happened if her brothers wife thought the same.
    Or you could ask her if she would advice the same to her brother
    Jan 10 0
  • Uber nnnnnkl
    Why are you spoiling your parents by sending money periodically? Would you do the same to your adult kids? Blindfolded-money sending to anyone irritates women, no matter how small the amount is. Give your parents money when they need it.
    Jan 10 11
    • Microsoft Dr. Root
      Lol
      Jan 10
    • Microsoft NoDefense
      Loool
      Jan 10
    • Oracle aladdins
      OP
      Nnnnki are you crazy? They spent their entire life raising me with their meagre income. I am only sending money to support their basic living. If I stop sending money my mom will not have any income. Poor thing is alone with no kids or anyone with her. She is 75. My dad passed last year. There are no pension funds etc.
      Jan 10
    • Uber nnnnnkl
      Why are you getting angry first? You didn’t gave this context before. Everyone raises their children with their available income by doing their best. Seems you are providing life line to them. Your wife tries to take away oxygen that you shouldn’t allow. If this is not their life line, you should not send money unless they need it or on occasions like anniversary, birthday, Diwali, etc.
      Jan 10
    • Microsoft NoDefense
      I hope your kids turn out like you and you’ll know. Your logic sucks. Report me if you want to
      Jan 11
    • Uber nnnnnkl
      I’ll be glad if my kids send money when I need it, but not every month for the sake of sending. I would cherish if they talk to me on good/bad occasions by remembering parents are here to listen anything.
      Jan 11
    • New Ezos
      @nnnnnkl you look like someone who was raised at an orphanage and hence you don't understand the meaning of family and parents. I have seen several people that work at middle eastern countries as a labor. Do you know how harsh it is to work in inhumane conditions? Those guys still mange to send more than $200 every month to their parents. Look at you, making nonsense logics. This lady!!!
      Jan 11
    • New Ezos
      Also @nnnnnkl, if you're not OP's, wife I am 100% sure that you are his wife's sister. You are the one who is fueling the fight between your sister and her husband. Yes you!!! You should be ashamed.
      Jan 12
    • Uber nnnnnkl
      Ezos, I never said to cut off ties with parents. Not sure why you are drawing examples from Middle East.
      Jan 12
    • Google / Eng
      CHANGENOW

      Google Eng

      PRE
      LinkedIn
      CHANGENOWmore
      nnnnnkl, Fu*cking stupid
      Jan 30
  • Facebook job-huntin
    I am sending more than that to my husbands family. I am gonna start sending to my family once we have double income.
    Jan 11 2
    • New Ezos
      See this!!! Be like her/him.
      Jan 11
    • Facebook job-huntin
      Her
      Jan 12
  • Cisco Embarcano
    I send $300 a month to my parents, $150 a month to my wife’s parents and help pay my sisters kids fees + occasional expenses. My wife is very happy that we can afford to help our family. I guess I am the luckiest man alive to have such a person.
    Jan 11 2
    • Cisco / Eng fghkiy
      You are indeed
      Jan 11
    • Oracle aladdins
      OP
      Lucky you!
      Jan 11
  • Microsoft helperfunc
    How many years of marriage?
    Jan 10 2
    • Oracle aladdins
      OP
      11
      Jan 10
    • Microsoft helperfunc
      Oh okay. You're a veteran then. I feel sad for you man.
      Jan 10
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Microsoft Dr. Root
      Lol that's a bit unnecessary.
      Jan 10
  • Ancestry tblade321
    #1 Did you get dowry during wedding?
    May be she is worried about what happened to that money.
    #2 Man up! Sharing your finances is not how it’s supposed to work. Just create a separate salary account. Have money common for your expenses and savings. Have a common account in which you set aside some amount as savings. She’s getting inside your head.
    Jan 29 0
  • PayPal TeEB56
    Dude what if your wife reads this post? I don't think you will have access to your account any more. 😛
    Jan 11 0
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Facebook public2
    How lavishly can one live in india for 200?
    Jan 10 0

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