This isn’t a rhetorical question, at this point I’m really curious why men on dating apps don’t want relationships. I thought about it today and realized that 100% of the guys I’ve spoken to (even the ones this profile says “looking for a relationship”) have been looking for short term flings. And these aren’t kids, they are in their late 20s, early 30s. I understand that men are obsessed with sex, but what about the rest of the day ? Don’t you need someone to talk to, hangout with ? I hate to be judgmental, but when someone says “oh I’m just looking for something casual”, my question is “and then what ?!”. Can someone help me understand what their end game is here ?
All the late 20s early 30s men who want long term relationship already got them. You waited too long and are now left with short term flings materials.
Being together with a female for long periods of time can feel too much like obligation and can get tiring. Too much opening up, emotional vulnerability stuff. Hanging out with guys is lower stress and drama free, and more commonalities exist. The relationship end game is that the girl wants to tie down the guy (and his resources) as well as controlling/domesticating him (no more fun for you, you need to be a provider!). Suddenly that doesn't seem like such a fun game to play. However there are many pros to being in a long term relationship that I have not mentioned. It's nice to know you're in the narrative of building up a little nest together.
It's very simple. You are going for the most attractive guys on the dating apps and so is every other girl. Why would he settle for you when he has a queue of girls lining up for him. Lower your bar and you might find guys with similar life goals.
I suspect social media has made things even more difficult. It just feels like people are even more self conscious about not just natural compatibility, but about who they're going to have to show off to the world. If a guy or girl isn't photogenic enough, they might have had a better shot at a fulfilling relationship before the Instagram age. Not so much anymore. Now your significant other has to impress your friends, family, and exes as much as the rest of your life.
The amount of times I looked for something casual with someone that looked for something casual - and then a few weeks later they want more 🤦🏻♀️ Are you putting pressure for commitment too early? Guys run fast when they feel strangled and they get attached when you just do you.
Can’t speak for anyone else but for me the whole 20s were filled with “let’s test the waters till I meet the right one” and it took longer than I would like to admit to realize that the person on the other side of the equation is also human and cannot meet the very high (and obviously ridiculous bar I had set). It took a lot of introspection but soon realized that I needed something more than what I wanted in a partner. To be concise, it takes time to know what you want. Some get to it faster than others.
And personally as a successful dude in his late 30s, I've been burned too many times by hypergamy.... when she breaks up with a good partner because of this FOMO sense that she could probably do even better. Years later, it's ridiculous now how many of these women are coming out of the woodwork...often while pregnant or with young kids after that divorce or breakup. Like now they want to go for that drink. I mean we can make light of it but I'm just as sad and discouraged about their life situation as they are. Why did she have to go for the asshole... What a waste.
What do you mean “burnt by hypergamy”?
Google “hypergamy”. Google “idiom phrase burned by”.
I don't think tinder is used to find relationships, try meeting men somewhere else
Can you suggest where?
Because feminism has ruined things. Learn about hypergamy
Read the 5 pages from page 202 if you really want your answer OP: https://archive.org/stream/JordanB.Peterson12RulesForLifeAnAntidoteToChaos/Jordan%20B.%20Peterson%20-%2012%20Rules%20for%20Life_%20An%20Antidote%20to%20Chaos%20%282018%2C%20Random%20House%20Canada%29_djvu.txt
Go clean your room.
I can’t speak for everyone, but at times I’ve been a bit burnt out on relationships (after recent breakups for instance) and not looking for something serious.
I get that
Ditto. If out of a fresh relationship, it's hard to jump right back in to being concerned for another person. Many times you want the space to heal / figure your own shit out. Then it's just a question of - can you heal and also want to have sex? I think so, but it can be hard to convey that in light/early dating.