Relationships

Seriously, why don’t men want relationships ?!

Google jenff22
Dec 22, 2018

This isn’t a rhetorical question, at this point I’m really curious why men on dating apps don’t want relationships. I thought about it today and realized that 100% of the guys I’ve spoken to (even the ones this profile says “looking for a relationship”) have been looking for short term flings.

And these aren’t kids, they are in their late 20s, early 30s. I understand that men are obsessed with sex, but what about the rest of the day ? Don’t you need someone to talk to, hangout with ? I hate to be judgmental, but when someone says “oh I’m just looking for something casual”, my question is “and then what ?!”.

Can someone help me understand what their end game is here ?

comments

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  • Amazon / EngIAmJob
    It's very simple. You are going for the most attractive guys on the dating apps and so is every other girl. Why would he settle for you when he has a queue of girls lining up for him. Lower your bar and you might find guys with similar life goals.
    Dec 22, 201833
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      YouTube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      FastPapuanmore
      The female persona of 5'6 Indian.

      Insults and assumptions? You're not talking without insults and assumptions, so why should anyone else be barred from making assumptions?
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google jenff22
      OP
      They started insulting me first
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      Hey I didn’t insult you. I just said things you didn’t like. I actually recall complimenting you saying you seemed smart
      Dec 22, 2018
    • New / EngMldy20
      This is what happens when man tries to help woman he does so by giving straight advice with facts but what woman really wants is emotional pampering. Guys she’s not looking for advice or help here, she’s just looking for some ear candy to feel better and be less frustrated. And I know for a fact that boners are masters at this trick ;)
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngIAmJob
      GH I dont disagree. But if you want to get your point across you have to speak respectfully or else people will get defensive. But whatever, its blind.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngIAmJob
      Jenn, I believe you when you say you have explored different attractive levels. I am arguing you haven't gone low enough. Perhaps I'm wrong. Ugly guys with high TC might also view themselves as 10s because some girls like $$$ so that could be a factor. Keep looking you'll find something.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      @midy20 sure, you’re right. But it’s the women’s job to voluntarily engage in deep introspection, and come to their own understanding of who and what they are, and what they want. Otherwise they will take the path of least resistance — which is slutty and/or alone.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Barclays PLC FAANGHNTER
      Long term relationships cannot be curated , they happen when there is a match of attitudes. Looking for a long term thing on a dating apps means you fell for the advertisement. It's like compalining that the vacuum cleaner I bought does not work as exactly advertised.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • New / EngNakAmot0
      ^^this 🙏🙏🙏
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon Hhjg
      Men at any age/$$ consider themselves a 10, no matter they get least number of swipes with their average looks, they still won’t want to settle, there is no connection between attractiveness and marriage, the day they want to get married they will find a deal / least intellectual most good looking young maid that will bear children and take care of their households, there is no right/wrong answer here OP you just got to keep playing, learn from your experience and minimize your time with commitment phobics, try matrimonial websites rather than dating apps, hope you find your soulmate soon :)
      Dec 23, 2018
  • Amazon / EngPen Island
    All the late 20s early 30s men who want long term relationship already got them.

    You waited too long and are now left with short term flings materials.
    Dec 22, 201811
    • Google jenff22
      OP
      Haha, I’ve matched with younger men too, they are even worse
      Dec 22, 2018
    • New Gigzy
      I literally can't agree more!

      It's the same for men who are looking for quality women.

      There's a running joke in the engineering schools: "the girls in the school are like a parking space, everything that's left is for the handicapped..."

      Edit: (seeing this written makes me realise how sexist it is... I'll stop using it)
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Microsoft 4655434b
      Guess the ‘edit’ didn’t have a backspace...
      Dec 22, 2018
    • HCL / Otherjstwrkhere
      Don't ruin the joke ☝️
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      YouTube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      FastPapuanmore
      Just sexist? That's it? You don't care about the disabled people? You prick. Get out.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      How dare you make a joke about the sexes! You deserve to DIE!!!

      Edit: just joking.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Uber iptw
      @op there’s a selection bias. Possibly the early 20s guys looking for serious relationships aren’t doing it on Tinder.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Microsoft Lotl
      You just need a fit, divorced older man. Posting for a friend. 😏
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google / EngHulkSmash!
      Lmao @PenIsland you just made OP's Christmas a lot lonelier with that comment. Straight savage.
      Dec 24, 2018
    • Amazon / EngPen Island
      My intention wasn't bad, I was just giving an honest opinion.

      I was one of those guy who was looking in the early 20s, so I know.
      Dec 24, 2018
  • Being together with a female for long periods of time can feel too much like obligation and can get tiring. Too much opening up, emotional vulnerability stuff. Hanging out with guys is lower stress and drama free, and more commonalities exist. The relationship end game is that the girl wants to tie down the guy (and his resources) as well as controlling/domesticating him (no more fun for you, you need to be a provider!). Suddenly that doesn't seem like such a fun game to play.

    However there are many pros to being in a long term relationship that I have not mentioned. It's nice to know you're in the narrative of building up a little nest together.
    Dec 22, 201810
    • Google jenff22
      OP
      I understand that relationship can be hard, but shouldn’t we all be looking for a good one? Are these men never going to get married?
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Pinterest hebxigwbxj
      This! A really good answer from @mangomango
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Pinterest hebxigwbxj
      Feminist wants to play double game, changing rules depending on the situation
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google jenff22
      OP
      I’m confused, these men don’t want a relationship because they are feminists? Or because they have been burned dating feminist women?
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      YouTube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      FastPapuanmore
      Please use your communication faculties better, OP.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      Read it, don't look for shortcut summaries here. From page 202
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Because they've been burnt dating feminist women
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      Pasting a bit of that chapter here for those too lazy to click and scroll. Hopefully this will enlighten you, engage your curiosity to learn, and drive you to read further.

      Boys are suffering, in the modern world. They are more disobedient—negatively—or more independent—positively—than girls, and they suffer for this, throughout their pre¬ university educational career. They are less agreeable (agreeableness being a personality trait associated with compassion, empathy and avoidance of conflict) and less susceptible to anxiety and depression, at least after both sexes hit puberty. Boys’ interests tilt towards things; girls’ interests tilt towards people. 1 Strikingly, these differences, strongly influenced by biological factors, are most pronounced in the Scandinavian societies where gender-equality has been pushed hardest: this is the opposite of what would be expected by those who insist, ever more loudly, that gender is a social construct. It isn’t. This isn’t a debate. The data are in. Boys like competition, and they don’t like to obey, particularly when they are adolescents. During that time, they are driven to escape their families, and establish their own independent existence. There is little difference between doing that and challenging authority. Schools, which were set up in the late 1800s precisely to inculcate obedience, do not take kindly to provocative and daring behaviour, no matter how tough-minded and competent it might show a boy (or a girl) to be. Other factors play their role in the decline of boys. Girls will, for example, play boys’ games, but boys are much more reluctant to play girls’ games. This is in part because it is admirable for a girl to win when competing with a boy. It is also OK for her to lose to a boy. For a boy to beat a girl, however, it is often not OK—and just as often, it is even less OK for him to lose. Imagine that a boy and a girl, aged nine, get into a fight. Just for engaging, the boy is highly suspect. If he wins, he’s pathetic. If he loses—well, his life might as well be over. Beat up by a girl. Girls can win by winning in their own hierarchy—by being good at what girls value, as girls. They can add to this victory by winning in the boys’ hierarchy. Boys, however, can only win by winning in the male hierarchy. They will lose status, among girls and boys, by being good at what girls value. It costs them in reputation among the boys, and in attractiveness among the girls. Girls aren’t attracted to boys who are their friends, even though they might like them, whatever that means. They are attracted to boys who win status contests with other boys. If you’re male, however, you just can’t hammer a female as hard as you would a male. Boys can’t (won’t) play truly competitive games with girls. It isn’t clear how they can win. As the game turns into a girls’ game, therefore, the boys leave. Are the universities—particularly the humanities—about to become a girls’ game? Is this what we want? The situation in the universities (and in educational institutions in general) is far more problematic than the basic statistics indicate. If you eliminate the so-called STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) programs (excluding psychology), the female/male ratio is even more skewed. Almost 80 percent of students majoring in the fields of healthcare, public administration, psychology and education, which comprise one-quarter of all degrees, are female. The disparity is still rapidly increasing. At this rate, there will be very few men in most university disciplines in fifteen years. This is not good news for men. It might even be catastrophic news for men. But it’s also not good news for women. Career and Marriage The women at female-dominated institutes of higher education are finding it increasingly difficult to arrange a dating relationship of even moderate duration. In consequence, they must settle, if inclined, for a hook-up, or sequential hook-ups. Perhaps this is a move 203 forward, in terms of sexual liberation, but I doubt it. I think it’s terrible for the girls. A stable, loving relationship is highly desirable, for men as well as women. For women, however, it is often what is most wanted.

      Read more from page 202 scroll above for the link I pasted.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Intuit sydney
      Yes. Do stuff to get the girl to like you. Compromise in the relationship. Then be treated badly. If only women were more analytical than emotional.
      Dec 23, 2018
  • Google / Mgmtceng
    Because feminism has ruined things. Learn about hypergamy
    Dec 22, 20185
    • Facebook pipirupiru
      Go clean your room.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      Feminism and the intolerant left have dominated western culture, without a proper balance from more conservative ideas. The left is necessary, but they have gone unchecked and have attempted to transform western society into a fantasy ideal at the expense of real consequences. We are all suffering some of these consequences in the exceptionally poor dating climate.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Glad to see a JP fan!
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      Pasting a bit of that chapter here for those too lazy to click and scroll. Hopefully this will enlighten you, engage your curiosity to learn, and drive you to read further.

      Boys are suffering, in the modern world. They are more disobedient—negatively—or more independent—positively—than girls, and they suffer for this, throughout their pre¬ university educational career. They are less agreeable (agreeableness being a personality trait associated with compassion, empathy and avoidance of conflict) and less susceptible to anxiety and depression, at least after both sexes hit puberty. Boys’ interests tilt towards things; girls’ interests tilt towards people. 1 Strikingly, these differences, strongly influenced by biological factors, are most pronounced in the Scandinavian societies where gender-equality has been pushed hardest: this is the opposite of what would be expected by those who insist, ever more loudly, that gender is a social construct. It isn’t. This isn’t a debate. The data are in. Boys like competition, and they don’t like to obey, particularly when they are adolescents. During that time, they are driven to escape their families, and establish their own independent existence. There is little difference between doing that and challenging authority. Schools, which were set up in the late 1800s precisely to inculcate obedience, do not take kindly to provocative and daring behaviour, no matter how tough-minded and competent it might show a boy (or a girl) to be. Other factors play their role in the decline of boys. Girls will, for example, play boys’ games, but boys are much more reluctant to play girls’ games. This is in part because it is admirable for a girl to win when competing with a boy. It is also OK for her to lose to a boy. For a boy to beat a girl, however, it is often not OK—and just as often, it is even less OK for him to lose. Imagine that a boy and a girl, aged nine, get into a fight. Just for engaging, the boy is highly suspect. If he wins, he’s pathetic. If he loses—well, his life might as well be over. Beat up by a girl. Girls can win by winning in their own hierarchy—by being good at what girls value, as girls. They can add to this victory by winning in the boys’ hierarchy. Boys, however, can only win by winning in the male hierarchy. They will lose status, among girls and boys, by being good at what girls value. It costs them in reputation among the boys, and in attractiveness among the girls. Girls aren’t attracted to boys who are their friends, even though they might like them, whatever that means. They are attracted to boys who win status contests with other boys. If you’re male, however, you just can’t hammer a female as hard as you would a male. Boys can’t (won’t) play truly competitive games with girls. It isn’t clear how they can win. As the game turns into a girls’ game, therefore, the boys leave. Are the universities—particularly the humanities—about to become a girls’ game? Is this what we want? The situation in the universities (and in educational institutions in general) is far more problematic than the basic statistics indicate. If you eliminate the so-called STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) programs (excluding psychology), the female/male ratio is even more skewed. Almost 80 percent of students majoring in the fields of healthcare, public administration, psychology and education, which comprise one-quarter of all degrees, are female. The disparity is still rapidly increasing. At this rate, there will be very few men in most university disciplines in fifteen years. This is not good news for men. It might even be catastrophic news for men. But it’s also not good news for women. Career and Marriage The women at female-dominated institutes of higher education are finding it increasingly difficult to arrange a dating relationship of even moderate duration. In consequence, they must settle, if inclined, for a hook-up, or sequential hook-ups. Perhaps this is a move 203 forward, in terms of sexual liberation, but I doubt it. I think it’s terrible for the girls. A stable, loving relationship is highly desirable, for men as well as women. For women, however, it is often what is most wanted.

      Read more from page 202 scroll above for the link I pasted.
      Dec 22, 2018
  • eBay NotAmazon
    I’m happy being single. When I want sex I can find it. When I want to take a girl out on a date, I usually can. Apps make it very easy. I have no interest in settling with someone who isn’t a really great match. So I’m planning to stay single until further notice. Until then I’m focusing on tc, learning more, and investing so I can retire early. The thought of being alone forever isn’t a negative for me.
    Dec 22, 201817
    • Salesforce
      uint8

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      uint8more
      It's misleading. It's happened more than few times that a man asks about my family, flirts with me, shows me verbal affection and care, and then when you finally meet, they either ghost or say that they are looking for nothing serious, or haven't healed from a past situation. It's honestly exhausting. If someone wants a light relationship, keep personal details (other than job and income and where you live) off bounds!
      Dec 23, 2018
    • eBay eYay
      I am upfront about what I want. It seems women find that refreshing. Some do disappear when they learn I’m not looking for a wife. I’m guessing guys will hide that fact to help get laid more often.

      You seem to have too high of expectations from dating apps.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Salesforce
      uint8

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      uint8more
      I like to believe that the apps are only a UI to connect to a real human being behind that screen. :)
      Dec 23, 2018
    • eBay eYay
      Yes they are. But the people on the other side of the app are also matching with 100s of people. Why settle when something better is a swipe away? Don’t like something about your date? Well there’s 100s of other people who will meet so why have second date?

      You sound very optimistic which is a good thing, but that’s a recipe for let down on dating apps. I’m just being realistic. The chances of two people who both have 100s of options both choosing each other to get serious is very small.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Salesforce
      uint8

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      uint8more
      Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Once I swipe right on someone, and it's reciprocated, I don't usually do it to another person unless the first person has run its course :( and I haven't used Tinder. I go for Match and old fashioned dates set up by people I know. And I still experience all of this.
      I don't think I have the new age toughness to deal with tinder.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon Hhjg
      Woww!! @uint8 if you are a male pm me!
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Salesforce
      uint8

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      uint8more
      I'm Female
      Dec 23, 2018
    • eBay eYay
      Now kthiss
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon Hhjg
      Can a male ever think this way. I think by design they are compelled to collecting options
      Dec 24, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      Not by design idiot. Read about hypergamy and how it's affecting men. Read about why MGTOW started. Read the snippet from page 202 that I pasted in a comment above. Then you'll learn and understand.

      Pasting a bit of that chapter here for those too lazy to click and scroll. Hopefully this will enlighten you, engage your curiosity to learn, and drive you to read further.

      Boys are suffering, in the modern world. They are more disobedient—negatively—or more independent—positively—than girls, and they suffer for this, throughout their pre¬ university educational career. They are less agreeable (agreeableness being a personality trait associated with compassion, empathy and avoidance of conflict) and less susceptible to anxiety and depression, at least after both sexes hit puberty. Boys’ interests tilt towards things; girls’ interests tilt towards people. 1 Strikingly, these differences, strongly influenced by biological factors, are most pronounced in the Scandinavian societies where gender-equality has been pushed hardest: this is the opposite of what would be expected by those who insist, ever more loudly, that gender is a social construct. It isn’t. This isn’t a debate. The data are in. Boys like competition, and they don’t like to obey, particularly when they are adolescents. During that time, they are driven to escape their families, and establish their own independent existence. There is little difference between doing that and challenging authority. Schools, which were set up in the late 1800s precisely to inculcate obedience, do not take kindly to provocative and daring behaviour, no matter how tough-minded and competent it might show a boy (or a girl) to be. Other factors play their role in the decline of boys. Girls will, for example, play boys’ games, but boys are much more reluctant to play girls’ games. This is in part because it is admirable for a girl to win when competing with a boy. It is also OK for her to lose to a boy. For a boy to beat a girl, however, it is often not OK—and just as often, it is even less OK for him to lose. Imagine that a boy and a girl, aged nine, get into a fight. Just for engaging, the boy is highly suspect. If he wins, he’s pathetic. If he loses—well, his life might as well be over. Beat up by a girl. Girls can win by winning in their own hierarchy—by being good at what girls value, as girls. They can add to this victory by winning in the boys’ hierarchy. Boys, however, can only win by winning in the male hierarchy. They will lose status, among girls and boys, by being good at what girls value. It costs them in reputation among the boys, and in attractiveness among the girls. Girls aren’t attracted to boys who are their friends, even though they might like them, whatever that means. They are attracted to boys who win status contests with other boys. If you’re male, however, you just can’t hammer a female as hard as you would a male. Boys can’t (won’t) play truly competitive games with girls. It isn’t clear how they can win. As the game turns into a girls’ game, therefore, the boys leave. Are the universities—particularly the humanities—about to become a girls’ game? Is this what we want? The situation in the universities (and in educational institutions in general) is far more problematic than the basic statistics indicate. If you eliminate the so-called STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) programs (excluding psychology), the female/male ratio is even more skewed. Almost 80 percent of students majoring in the fields of healthcare, public administration, psychology and education, which comprise one-quarter of all degrees, are female. The disparity is still rapidly increasing. At this rate, there will be very few men in most university disciplines in fifteen years. This is not good news for men. It might even be catastrophic news for men. But it’s also not good news for women. Career and Marriage The women at female-dominated institutes of higher education are finding it increasingly difficult to arrange a dating relationship of even moderate duration. In consequence, they must settle, if inclined, for a hook-up, or sequential hook-ups. Perhaps this is a move 203 forward, in terms of sexual liberation, but I doubt it. I think it’s terrible for the girls. A stable, loving relationship is highly desirable, for men as well as women. For women, however, it is often what is most wanted.

      Read more from page 202 scroll above for the link I pasted.
      Dec 24, 2018
  • Google / Eng
    ToGY40

    GoogleEng

    PRE
    Groupon, Amazon
    ToGY40more
    I can’t speak for everyone, but at times I’ve been a bit burnt out on relationships (after recent breakups for instance) and not looking for something serious.
    Dec 22, 20183
    • Google jenff22
      OP
      I get that
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Facebook / Productjanjro
      Ditto. If out of a fresh relationship, it's hard to jump right back in to being concerned for another person. Many times you want the space to heal / figure your own shit out.

      Then it's just a question of - can you heal and also want to have sex? I think so, but it can be hard to convey that in light/early dating.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Oath Pe@ch
      I’m going through the same thing...
      Dec 22, 2018
  • Medallia hFEH36
    Bcoz we dont like repeated silly questions like “do i look fat”, “where have you been”, “when are you getting home”. we hate saying i love you every day unnecessarily. we hate bringing you birthday presents and remembering anniversaries. relationships drain men out. men rather have a quickie and work on something worthwhile in their garage thaj listen to your blabbering.
    Dec 22, 20186
    • Oath / MgmtAtinlay
      You seem nice
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google jenff22
      OP
      Is that your honest answer? You have given up on wanting a close relationship with another human being because you can’t answer “do I look fat?”
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google JohnMcPop2
      It's a boyish answer tbh. Men don't think that way.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Microsoft / DataDangerRngr
      Marry me!
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Walmart.com fiVn5$!Br
      You sad, sad soul.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • New / EngNakAmot0
      Signs of a really bad, recently bust relationship 😂
      Dec 23, 2018
  • Microsoft 505am
    How do you decide if they don't? Honestly, whenever I hear about serious relationship from a guy, I run far in an opposite direction.
    If it feels right, it goes smooth, and talking about "serious relationship" just puts a pressure on me and erases all the fun I had with the guy. Pretty sure it works the same both ways.
    Dec 22, 20189
    • Google jenff22
      OP
      Why wouldn’t you want a serious relationship? I mean it’s ok to have flings every once in a while but why would you not want to get very close to another human being before you die
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Microsoft 505am
      No no, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against those. But hey, it's our first dates, I wanna fun, kisses, sex and all the romantic stuff, I don't want to hear about serious relationship and all that. I honestly don't think it even has to be said. If both people are in sync, they already know it's serious, no need to have a separate talk about that.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      ^ that’s some dumb idealization.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Microsoft 505am
      Thanks for the constructive feedback. I appreciate it.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      It takes a real conversation to progress a relationship, and idealizing about it feeling all natural will wind you up old and alone without any more good prospects.

      You need to be able to fight with your partner, and then make up. The ability to talk about deep topics that are very serious is a necessity. Obviously this isn’t necessary at first, but if I were you’d I’d be really scared each time things “end”, because your time (youth) is limited.

      And now that I’ve given the constructive feedback you (passive aggressively) requested, I fully expect ad hominem in return. Blind is a wonderful place.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Microsoft 505am
      Chat steals a good portion of the context, and what you say doesn't contradict my opinion. I've been mostly in long term relationships, but none of them started with a heavy serious conversations. I've been in situations when a stranger asks me about our future plans on a first date ( first date we're really strangers to each other), and whether or not I have serious plans about him, when all i have in my head is "common, dude, let's talk, spend time together, see if there is any chemistry at all, and we can discuss our life perspectives later".

      Blind is wonderful 🙂 I don't wanna argue with you at all.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      Well, you’re a bit of a diamond in the rough, aren’t you. What you said sounds totally reasonable to me.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • New / Engggg1
      This is the most civil discussion I've ever seen in the history of the internet. Ever... Ever.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Microsoft 505am
      Yeah, should have thrown a bit of a mess there to make it blend well with the rest of discussions 🙂
      Dec 23, 2018
  • And personally as a successful dude in his late 30s, I've been burned too many times by hypergamy.... when she breaks up with a good partner because of this FOMO sense that she could probably do even better. Years later, it's ridiculous now how many of these women are coming out of the woodwork...often while pregnant or with young kids after that divorce or breakup. Like now they want to go for that drink.

    I mean we can make light of it but I'm just as sad and discouraged about their life situation as they are. Why did she have to go for the asshole... What a waste.
    Dec 22, 20184
    • Cruise Automation wizb
      What do you mean “burnt by hypergamy”?
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google “hypergamy”. Google “idiom phrase burned by”.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Cruise Automation wizb
      Thanks for your help alphahole
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      Burnt by hypergamy doesn’t really make sense. Hypergamy is a natural thing that’s always existed. Pretty sure what he meant here is that women are attempting hypergamy ineffectively.
      Dec 22, 2018
  • Facebook / Eng
    BmSC45

    FacebookEng

    PRE
    Google
    BmSC45more
    Enough men want relationships. Your post is a sexist generalization. You are probably not as charming as you think, especially if you’ve noticed this with every single man you’ve been seeing. There’s a pattern and it’s not the men.

    You are also probably not as attractive as the men you are dating. If I’m a 9/10 and have 8/10s and 7/10s wanting to date me, why would I settle for a 6/10? Simple supply and demand.
    Dec 22, 20181
    • Microsoft / DataDangerRngr
      😂You gonna die alone and sad
      Dec 22, 2018
  • Salesforce Bag Head
    If you’re a woman, it’s a buyer’s market in the Bay Area when it comes to dating. You’re just consistently attracted to the wrong people.
    Dec 23, 201818
    • Salesforce Bag Head
      Have you found it difficult to find someone that’s willing to settle down with you? Is your experience similar to OP?
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Salesforce
      uint8

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      uint8more
      I've been on plenty of first dates. In the last 3 years only two have gone to the second date. Most of the time I have a brilliant time on the first date. Laughter, fun conversation, etc. The minute I get emotional or mention that I'm at the point in my life where I want a long term commitment leading up to marriage, I won't hear from them again. The two times I did manage date 2, it lasted several months.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Salesforce
      uint8

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      uint8more
      Another common thing I see is men over the age of 35 never having been in a serious relationship which lasted more than 18 months. I've found that people who thrive in relationships seek them. Chronically single people view LTRs as some sort of hand cuff. They run!
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Salesforce Bag Head
      Hmm, I think this one is on you. Most people would be kind of spooked about being in a long term relationship with someone they’ve just met once. It might be better to bring up that topic once you’ve had several dates and have gotten to know each other better.

      I can understand the urgency though, if your biological clock is ticking and you want to seriously settle down and start a family.

      If you think about it, most men and women that are single past the age of 35 are single for a reason. The ones that aren’t are already in committed relationships, so perhaps you’re looking at the wrong demographic.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon JSnowflake
      Bag Head is right. The first date is not the time to bring this up. What seems irrational is that you keep repeating a failed strategy. Just use dating apps that let you put "Looking for serious/LTR" in profile so this is already selected for before your first date. If you get weirdly emotional and start talking about marriage on your first date, every rational guy will think "wow, she is weird, she doesn't get out much and doesn't understand how dating works". Then no second date.
      Dec 24, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      Pasting a bit of that chapter here for those too lazy to click and scroll. Hopefully this will enlighten you, engage your curiosity to learn, and drive you to read further.

      Boys are suffering, in the modern world. They are more disobedient—negatively—or more independent—positively—than girls, and they suffer for this, throughout their pre¬ university educational career. They are less agreeable (agreeableness being a personality trait associated with compassion, empathy and avoidance of conflict) and less susceptible to anxiety and depression, at least after both sexes hit puberty. Boys’ interests tilt towards things; girls’ interests tilt towards people. 1 Strikingly, these differences, strongly influenced by biological factors, are most pronounced in the Scandinavian societies where gender-equality has been pushed hardest: this is the opposite of what would be expected by those who insist, ever more loudly, that gender is a social construct. It isn’t. This isn’t a debate. The data are in. Boys like competition, and they don’t like to obey, particularly when they are adolescents. During that time, they are driven to escape their families, and establish their own independent existence. There is little difference between doing that and challenging authority. Schools, which were set up in the late 1800s precisely to inculcate obedience, do not take kindly to provocative and daring behaviour, no matter how tough-minded and competent it might show a boy (or a girl) to be. Other factors play their role in the decline of boys. Girls will, for example, play boys’ games, but boys are much more reluctant to play girls’ games. This is in part because it is admirable for a girl to win when competing with a boy. It is also OK for her to lose to a boy. For a boy to beat a girl, however, it is often not OK—and just as often, it is even less OK for him to lose. Imagine that a boy and a girl, aged nine, get into a fight. Just for engaging, the boy is highly suspect. If he wins, he’s pathetic. If he loses—well, his life might as well be over. Beat up by a girl. Girls can win by winning in their own hierarchy—by being good at what girls value, as girls. They can add to this victory by winning in the boys’ hierarchy. Boys, however, can only win by winning in the male hierarchy. They will lose status, among girls and boys, by being good at what girls value. It costs them in reputation among the boys, and in attractiveness among the girls. Girls aren’t attracted to boys who are their friends, even though they might like them, whatever that means. They are attracted to boys who win status contests with other boys. If you’re male, however, you just can’t hammer a female as hard as you would a male. Boys can’t (won’t) play truly competitive games with girls. It isn’t clear how they can win. As the game turns into a girls’ game, therefore, the boys leave. Are the universities—particularly the humanities—about to become a girls’ game? Is this what we want? The situation in the universities (and in educational institutions in general) is far more problematic than the basic statistics indicate. If you eliminate the so-called STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) programs (excluding psychology), the female/male ratio is even more skewed. Almost 80 percent of students majoring in the fields of healthcare, public administration, psychology and education, which comprise one-quarter of all degrees, are female. The disparity is still rapidly increasing. At this rate, there will be very few men in most university disciplines in fifteen years. This is not good news for men. It might even be catastrophic news for men. But it’s also not good news for women. Career and Marriage The women at female-dominated institutes of higher education are finding it increasingly difficult to arrange a dating relationship of even moderate duration. In consequence, they must settle, if inclined, for a hook-up, or sequential hook-ups. Perhaps this is a move 203 forward, in terms of sexual liberation, but I doubt it. I think it’s terrible for the girls. A stable, loving relationship is highly desirable, for men as well as women. For women, however, it is often what is most wanted.

      Read more from page 202 scroll above for the link I pasted.
      Dec 24, 2018
    • Salesforce
      Qehf06

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Qehf06more
      I don't mind taking several dates to know someone. But what I do mind is spending all that time just to find that the other person wasn't looking for something long term. So I usually clarify if they have the same end goal. I can be pretty sure that most didn't want to commit to wanting that and just wanted some fun. I would rather fail fast than invest my emotions and be let down because things went more serious than they would like. Which brings me to the same predicament of OP.

      There are people in the range of 35 like myself who have been in a failed long term relationship before which is why we are on the dating market. Guys in this situation are more amenable to something serious rather than those who never seeked it out ever.
      It's not so much about biological clock as it is about meeting someone who is looking for the same things. Though that is a consideration as well.
      Dec 24, 2018
    • Salesforce
      Qehf06

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Qehf06more
      Ceng, the feminism movement is about helping both men and women and all genders in between act per their true nature and not be discriminated against for it or be put in boxes they didn't consciously choose.
      It's true that humanities and biology have more females and CS and math have more males. So? Aren't we in a better world if everyone is financially independent and happy and can actually use their time to do other things like bond with each other, instead of being in codependent loveless partnerships?
      Dec 24, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      No, didn't you read the analysis? Read carefully. Don't be indoctrinated.
      Dec 24, 2018
    • Salesforce
      Qehf06

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Qehf06more
      It seems like a Jordan peterson kind of rhetoric which seems to think that men are entitled to more share of universities and jobs because of their nature. This is the mindset because of which we have generations of women fighting for equal pay and such. I guess I can't agree with it there.
      Dec 24, 2018
  • Facebook / Engcppatfb
    If a guy is into you, he will want a relationship. Everything else is just a story.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Amazon 1700zulu
    Those of us guys who do are with someone or just getting out of one and back on the market—and quickly snatched up.

    Typically... Guys need the physical to feel close enough to let a woman in emotionally. Women need emotional connections to open up physically. One or the other has to break the stalemate. In modern society and with the advent of being control, women have had the luxury of loosening up some. Historically, it was the men who had to compromise first.
    Dec 22, 20181
    • New #dnd
      Well said
      Dec 22, 2018
  • I suspect social media has made things even more difficult. It just feels like people are even more self conscious about not just natural compatibility, but about who they're going to have to show off to the world. If a guy or girl isn't photogenic enough, they might have had a better shot at a fulfilling relationship before the Instagram age. Not so much anymore. Now your significant other has to impress your friends, family, and exes as much as the rest of your life.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • SoFi / Finance
    ☠️☠️☠️☠️

    SoFiFinance

    PRE
    General Motors
    BIO
    🤰🏻🤰🏼🤰🏼🤰🏿🤰🏽👍🏼
    ☠️☠️☠️☠️more
    Men want an attractive woman who wants crazy monkey sex, keeps a clean house, and isn’t a total dope regarding money. If you have these four things(looks, into sex, neat, and not a financial timebomb) you are a 10. Period.
    Dec 22, 201811
    • Google / EngBluths
      @Hhjg You’re aiming for people out of your league.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • New / Enghub
      Meet me 😂😂😂😂
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon / EngPen Island
      Nope, most men I know want a sane normal human that won't go postal in every little issues.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon Hhjg
      Go postal?? 😂
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon Hhjg
      @hub nice to meet you :)
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon Hhjg
      @bluths no fun in not aiming high!
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Google / EngBluths
      Yeah, you can aim high, but no point in complaining then
      Dec 23, 2018
    • New / Enghub
      @Hhjg :- thank you so much 😊 😊
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Google / EngBluths
      @hub what for?
      Dec 23, 2018
    • New / Enghub
      @Bluths Just a courtesy thank you for her response.
      Dec 23, 2018
  • LinkedIn / Eng
    Gill Bates

    LinkedInEng

    BIO
    [Insert epic sax here]
    Gill Batesmore
    OP, try an app that self selects for long-term relationships as opposed to short term ones. You'll have better luck on eHarmony than Tinder.
    Dec 22, 20181
  • Google JohnMcPop2
    What better than no shopping, no drama only banging in the night and good bye in the morning?

    After initial phase in any relationship the tides are turned. The woman needs to convince the guy to marry her now. He already got laid, his mission is over.
    They get turned once again after marriage though. 😫
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Google / Mgmtceng
    Boys are suffering, in the modern world. They are more disobedient—negatively—or more independent—positively—than girls, and they suffer for this, throughout their pre¬ university educational career. They are less agreeable (agreeableness being a personality trait associated with compassion, empathy and avoidance of conflict) and less susceptible to anxiety and depression, at least after both sexes hit puberty. Boys’ interests tilt towards things; girls’ interests tilt towards people. 1 Strikingly, these differences, strongly influenced by biological factors, are most pronounced in the Scandinavian societies where gender-equality has been pushed hardest: this is the opposite of what would be expected by those who insist, ever more loudly, that gender is a social construct. It isn’t. This isn’t a debate. The data are in. Boys like competition, and they don’t like to obey, particularly when they are adolescents. During that time, they are driven to escape their families, and establish their own independent existence. There is little difference between doing that and challenging authority. Schools, which were set up in the late 1800s precisely to inculcate obedience, do not take kindly to provocative and daring behaviour, no matter how tough-minded and competent it might show a boy (or a girl) to be. Other factors play their role in the decline of boys. Girls will, for example, play boys’ games, but boys are much more reluctant to play girls’ games. This is in part because it is admirable for a girl to win when competing with a boy. It is also OK for her to lose to a boy. For a boy to beat a girl, however, it is often not OK—and just as often, it is even less OK for him to lose. Imagine that a boy and a girl, aged nine, get into a fight. Just for engaging, the boy is highly suspect. If he wins, he’s pathetic. If he loses—well, his life might as well be over. Beat up by a girl. Girls can win by winning in their own hierarchy—by being good at what girls value, as girls. They can add to this victory by winning in the boys’ hierarchy. Boys, however, can only win by winning in the male hierarchy. They will lose status, among girls and boys, by being good at what girls value. It costs them in reputation among the boys, and in attractiveness among the girls. Girls aren’t attracted to boys who are their friends, even though they might like them, whatever that means. They are attracted to boys who win status contests with other boys. If you’re male, however, you just can’t hammer a female as hard as you would a male. Boys can’t (won’t) play truly competitive games with girls. It isn’t clear how they can win. As the game turns into a girls’ game, therefore, the boys leave. Are the universities—particularly the humanities—about to become a girls’ game? Is this what we want? The situation in the universities (and in educational institutions in general) is far more problematic than the basic statistics indicate. If you eliminate the so-called STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) programs (excluding psychology), the female/male ratio is even more skewed. Almost 80 percent of students majoring in the fields of healthcare, public administration, psychology and education, which comprise one-quarter of all degrees, are female. The disparity is still rapidly increasing. At this rate, there will be very few men in most university disciplines in fifteen years. This is not good news for men. It might even be catastrophic news for men. But it’s also not good news for women. Career and Marriage The women at female-dominated institutes of higher education are finding it increasingly difficult to arrange a dating relationship of even moderate duration. In consequence, they must settle, if inclined, for a hook-up, or sequential hook-ups. Perhaps this is a move 203 forward, in terms of sexual liberation, but I doubt it. I think it’s terrible for the girls. A stable, loving relationship is highly desirable, for men as well as women. For women, however, it is often what is most wanted.

    Read more from page 202 scroll above for the link I pasted in a previous comment
    Dec 22, 20184
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      YouTube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      FastPapuanmore
      Good content. Of course the OP will never respond to this.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      Yes unfortunately today's women have been brainwashed with the ideology of deception.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Walmart.com fiVn5$!Br
      Is the author generalizing or opining? Where’s the works cited?
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google / Mgmtceng
      The author is a professor and has published many of these studies. This book itself is a citation - if you buy a copy you'll see it has references. Go buy one
      Dec 22, 2018
  • Apple / Eng
    OxKing

    AppleEng

    BIO
    Strong and built like an Ox
    OxKingmore
    Dating apps provide long hanging fruit. Most guys aren’t interested in pursuing a woman online for long term relationships knowing she is likely being courted by dozens of other guys. 😀
    Dec 22, 20182
    • Amazon 123raj
      Also from what i know most quality women dont do online dating.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Apple / Eng
      OxKing

      AppleEng

      BIO
      Strong and built like an Ox
      OxKingmore
      True! I have met quality women that have tried it for a few days but were quickly turned off by the excessive attention from horny guys 😝
      Dec 23, 2018
  • New uNqx31
    I don't think tinder is used to find relationships, try meeting men somewhere else
    Dec 22, 20181
    • Oracle 5’5”
      Can you suggest where?
      Dec 22, 2018
  • New
    TinyGirl

    New

    PRE
    Google
    TinyGirlmore
    The amount of times I looked for something casual with someone that looked for something casual - and then a few weeks later they want more 🤦🏻‍♀️

    Are you putting pressure for commitment too early? Guys run fast when they feel strangled and they get attached when you just do you.
    Dec 22, 20184
    • Microsoft Sup007
      This is correct!
      Dec 22, 2018
    • AMD / EngZootaxy
      This ^^
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon / EngGHskann
      That’s because “just doing you” is like “being yourself”. A relationship is only a positive thing when a person can offer something to another. What is that something? It’s going to be an individual, a unique person, someone who has stood the torments of solitude and prevailed.

      Being all clingy and needy are strong indications that the person in question hasn’t really individualized, and thus has nothing to offer in the long term.

      Women individualize via introspection (isolation), and men individualize via rite of passage (integration). Both require a community to work in an optimal manner — but both can be done without a community provided tremendous personal effort.

      I’m referencing the classic literature on cognitive psychology here. I’m not just making this stuff up. It’s 100% correct, and has been replicated for thousands of recorded years across hundreds of different and often isolated cultures.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • New
      TinyGirl

      New

      PRE
      Google
      TinyGirlmore
      ^ Completely agree.
      Dec 23, 2018
  • Oracle BjGO24
    Eharmony is a little intense. Try coffee meets bagel. Heard good things. Also, maybe just try looking for friends rather than relationships. I did that for awhile. I had a huge Rolodex of friendzone dates. Whenever I wanted to see a movie or mini golf or bowling or something I’d spam a group and ask if they were up for hanging out sometime and left the date open. I got rejected probably by 80% but there’s always be someone up for something. I kept on going on new dates to refill. I rarely turned down anyone that wanted to do something with me. I ghosted only maybe a couple people. Met a lot of very cool individuals, still friends to this day.

    Moral of the story is just lighten up on expectations. It takes time, but only fools rush in as they say.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Salesforce Blakey
    I’ve found almost all the guys I talk to in that age range do want a relationship. They’re not looking for something casual. So I think it could be about who you’re matching with, which is based on your profile and the profiles that you’re saying yes to.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Brightcove / Eng
    MqmO34

    BrightcoveEng

    PRE
    Brightcove
    MqmO34more
    Can’t speak for anyone else but for me the whole 20s were filled with “let’s test the waters till I meet the right one” and it took longer than I would like to admit to realize that the person on the other side of the equation is also human and cannot meet the very high (and obviously ridiculous bar I had set). It took a lot of introspection but soon realized that I needed something more than what I wanted in a partner.

    To be concise, it takes time to know what you want. Some get to it faster than others.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Microsoft / HRthetirz
    A lot of the guys you’re looking for don’t bother with dating apps because they prefer meeting people in real life. Honestly I’d suggest ditching dating apps completely and instead trying something like an interest-based meetup group (not a singles group) and going from there. Guys looking for a relationship are usually more interested in finding someone with common interests and a decent personality rather than a picture and relatively meaningless paragraph in a dating app. That’s where dating apps fall short, and while they’re great for those looking to hook up, they leave much to be desired for those interested in a deeper connection. Hope this helps😊
    Dec 24, 20181
    • Google GHCp12
      How do you meet people otherwise if not from dating apps. At work I have male friends, but its too risky so I avoid dating them. If you see someone in action in real life then you can know a person better. Meeting 1:1 on dates is hard when it comes to knowing a person in real world because everyone has mastered the art of 1:1 conversations. How do I find men who are single and are looking for a relationship without dating apps. My social circle is very limited so Its hard to date without apps. What strategy should I follow?
      Dec 30, 2018
  • Amazon JSnowflake
    This sounds like somebody went on Tinder and is complaining that it is Tinder. Try Bumble, Match, Coffee Meets Bagel. These are places where grownups go for real relationships. Of about 30 women I met on Bumble, 2 became legit girlfriends, the second of whom I am still with after a year. I am older though, late 30s and divorced, so my matches are probably different.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Amazon 1700zulu
    When I was burned by a relationship I went on over 60 dates before I could be open commitment. I told them “I’m trying to figure out what I want in a long term partner so I want to meet as many women as possible to figure it out. I don’t expect a sexual relationship until we are both willing to commit. Until then I want to get to know you and enjoy your company.” You’d be amazed at how many of those girls were ok with that.
    Dec 23, 20182
    • Oracle 5’5”
      Isn’t that how dating should be? I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s when guys expect physical stuff but won’t commit it goes down hill.
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      Yeah I think that is how dating should work, but it isn’t how many men expect it to work. When expectations >> reality, then people start getting unhappy or acting out.

      Personally, this is why I think the “no sex until marriage” approach during dating makes a lot of sense. Guys can have some physical elements, girls can reserve sex for after he commits and there is an exit cost for bailing out.
      Dec 23, 2018
  • Intel UrMomma
    Build a nest together. And have her take it all. Fuck that
    Dec 23, 20180
  • Oath / Eng
    Blind404

    OathEng

    PRE
    Amazon
    Blind404more
    Another perspective - Some men think that they want to change the world. Ofcourse, most men and women wants to.
    But, for a man with bigger ambitions or whatsoever, whether they are doing something about it or still pondering over it, relationship is still a blocker in their mind to go after the life they want, given a fact that they still have time before they go out of value. It's not that everyone wants to just hookup with you. It's that some men don't want to give you the impression that they are ready for a serious commitment right away, but would like you know you more.
    Maybe, you could communicate better and ask the next person as to what his reasons are, if he says so.
    And from what I've seen with some of my friends, they look for someone who can be emotionally strong and empathize with their madness. Yes, Men may be physically strong, but they need their girl to be their emotional strength.
    Dec 22, 20182
    • Salesforce
      uint8

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      uint8more
      There's a difference between being emotionally strong and emotionally indifferent. One can be strong for someone *in* their lives. However for that they need to actually agree to be in your life. That can only happen in the construct of a relationship.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Oath / Eng
      Blind404

      OathEng

      PRE
      Amazon
      Blind404more
      It's not so easy to let someone in your life, without knowing the person. Knowing someone is nothing more than trusting her.
      Trusting a girl is based on, how the girl will react to his vulnerabilities.
      So, for a man to open up, he needs that bit of confidence that the girl can handle his madness.
      Dec 22, 2018
  • Flagged by the community.

    • New
      TinyGirl

      New

      PRE
      Google
      TinyGirlmore
      You are the one with the used sex toy from Craigslist. There is neither bobs or vagene for you.
      Dec 23, 2018
  • Oracle 5’5”
    There are plenty of men that want relationships. They are 5’6” Indians that will treat you like a queen.

    Joking aside, no, really there are guys that want relationships. You will find them. You just have to dump the dismissive avoidant partners and weed them out quick and don’t sleep with them until you know you can trust them not to just get sex and bounce. It won’t bother you so much that way because then they owe you nothing. Also yeah, tinder is probably not the place to look for a stable partner.

    Also ignore the nasty trolls. These are probably those same dudes that can’t keep or want a relationship. Why take their advice?
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Microsoft BrownElf
    Dating apps are for finding sex now - not your life mate.

    Why are all the women on dating apps trying to find a husband? That’s the reverse of this question.

    We just need to good old fashioned fuck, ok?

    -signed
    The guy who met his wife of 10 years off a dating website
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Brightcove / Eng
    MqmO34

    BrightcoveEng

    PRE
    Brightcove
    MqmO34more
    I agree for once. Having worked for one (or more) of these outfits. The kind of clientele hosted by tinder is a little more on the side of “wham bam good bye mam” and that’s what is promoted by the platform. Also, always do background checks.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Microsoft / EngTier 1
    Today I learned I’m considered old 😔

    I don’t think men are going to go and seek out a relationship even if they want one.

    Tinder et al is a really poor place to find relationship material.
    Dec 23, 20183
    • Facebook asshol
      Age?
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Microsoft / EngTier 1
      Late 20s
      Dec 23, 2018
    • Oracle redvsblue
      I must be old too. I’m 28 😭
      Dec 23, 2018
  • Uber iptw
    Fantastic article here on dating pools, attachment styles, and age:

    https://jebkinnison.com/2014/06/23/dating-pool-danger-harder-to-find-good-partners-after-30/
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Microsoft cherry5
    From my experience, men who want/don’t want relationships are 50-50. I also met them on apps. My advice would be pay attention to red flags and don’t jump to bed too fast. Ppl who like you will be patient. Ppl who just want short fling will leave.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Microsoft / DataDangerRngr
    « and then what ?! »
    Well, then we all die, and the sun gonna explode.
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Twitch / ProductCP0
    Maybe it's the fact that you're looking on dating apps that the intent is skewed toward short term dating. You don't look for health conscious people at McDonald's right? Once in a while there might be one at MCD's, but it's probably a lot more likely to find someone whose dining habits are aligned with the convenience and short term gratification that is offered there
    Dec 22, 20184
    • Google jenff22
      OP
      I stayed away from dating apps for that reason, but I feel like everyone’s on them now
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      CPO is right on the money. You need to find the guys who are looking for he same thing you are. Apps will find you the quantity but not he quality. Many guys are fine with lots of dates that lead nowhere long term as long as they get sex. Few women are.
      Dec 22, 2018
    • Google GHCp12
      I also stay away from dating apps but then where to find guys?
      Dec 30, 2018
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      There was life before apps—LOL. You go to bars, concerts, meetups, church, work, and lots of other places. There are also friends of friends.

      Step one is identifying what critical values and traits you want and think about where those people would be.

      The one strength that apps and online dating have over traditional methods is if you’re a minority (race, religion) where you live. If you’re not constrained by either of those two things, then meeting IRL is just as good.
      Dec 30, 2018
  • New JSMT
    I'm a man, and I want a relationship. #AMA
    Jan 40
  • SAP kbron
    You are generalizing
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Williams Lea Tag / MktgGayDude
    Ummm...🧐 l do 🙋🏼‍♂️
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Ericsson / EngFriedFish1
    Hey op. Do you bring it up when you talk to them on the app? Or after a couple of dates? I think the easiest way to go about it is just go on a few dates and then figure it out from there. I agree with everyone else so far that hearing that someone wants to be serious straight from the get go is pretty intense. But if someone brought it up after a couple dates I would then be willing to talk about it. Hopefully this helps :) good luck!
    Dec 22, 20180
  • Flagged by the community.

  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Amazon / EngPen Island
      Debt free for all, others are optional.
      Dec 23, 2018
  • LinkedIn gAMX11
    Which dating app?
    Dec 22, 20180

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