Married 9 years and father of 2 and sex starved. Wife is always busy with kids and work (household and job). Kids want to spend time with her on weekend nights listening to stories, etc since they sleep early on weekdays due to school. Looks like there is no slot for me all week. I’ve been at Microsoft for several years, so I definitely have time for her due to the excellent WLB.
Spoke to her once and then one Saturday we did it after 3 years. It’s been a several months since then. I see no initiation from her. May be she is just not interested in doing it anymore. She says she is too scared to have another kid but at the same time doesn’t want to take pills thinking it might affect her body. She doesn’t trust condoms. I understand she is tired and kids need time too. But what should I do in this situation? No, porn and masturbation are not sustainable for too long. This is driving me nuts. We love each other a lot. How did I land up in this situation!!!
Please no trolls.
Update: on my part I’ve started helping her out with household chores. Got a beautiful gift for her on Valentine’s Day and kiss her every now and then when I get a chance. No, both of us are not ugly and fat. I wish there was some effort from her side too. That’s what makes me sad.
Update 2: I do feel sad talking to my wife again about this. I mean aren’t the kids needy enough that she has to deal with one more needy guy! But then I thought sex is about both of us, not just me. Don’t know man, I’m probably getting crazy due to all this.
Update 3: we sleep in different bedrooms. She sleeps with the kids because the God damn kids (toddlers) won’t sleep in their own rooms. The younger one doesn’t even sleep through the night. Freakin so frustrating.
Update 4: Thanks so much everyone for your thoughtful responses. I’ll help out more with household work and explore various contraception options that makes her comfortable. Let’s see how it goes. I shall pray.
I’m committed to this marriage no matter what.
Try doing what she does for a week and I guarantee you won’t think about sex either. Forget “date night” and shit. Clean the effin house without her asking. Cook dinner every other night. Give the kids a bath and learn how to tuck them in instead of having her do it every day. Plus you might actually develop a relationship with your children in the process.
Then after a couple of months, sit her down and tell her what date you scheduled the vasectomy for so that she can drive your sorry behind. After you’ve healed from that, 2 weeks, 8 weeks for all the boys to get lost, you can try for true intimacy.
Until you do all of that, don’t whine that you’re not getting sex because you’re a man and you’ve done shit all I be truly attracted to her - I’m not talking physically.