So, I went out with him last Friday night. And wow, it was a wonderful experience! We had great and long conversations (we both opened our hearts to each other) and nothing as you anticipated happened afterwards...sorry guys. It turned out he's going through a divorce of a 10-year marriage with two kids. He and his wife has been separated for 4 months now. It's a tough situation and I really feel for him. He told me a lot about his past and how he came to this point. He grew up in a Christian church-a typical good boy and always wanted to do what's right. He met his wife 10 yrs ago in the undergrad in a small town, dated, fell in love, married in the church, never had sex before their wedding night, honeymoon, etc...he said they had a great start in their first year of marriage. Then, life went on, they moved to a big city for grad school. Well, he was admitted to a very top PhD program. He said he had to spent long hours in school and work hard. His wife at the same time couldn't find job in the new place and felt lonely and bored. She was depressed and sort of in his language "tried to get wasted and drank a lot". He tried to come home early, cook for her, do all the house chore, talk to her, make her laugh, kiss her good night, and work into the night. He would look for jobs for her and wrote up all the job applications for her to submit. He told her he would take care of all the expenses and in fact he wanted her to be a stay-home mother in the future to focus on the family and kids. But, on some unlucky nights, they would fight. He said sometimes serious fights, he would sleep on the sofa and thought about giving up the marriage...but he told himself that's maybe because the tough situation and the bad mood his wife was in, maybe if she could get busy everything would be ok. Some of his family and church friends also asked him when to have kids since they were 2 to 3 years into the marriage...I guess in the church culture, that's sort of weird not having kids after this long got married? Anyway, when he asked his wife how she felt about it she was very accepting. He told me she sort of became happier instantly after he talked to her about kids. He also thought about the impact on his study but there were other guys done this with kids...so they went ahead and had a kid while he's still a student in the PhD program. His wife indeed became busier and happier but he's not. He felt the pressure both financially and in terms of time and energy. He told me he had lots of chores to do every single day, almost overwhelming. Anyway, long story short, after getting his masters, he received a job offer in the Silicon Valley. Along with some other factors like his advisor and direction of his study, he ended up quit the PhD and came to CA. They had another kid after came here while he's working. His wife in the meantime stayed home taking care of kids. But he told me his wife wasn't like a lot of the women he saw in his church. His wife wouldn't do any house chore and try to organize the home. Almost everyday he came home, their home was in a mess with kids crying, he had to spend hours after work washing dishes, clean up things, sweep floor, organize home etc. He talked to his wife that she needs to try work harder on the home and the kids but she told him she grew up that way and her mom rarely do any trivial things like these...he said his wife would spend hours surfing the web, IM her friends, or watching movies instead of doing any real work on the home or the kids. She sometimes got very irritated with the kids and would spank them so hard that he's worried. In fact, she had more than once physically hit him in their marriage but he just tolerated her cuz he loved her so much. Anyway, after a few years staying at home, his wife got bored and she wanted to go back to school. So he supported her even though his ideal wife would be staying home to focus family and kids. But he painfully realized she's not that type. So he helped her with applications, paid her tuition, housing, etc. She lived out for a year, studied, graduated, moved back, found a job in the SV. Now, both of them working but the conflicts over kids just getting worse - I guess cuz their values are very different so constant conflicts and struggle over parenting. I asked him whether it's about money and sex. He said it was neither. He would love her to death even she makes no money and he's willing to evenly share whatever he has with her. He said the funny thing about sex was that the most compatible and non-argumentative time they shared was when they were in bed (I guess she’s very hot?)...but when real life kicks in they would argue and diverge. They have to handle kids separately without the other party present so kids won’t see them arguing in front of them. After some silence, he said he tried very hard all these years but guess their souls never came together...he decided to end this after 10 years. Wow, that was very deep for me... Anyway, we talked for hours and there were a lot of other details I can't disclose here but suffice to say his marriage was seriously damaged at this point. Now, the question is going forward...He’s like a man I have never met before. None of my single guy friends or ex come close to this guy’s quality... should I date him?
..... holy fuck. Holy fuck. Holy fucking endless scroll. I don’t mind reading long shit, but without a paragraph break this is just holy fuck. Holy fuck. Okay: be friends first.
Interesting read. Just don’t marry or love him out of pity. .
I read the whole fucking thing and not even a single mention of the guy's TC. Faking RUDE.
You read the whole thing or just do a search?
Murder him
Married with two kids? That’s a no from me.
In whole story he did not even mention single fault of him?? Is it even possible in real life?? Just think of it! I am girl and would not take such major decisions just by believing any story from one point only. Give some time to think about such relationship!! I would say beware
He said his fault was he spoiled her and did too much for her and tolerated her too much. He said he should have ended the marriage before they had kids
Omg wake up. This sounds like - in interviews when they ask what’s your biggest negative ppl say ‘I am too hard working’ / ‘I am a perfectionist’. You are trained to say too much of a good thing. BS. 🙄
Tread lightly. He seems to be portraying himself as a bit of a martyr.
Don’t trust a guy who only tells faults of his wife
He said his wife could comfortably live with a pile of dishes and a messy home for a week straight but he couldn’t for a day...so he did all the house chores. He said he spoiled her too much cuz she knew he would do it all...I feel for him
You are already falling OP. Be careful on this. You only hear one side of the story and it’s likely he tells you all this so he can score. It’s alarming when you said his only fault is that he spoiled his wife 😂. This guy seems like a player, he wants to score while still married.
Ditto everyone else and you’re gonna love those monthly $5K alimony and child support payments.
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Jesus. Fucking. Christ. TLDR please
Better tell her
And more fucking paragraph breaks. Wall of text!