Context: Indian female seeing guys for arranged marriage I have never believed in marrying for money/status. But I can already see a difference in standard of living between me (BTech in India, MS in US, working an avg job on h1b in Bay) vs my friends (case 1 - BTech in India then married a doctor or guy working in tier 1 company for a few years in the US. case 2 - MS in US then married a guy earning way higher than them). They now have a better standard of living than I do. I have declined arranged marriage or dating proposals from rich guys because I didn't like them too much. But my friends keep telling me I have been stupid to do that, since money does buy comfort and reduces the daily struggles. Should I encash on the skewed up ratio of desi guys vs girls in the Bay? Doesn't feel ethical to do so. Please someone tell me I am right. And then how do I get over the feeling when I see not-so-deserving friends (in my personal opinion) lead a better lifestyle than I do because they chose the easier route?
You're feeling guilty for no reason; the truly high quality guys will not settle for someone like you. For the rest though: May be odds be ever in your favor.
Not sure what you mean by high quality. But I have had guys earning 300k+ approach me. I don't think with my potential, I can get there anytime soon.
You do realize that from your post it seems like you're treating a future partner like an ATM right? By high quality I don't mean just someone with a high prestige job and TC; it's also someone who'll be able to see through transparently why you're courting them in the first place.
If you are not happy with your life partner as a person ie being compatible, everything else is secondary. I am experiencing first hand
I think so too. But recent conversations with people around me and seeing a few other friends chose the 'marry a rich guy' route made me wonder if I am being stupid. So getting opinions here.
Be careful. See Hansolo's previous post. It may not be just the 'marry rich' aspect that may have worked for your friends. There are other factors, including your own health, the families, the in-laws, whether spouse is a single child or has siblings of both genders, and such. They may have got lucky with several of those, that also gave their guys opportunities to take risks and get richer.
That's what everyone around me keeps telling me. But what about things like love and compatibility? Won't it be sad coming home to a person you aren't too fond of?
You will end up having an affair
Marry who you are compatible with. Less deserving friends? What do you mean? This is not a TC race - " he/she is less deserving but got into FANG". And honestly, my lifestyle when I was earning 150k and now when I am earning > 350k has more or less remained the same. I drink the same scotch, love the same girl, visit the same restaurant on weekends, travel the same amount etc. (You will only see a significant lifestyle improvement when we are talking about earning 2-3 million per year or something) The only thing now is that I can FIRE early.
What is FIRE
Financial independence and retire early.
I’m not Indian but I relate in the fact that I always seem to draw an abundance of suitors that are intelligent and have great earning potential, but that inspire no chemistry whatsoever. I’m sure what your friends propose is tempting when they’re flaunting their material goods, but I also know people with lots of money who end up miserable. If you can, why not wait for a guy who has some earning potential (even if not spectacular) AND whom also sparks your interest? At the end of the day, do you want money, or a partner in life?
Partner in life.
You are going for an arranged marriage. Pick from guys who are rich. It’s a gamble anyway, ask any couple that has had an arranged marriage. Simple.
A few observations: 1) You do not seem to think very highly of your friends. Are you sure they are actually your friends? This might be one of the reasons you are not optimally happy. 2) It sounds like you have different values than your “friends.” What makes them happy will not necessarily make you happy. Your values will probably not change if you marry a rich dude. 3) Unless you are aspiring to start your own company, if you care about cost of living, WTF are you in the Bay Area? Seattle and even NYC these days will afford a better quality of life.
1. Yeah 'friends' was a euphemism. Some of them married rich and I am happy for them that they can now afford a big house and luxury vacations (which I am sure the girl wouldn't be able to do on her own money, can't say about the guy). Others are more if acquaintances I would say who I talk once in a while. But I can obvious see a different in standard. 2. I think so. I have never believed in marrying rich, but marrying someone you gel with, are comfortable with, and can be your true self with. Although recently with all the conversations about my friends being able to afford houses and not me, I have been forced to think if I should change with the times. 3. Not sure about Seattle, but NYC isn't cheap either. Yeah I can move to another city depending on where the guy is and where my company has an office.
Us guys can sense your disinterest. If you have this mentality, it will show in your body language and behavior. Also, what happens when things get tough ? If you live long enough, you are bound to see good and bad times. Will you just leave him or treat him like shit ? Based on your other comments, I think not. Don't get mislead by your friends' life. You can't know everything that happens behind the scene. Be excited about who you plan to marry. It is anyways hard for two ppl in an arranged marriage to get used to each other in the beginning. Don't do it just for money.
two ways yo get rich - work hard and marry rich. do both
Is being rich really that important to chase? It's a serious question.
i honestly think it is not. hope this helps https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy/up-next
Write down what you wanted in a guy a few years ago and read that everyday.
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