Should I marry a rich well-settled guy?

New ZoomIn
Oct 20, 2018 202 Comments

Context: Indian female seeing guys for arranged marriage

I have never believed in marrying for money/status. But I can already see a difference in standard of living between me (BTech in India, MS in US, working an avg job on h1b in Bay) vs my friends
(case 1 - BTech in India then married a doctor or guy working in tier 1 company for a few years in the US.
case 2 - MS in US then married a guy earning way higher than them). They now have a better standard of living than I do.

I have declined arranged marriage or dating proposals from rich guys because I didn't like them too much. But my friends keep telling me I have been stupid to do that, since money does buy comfort and reduces the daily struggles.

Should I encash on the skewed up ratio of desi guys vs girls in the Bay? Doesn't feel ethical to do so. Please someone tell me I am right. And then how do I get over the feeling when I see not-so-deserving friends (in my personal opinion) lead a better lifestyle than I do because they chose the easier route?

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TOP 202 Comments
  • Google / Eng shamwow
    You're feeling guilty for no reason; the truly high quality guys will not settle for someone like you. For the rest though:

    May be odds be ever in your favor.
    Oct 20, 2018 15
    • Proofpoint / Other gaaandu
      Depends on how traditional you want to be. if you're gonna be living Indian style with the whole family, it's a very different discussion than if you are living American style.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Proofpoint / Other gaaandu
      I wish I could throw out my own parents, I shudder at the thought of having my wife's parents with me.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Throw out your own parents?! 🙄 After listening to this, all your opinions are worthless to me. Sorry. Your username is justified. Unless you were raised real bad by them.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Apple IlPp08
      @ZoomIn this really isn't the kind of place to seek the advice you're looking for as you've noticed. The culture of Blind is centered around seeking validation of self worth by status, salary, and materialism. Naturally, the type of replies you would receive are very biased and one sided!
      Oct 22, 2018
    • Google / Eng shamwow
      @Apple how is the irony not lost on you? OPs post reeks of validation seeking around a projected/desired status, salary and materialism provided that she "tweak" her value system by "encashing" on the gender skew.

      She's come to the right place; in fact, I'd wager she's come to look right into the mirror.
      Oct 22, 2018
  • McAfee Hansolo12
    If you are not happy with your life partner as a person ie being compatible, everything else is secondary. I am experiencing first hand
    Oct 20, 2018 5
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      I think so too. But recent conversations with people around me and seeing a few other friends chose the 'marry a rich guy' route made me wonder if I am being stupid. So getting opinions here.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Oracle predickt
      Be careful. See Hansolo's previous post. It may not be just the 'marry rich' aspect that may have worked for your friends. There are other factors, including your own health, the families, the in-laws, whether spouse is a single child or has siblings of both genders, and such. They may have got lucky with several of those, that also gave their guys opportunities to take risks and get richer.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • LinkedIn RzhY52
      Seeing fb posts of friends at nice vacation spots or driving expensive cars doesn't mean happy fulfilling life. You will realize this after getting married. Money can buy you happiness upto a certain level.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thank you @Oracle and @Linkedin. I so wanted to hear this.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Prosper / Mgmt Woweeee
      I agree, all the money in the world is useless if you get abused, ridiculed or just can’t stand the person. You have to see this guy every day for the foreseeable future, make sure you’re not miserable.
      Oct 20, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng
    ime&myself

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Sabre Corporation
    ime&myselfmore
    Indian guy... First of all, standard of living of a software engineer in US is way better than the standard of living of someone coming from a middle class in India, or even better, most median income homes.

    I think it is the mindset of a person that fail to acquire a taste of living. For example, a few of my colleagues are so cheap that they save on hair cuts and shave their head a couple of times a year. Trust me it is not a choice of fashion. These are L5 devs making a top percentile salary. And these guys are single, not even married to be saving on money. And they buy clothes ar Wal-Mart or JCPenney.

    Income doesn't ensure standard of living.

    On the other hand, a friend in SFO draws only 130k and he strongly believe in living big. Drives a 80k bmw. And wears Armani to work.

    Ps: he is available. Dm me if you want a date with him.
    Oct 20, 2018 8
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      I get attracted by mindful spending. Like someone who spends their money in fancy parties every other weekend doesn't attract me. But someone who invests that in buying a good house definitely does.

      Similarly someone who doesn't put all eggs in one basket and has a diversified portfolio makes me feel he is responsible and prepared for down times. Someone who helps his family financially makes me believe he is a good son. A good vacation once in a while makes sense but if he is spending every other long weekend in luxurious resorts, it would make me question his lifestyle.

      Kinda subjective I know.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng
      ime&myself

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Sabre Corporation
      ime&myselfmore
      OP... The investments, however smart and fruitful they are, won't improve the standard of your living. To afford a vacation in swiss, even if it is just annual, you'd still need to sell your investments or spend your savings.

      All i aan trying to say is, income doesn't ensure higher standards of living. Look at Warren buffet. That guy lives in a 2 bedroom house and has like 6 pairs of suites. His billions didn't improve his standard of living. He is living a life of a middle class retired man.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Google
      tugyu

      Google

      PRE
      Amazon
      tugyumore
      OP, just on an unrelated note - I don't think you understand investment yet. You called buying a house investment. If you take a 30 year mortgage it's not.
      I would recommend this book - "Rich Dad poor Dad". Give it a try, get out of the rat race.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      @Google you probably judged me right there, I am pretty new to investments, since I was still paying off my student loans.

      Sure, I will keep that book as my next read.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Google
      tugyu

      Google

      PRE
      Amazon
      tugyumore
      @Amazon - Examples you gave are two extremes and to me feel like foolish people. On one hand the guy buys 80k(earns 130k pretax) BMW, on the other hand 2 guys behave like misers and are reluctant to pay $30 for a haircut.

      What we were trying to tell OP is, if you don't consider the two extremes and just look at an average software engineer in the US there isn't too much of a difference between lifestyles if you earn 150k vs say 300k. She is already a software engineer working in Bay area and already has a decent lifestyle. Unless she is talking about or looking for guys who earn in millions.

      For example, I don't own a car yet, even though I make 350+. Reason my Uber/Lyft bills per month are less than parking + insurance bills (not even considering car maintenance and depreciation costs). My gf is understanding and doesn't compare with others. If you start comparing, there is always someone making 10x than you. Unless you are Amazon founder of course 😀.
      Oct 20, 2018
  • Facebook wrxXv73V8k
    A few observations:

    1) You do not seem to think very highly of your friends. Are you sure they are actually your friends? This might be one of the reasons you are not optimally happy.

    2) It sounds like you have different values than your “friends.” What makes them happy will not necessarily make you happy. Your values will probably not change if you marry a rich dude.

    3) Unless you are aspiring to start your own company, if you care about cost of living, WTF are you in the Bay Area? Seattle and even NYC these days will afford a better quality of life.
    Oct 20, 2018 9
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thanks @Adobe. I agree with you. Opinions from others have started affecting me more off late because this is arranged marriage so I am not sure what to do. If it were love, I don't think I would have had second thoughts.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Adobe / Data CSpc08
      Yeah I know how you feel. I had an arranged marriage too. People have way too many opinions about what they think is right. At the end of the day it's you who's going to live with it. That's how I treated it and didn't listen to anyone who said anything differently. Hope things work out well for you.
      Oct 21, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thanks @Adobe
      Oct 21, 2018
    • Proofpoint / Other gaaandu
      My point is not about my own family but more to the point that the whole family comes with the marriage, which is something to consider as well.
      Oct 22, 2018
    • Juniper Pliny Jr.
      I'm in a rich circle both from elite schools and family and can tell you marrying a rich dude will LIKELY make your life unhappy! Rich guys from rich families are largely entitled bungholes who ultimately/frequently cheat and treat their women as mantle pieces until they get caught/divorced. Self made rich guys can be ok depending if that guy comes from blue collar stock. They're much more grounded, but almost always their work is #1 and being married to such a dude can wear over the years as you really never have a family life with such a guy. (Btw, finding a rich, handsome, grounded, loyal guy like the movie "Crazy Rich Asians" is, by and large, FICTION and shouldn't be taken seriously...btw such dudes only marry rich women due to overwhelming family pressure...my father was like that with me too!)

      My suggestion is to just find a bloke who's responsible and takes himself seriously and also takes YOU seriously! Your chemistry with him will make or break the decades long marathon of marriage with the dude. Of course, cheating can happen at any economic level but in the rich circles it's a HUGE problem!! Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? (65%+ in the Valley and even higher with rich people)

      Btw...if you're comparing your life with others who FAKE(!!!) their happiness on social media, you'll be constantly unhappy! Find out what makes YOU happy and seek that. In your circles, I'm sure the money will be enough to take care of things without having to actively seek a rich jackass of a dude (At my MBA school, everyone has basically "made it" in their careers. The women student colleagues who married normal guys, even artists or musicians or blue collar, are still married decades later and the gals who married rich guys are ALL divorced...NOT a surprise to me since I thoroughly know the rich people circle behavior).
      Oct 23, 2018
  • Google
    tugyu

    Google

    PRE
    Amazon
    tugyumore
    Marry who you are compatible with.

    Less deserving friends? What do you mean? This is not a TC race - " he/she is less deserving but got into FANG".

    And honestly, my lifestyle when I was earning 150k and now when I am earning > 350k has more or less remained the same. I drink the same scotch, love the same girl, visit the same restaurant on weekends, travel the same amount etc.
    (You will only see a significant lifestyle improvement when we are talking about earning 2-3 million per year or something)

    The only thing now is that I can FIRE early.
    Oct 20, 2018 3
    • McAfee Hansolo12
      What is FIRE
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Google
      tugyu

      Google

      PRE
      Amazon
      tugyumore
      Financial independence and retire early.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Google / Eng shamwow
      OP is just salty they're rocking better {insert X here} and now she's reprioritizing her value system so she's not "left behind".
      Oct 20, 2018
  • Equilar ByByte
    Get a sugar dad instead,your future is going to be really dark very soon. Thinking low of friends,material comparison and all the potential key words to run into a shitty life all together. Ask your self what do u have that a rich guy would marry you ?
    Someone who is POOR can be ultra rich in a matter of few year.GOLD DIGGER
    Oct 20, 2018 13
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Sure. I will make him meet you. I will be happy to accept that yes, there were times when I thought I should consider marrying for money just like others do. Because this is arranged marriage, not love marriage. There's a reason why it's called arranged, because love only develops later.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Equilar ByByte
      What a wisdom. Arranged marriage is for money,then your problem is solved when your man gets poor ( coz of you) jump to another one. Please share one valid definition of arranged marriage for money. Why don’t you accept you are incapable of doing anything better for the person or yourself, this seems you are just a consumer for the guy. And please i would prefer to meet a some better people. You still haven’t said WHY WOULD A RICH GUY WOULD MARRY YOU ? What do you have ?
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      I am not sure what I have @Equilar. Maybe I am just lucky to be in an area with skewed desi population that those rich guys are approaching me. I am sure they wouldn't have bothered if there were more of desi women in the area. It's just like most of the tech people here who happen to be in tech at a time that it pays higher than most other industries.

      The only thing I can think of offering him is my support and being a good friend, nothing more. I neither have too high a salary nor too hot a body to offer.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Equilar ByByte
      You should expect in you level girl. When the guy’s blood comes back to his head from his groin you are lost. I feel your insecurity but you have my genuine best wishes.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thanks @Equilar. Enjoy the rest of your day.
      Oct 20, 2018
  • Juniper Pliny Jr.
    I'm in a rich circle both from elite schools and family and can tell you marrying a rich dude will LIKELY make your life unhappy! Rich guys from rich families are largely SUPER ENTITLED bungholes who ultimately/frequently cheat and treat their women as mantle pieces until they get caught/divorced. Self made rich guys can be ok depending if that guy comes from blue collar stock. They're much more grounded, but almost always their work is #1 and being married to such a dude can wear over the years as you really never have a family life with such a guy. (Btw, finding a rich, handsome, grounded, loyal guy like the movie "Crazy Rich Asians" is, by and large, FICTION and shouldn't be taken seriously...btw such dudes only marry rich women due to overwhelming family pressure...my father was like that with me too!)

    My suggestion is to just find a bloke who's responsible and takes himself seriously and also takes YOU seriously! Your chemistry with him will make or break the decades long marathon of marriage with the dude. Of course, cheating can happen at any economic level but in the rich circles it's a HUGE problem!! Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? (65%+ in the Valley and even higher with rich people)

    Btw...if you're comparing your life with others who FAKE(!!!) their happiness on social media, you'll be constantly unhappy! Find out what makes YOU happy and seek that. In your circles, I'm sure the money will be ENOUGH to take care of things without having to actively seek a rich jackass of a dude (At my MBA school, everyone has basically "made it" in their careers. The women student colleagues who married normal guys, even artists or musicians or blue collar, are still married decades later and the gals who married rich guys are ALL divorced...NOT a surprise to me since I thoroughly know the rich people circle behavior).
    Oct 23, 2018 4
    • Equilar ByByte
      A stallion is better suited with a mare not a Donkey.
      This chick who posted this has no self respect, no brain, no spirit. This one is a Gold digger who is lame,lazy,dull, hypocrite and only has a pseudo morality. There are woman who are making it work for themself and also others. This chick will only give life time BJ for 200k
      Oct 23, 2018
    • Facebook Kgkibc
      @ByByte sorry incel life must be hard on you. You wish someone would give you life time BJs for anything (definitely not for your TC)! Lol
      Oct 23, 2018
    • Microsoft Do€Va61C,0
      Incel for sure
      Oct 23, 2018
    • Equilar ByByte
      What a drag, @Kgkibc keep giving it. There is always a need for easy groins like yours for the street
      Oct 23, 2018
  • Facebook Kgkgib
    My wife and I met in college and married when we were 22. It's been over a decade now.

    I always knew I wanted to marry a girl who is smart, ambitious. Resilient, someone who had gotten through tough times and done well. And also a good person. We were gonna be a team and I knew those traits will lead to material success and also make a happy family.

    It's worked out beautifully for us :-) Neither of us had much money then. But we both wanted to do well and help other do better.

    My advice is look for the traits that make a person successful (among other things) and not for the current income. And you will feel good about it too.
    Oct 20, 2018 4
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thanks, this makes sense. Can you provide an example of 'gotten through tough times and done well'?
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Facebook Kgkgib
      @zoomIn some examples from experience.

      Most extreme one: I once dated a girl in college whose dad had passed away when she was little. Brought up by single mom. She was super strong mentally. Very ambitious, smart and driven. I got to understand how different her life had been compared to mine. Didn't work out between us but I admire her. I knew she would go places. She is on track to be senior exec at a major company.

      It could be overcoming obstacles in their career: someone who wanted to be a doctor, very smart and focused but foolishly chose to do a hard engineering major in college just because it was hard. Didn't get into medical school 2 times over 3 or 4 years after college. Then worked harder to address what was missing. Got in on third try and is a very specialized doctor now.

      Someone who I knew from CS in college was very smart, but didn't find his way in life until senior year. Worked his way from smaller software companies to high level at top companies over a number of years, as he improved his skills. It is great to see that.

      I guess if you meet guys who are in top companies then most of them will have this trait to an extent or they wouldn't be there. I can't tell you a rule. Also at the time you meet them you may not know the end result of their struggle, just that they are persisting.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Makes sense. Yes, I also get attracted to people who aren't let down by obstacles than people who have it easy in life. Thanks for providing those examples, definitely gets me clarity.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
      I took the same route as Kgkgib. Married right out of college and we had 2k to our names. Over 15+ years of marriage we built and earned everything that we have. I’ve worked hard to earn a good living and even though my wife stays home with the kids and she has earned very little, it was her frugality that allowed us to save *and* live well. She’s beautiful and smart, plus she’s my best friend who I deeply love. My wife and I also have faced tough times and have been powering through them: multiple miscarriages, having a special needs child, and now significantly aging parents.

      Remember that the person you choose will also be the person who will console you when your own parents, friends and relatives die; he/she will be your constant companion when your kids are grown. Many people don’t even consider this when they are looking at marriage.
      Oct 21, 2018
  • I’m a guy and I would make sure to sign a prenup to protect myself against gold diggers like you.
    Oct 21, 2018 2
    • Microsoft damnlady++
      No one wants to marry you.
      Oct 21, 2018
    • StubHub prayagaraj
      You make it sound like prenup is a bad thing
      Oct 21, 2018
  • Microsoft naaam
    This is what every Desi girl does and you're no different either.
    Oct 20, 2018 2
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thanks for generalizing. It doesn't answer my question
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Uber 420x
      Of course it does
      Oct 21, 2018
  • Cavium / Eng
    razor18

    Cavium Eng

    PRE
    Cisco
    BIO
    RTL Design engineer
    razor18more
    Well now that we are talking business, what do you have to offer for a rich guy to marry you ?
    Oct 20, 2018 5
    • Equilar ByByte
      Go up the thread to know this answer
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Cavium / Eng
      razor18

      Cavium Eng

      PRE
      Cisco
      BIO
      RTL Design engineer
      razor18more
      Lol .. it’s a long read, will go through the thread later on , thx
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      @Calvium I don't want to make a business deal of out my relationship. I don't know what life will throw at me tomorrow, and I want to have a partner whom I can fall back on. And offer my support to him in his not-so-good times.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Equilar ByByte
      She can offer things which a 200k guy can get in a snap of a finger. But she wants the security of the 200k hard working guy. A rich guy doesn’t depend on those pity support
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thanks for your opinion, @Equilar.
      Oct 20, 2018
  • Amazon / Biz Dev CaspianC
    I’m not Indian but I relate in the fact that I always seem to draw an abundance of suitors that are intelligent and have great earning potential, but that inspire no chemistry whatsoever.
    I’m sure what your friends propose is tempting when they’re flaunting their material goods, but I also know people with lots of money who end up miserable.
    If you can, why not wait for a guy who has some earning potential (even if not spectacular) AND whom also sparks your interest? At the end of the day, do you want money, or a partner in life?
    Oct 20, 2018 1
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Partner in life.
      Oct 20, 2018
  • Microsoft Wahh28
    Encash? Wtf.
    Oct 21, 2018 0
  • Microsoft CashewMylk
    Marry someone that you share core values with. Money won’t buy you happiness. Health and being able to bring food on the table will.
    Oct 20, 2018 6
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thanks @microsoft. I want to hear more of this.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Can you tell me again what you mean by 'core values'. I see people referring to this in other comments as well, so I want to make sure I am getting this right.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Microsoft CashewMylk
      A person who is ok with not being honest/lying is not going to have a great relationship with someone who has a core value for integrity, for example.
      Oct 21, 2018
    • Microsoft CashewMylk
      That said, @tugyu is also right. Sexual attraction & emotional
      bond is something that our cultures view as taboo but is really important enough to be viewed as the backbone of a monogamous marriage.
      Oct 21, 2018
  • Facebook supichai
    Women should marry up in terms of $$$ and status. Men should marry up in terms of looks. This is age old and time tested. Now, these lean in high achieving women need to find rare men that they can marry up and also do house chores. Easier for them to marry down but if you have boys they will be be beta males.
    Oct 21, 2018 3
    • Microsoft 716vV.5/9c
      If successful women marry good TC then they can just hire someone to handle chores and bullshit. Betas are the worst.
      Oct 21, 2018
    • Facebook Tyggb
      Agree. @supchai does seem like a whiny beta himself.
      Oct 21, 2018
    • Facebook supichai
      Tyggb is either a < 3 female or married to < 3
      Oct 21, 2018
  • Intel Japdh513
    Depends - how many hours per week would you have to spend with this person, and what’s your aversion to giving blowjobs to someone you don’t like? That’s pretty much the answer as to whether you marry for money or love.
    Oct 20, 2018 5
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Considering 10+ hours per day on weekdays and 15+ hours on weekends after marriage.

      My aversion is super high. The last time I was with someone I didn't like, I refused to kiss.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Intel Japdh513
      Yeah, marry for love then.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Adobe cQKG54
      Usually I have seen strong repulsion coming from Indian girls and they don't just like guys who are close to their parents. That's why as long as guys are living far away from families, these girls are super happy. They also follow one common mantra- Girls income totally belongs to here(New age rule). Whereas a husband's income belongs to the family(old age rule). These double standards extend to workload sharing like day to day household chores. Due to all these double standards lot of people from India find themselves very unhappy after marriage.
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Facebook supichai
      Adobe making good point
      Oct 21, 2018
    • Adobe cQKG54
      I am imagining the scenario where husband approaches 40+ in terms of age. Near retirement, with old parents to take care off with a spouse that has never lived with them and imagined such a scenario. It's going to be real tough for everyone in the family with so much uncertainty and expectations mismatch.
      Oct 21, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng
    KingCobra

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    NetApp, Nokia
    BIO
    Sr QAE
    KingCobramore
    Look for a well settled guy. If he's not so rich as your expectations, then you be the TC queen and increase the family's TC. Why are you expecting your guy to be rich? A family can be rich when you add two TCs.
    Oct 20, 2018 3
    • Equilar ByByte
      Gold diggers are naturally lazy and DULL
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng
      KingCobra

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      NetApp, Nokia
      BIO
      Sr QAE
      KingCobramore
      Lol
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      @Amazon agreed. I don't mind being the primary bread winner of my family if the guy is supportive and takes care of the household to a large extent. But the problem is this can only be judged later on, after the marriage.

      I declined those 300k-500k proposals because I didn't like the guys. People around me called me stupid and laughed at me. Now I am talking to a guy earning 100k in DC, so far so good. Just wondering if I am doing the right thing.
      Oct 20, 2018
  • Facebook supichai
    How hot are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
    Oct 20, 2018 2
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Let's assume 1
      Oct 21, 2018
    • Facebook supichai
      Then you have to bring lot of $$$ to the table and do equal house chores
      Oct 21, 2018
  • Qualcomm lnv568
    I have sorta gone through something similar and I'm a single male in bay looking around as well. Here's my 0.02

    1. Dont go after the richest person you can find. As long as he's making decent salary. And in an okay field of work (not subject to layoff) Assuming you are also making some $$ let the delta not be more than 2X. Otherwise there will be some differences in lifestyle choices and small things can become big.

    2. Go for the right person you feel compatible and happy around. What are you chasing? Money or Happiness. I say go for happiness.
    While choosing this, look for someone with a similar upbringing and also your preferences. When it comes to preferences -- For example I'm Indian and I know I can be compatible with American born girls regardless of race but not Asian girls born in Asia. I'd rather go for Indian girls than certain races though since it's a known for me.

    3. When it comes to money, unless you're marrying someone who makes a million bucks a year, 200 to 250 or 300K will hardly matter. It's the same category. Your life is not gonna change with an extra 50K.
    Oct 20, 2018 6
    • Qualcomm lnv568
      I agree with you about being subjective and requiring time. That is something I am dealing with every day. I'm 29 and I feel I'm running out of time and I can only imagine with you're going through as a female. (Not sure how old you are)

      Apart from this there are legal immigration issues like h1b / gc we have to worry about in order to make the sound decision.

      I wasted a lot of time being in relationships only to get disappointed. Now I'm dating girls pretty fast and just moving on if certain things dont align well. It's fun to be single and date but it gets exhausting and frustrating at times. But here's a data point - if you're doing this arranged marriage stuff. And you have been talking to a guy for 3 months and you are not sure about him. You prolly need to move on.
      Oct 21, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Ah you understand the situation well. Yeah I am doing the same. If something doesn't feel right, I just move on to the next. It's more like filtering people at this stage.
      Oct 21, 2018
    • Qualcomm lnv568
      Such a tedious task of elimination. And quite possibly you let go of the good people too because filtering isnt perfect and also your filters may change depending on the person lol.
      Oct 21, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      The task is definitely time consuming but not too difficult I feel. Most get eliminated too quickly. I understand your selection bias statement. Yes, there have been times I was trying to fit somebody in my checklist because I liked him 😀
      Oct 21, 2018
    • Qualcomm lnv568
      Lol I've done that every time. Only to fall flat on my face. You can't fit a square in a circle.
      Oct 21, 2018
  • New EVlp62
    Gold digging?
    Oct 20, 2018 4
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Na. Seeking opinions from blinders on whether they think marrying for money is reasonable or unethical. I find it unethical. Trying to gauge if it's time to change my beliefs
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New EVlp62
      It was rhetorical question. I am saying you are gold digging
      Oct 20, 2018
    • New ZoomIn
      OP
      Thanks for letting me know
      Oct 20, 2018
    • Amazon Sjdniw
      Marrying for money is only unethical if marrying for looks is. Many men marry pretty young women and trade in to younger models as they age. No reason that women who marry for money and trade up to wealthier men is any different.

      Also if this is really on your mind and bothers you, I say marry the rich guy. That’s the only way you’ll know for sure what you want.

      People marry for different reasons and money is not a bad reason. Sex appeal is—this will fade and you will be miserable. Money can continue to make you comfortable at least.
      Oct 20, 2018

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