Should we have a child? At what age do you think a woman should have a child and why?

IBM / Design LqCj32
Sep 3 23 Comments

I've been working for four years and my husband and I want to start planning our future. I fear my career will take a hit but I also want to experience motherhood.

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TOP 23 Comments
  • NVIDIA FwjK54
    You'll never be really ready. If you have a solid company with good leave and potential for flexible work, a support network, savings, room for the baby and all of the baby things, you're good to go. It helps if your spouse is ready to take on 50% and is willing to help outsource whatever you can't get done in the week around baby (cooking, cleaning, dog walking, etc).

    It's up to you after coming back from leave to set the boundaries and show that you may be a mom but you can still get things done. If your coworkers/boss treat you differently (which they may), keep showing them you're valuable and look for a new gig in case it doesn't get better.
    Sep 3 3
    • IBM / Design LqCj32
      OP
      Best answer. Thanks!
      Sep 3
    • Microsoft znJf21
      Agree with this comment wholeheartedly. As a woman, if you plan to have a successful career you need to have a conversation with your husband on the responsibilities, it REALLY is a lot of work and if he expects you to do everything it will impact your career greatly.

      In my case, I didn't feel any discrimination after being a mother. In fact, because my husband really does a lot at home and also we outsourced some of the tasks, I got promoted to management within the first year after I had my baby. Showing your management chain that you can deal with having a family and your work with a smile on your face proves that you're ready to have additional responsibilities.

      Tip: Do NOT share the difficulties of being a new mother at the office. With anyone. Just don't. Act confident and make everyone believe you are a super human and have everything figured out. Vent out with your friends outside work, but never share your struggles in the office. Be extra efficient with your time, because you will have to go home slightly earlier so you need to prove that you maximize your time in the office. Reduce coffees and lunch time to the very minimum and avoid personal conversations on open spaces, get a booth and simulate that you're on a business call.

      It's not that if you do share those things you'll be fired or anything. You won't. But you will be ignored for promotions as management will try to "protect you" and "help you" because "there's so much going on with your life right now" and "it's not the right time for you".
      Sep 3
    • IBM / Design LqCj32
      OP
      That helps a lot! Thanks ❤️
      Sep 3
  • Roku cruella
    Asking this question on blind proves u guys aren't ready to be parents.

    What's next ? U will ask us to suggest names?

    Okay name him or her Cruella please. I vote yes.
    Sep 3 3
    • IBM / Design LqCj32
      OP
      I didn't say I'm ready, I'm planning and I need to look at it from various perspectives. Don't you have dalmatians to steal?
      Sep 3
    • Pivotal bartelby
      People are so rude here
      Sep 3
    • Roku cruella
      IBM. All dalmatians are minnnne.

      Pivotal. Sorry to be rude. That's just what Cruella does.
      Sep 3
  • LinkedIn cd-
    Your career WILL take a hit. You just need to make sure you’re in a position where taking a hit is ok and you’re able to get back up from the hit. Usually this means you progressed beyond senior and possibly in management now.
    Sep 3 2
    • IBM / Design LqCj32
      OP
      That makes sense. Thanks!
      Sep 3
    • Twilio / Eng
      KNNY37

      Twilio Eng

      PRE
      Twilio Inc.
      KNNY37more
      Same advice applies to fathers too?
      Sep 3
  • Microsoft / Eng sunofa🍑
    If you plan to have a baby, the younger you are the easier the pregnancy will go. And yes, having a baby will definitely impact your work, but it's not like the end of the world. I have no idea about IBM, but MS offers pretty generous parental leave.

    From what I've seen, happy couples never regret or complain about having kids. Yes, you'll get your sleepless nights, and morning sicknesses, but as long as both of you support each other, and are willing to collaborate without one taking care of most of the things - you'll be alright.
    Sep 3 0
  • LinkedIn / Eng igotb&
    After you have a kid your life is permanently more difficult, more than you can imagine.

    It’s worth it, but it’s absolutely more difficult.
    Sep 3 0
  • Amazon OdpS15
    Late 20s to early 30s
    Sep 8 0
  • LinkedIn Wiener
    Yes you should. Before 35.
    Sep 3 0
  • Northrop Grumman Tacoabout
    Had my first at 32 and second at 37. Currently 38 years old, husband is same age. My career has taken a hit I continue to be a individual contributor while my husband progressed to Senior Director.
    I see women my age or younger who have no kids doing very well in their career.
    Sep 6 0
  • Bose
    haITried

    Bose

    PRE
    Salesforce
    haITriedmore
    Whats your age ? And ur spouses age ? Do u have retired would-be grandparents to do babysitting ? Yes work will suffer 100% and career will get stuck for the wife who needs to nurse the baby. Dads career will suffer too because he has no time now to do anything outside the work hours : basically babies are super cute parasites. They will suck everything out of both of you and it still wont be enough 😃
    Sep 3 0
  • Cerner RMuh72
    If you have to ask, the answer is always no.
    Sep 3 2
    • Broadridge / Eng E.T.🐢
      Wife: "Should we have a child?"
      Husband: "Nope!"
      ...
      👍
      Sep 3
    • Cerner RMuh72
      Should preface it with “if you have to ask random people on the internet, the answer is always ‘no’.
      Sep 3
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • IBM / Design LqCj32
      OP
      Can you expand on that a little?
      Sep 3
  • New irIF72
    (recent new mom) I agree with everything that you will never be ready. I LOVE babies, so I used to tell everyone that I want 4 kids, and I thought I was READY, like for real. In reality it's A LOT of work from day 0, as in working to conceive, AND as others say.. your career WILL take a hit. You will have to sacrifice many career advancing opportunities. But hey, career is NOT only thing that counts towards your life KPI, right? You always lose some to gain some in Life.
    If career is top on your list, then make sure you've set yourself at a secured position and surrounded yourselves with supportive coworkers/managers before. You will be surprised at how there're so many great people/ supporters around you even in tech.

    I used to work in gaming, which meant a lot of my co-workers were young, single, male. I was actually the one and only person who ever had to go on maternity leave. HR had to draft papers on maternity leave just for me. They were very supportive before, during, and after my leave. In my case, career didn't suffer at all, but I do see it will definitely slow me down from now on... since I am much more needed at home, more obligations outside of work.

    I'm starting to worry about my career now (not because of discrimination of being a mom, but from not being able to put in 50-60hrs/day like i used to, but again who wants that kind of life right?). I'm def not getting enough sleep nor just-me time. AND I'm def more tight financially, trying to save more for the future. BUT motherhood.. is def worth it for me. It's something you won't know how it feels until you become a mom. (I guess.. the high risk/effort part also contributes to glorifying the gain.. maybe.. :b)
    6d 0
  • Google / Eng oohoo52
    If you do it early, your young years will be hard. If you do it late, your late years will be hard. Also, health-wise, the later it happens, the more risky it gets.
    6d 0