I've been working for four years and my husband and I want to start planning our future. I fear my career will take a hit but I also want to experience motherhood.
Asking this question on blind proves u guys aren't ready to be parents. What's next ? U will ask us to suggest names? Okay name him or her Cruella please. I vote yes.
Can you expand on that a little?
If you have to ask, the answer is always no.
Wife: "Should we have a child?" Husband: "Nope!" ... š
Should preface it with āif you have to ask random people on the internet, the answer is always ānoā.
Yes you should. Before 35.
After you have a kid your life is permanently more difficult, more than you can imagine. Itās worth it, but itās absolutely more difficult.
You'll never be really ready. If you have a solid company with good leave and potential for flexible work, a support network, savings, room for the baby and all of the baby things, you're good to go. It helps if your spouse is ready to take on 50% and is willing to help outsource whatever you can't get done in the week around baby (cooking, cleaning, dog walking, etc). It's up to you after coming back from leave to set the boundaries and show that you may be a mom but you can still get things done. If your coworkers/boss treat you differently (which they may), keep showing them you're valuable and look for a new gig in case it doesn't get better.
Best answer. Thanks!
Agree with this comment wholeheartedly. As a woman, if you plan to have a successful career you need to have a conversation with your husband on the responsibilities, it REALLY is a lot of work and if he expects you to do everything it will impact your career greatly. In my case, I didn't feel any discrimination after being a mother. In fact, because my husband really does a lot at home and also we outsourced some of the tasks, I got promoted to management within the first year after I had my baby. Showing your management chain that you can deal with having a family and your work with a smile on your face proves that you're ready to have additional responsibilities. Tip: Do NOT share the difficulties of being a new mother at the office. With anyone. Just don't. Act confident and make everyone believe you are a super human and have everything figured out. Vent out with your friends outside work, but never share your struggles in the office. Be extra efficient with your time, because you will have to go home slightly earlier so you need to prove that you maximize your time in the office. Reduce coffees and lunch time to the very minimum and avoid personal conversations on open spaces, get a booth and simulate that you're on a business call. It's not that if you do share those things you'll be fired or anything. You won't. But you will be ignored for promotions as management will try to "protect you" and "help you" because "there's so much going on with your life right now" and "it's not the right time for you".
If you plan to have a baby, the younger you are the easier the pregnancy will go. And yes, having a baby will definitely impact your work, but it's not like the end of the world. I have no idea about IBM, but MS offers pretty generous parental leave. From what I've seen, happy couples never regret or complain about having kids. Yes, you'll get your sleepless nights, and morning sicknesses, but as long as both of you support each other, and are willing to collaborate without one taking care of most of the things - you'll be alright.
Whats your age ? And ur spouses age ? Do u have retired would-be grandparents to do babysitting ? Yes work will suffer 100% and career will get stuck for the wife who needs to nurse the baby. Dads career will suffer too because he has no time now to do anything outside the work hours : basically babies are super cute parasites. They will suck everything out of both of you and it still wont be enough š
Had my first at 32 and second at 37. Currently 38 years old, husband is same age. My career has taken a hit I continue to be a individual contributor while my husband progressed to Senior Director. I see women my age or younger who have no kids doing very well in their career.
Never to late to rebrand. A dear friend who went back into consulting to rebrand after her kids turn 14 (she is 44).
Your career WILL take a hit. You just need to make sure youāre in a position where taking a hit is ok and youāre able to get back up from the hit. Usually this means you progressed beyond senior and possibly in management now.
That makes sense. Thanks!
Same advice applies to fathers too?