Single parents - how hard was it to raise a child by yourself?
Any single parents on this platform? What challenges did you face in raising a child by yourself? Apart from finances, what other things should I consider when making this decision? Why did you not chose to find another partner for companionship and parenting?
Well, I'm still kind of at the beginning, but I have physical custody of my 6-yr-old daughter and 2-yr-old son. Their mother pays no child support, but half of the kids' insurance costs (like $100/month). It's okay at my comp level, but the amount of work required to deal with single parenting and homeownership every day is no fucking joke. People who complain about their child-free lives make me die a little inside, but everything is relative and it's all a matter of perspective. I have to admit I've never grown this much or impressed myself this much. I've done a damn good job, so far, but I've only been carrying this load for about 8 months.
Impressive. How do you cope up with the stress of raising the child without any support? Do you think having a partner is a better decision than single parenting?
I think having a partner is better if it's a fulfilling relationship. I also think my current situation is far better than the dead marriage I had prior to divorce. Some people prefer to stay together for the kids, but I don't think it's fair to assume that's what the kids want. I remember my siblings and I discussing that very thing when I was very young. We didn't want to see them miserable and we knew we'd be okay no matter which parent we stayed with for the majority of the time. My daughter is a little sad, sometimes, but she says she thinks she understands. And we're doing our best to make sure we both spend as much time with them as possible. I cope by playing drums (electronic, Roland TD-20) and video games pretty often. And I have friends and family who know my situation. In a way, I have a lot of support.
Just wanted to say thanks to all the single parents who decided to be responsible and to love your children the best you can. You all rock!
Yes, they definitely do a great job but the society doesn't recognize them enough. I am weighing my options and even the thought of single parenting is stressful.
I was a single dad for a while after my (ex) wife decided she no longer had any interest in being a mother of 3. Money wasn’t a huge issue for me, but time was always a factor. It’s a very rewarding life, but also a very full one and it can be hard to fit in exercise, user groups, etc. I’m married now, the kids are teenagers, and things are much different.
Yes, I think time is what I am most worried about. But I also think about not having enough support for myself when parenting gets tough and I need someone. I am glad you were able to find someone and things are working out well for you
Did you marry recently? I'd like to get your take on your experience single-parenting little ones versus teenagers, if you can provide such.
I was raised by a single dad. I just wanted to say it can be done and I turned out great. Obvs. 😂 Give boundaries, don’t talk shit about the other parent. Ever.even if the other parent is pretty much incompetent or mentally ill. It’s hard for the kid. I have two kids now and I’m not divorced but I really appreciate what my dad did for me now. Life is tough. I sometimes think I should try raising the kids alone because then I don’t have to fight with my spouse about things. But I do love having a partner to help. To back what an above response said about not dating. My dad didn’t date at all from when I was 5-18. I appreciated this so much because it didn’t mess with our dynamic. When I turned 18 he started to date and I was so happy for him. Now he’s married again and super settled.
Haha you are funny 😂 Yes, I agree about not talking shit. Having a partner definitely makes things so much easier but then there may also be conflicts about how you want to raise the child, so it's a trade-off I guess. Your dad was a strong man who prioritized you over himself. I am happy he is settled. Did you face any issue growing up with a single parent? How did it make you feel looking at other kids?
Kudos to all you single parents! You all are amazing people! God bless
Not easy. But my Indian nanny takes a lot of the pressure off.
Are you in India? If not, how much do you pay for that nanny and how did you find her?
Thanks to all single parent out there! I was raised by a single mom. It was very difficult financially and it also affected her dating opportunities when I was still a dependent. But we did make it through together and she’s happy.
Single mom here and would always choose being a single parent than a toxic relationship or marriage. A bad relationship will raise a emotionally troubled child. Yes, financial insecurities always comes in when being a single parent. But there are so many single income households with one sole earner. My parents help me a lot raising my son and I take him to lots of activities around the area. As far as finding someone, the urge of having another relationship reduces for women. Biologically speaking women are more active to find a partner so that they could have a offspring of their own. When that need is fulfilled for a woman who is also self sufficient financially and emotionally she tends to not have another relationship. Which is not the same for a man. Not sure if you are a man or a woman but this mindset will kick in once you are a single mother.
I think your point makes a lot of sense. I am a single woman and I don't feel the need of a man in my life 98% of the times (2% of the times are when I am going through a bad phase in any aspect of my life but then I have my friends to support me and then once things are back to normal, I am my happy self again haha). I would love to raise a child by myself but I want to ensure I am prepared for that challenge (financially, emotionally, physically) before I jump in. More than that, I want to be double sure I am making the right choice. I am still evaluating my options though 😊
You go girl 😀 I love raising my son and thinking to have another kid or adopt by myself so he will have a sibling. Imagine all the trips you and your kid can go by yourself and eat all types of food without being monitored by someone. Two of my good single mom friends have raised amazing boys who respects women so much and they both are going to Medical school with fully funded. Till you find that true-cant-live-without-each-other type of love no point wasting time on any relationship.
Single mom here, her dad moved out when she was 3 months old and have been a single parent since. She is now 6 n half. Being a single parent and taking care of everything with a full time job was hectic. Never had so much responsibilities by myself. There was no financial support from her dad till like 3 years till the divorce was granted. He just gives 1/3 of the total child support. Visits my daughter once in a year or two. I don’t have any complaints, and I am happy being what I am today. I have started liking my freedom, so never felt the need of a partner and go back to the kind of relationship I had with my ex. Moreover I am not sure how the relationship would be between my daughter and a new partner.
I'm a single dad. It's not difficult. It takes time but I've never had a time I thought it was difficult. I put myself though school full-time and got into the industry as a single parent. I haven't found another partner who I like enough to stay with. I also am afraid to compromise on how I raise my daughter.
Wow that's a lot. Kudos to you. Mind sharing for how long have you been doing this? Do you feel the need to share the load (physical and emotional) with someone? > I also am afraid go compromise on how I raise my daughter. Can you explain what things you specifically pay attention to, which you think someone else may compromise on?
Thank you for kudos :) I've never really felt that need. My daughter is well behaved and I appreciate her company. I've been doing this for 4 years now. Got custody of her before her 2nd birthday and she just turned 6. I've had years where my family is nearby and can help and years where we really were alone in the city. I live in a non profit apartment complex which provides free after school child care and she was in headstart which ensured she was taken care of while I was in school. It really does take a village to raise a child but I tried not to be too dependent on any one person. I don't like to baby my daughter too much when she is out of line but I've noticed other people try to coddle her. I also value healthy meals and do not reward crying. I am afraid of a woman trying to take over my dad duties which I hold close to me as her biological dad but I might be projecting insecurities about being a single father.