Software engineering midlife crisis/depression
I saw an ADD thread before and SAD threads and about seasonal depression. I know that regular exercise and routine travel helps but only so much. The drugs peddled by the pharmacy cos will only hide the symptom or will backfire eventually and cause deeper existential crises. The therapists are mere stooges to these drugs. I'm 34, still have to live at least equal amount of years :/ Has anyone reached the state that they don't care about anything in the world anymore and no amount of success or accomplishment makes you happy. How to deal with this? What point did you hit it? Please help by suggesting additional activities to tackle depression. I've found fixing things in my house, cooking, repairing my motorcycle and voluntary teaching helpful. Any other suggestions? Star Trek maybe? (this is not a joke please - last time I asked on Reddit and was made fun of) - this feeling precipitated excessively after working at Amazon (finally quit after 3.5 yrs there) --- edit --- Some really great points made by several other folk in comments. I'm trying to take note to get working on them. Feel free to go through these to cope alongside and PM me as well. And really wholeheartedly appreciate the advice.
Perhaps you should consider a career change. How long have you been a dev?
14 years. Done lot of freelance on side, masters degree, bought house, got married, traveled world, etc etc. I'm done chasing money for sure though.
that's a great list of hobbies to help with the depression! it sounds like you're doing all the right things one suggestion to add: find a friend with a cat or dog and ask to pet it; I know it sounds silly, but petting animals and getting some cuddles from them is super helpful for me (resist getting your own if you don't want the extra responsibility)
Indeed. I have a rescue mutt from the ASPCA. Shar Pei Shepherd mix :) yes playing and petting her helps.
glad to hear it! I've got a Shepard mix from the humane society :)
Been through something similar. Also had a mentality similar to yours about beating it without medication. Sure it may work for people from what I read online, I just didn't want to do it that way. 1. Relationships / community. This was the big boost for me. I started with family.. my parents. Tried to build a relationship there when I never had one. Then my sister. We're friends again now after years of fighting. Then reached out to some extended family and rekindled those relationships. Then reached out to old friends and rekindled those relationships. Slowly I began to have more people I could open up to and lean on and slowly built a support network. I've also been doing weekly talk therapy for the past three years. VERY valuable. Also have developed so much social skills along the way bc of this. 2. Mindfulness. Meditation. Mind your thoughts. Be aware of what you tell yourself. Be aware of how things affect you that you may not be aware of. Things like society and the media. Travel a bit and break out of the western commercialist bubble just to see what else is out there. 3. Exercise. Get sleep. Put your health as number one priority. When you feel young sprightly and healthy it goes a long ass way. Best of luck.
Great advice. I will try to work on all 3.
Np feel free to PM me if you ever need advice or have questions
I've found that a hobby helps a lot. Whether it's movies, anime, games, wood working, etc., doesn't matter as long as you're interested in it. I found this helpful because not only does it distract me, but it also allowed me to connect with others with the same interests. After making new friends to do stuff with my life has felt much better.
I have some some great ideas I need to work on / need to sometime step out of the 9-5 M-F mindset. Hopefully I'll make time off a priority and not waste it on more check marks and pursue on some of my ideas.
Do you have a family? Do you have any stress coming from money, relationship or self-image? Going to sunny places helps, but depression's root cause is that the things you are doing aren't meaningful to you anymore, and you are trapped. Try to find new meanings in life, I find volunteering or having a hobby that means something to you really helps.
No stress about money - fully own 2 homes. And mostly debt free thankfully. Live in AZ which actually helps and visit cooler places in summer to escape heat. My wife is a champ in cheering me up but she also suffers from a different set of issues so we have to be careful not to take each other in a bad spiral. Constant barrage of shitty news and recent slew of celeb suicides doesn't make it better.
Take note of what media makes you happier and what generally brings negativity. I don't watch TV news and I try to only read a moderate amount of news to stay informed. Politics is very negative now and the news media tends to cover problems, disasters, and violence even though there are a lot of good things happening in the world too. I also try to moderate social media use. I am happier reading books or articles about my interests.
Find small pleasures in every day things. Your comfy mattress, your morning coffee, free internet porn, the fact that we live in an age where so much information about the universe and everything in it is available to us for free on places like Wikipedia. Life is pretty amazing when you really think about it. Get out of the rat race mindset, think about things on a broader scientific natural perspective.
I do read a lot - I've been also trying to sign up for continued education if time permits. I'm definitely out of the rat race. Looking for more fun hobbies to take up.
So you drink too much alcohol? I recently gave up the sauce. It was hard because alcohol is a big part of my work life and my personal life. But my mind feels much better. For years I tried to treat my SAD with alcohol. It helps in the moment, but it aggravates my symptoms long term. As for ADHD, well, I took on another job and I hope to eventually transition. The new gig is my own thing. I think it will work better for me than dev life. It's hard to give up the huge salary though...
I meant DO you drink too much alcohol...
I gave up 250K in stock at Amazon because it was t worth jack if I wasn't able to spend it and enjoy on anything. It's sad how a large corporation can suck the life out of someone so fast.
Sometimes you need to focus on something greater than yourself. Family, Causes, God, those things
Currently focused on season 3 of Rick and Morty :)
will have to look into that. is it on Netflix. 😁
Mid 40s. Similar struggles. My family keeps me alive. I'm pretty sure I'd have killed myself by now if I didn't have them to live for. Your career is a marathon. Pace yourself. Don't push too hard and burn out. Keep a regular sleep schedule. That helps with ADD. Find a software area your are passionate about and work on it in your spare time. Maybe you'll end up with a job in it. Maybe you won't. The focus on a distant goal is the important part. There will always be people younger than you who are more successful. Try not to compare yourself to them. This is a big problem with ADD. Find your own metrics yo judge yourself. This is related to the goal above. You are in a great career. Don't lose sight of that.
I am on track to pick areas that I truly am passionate about. just glad to see more people choosing multiple paths to overcome this. Yes family is important and I won't do anything drastic. I am done comparing too .. that actually eliminated half the stress. I don't have that much ADD to affect daily operations though.
What is ADD and SAD?
Attention deficit disorder and social anxiety disorder
Ohh! I have both of those!