Spouse not interested in having a family

Expedia vUKdr16
Jun 29 749 Comments

Spouse is not interested in starting a family. What do I do?

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TOP 749 Comments
  • Google / Eng hooli.xyz
    Let me guess, arranged marriage?
    Jun 29 14
    • Google / Eng hooli.xyz
      Did not expect an Ace Ventura reference 😊
      Jun 30
    • Microsoft scarypanda
      People change with time too. They may be getting along well when they got married, but over time, they may realize that they need different things from life.
      Jun 30
    • Cadence
      👄Bu

      Cadence

      PRE
      Intel Corporation
      👄Bumore
      This !! Scarypanda - yes it is what mostly happens.
      Jun 30
    • PayPal atlm
      @Google : Let me guess, your guesses were always wrong!!!
      Jul 1
    • New NidI04
      Probably Wrong guess this time:
      "Well we met many years ago when we were too young and having kids was a very far off conversation. Even if we were adult enough to discuss at that time, wouldn't have helped as we were just that young."
      Jul 7
  • Dell / Eng
    .+

    Dell Eng

    PRE
    Dell EMC
    .+more
    you didn't talk about this before getting a spouse ??
    Jun 29 10
    • Google SWE5
      My mom had the same problem. Married young, didn't talk about this stuff, and it turned out he didn't want kids.

      So she divorced him after eight years of marriage and ended up with my father, and has me and my sister as a result.
      Jun 30
    • Databricks / Data
      data4u

      Databricks Data

      PRE
      500 Startups
      data4umore
      And look at how great of a human you have become putting ur level in your name
      Jun 30
    • Amazon inode
      @data4u — what’s wrong with putting your level? Focus on the message not on the messenger 😃 what good is life if one cannot brag even when everyone is blindfolded?!
      Jun 30
    • Cruise Automation ntaolne$*2
      Def should have talked about this before getting married.
      Jul 1
    • Google SWE5
      I'm not L5, if that's your concern.
      Jul 1
  • Amazon lkhgf
    I'm a woman. Didn't want any kids, simply because I felt all the pain and waste of mentality/time/effort/money isn't worth it. But my husband somehow made feel I would miss on something really really big if I didn't have kids.
    6 years later, now even he regrets having kids. Both of us are now stuck, but really can't undo our decision.
    All I'm saying: Maybe your spouse is right and maybe you'll regret it.
    Jun 30 21
    • Intel ghakapi
      Sure they do - people who didn’t have kids and then have them have experienced both.
      Jun 30
    • Amazon / Eng eztP64
      This is nightmare fuel. Thanks for helping solidify my own decision. Hope things get better for the both of you.
      Jun 30
    • New / Data
      boops

      New Data

      PRE
      Amazon
      boopsmore
      My mom loves me and yet tells me she wishes she never had kids all the time. I don’t blame her.
      Jul 3
    • Jeez... glad you are not my parent. Children is what makes you smile when you get older. Nobody else is going to care about you. Without children people die in loneliness.
      Jul 7
    • GM Financial / IT Nataku
      No, people who find themselves unable to accept the natural order of things die in loneliness. I'm gonna die peacefully--not clinging to life for shitty reasons.

      Worst thing about seeing my grandmother fight so hard was knowing that her quality of life was awful at that point. We had been told for over a decade that "this is gonna be grandma's last <holiday/life event>." We said goodbye so many times, but she kept going. Until, like 93. If cancer wants to kill me at 85+...I'll probably just let it happen.

      Expensive treatment for the ultra-elderly drives up costs for everyone else.

      Yes, I'm a bad person. I'm fine with it.
      Jul 7
  • Google Exit Light
    I didn't want a kid. I made it abundantly clear to my wife as a condition before we married. We stayed that way for a long time, years. Then she mentioned her clock is ticking and started pressuring me. I reminded her of my original condition. Then she started guilting me that she cannot find someone else well into her mid 30s. So out of guilt and pressure, I caved in. Don't get me wrong, I love my kid but I resent her for it.
    Jun 30 14
    • GoDaddy / Eng ksjdh19r64
      Exit light is an awesome dude! 😃
      Jun 30
    • Facebook FbECS
      We love you Exit Light
      Jun 30
    • GM Financial / IT Nataku
      Agreed. @Exit Light is a good dude and he's not alone.

      My kids are innocent. Their mother is not...
      Jun 30
    • Nordstrom / Eng EBlV76
      Exit light, you are awesome, hang in there buddy!
      Jun 30
    • New NidI04
      Let her handle all the kid related errands, you can always tell her she is responsible for the kid.
      Jul 7
  • Amazon / Eng eztP64
    Divorce. My partner and I are facing the same issue. I don't ever want kids, she does. So it looks like we're going to break up. It sucks, but that's life.
    Jun 29 10
    • Google / Eng imp0st3r
      Sparks advice is garbage. People just don't "come around". Many of these types of relationships end due to one of the people resenting the other. For instance, the person wanting kids resents the person who doesn't want them.

      Stop wasting your time and if you two aren't compatible in your life goals, find someone who wants what you want.

      Life is hard enough. Why make it harder by being with someone who wants fundamental different goals?
      Jun 30
    • Google / Eng impactmat
      What’s this? Should not all engineers be normal people who need kids?
      Jun 30
    • Xilinx SrEe”
      Is this bezos there 😬
      Jun 30
    • Amazon Jeimd23js
      I have friends who tried really hard to reconcile their divergent beliefs here. Doesn’t work. Unless you can accept not having kids, you have to move on. I agree with ending the marriage as amicably as possible.

      That said, life with kids is no cake-walk. There’s something to be said for spending life with someone you love unencumbered by children. Life is pretty good with no kids. But that need for offspring can be pretty deep. If some pets and periodic time with nieces or nephews isn’t enough for you, then time to do the hard thing and move on.
      Jul 2
    • New NidI04
      Why does she want kids?
      Jul 7
  • GM Financial / IT Nataku
    Get over your biological drive to continue your lineage and look at the bigger picture.

    Fuck, man...adopt or some shit.

    If this isn't your only major marital issue, go ahead and weigh the possibility of ending the marriage--it's stupid-easy when you don't have kids.

    But yeah, my biggest recommendation is for you to realize that you don't need to continue your lineage. You don't have to follow your programming.

    Edit: M or F? You didn't say, but I assumed male.
    Jun 29 13
    • Nvidia
      Trump2020!

      Nvidia

      BIO
      Why are you looking here?
      Trump2020!more
      Life is much better when you embrace your inherent irrationality. It’s part of being human.
      Jun 30
    • GoPro cDIV
      It’s not just about lineage.. and it’s not wrong if it is... but it’s wrong to ridicule ppl who are proud of their family and want to experience having kids of their own... you cannot pass judgement on someone else’s choice just like you do not like to be dictated about your decisions.. also if someone is not looking to start a family then they are obligated to mention this at the beginning in the very first meeting.. if the solution is to adopt then why marry? If ppl earn enough money then adoption agencies will assign a child even to single parents..
      Jun 30
    • GM Financial / IT Nataku
      Actually, @PayUTues, it's pragmatism. It's the way shit actually works. The way people work...

      Deny it all you want; you clearly subscribe to the Just World Fallacy.

      Also, I love how you talk as though anyone can make it in a non-abusive marriage if they just compromise hard enough. Never mind how much of yourself you lose in the process--you're better for it, amirite?

      GTFOH with that shit.
      Jun 30
    • Microsoft PayUTues
      I didn’t say anyone can make it work. But you imply nobody can. So take that BS and through it in the trash.
      Jun 30
    • Deloitte
      bananafone

      Deloitte

      PRE
      Deloitte
      bananafonemore
      Having children is purely a question of values. You don’t and can’t compromise on it at the command or desire of another person without sacrificing your concept of self, family and home, as well as your own autonomy - for life.

      NO PERSON has the right to ask that of you. And they shouldn’t even try.
      Jun 30
  • VMware QwbE55
    Go for surrogate child.
    Jun 29 10
    • Microsoft / Eng
      fWzt50

      Microsoft Eng

      PRE
      Avanade
      fWzt50more
      I'm a man. I don't want kids. Most of the guys j know don't want kids. If you ask guys, they'll often complain that women all want kids. If you ask women, they'll say it's the men that want kids and it's in our genes.

      All generalizations, and generally incorrect.
      Jun 30
    • New / IT
      ExaO82

      New IT

      PRE
      IBM
      ExaO82more
      I agree with Microsoft. I have experienced it otherwise women want kids. It’s in their genes to give birth and go through the process of pregnancy. Some just like the whole experience.
      Jun 30
    • Oracle / Eng helloxyz
      I did not mean it is in the genes of men to want kids. I was saying it is in the genes of male to care less about his child compared to female. It is just an inconvenient truth that has a lot of biological evidence to support it
      Jun 30
    • New / IT
      ExaO82

      New IT

      PRE
      IBM
      ExaO82more
      That’s true Oracle. But you can’t say that guys always want kids because they don’t have to take care 😊
      Jun 30
    • Oracle / Eng helloxyz
      Well I’m not a man after all 😉 I just thought that if I can enjoy the kid whenever I feel like, and avoid most of the dirty work, I would be more than happy to do so. Not that I am cold, but kids naturally would also resort to their mom for care. It all just seems to perfect isn’t it
      Jun 30
  • Amazon YupYupYupY
    Reading this thread it seems like everyone with kids think everyone should have or want kids. Why is that??? Personally I detest children.
    Jun 30 12
    • Deloitte
      bananafone

      Deloitte

      PRE
      Deloitte
      bananafonemore
      I don’t think the “worth it” is coming. The kid is nearly 10 years old.
      Jul 1
    • Sounds like a terrible father
      Jul 1
    • Amazon / Eng
      popozao

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      I’m from Fresno
      popozaomore
      @Google, for sure. If only his spouse didn’t convince him to be a parent when he asserted he didn’t want kids.
      Jul 1
    • Facebook / Eng
      elena25

      Facebook Eng

      PRE
      Facebook
      elena25more
      Most parents are terrible parents.
      Jul 1
    • Amazon
      ojgdgh

      Amazon

      PRE
      Amazon
      ojgdghmore
      You were a child...maybe still are. Don’t forget that
      Jul 2
  • New NilUser
    Leave them and go find yourself a red-pilled spouse. Not kidding. #WalkAway
    Jun 30 7
    • New ulpC55
      I didn't know incels get married yikes
      Jun 30
    • New / Eng QTdN03
      Incel? I don’t think you know what that means. We have all the sexy, sex-loving people on our side.
      Jun 30
    • Deloitte
      bananafone

      Deloitte

      PRE
      Deloitte
      bananafonemore
      @QTdN03 and @NilUser: Masturbation isn’t sex and you’re not going to get any of your pillows or socks pregnant. Turns out the red pill is not a cure for virginity; it’s an inoculation against losing it.
      Jun 30
    • New / Eng QTdN03
      I’m not gonna bother arguing. There’s plenty of published evidence that conservatives are sexier than liberals. Just google it. We may not all do the more “exotic” stuff, but we know where it goes and we know how to make babies.
      Jun 30
    • New NilUser
      All these haters in here trying to talk shit. They hate us cause they ain’t us.
      Jul 5
  • Microsoft / Eng
    Guap

    Microsoft Eng

    PRE
    Cisco
    Guapmore
    Is your spouse a man? If yes I am interested. You can go bye bye.

    Kids are overrated and is a social custom transferred down for no reason.
    Jul 1 14
    • Microsoft / Sales
      FUPM

      Microsoft Sales

      PRE
      Connection, Allstate Financial Services, LLC
      FUPMmore
      You're as dumb as a box of nails
      Jul 2
    • Google KennyLogin
      We've got some really butthurt breeders here on Blind.
      Jul 2
    • Microsoft PayUTues
      We’ve also got a lot of idiots that can’t understand that people having babies is pretty much an imperative for humanity to survive. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think everyone should have them. On the contrary, I would hope people calling the survival of our species “a social custom transferred down for no reason”, would NOT breed.

      Agreeing with FUPM for once, dumb as a box of nails. (And unfortunately they work @ Microsoft)
      Jul 2
    • Google KennyLogin
      Among the problems humanity has, "there aren't enough people" isn't one of them.
      Jul 2
    • Microsoft PayUTues
      I don’t see anywhere that someone suggested such a thing.
      Jul 2
  • Netflix zoombie
    When you have kids, life is first tough and it gets better as they grow.
    If you don't have kids it's the other way around, it is great when you are young and gets tougher as you age.
    In both cases you'll get screwed, you just have to choose when you want to get done.
    Jun 30 13
    • This is the best and the most accurate comment in this whole thread.
      Jul 7
    • Intel ghakapi
      You won’t have friends or hobbies the last couple years of your life. Friends your age die (my father said it’s one of the worst aspects of growing old), and hobbies are tough when you are mostly blind, deaf, and have few motor skills.
      Jul 7
    • Aon Hewitt cancer.
      So keep yourself healthy not everyone ends up like that at the end
      Jul 8
    • Google Trump 1793
      People seem so scared of dying alone in their 90s, but don't take the time to be less alone in their 20s-60s.
      Jul 8
    • Intel ghakapi
      Cancer.- Virtually everyone ends up like that at end of life.
      Jul 8
  • New lddj87
    from an evolutionary perspective; marriage should be a safe vehicle for you to successfully pass on your genes to the next generation

    its natural to want kids

    leave,

    or have children outside
    Jun 30 10
    • New lddj87
      global population isn't a problem, Bill Gates keeps trying to educate people about this.

      Africa is going through a population boom because...culture hasn't caught up with medicine, technology

      its a trend seen throughout history, in a 100 years Africa will join the likes of Japan with their elder crisis

      P. S. hopefully we'll be a space faring species before the peak 😁
      Jun 30
    • New lddj87
      link to Bill Gates over population video: https://youtu.be/obRG-2jurz0
      Jun 30
    • Microsoft / Eng dotoday
      There’s an overpopulation of people of people who can’t take care of themselves. These people then go on to have children who can’t take care of themselves.

      If you can care for yourself and your children, have as many children as possible. The unintelligent are outbreeding the intelligent.
      Jun 30
    • New lddj87
      woah, @dotoday went full "Mike Judge - Idiocracy" on us
      Jun 30
    • Google KennyLogin
      never go full eugenics
      Jun 30
  • Coupa askirsanpo
    My wife and I have differing views on this. She does not want kids and I do. We had a big talk before we got married and she was wanting to call off wedding because she did not want me to be resentful about it later in life. But at the end of the day I did not marry her to have children. I married her because she is my favorite human. And I made the choice to marry her even if it meant we do not have kids. OP needs to decide if this is a breaking commitment and talk with spouse to see how much and why they do not want children. And then make the decision together; to not have kids, to have kids, or even to agree to disagree but decide if this is what you want to split up over. Do this with understanding that you are both adults with needs and life goals that should not overshadow each other. I wish you the best of luck and a happy life.
    Jun 30 6
    • New / Eng QTdN03
      And now, when you die, you will be alone with no one to pass your inheritance onto. No reassurance that a part of you will exist after death. Your story will end, and no one will remember it.
      Jun 30
    • Amazon NotFair
      Yeah... your story is so remarkable.. you should have a kid to pass it on.. make the kid remember it like a gospel from bible
      Jun 30
    • New / Eng QTdN03
      And a nurse with the personality of NotFair will be the last person you say goodbye to.
      Jun 30
    • Microsoft / Eng dotoday
      Having kids is how you leave a legacy. I remember when I was an Uber driver once I picked up a group full of old ladies. I asked them what’s something an older person focused on that a younger person doesn’t. You know what they said? Leaving a legacy.
      Jun 30
    • Oracle fandantan
      Having kids is not how you leave a legacy, its how you leave a problem most of the time. Why did you assume the old ladies didn’t have kids? Or that they equated kids with a legacy?Leaving a legacy is what people like Martin Luther King, Tesla, or Lincoln did. Many other examples. Not saying having kids is not important, actually I am. It’s raising great kids that can make an impact and leave a true legacy that would be considered leaving a legacy by proxy for someone thinking their vocation is being a parent. The legacy is your teachings and what the kid does with them, but not the kid itself.
      Jun 30
  • Yahoo wth3
    No sympathy from me. Kids are overrated. But yeah this should have been talked about pre marriage
    Jun 30 4
    • Boeing / Other
      sgt_daddy

      Boeing Other

      PRE
      Jacobs
      BIO
      Military intel; tech writing; tech support
      sgt_daddymore
      I wonder if your parents would agree.
      Jun 30
    • Amazon / Eng
      popozao

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      I’m from Fresno
      popozaomore
      It’s kind of asinine assuming everyone came from happy families.

      Being a parent is hard. Only people who want to be parents should.

      Guilting people into liking kids is stupid.
      Jul 1
    • Google QRRG88
      I came from a shitty family. I hated kids. Loud noisy disease ridden pukes. But i figured it was part of the human experience so said fuck it. Now my daughter is one of the best parts of my life. So you never know
      Jul 3
    • Amazon / Eng
      popozao

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      I’m from Fresno
      popozaomore
      ^ That’s awesome for you. I’m glad you made a conscious choice to be a parent and enjoy the fruits of it.

      I wouldn’t dare judge people for making the conscious choice not to be parents though. And I say this as a parent of a daughter who is also the treasure of my life.
      Jul 3
  • Intel ghakapi
    Go back in time and have the conversation before you get married.
    Jun 30 1
    • GM Financial / IT Nataku
      This is actually a terrific answer, even if it's obviously unfeasible.
      Jun 30
  • GSK / IT EOyB27
    Ask: who is going to eternalize your life and carry foreward your wealth and memory of you?
    People babble about no meaning of life or that it is what you make of the available buffet of meanings. But that's just lies. Meaning of life is to perpetuate oneself. You do that with progeny. However ungrateful it is, however it is shamed by those who already know they will lose their round. What's a nice TC, if you can't make anyone deserve you saving it?
    Jun 30 14
    • Deloitte
      bananafone

      Deloitte

      PRE
      Deloitte
      bananafonemore
      Not sure if you’re talking to me, @ghakapi, but if you are: not better or worse, simply different from other organic creatures in that we’re imbued by that selfsame evolution and biology to choose differently and be more - philosophically - than just another animal. We’re just dust, and will return to dust in due course, reproduction or not.

      There’s nothing special or particularly worth remembering about any of us individually, and certainly nothing individually worth preserving in perpetuity to the detriment of other living beings. We are worth remembering in the sum of our collective efforts and successes as a species... although currently, it looks like humanity is more resembling a cancer and blithely on track to becoming a cautionary tale of what not to be, rather than something worth idolizing or “eternalizing.”

      Why allow what you believe evolution and biology demand of us to have any bearing on what we do at all? Why not utilize its gifts to write your own story, beginning at birth and ending at death? Why spit on those gifts and in so doing treat it as a god that you meekly and unquestioningly follow?

      You are more than your source code, and yet totally irrelevant in the grand scheme - just like every other swinging dick who lives now, who came before, and who will come later. You will be forgotten, and so will everyone else, so reproduction purely to to “eternalize” is patent, grandiose idiocy with a little bit of New Age otherworldly fuckery mixed in. There’s peace, freedom and happiness in following oblivion to your own bliss. Time is short. Live for yourself, while you still can.
      Jun 30
    • Intel ghakapi
      Obviously there is volition in life, I just find it comical when people think they are unique or better because they do something counterculture when that in itself is conformity within the West Coast liberal cityscape.

      Your existence sounds meaningless. Do you see it that way?
      Jun 30
    • Amazon / Eng eztP64
      Not who you're responding to, but I see all existence as inherently meaningless. There's no meaning given to you, the meaning is whatever you make it.
      Jun 30
    • Deloitte
      bananafone

      Deloitte

      PRE
      Deloitte
      bananafonemore
      @ghakapi I’m comfortable with and have embraced being a candle that flickers for a brief time and then burns out forever, because that’s all any of us ever are. I don’t feel a need for others to remember me or to view my life as meaningful beyond this lifetime, because I will be dead and won’t care. Nonetheless, I manage to find fulfillment in the fragility and fleeting nature of life while I am here to live it. It doesn’t mean I care about others any less. From my perspective, I’m just a little more honest with myself about what I can expect after death than most people, so I build my life around being present and making those I care about happy rather than accumulating stuff or trying to dodge oblivion. I don’t hold the delusion that my individual take will make a meaningful difference for humanity over the long term, but it satisfies me all the same.

      So yes, in the split second of existence I inhabit, I am meaningless and meaningless on a cosmic scale to boot. One could be filled with terror or feel liberated at the notion. I choose the latter.
      Jun 30
    • Oracle fandantan
      Deloitte, New age agrees with you. Unsure why you think otherwise, but other than that, you’re on point!
      Jun 30
  • Medallia S-1FTW
    Probably should have talked that out prior... Kinda like finding out after the fact that your spouse is not interested in sex or making/saving money. Kinda important things to be aligned on. Sorry mate.
    Jun 30 0
  • Google usurper
    This happened to me. We discussed having kids, we both wanted to, so then we got married. Once we were married though, she changed her mind and didn't want to have kids. So I divorced her (not just for that, there were many other problems too).

    It's hard because now I'm having somewhat of a hard time dating (not sure if I'm too old now or the SF dating scene is lame), but I absolutely do not regret getting divorced. It was painful but necessary and I'm much happier now, even if I'm temporarily lonely.
    Jun 30 8
    • Expedia / Eng RslS72
      What's eng?
      Jun 30
    • Google / Eng xdb
      Eng is the tag right between Expedia and RslS72
      Jun 30
    • Expedia / Eng RslS72
      Yeah I know..that's why I was curious what it stands for
      Jun 30
    • Microsoft J0lyr0ger
      Engineering i assume
      Jun 30
    • Expedia / Eng RslS72
      Yeah..I think u are right..I had forgotten that profile had that info. Thanks!
      Jun 30
  • Intuit ghpsh
    If you are from India, go back to India, your family, your partner’s family, friends, neighbors, and every third person you meet will do the job of convincing on behalf of you 😉 You can just chill out watching some cricket matches 😀
    Jun 30 5
    • New qntryzx
      @ghpsh, what a waste of your thoughts!

      If He/She is an Indian there might be valid reason or thought behind it.

      And you are being judgemental for Indian.

      If you are Indian yourself think out of it, and get a life!
      Jun 30
    • Intuit ghpsh
      @qntryzx If you are Indian, you get it. If not, go get a drink and chill out buddy
      Jun 30
    • Booking.com bdmwkanama
      @qntryzx they meant it as a joke. Indian society is known for arranged marriages and everyone (even a stranger reserve the right to ask you any damn thing in India) asking you questions about your salary, your future plans, your job, your spouse (if you do not have, then why don't and when are you getting one), your kids (if you don't have any, then why not and when are you having kids), your diet, your underwear's brand, your favourite ice cream flavor, your kids' marriage...
      You should get a life and try not to take each and everything seriously
      Jun 30
    • Amazon LzBn25
      He's right guys. I don't see it as being judgemental etc. This is just how things are here. Folks cannot process married life without children
      Jun 30
    • Bloomberg cg_ny
      What if someone is just not a kid person? (and wouldn’t make a good parent?) then they still have to have a child?
      Jun 30
  • GitHub HarM
    So you just saved $1m
    Jun 30 0