Situation: I’m on work visa. Husband on H4 but has transferable H1. Looking for a job (last 6 months) but didn’t find yet.
Says that my support as “train and go to interviews” is stupid support and I should support him differently. When I’m asking - “how then? What are you expecting from me?” He says “I don’t know”.
What you would say? Is he reasonable?
- Microsoft / EngC---A hug for starters? Job search is stressful, and stating the obvious isn't gonna help. It's like telling people "don't worry", which only makes them to worry more.
Just spend some time together, so he can relax and forget about it for some time. Giving him such break is something you can do.
- It's weird for men. Not having a job when the wife is working makes it awkward for them in front of the friends and other family members. It is almost like being impotent. Since you mentioned BJs already, making him feel a man is important to prevent his insecurities from springing up.
- Maybe you are angry with him that he hasn’t got a job for 6 months. And that’s showing through your body language and other subtle clues.
Ask yourself deeply whether you are really supporting him.
- @AT-33 I was going to give you some advice but it sounds like your partner is being emotionally abusive. That doesn’t mean they’re irredeemable but it does mean they need to take accountability of their behavior and get some professional help.
I’ve had times when I have stress and put a lot of stress on my spouse, and I feel terrible she has to shoulder that burden, but I’ve never called her arrogant and I’ve never gotten mad at her for not supporting me properly.
- I was going to send him back to home country. But I’m feeling guilty for that. We moved here together, went through a lot of stuff. But I’m so tired of this shit.
When everything is fine - I’m great. But when he starts to complaining to everything, and blame everyone I just want him to go away
Especially when he is saying that he doesn’t need me if I’m so arrogant
- There’s no shame in ending something that isn’t working. It can be healthy and for the best.
Your partner may be experiencing a lot of shame and guilt though so it may be tough but may require some support and therapy. Only you know the whole story and only you can decide if you want to put up with that. If you don’t want to put up with that hard work and the shit you’ll get in the meantime then you have your answer.
Gotta do what’s best for you.
- Groupon shittypayJust give him a hug and take him out for a good meal and tell him everything is going to be alright and you'll be there for him. Try to reason with him and tell him you understand his situation but him blaming you would be bad for the both of you. Try this and if that also doesn't work, you need to rethink things imo
- I was just joking, I have no idea what the needful is between you and the husband. I'm a stranger on the internet, surely you have a better idea what he wants.
Your reaction suggests that your husband likes bjs, but if you think bjs are gross, I'm sure he'd settle for any kind of attention if he's been deprived lately. Husbands need sex.
- Not kidding but I know someone who had an extra marital affair because his wife wasn't into oral sex. Things got really serious between him and his girlfriend and nearly wrecked them apart. Thankfully it all came back together eventually after about 5 years of pain. Different individuals have different needs and if they can't complement each other then it's just an unfortunate match b
- Tutanota / EngUHsg86He is tired from the stress. Now, I do not condone his blaming you one bit. But, like others have said before, you need to go to therapy as a couple and maybe separately as individuals too. He is probably having a difficult time digesting his current employment situation. This is a huge hit to his ego. A therapist will help him respond to this situation in a healthy manner rather than lash out.2d0
- His problem is your problem.That’s what 99% of times marriage is. So I would suggest help him prepare for interview and ask your friends to refer him.
- Workday jkngu45aa?I was in similar situation as your husband . My spouse didn’t help me much . I was not upset it was my battle to fight. But there are lot of ways you can help him. If you are in the same field you can review his resume . You can ask your friends to review the resume. You can activate your network for referrals. You can conduct mock interviews . You can ask your friends to conduct them. You can brainstorm leet code problems. You can prepare Star based behavioral interviews ans. If he needs referral or my perspective on prepping for interviews dm me.