tldr; I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl. I'm considering breaking up as i don't like some of her personality attributes and don't feel very attracted to her physically. But she's very understanding of me; loyal, loving and she's sacrificing a lot in her life to be with me. So i feel guilty of hurting her. When I told her that I'm considering breaking up with her (we communicate most things freely), she was very sad and assured me that she will work on herself and do things my way always. That made me even more guilty and she convinced me to stay at that time. Background: We started talking in the context of an arranged marriage and ended up liking each other. She's a SW engineer, and comes from a good family. She's fun to talk to, and very cheerful most of the times. Our thoughts resonate well on most topics and we're from the same culture. However, there are some differences between us: 1. I have a reserved demeanor and she is quirky. Sometimes she talks a little "cribbingly", like, in a way that imitates a demanding, crying baby. She does that for fun(as she thinks it's cute). For example, while walking around in public places she'd start talking like a crying baby if she wants an ice cream, or is feeling hungry. This behavior does not match my personality and I honestly feel very awkward in public. After talking to her about it, she assured me that she wouldn't behave that way in the future, and always talk softly. That was very sweet of her (but i find that I'm suppressing her true, energetic personality and it's wrong of me). 2. i don't find her attractive. She's a little overweight and short. (i haven't told her about this as she has body image issues and it can be damaging to her confidence) 3. She needs me to commit to her fully in the next 6 months (as her family is still groom hunting) and marry her in the next two years. But i know that anytime i enter a serious relationship, i get distracted from my career or health. I'm only 26 years old and I'm not sure if I'm ready to invest so much time into a serious relationship. I know that I might not find another girl who is as caring, loyal and respecting of me as this girl is. But I haven't explored yet despite getting approached by a few women. I feel like I'm settling for less if i commit to this girl. I might be able to a date smarter or more attractive girl in the future if i just work on myself a little bit. Now, I'm considering breaking up permanently with her. But i feel really guilty and afraid as it will affect her badly. What should i do? TC: 160k yoe:4 EDIT: Thanks for the responses. There are some assumptions/biases in the comments that i must clarify: 1. There is no family pressure (yet). They have very limited information about our relationship. 2. I never said that I find her annoying. She's also hilarious at times and a great person to chill with. She listens to my problems keenly. Since I'm very asocial, she also gives good tips on dressing well, going out, traveling, restaurants, etc. 3. We have no blocking logistical issues ( visa approval, family approval, no caste, language or other issues, and both are financially stable) It's honestly very confusing to decide. Hence, summarizing: Pros: funny, loyal, supportive, cheerful and liked by everyone. Cons: not physically attractive, needs commitment for marriage, incompatible energy levels, distracting from career and health.
Break up now. Dont drag her along if you are not into her.
If you can go out with a random person get laid and don't miss her, break up.
I stoped reading on "do things my way always".
Breakup with her. Set her free. She wont be happy with you. Nothing wrong in you wanting different person or thinking she is less to you. She seems like a fine person with personality traits necessary for long term peace in marriage. But different strokes for different people.
If you had to ask this question on Blind, I think you already know the answer. Follow your gut feeling, its always right. If you don’t feel attracted to her and some of her qualities drives you nuts to the point that they overpower her good qualities, then you guys are not compatible in the long run.
TLDR: Should have done a cost analysis first. OP trying to convince himself it’s ok. OP thinks he’s a 10
End it now. Rip the bandaid.
Are you David beckam ? Short and fat ? 🙃
Run like hell! I was in relationship like that. We had major personality differences and it became so toxic. If you aren’t happy then get out while you can. If ending it is in your heart then it is the right thing to do. You only have one life so enjoy it and enjoy it with someone you really care about on ALL levels! Good luck.
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End it now. It will hurt both of you now but if you prolong this relationship to marriage, both of you will be hurt for life. But this decision has to be made by you. Trust me. You know the answer.