Tell boss about offer?
I am in a situation where I have an offer from a top-tier company. Same salary, less RSUs, less bonus and lower title. I am very torn. My current boss is brilliant in business but miserable at EQ and horrible at modern HR (even though that is her role). She doesn’t connect with her reports at individual levels and is demeaning, presumptive and dictatorial. Borderline abusive. At the same time, I’d hate to give up, as I am learning a lot, but suffering in process. Do I tell her about other offer and try and explore if we can minimize the things that are bothering me (and others) or is this a lost cause?
One thing I've learned is no matter how much your manager asks you to keep issues "in house" take it to the next higher level and include HR or be prepared to suffer the consequences.
I would just leave. Though your boss sounds like an asshole, bringing up such issues just before leaving will just burn the bridge.
People don’t change especially if she is older. There is a reason she didn’t acquire empathy. She probably heard the feedback before but either not willing to change or don’t know how to change it. Lack of self awareness is linked to cognitive ability and it is not easily learnable and apply to life. I would just leave and tell her about the real reason if she asks. Many such people will feel offended though if you are honest so tell her only after you are decided to leave.
Based on your description of manager, do not tell her about offer. She will not react well. In terms of whether to take offer, consider whether you will regret it later if you do not take it.
lost cause
Do not say anything about your offer. Make the decision based on facts about your current employer and research about your potential employer, including talking with current employees if you can.
Get a second offer so you don't end up losing money.
“Borderline abusive”.....don’t go to her about the offer. Go to your skip level, tell them you’re willing to leave because of xyz manager, and you’d considering staying if you change managers (if you’re ok with that).
That’s a lot of assumptions to make.... I would seek the guidance of a skip, if anything it shows trust in the org.
Considering my years of experience, I’ll assume , from your tone and attitude, you were burned at some point of time and have been bitter ever since. If you aren’t a jerk and aren’t taking it personally, then your feedback will never cause any issues. Taking it personally makes enemies, and usually socially weak people fall into the trap.