Relationships

Thank you..to the guy who gave up his seat

SAP xmt
Jan 30

In all probability he'll never read this, but the acknowledgement was long due (this happened a few months back) and so, just wanted to take this opportunity to thank the very kind gentleman who gave up his seat for me on the public transport.

I've often since wondered that a guy like that would usually not be the kind I'd be interested in, romantically. And yet, this guy's genuinely kind (if small but timely & significant) gesture touched me enough to want to get to know him. And before you cast aspersions, no, I don't think he did this on purpose. The guy's demeanor was very respectful, and, well, one could just make out he wasn't doing this for the aesthetics.

I've frequently travelled that route since, enough times in a similar crowded situation, a woman amongst men, but not been offered a seat. Forget me, I have not seen ANYONE being offered a seat unless someone was occupying a reserved seat which (s)he should not have been.

Now, pls don't pillory me - I'm in no way implying anyone should give up his/ her seat in a similar situation. Was just sharing my experience, & thanking a kind, unknown stranger. And if, in the off-hand chance this motivates someone to a thought or act of kindness, why not? ๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’œ

comments

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  • TrueCar pkoy
    TC?
    Jan 3010
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Sorry, not sharing.
      Jan 30
    • Oracle / Eng
      not_larry

      OracleEng

      BIO
      Not CTO
      not_larrymore
      Not cool OP
      Jan 30
    • Pandora abababbaba
      @op could have just lied. They didnโ€™t ask for your employee verification letter ๐Ÿ™ƒ
      Jan 30
    • Oracle / Eng
      not_larry

      OracleEng

      BIO
      Not CTO
      not_larrymore
      Itโ€™s just Blind etiquette ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ
      Jan 30
    • Pandora abababbaba
      Sawaal
      Jan 30
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      There are more things in Heaven & Earth, Horatio, than TC and/ or coolness.. (the point o' this post) ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Jan 30
    • Oracle / Eng
      not_larry

      OracleEng

      BIO
      Not CTO
      not_larrymore
      Stop the madness op.
      Jan 30
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      ๐Ÿ™
      Jan 31
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      Ah, a girl who can reference Shakespeare and poke at blindโ€™s obsession with TC. Kudos to you OP!
      Feb 1
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Much indebted!
      Feb 1
  • Microsoft Brrrr!
    In my home country this is the norm, we always, almost 100% of the time, give our seats up to women and elderly people, even to a strong man who is of fatherโ€™s generation. I have done it quite a few times in the US and people were reacting like I was doing something out of the ordinary
    Jan 309
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Precisely, something so 'ordinary', and yet not...
      Jan 30
    • Apple JobsAtApp
      And whatโ€™s your home country? Would like to visit that.
      Jan 30
    • Rubrik MacStuffIt
      India. Obviously.
      Jan 31
    • Microsoft Brrrr!
      Not India. It is in the Middle East
      Jan 31
    • Nutanix sByy57
      This is not the normal here. Once I tried to help an elderly man (about 75+) on a flight and carried out his hands luggage. He was surprised initially, but thankful at the end. Keep up doing the good and hopefully it will become contagious.
      Jan 31
    • Microsoft Brrrr!
      Yes, I once saw a very old lady trying to take a 12-pack of Coke and put it into her cart and I rushed to her and took it from the shelf and put it in the cart. She was surprised at first but then she thanked me.
      Jan 31
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Nice of you, Brrr! Nutanix, of you as well!
      Jan 31
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      Youtube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      FastPapuanmore
      I did this and they called the police and told me I was stealing. #FirstWorldProblems
      Feb 2
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Ah, that's a kind of simplistic statement, don't you think? Methinks it'll need a separate post to ascertain to some degree of accuracy, whether what ACTUALLY transpired was what you THINK transpired. And even if it did, I'd find it hard to believe that's the norm, EVEN if in the first world.
      Feb 2
  • Facebook penguinbro
    Maybe he thought you are pregnant, disabled or elderly
    Jan 304
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Ha, I doubt.. l don't look that old or incapacitated. My guess is that he just sensed my discomfiture, locked in a crowded space, in a jolting & heaving vehicle ๐Ÿ˜‘
      Jan 30
    • Oracle / Eng
      not_larry

      OracleEng

      BIO
      Not CTO
      not_larrymore
      ๐Ÿ”ฅ
      Jan 30
    • Adobe xbid57
      Pregnant, disabled AND elderly maybe?
      Jan 31
    • Google / Mgmtstarlight2
      And you didn't offer to let him sit, selfish pig?
      Jan 31
  • Paychex cout
    I did that once to a women out of respect and I was blasted with โ€œdo you think we are not strong enough as women to stand like you menโ€. I guess we cannot win either way.
    Jan 303
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      So, so, sorry you had to hear that! I was very grateful for that gesture, as I'm sure most women would be.
      Jan 31
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      Youtube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      FastPapuanmore
      Nope, stop lying. Most women do not operate the way you do, unless you look like Tom Cruise.
      Feb 2
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      The quality of mercy is strange, it droppeth like the gentle rain from the Heavens above, tis twice blesseth, (s)he who gives and (s)he who receives.
      Feb 2
  • Intel intel
    It was me!
    Jan 306
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Ah, but he did not look like the average techie, or even A techie.. ๐Ÿ˜”
      Jan 30
    • Intel intel
      Ahh must have low TC, sorry to hear
      Jan 30
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Maybe, and yet his demeanor was what many with high TC often seem not to possess ๐Ÿ˜”
      Jan 31
    • Google / Mgmtstarlight2
      Because those with high TC know they don't need to ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Jan 31
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      starlight2, I'll rake up your world view to your being very young/ inexperienced. I wish (in a nice way) that, some time in the future, you are faced with a teaching moment where money, which you deem so important, is rendered useless, and the only thing that helps or matters is someone with a good & kind heart. Here you are kinda looking down on someone who may or may not have been earning a high TC (something that luck, apart from hard work, also plays a part in). But it costs nothing to be kind (not including the random, occasional person who reacts unfavorably to help), and it's wholly up to you. What excuse then do you have not to be or to look down on those who are? Don't bother replying, twas more a retrospective q..
      Jan 31
    • Adobe xbid57
      Was faced with such a teaching moment, at which point i realized there were no good or kind hearts to help, and the only comfort available was the savings built up over the years.

      So TC or GTFO :)
      Feb 3
  • Oracle iOFR21
    Try not to bring this desi entitlement in this country. This behavior should not be condoned unless for medical reasons.
    Jan 313
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Uh, please re-read my post & comment above. There was no entitlement. But if someone is willingly offering someone else some help in a situation where it looks like the recipient so obviously could do with that assistance, would you still judge? To me, that looks like impeccable manners, kindness & decency.
      Jan 31
    • Paychex cout
      Please write that down on your forehead so we know to not hold the door for you so you donโ€™t feel offended.
      Jan 31
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Thank you, cout.
      Jan 31
  • CA Technologies e2be2r
    On a scale of 10, how attractive was he before and after he offered you the seat?
    Jan 316
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Ha..ha..now you are side-tracking the intent of this post.. Are you contemplating a similar if-then-else situation in the future? ๐Ÿ˜ In any case, it's pretty late now, so let me get back to you tomorrow.
      Jan 31
    • Uber avnK07
      Before: ๐ŸŒฒ fiddy
      After: 6.9
      Jan 31
    • New / EngMldy20
      The intent of the question I can guess is to probe how shallow of a person you are as you sound. If a stinky homeless man offered you his seat would you have equally taken? ๐Ÿ˜
      Jan 31
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Mldy20, I guess I could tell you off, but let me humor you by answering your question with another example:

      (Also) some months back, I happened to take a shared Uber to my regular transit stop. In the front seat was a undergrad college-age girl. At the back were me and a somewhat old guy who looked homeless & smelt worse (of weed or god knows what), rotting teeth, unkempt, dirty hair & tramp-y clothes - you get the picture. As it happened, this guy was a peddler, with boxes full of cheap but moderately attractive trinkets for girls/ women. Since we had some time to kill and this man found (or so he assumed) a ready audience amongst us women, he started taking out his wares & showing it around.

      The girl in front seemed innocent enough, she took a few wares this old guy passed to her, complimented them, and passed it back to him. The homeless-looking man compliments her on her looks (probably thinking that might motivate her to purchase his wares). She laughs it off. Meanwhile, in order not to appear rude, I too murmur my approval of his possessions. So far, OK.

      Girl's drop arrives. She gets off.

      Next stop: Mine. Well, guess what, this old guy also gets off there.

      When I'm at the stop, he asks me where I'm headed, which country I hail from. Dude should have seen by now that I'm clearly NOT interested in having ANYTHING to do with him, but doesn't let off. He hangs around, and continues to force a conversation. It's been a minute or so now, but by now, I'm getting visibly uncomfortable.

      Finally, after what seems like eternity, I pretend to get a call and physically walk away from him. Inside, I'm praying that my vehicle arrives soon, because, if it doesn't, and this man follows & tries to establish physical contact with me (a not insignificant possibility), I might not be able to fend/ fight him off. It is early morning, and though, daylight, not many people are around.

      Put yourself in the above situation for a second. Try to imagine how an innocuous interaction in a public setting started turning unwelcome so easily, so soon. Lack of safety is a VERY REAL issue women face DAILY in public. In such a situation, in the car, what would you, in my place have done? What would YOU, knowing the above, advise your sister or woman friend to do or NOT do next time in a similar situation? If anything were to happen to me then, I sure as he** wouldn't have YOU around to help me! If anything, you, & folks like you would've judged & blamed me then for NOT being careful enough & not following BASIC safety precautions!

      So, before you speak, please THINK. And PLEASE, spare me the outrage & the judgement! Every situation is case-by-case, but if/ when I'm not comfortable, I'll ALWAYS pick my safety over some false expectation. Take the trouble to speak to the women in your life, chances are, they'll behave JUST the same.
      Jan 31
    • Apple 88812122
      You are so boring, attention hungry op
      Feb 1
    • Cisco johnwick2
      @Apple, see how easy is it to troll just with those few words. It is amazing. You must be very proud of yourself.
      Feb 3
  • Oracle iOFR21
    So much for gender equality
    Jan 313
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      I understand, that's why the disclaimer in my post. The gesture wasn't expected, yet (& perhaps for that very reason, even more) appreciated.
      Jan 31
    • Microsoft
      asgkb

      Microsoft

      PRE
      Google
      asgkbmore
      Since when guys are on period and having terrible cramps and would just like to fucking sit down. Oh yeah...Never
      Jan 31
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Oui, asgkb, that's a very valid point.
      Jan 31
  • Amazon BfRx68
    I donโ€™t get it though? Why give your seat to a young women? Look, if I saw an old person or a pregnant person or generally someone who looks like they needed to sit down, I would give up my seat happily. But this, I donโ€™t understand.
    Jan 311
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      See my other comments above & below. The guy didn't have to offer his seat, but he did. I didn't ask for it. What was my fault? Commuting by public transit during office rush hour? Or accepting this kind gesture?
      Jan 31
  • Cognizant APIPM
    He did the needful and you are late in reverting back ๐Ÿ‘ˆ๐Ÿป
    Jan 301
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      True, yet maybe better late than never..
      Jan 30
  • Microsoft Big Pun
    Op, he was getting off.
    Jan 303
    • Apple JobsAtApp
      Lol
      Jan 30
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      No, that's the thing, after giving me his seat, he went & stood a little farther. I got off after the next stop or so. By then, he'd gotten a(nother) seat, but I doubt he could've known this in advance.
      Jan 30
    • Google / Mgmtstarlight2
      And you didn't offer to let him sit, selfish pig?
      Jan 31
  • Amazon LionKing!
    I did that once to a women on the bus. After I did that, the guy next to me stood up as well to give his seat to another women who was standing. He later thanked me saying that he was thinking about doing that for a while but thought it would feel awkward. But it actually felt really good. Guess thatโ€™s one way to pass on good deeds. :)
    Jan 311
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Wow, absolutely! How sweet! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’š
      Jan 31
  • T-Mobile novi13
    I usually help people with luggage in flight when I see them struggling or looking around for help. Always been thanked.
    But, I learned the hard way that if you help someone who was not asking for it, that person will mostly not be grateful for what you did for him/her.
    Jan 313
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Really sorry to hear your experience. if you offered your help before actually helping (which I'm assuming you did), I'd be hard put to understand why they'd not be grateful for the assistance. Oh well, it takes all kinds.
      Jan 31
    • T-Mobile novi13
      I thought about it a lot. I guess it emerges from insecurity. They realize that I made a judgement that they are somehow weak. And, might extend to believe that everyone who saw them thought them as such. So they refuse and dislike you for making that judgement without confirming their assumption.
      Jan 31
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Valid point, novi13. Perception vs reality is something we would all do well to accost, at one point.
      Jan 31
  • Microsoft / Eng๐Ÿ˜ˆ Morninโญ
    Don't women want to be treated equal to men?
    Jan 310
  • Flagged by the community.

    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Uh, here come the trolls.. *Sigh*
      Jan 31
  • Intel / Eng
    minato4

    IntelEng

    PRE
    ANSYS
    minato4more
    Sorry OP I'm already taken, and it was me. Good try, better luck next time. I'm dating TC(Ticket Checker) of the public transport. ๐Ÿ‘ป
    Jan 301
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Good Luck : )
      Jan 31
  • RackWare Dreamlight
    Hey, op it was me!
    Jan 301
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Don't you wish...๐Ÿ™‚ Unfortunately, he didn't look like the kind who'd be on Blind..well, maybe that's not so unfortunate after all..
      Jan 30
  • Microsoft bOushskan
    You sound smitten. Was he cute or something ? The guesture just magnified it ... I say this since you say he doesn't look like a techie ... Thanks for insulting the whole app communitee btw .. hahaha Loved it.
    Jan 313
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Thank you ๐Ÿ˜œ, you are right, I was intrigued, (something I rarely am). He wasn't cute looking, quite the contrary in fact. This was quite a don't-judge-a-book-by-its-cover experience for me actually..Oh well, glad it struck a chord : )
      Jan 31
    • Microsoft bOushskan
      All the best with finding him again on your route. Don't forget to make a move this time ! Life is too short ...
      Jan 31
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Ah, thanks for the wish, but I don't think I'd realistically go that far..I'm rather shy in public (more so with the opposite gender) ๐Ÿ˜•
      Jan 31
  • Applied Material gjfv
    Awww cute
    Jan 310
  • Salesforce pdPL03
    Was this on bart?
    Feb 11
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Uh, it was public transit. For reasons of anonymity, I'd prefer not to be more specific.
      Feb 1
  • You didn't say which route and where this is, there's no way for the guy to know if you're talking about him.
    Jan 311
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Yes, I know, that was somewhat intentional, to maintain anonymity. The guy seemed in his early-mid thirties, ~ 5' 8", swarthy-looking, wearing a rust (or was it russet) colored T-shirt & a dark (but light-weight) back-pack. If he's really reading this (something I highly doubt), he could get in touch. But then, most of what I had to say, I already did - in this post. : )
      Jan 31
  • Google / Enggamala
    I'm a small woman. I've offered chairs and help to countless old people. They never want what I have to offer.
    Jan 311
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      Interesting.. I wonder if it was because they (incorrectly) assumed you needed the chair/ seat more than they did.. Still, getting refused all the time seems a bit curious
      Jan 31
  • Amazon Deedadoo
    Whatโ€™s an aspersions?
    Jan 311
    • SAP xmt
      OP
      'An aspersion' (singular) or 'aspersions' (plural). An aspersion is a doubt someone has on someone else' actions or words. It has a negative connotation.

      For eg: if you have a doubt whether someone is speaking the truth & call him/ her out on it based on your assumptions, you would be 'casting aspersions' on that person.
      Jan 31

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