In all probability he'll never read this, but the acknowledgement was long due (this happened a few months back) and so, just wanted to take this opportunity to thank the very kind gentleman who gave up his seat for me on the public transport.
I've often since wondered that a guy like that would usually not be the kind I'd be interested in, romantically. And yet, this guy's genuinely kind (if small but timely & significant) gesture touched me enough to want to get to know him. And before you cast aspersions, no, I don't think he did this on purpose. The guy's demeanor was very respectful, and, well, one could just make out he wasn't doing this for the aesthetics.
I've frequently travelled that route since, enough times in a similar crowded situation, a woman amongst men, but not been offered a seat. Forget me, I have not seen ANYONE being offered a seat unless someone was occupying a reserved seat which (s)he should not have been.
Now, pls don't pillory me - I'm in no way implying anyone should give up his/ her seat in a similar situation. Was just sharing my experience, & thanking a kind, unknown stranger. And if, in the off-hand chance this motivates someone to a thought or act of kindness, why not? 😚💛💛💜
- In my home country this is the norm, we always, almost 100% of the time, give our seats up to women and elderly people, even to a strong man who is of father’s generation. I have done it quite a few times in the US and people were reacting like I was doing something out of the ordinary
- Ah, that's a kind of simplistic statement, don't you think? Methinks it'll need a separate post to ascertain to some degree of accuracy, whether what ACTUALLY transpired was what you THINK transpired. And even if it did, I'd find it hard to believe that's the norm, EVEN if in the first world.
- I did that once to a women out of respect and I was blasted with “do you think we are not strong enough as women to stand like you men”. I guess we cannot win either way.
- starlight2, I'll rake up your world view to your being very young/ inexperienced. I wish (in a nice way) that, some time in the future, you are faced with a teaching moment where money, which you deem so important, is rendered useless, and the only thing that helps or matters is someone with a good & kind heart. Here you are kinda looking down on someone who may or may not have been earning a high TC (something that luck, apart from hard work, also plays a part in). But it costs nothing to be kind (not including the random, occasional person who reacts unfavorably to help), and it's wholly up to you. What excuse then do you have not to be or to look down on those who are? Don't bother replying, twas more a retrospective q..
- Try not to bring this desi entitlement in this country. This behavior should not be condoned unless for medical reasons.
- Uh, please re-read my post & comment above. There was no entitlement. But if someone is willingly offering someone else some help in a situation where it looks like the recipient so obviously could do with that assistance, would you still judge? To me, that looks like impeccable manners, kindness & decency.
- CA Technologies e2be2rOn a scale of 10, how attractive was he before and after he offered you the seat?
- Mldy20, I guess I could tell you off, but let me humor you by answering your question with another example:
(Also) some months back, I happened to take a shared Uber to my regular transit stop. In the front seat was a undergrad college-age girl. At the back were me and a somewhat old guy who looked homeless & smelt worse (of weed or god knows what), rotting teeth, unkempt, dirty hair & tramp-y clothes - you get the picture. As it happened, this guy was a peddler, with boxes full of cheap but moderately attractive trinkets for girls/ women. Since we had some time to kill and this man found (or so he assumed) a ready audience amongst us women, he started taking out his wares & showing it around.
The girl in front seemed innocent enough, she took a few wares this old guy passed to her, complimented them, and passed it back to him. The homeless-looking man compliments her on her looks (probably thinking that might motivate her to purchase his wares). She laughs it off. Meanwhile, in order not to appear rude, I too murmur my approval of his possessions. So far, OK.
Girl's drop arrives. She gets off.
Next stop: Mine. Well, guess what, this old guy also gets off there.
When I'm at the stop, he asks me where I'm headed, which country I hail from. Dude should have seen by now that I'm clearly NOT interested in having ANYTHING to do with him, but doesn't let off. He hangs around, and continues to force a conversation. It's been a minute or so now, but by now, I'm getting visibly uncomfortable.
Finally, after what seems like eternity, I pretend to get a call and physically walk away from him. Inside, I'm praying that my vehicle arrives soon, because, if it doesn't, and this man follows & tries to establish physical contact with me (a not insignificant possibility), I might not be able to fend/ fight him off. It is early morning, and though, daylight, not many people are around.
Put yourself in the above situation for a second. Try to imagine how an innocuous interaction in a public setting started turning unwelcome so easily, so soon. Lack of safety is a VERY REAL issue women face DAILY in public. In such a situation, in the car, what would you, in my place have done? What would YOU, knowing the above, advise your sister or woman friend to do or NOT do next time in a similar situation? If anything were to happen to me then, I sure as he** wouldn't have YOU around to help me! If anything, you, & folks like you would've judged & blamed me then for NOT being careful enough & not following BASIC safety precautions!
So, before you speak, please THINK. And PLEASE, spare me the outrage & the judgement! Every situation is case-by-case, but if/ when I'm not comfortable, I'll ALWAYS pick my safety over some false expectation. Take the trouble to speak to the women in your life, chances are, they'll behave JUST the same.
- Amazon BfRx68I don’t get it though? Why give your seat to a young women? Look, if I saw an old person or a pregnant person or generally someone who looks like they needed to sit down, I would give up my seat happily. But this, I don’t understand.
- Amazon LionKing!I did that once to a women on the bus. After I did that, the guy next to me stood up as well to give his seat to another women who was standing. He later thanked me saying that he was thinking about doing that for a while but thought it would feel awkward. But it actually felt really good. Guess that’s one way to pass on good deeds. :)
- I usually help people with luggage in flight when I see them struggling or looking around for help. Always been thanked.
But, I learned the hard way that if you help someone who was not asking for it, that person will mostly not be grateful for what you did for him/her.
- I thought about it a lot. I guess it emerges from insecurity. They realize that I made a judgement that they are somehow weak. And, might extend to believe that everyone who saw them thought them as such. So they refuse and dislike you for making that judgement without confirming their assumption.
Flagged by the community.
- Intel / Engminato4moreSorry OP I'm already taken, and it was me. Good try, better luck next time. I'm dating TC(Ticket Checker) of the public transport. 👻
- You sound smitten. Was he cute or something ? The guesture just magnified it ... I say this since you say he doesn't look like a techie ... Thanks for insulting the whole app communitee btw .. hahaha Loved it.
- New |l|l||l|l|You didn't say which route and where this is, there's no way for the guy to know if you're talking about him.
- Yes, I know, that was somewhat intentional, to maintain anonymity. The guy seemed in his early-mid thirties, ~ 5' 8", swarthy-looking, wearing a rust (or was it russet) colored T-shirt & a dark (but light-weight) back-pack. If he's really reading this (something I highly doubt), he could get in touch. But then, most of what I had to say, I already did - in this post. : )
- Google / EnggamalaI'm a small woman. I've offered chairs and help to countless old people. They never want what I have to offer.
- 'An aspersion' (singular) or 'aspersions' (plural). An aspersion is a doubt someone has on someone else' actions or words. It has a negative connotation.
For eg: if you have a doubt whether someone is speaking the truth & call him/ her out on it based on your assumptions, you would be 'casting aspersions' on that person.