I've been a social outcast for most of my life, even in my own family. When people know you're an outcast it's hard to stop being an outcast because nobody wants to be seen with you.
http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-ways-you-can-accidentally-become-social-outcast/ explains what it's like very well.
Some time in 2018 I got a new job in a different company in a different city where I didn't know anyone, and that was my chance to reset myself on the social ladder and pretend to be normal.
It worked out for a while and for the first time in my life I thought maybe I've finally found a place where I belong. But I think I got too comfortable and now my new friends are starting to realize I'm a weirdo. What can I do to stop my fall into the shitpit? If I'm not in it already...
This isn't the first time it has happened. Every time I switch jobs I always feel like a brand new person on a clean slate, but people usually see through me after a few months.
- A10 Networks / R&DfropsermoreHow weird are you, what's the weird shit you do? You'd be surprised how many people might do the same weird shit you do and find comfort in that, knowing you're not alone. It may help you be more confident.
- Microsoft knextmoreOP, I have those conventional interests, always happy, always smiley and I can easily become friends with people and I do have really good friends all around the world. But guess what, at the end of the day I still feel lonely and I still don't feel like I belong and I still have mini depressions which I quickly force myself to get over fast every time because people's expectations from me are 'always smile, always be happy, be positive...' I think you get where I'm going.
PS. Bay Area was really nice I really felt like I belonged most of the time, so enjoy it, really do! Also remember, those you think that appear to belong so well may just be putting a mask on their face and a show on every day.
- ^this. You can sometimes feel like you belong but there will always be something missing. I have met lots of people, had large and diverse groups of friends but can count true friends with less fingers than on one hand, friends that listen, do the shitty needful like help move, and get out their way for me as I would for them. Most of the time I'm on my own and have a hard time relating at a deeper level with the vast majority though.
- Uber hUd76pIs it possible that you’re not actually a social outcast, and that this is all in your mind? Maybe you should talk to a therapist about it.
- I think more of the turn off is that they can see you're pretending to be someone you're not, as in, they can see that you're fake.
I have weird interests, move a lot, and upfront about it. General thing is to be kind and accepting, genuinely being a nice person that cares, after that people are generally accepting.
What kind of non conventional interest do you have? And maybe your location has something to do about the population you're hanging out with. In big cities like Bay area, many people are into weird stuff.
- Well it's not like I've told any lies, I just tried to fit in and interact with people like a normal person.
I'm just not interested in stuff that other "normal" social people seem to be interested in, like sports, cars, drinking and parties (and have never pretended to be). My other interests tend to be shared by non-social people and that's OK. I'm open to new experiences so I don't have trouble finding people with shared interests, but when they try to connect further and know me better, they tend to not like what they see.
I do try to be kind and accepting of other people, in fact I often try to organize social events to get people together and always make an attempt to include those who are often left out.
The place I most recently moved to is the Bay Area.
- Oh I'm not saying my non-conventional interests make me an outcast, but rather my lack of interest in the usual stuff that other people get really passionate about like sports or cars or gadgets may be making it hard for people to relate to me. When my new friends try to connect with me on those things I come up empty.
- That might be because that's all they're passionate about. Even with my sports enthused friends I still connect with them with universal things like investments, career, some pop culture, something deeper and emotional. I have many friends that are into sports and I'm not at all into major ones like basketball, baseball, football, or soccer. There are other things besides sports unless that's all they're interested in.
- New b37Sometimes it's just the people around you. As a young company employee in a new country I didn't gel well with my older co-workers at first, but got along great with everybody in grad school later, right in the same country. Surrounding yourself with people you get along with isn't easy but it doesn't necessarily mean you're the problem if you can't do it yet.
- When you say conventional set of interests, do you have any hobbies or something you're passionate about that is not work-related?
- Yes. One of my passions is dissecting and discussing pop culture, but that's something I'm happy to keep doing online.
I have no trouble finding people with common interests/activities actually, my problem is when people try to make a deeper connection and find that I'm actually very boring and hollow inside.
- Intel NachtRittrLook, OP... you are responsible for your life. You can either make changes so that YOU think you are more interesting to your 'friends' (by, for instance, asking them about (and putting effort into learning about) their interests) OR, if you don't believe there is value in that, accepting your weirdness so that you don't gaf what they think. I went with the latter.