Things to consider when planning for a second baby

Cisco CdYe23
Apr 5 34 Comments

I want to hear your thoughts about the things you’ve considered when having a second baby and how that has changed your personal and professional lives.

In our case one is employed at a FAANG company and one at Cisco. We have a 3 year old and we’re in our mid 30s. Have very little time to ourselves with our busy lifestyle. We work at least an hour when the kid is sleeping to catch up with work.

We want our kid to have a sibling as we don’t have any relatives in the US. We love our kid and spend whatever the free time we have with her. We’re not 100% sure whether having a second kid is the best scenario for us because that might complicate our work and life situations. I understand that it’s temporary and in a 3-4 year time, most things will be back to normal.

Let me know what you all considered when making a similar/same decision. I’d love to get the perspective of folks who have already been through similar situations.

Thanks a bunch in advance!

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TOP 34 Comments
  • Oracle busan
    For f$ks sake, having a baby has nothing to do with work. Billions of people around the world are having them.

    It boggles my mind how self centered money driven blind population is. Utterly despicable. It’s always about money and how costly.

    But at the same time these morons buy Tesla as their first car.

    Surprising and pathetic at the same time.
    Apr 5 3
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      I appreciate your perspective. Although, in our case, it’s not about money. We have enough savings and equity to live comfortably for a couple of years even if one gets laid off. But we want to remain in industry as leaving work to raise a kid is not a good decision in long term. After the kids enter school, it’ll be boring to stay home.

      Our main concern is that we’d be drained with the work at home and won’t be productive at work, which will lead to stress and lower our quality of life.
      Apr 5
    • Oracle busan
      That’s my point exactly. You are living to work. Not working to live. What is wrong with leaving work to raise a family? Billions of people are doing it.
      Apr 5
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Maybe that’s a good idea for some. We’re not comfortable making that decision because we have ambitions. Not just for ourselves, but as a family. Without two salaries, we won’t be able to achieve those. What I’m trying to say is, it’s not an easy decision right now. We’ve talked about it many times but we still aren’t confident to take that leap.
      Apr 5
  • Amazon / Mgmt AWSer
    Work work work. Money money money. It’s never enough. In the end of the day family is the most important thing.
    Apr 5 0
  • Sirius XM Yndnd
    The second kid usually gets less attention than you were able to give the first. The first also starts getting less attention because your focus is split. However, the second kid will often learn a lot of things faster because of the older sibling and eventually they will start to entertain each other (and fight).

    From a standpoint of how it impacts you, you will spend more time on both kids than you spent on one, but some activities can be split between you and your spouse like bedtime routines (or done at the same time together). Two kids also costs more but less per capita than one kid because some toys, clothes, baby equipment, etc can be reused. Also, everything you learned about handling the first kid is reusable knowledge for the most part. Every kid is a little different but a lot is the same so your learning curve isn’t anywhere close to as steep which makes things a bit easier.
    Apr 5 3
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Thanks. This is helpful. I’m really not worried about the cost. I want to make sure that the both of us get to spend quality time with our kids and help them develop. We had enough time to do this with our first one. I’m worried that we won’t get to do the same for the second one.
      Apr 5
    • Sirius XM Yndnd
      The second kid will probably develop faster... they’re going to hear the older sibling practicing ABCs, numbers, etc as long as the age gap isn’t too big. You’ll need to try to make a bit more time for your kids though... if you routinely work late that probably disappears, less time for personal hobbies, etc.

      Money isn’t really a concern for me either but when you have an opportunity to not spend money unnecessarily it’s always better.
      Apr 5
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Yeah. We don’t want to compromise on the time we stay with our kids. I know I sound like I want to have it all, but honestly I’m trying not to risk one job to raise the kid. One option we’re considering is wife taking 1 year unpaid leave in addition to paid leave so that things will be in good control when she starts work.
      Apr 5
  • Amazon kkk76fjjfc
    Oh man, I am in the same situation! Afraid going for 2nd kid because I will not be able to spend as much time with him/her as I do/did with first :(
    Apr 5 2
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Exactly our concern as well.
      Apr 5
    • PayPal atlm
      Sailing in the same boat!
      Apr 5
  • Intel phdsbn
    Work doesn’t matter, except to help your family.
    Apr 5 3
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      I agree to some extent. Where I’m disagreeing is that we won’t be able to give the quality of life to our kids if we just ignore work, especially in the Bay Area.
      Apr 5
    • Sirius XM Yndnd
      That is a prioritized choice you’re making by living where you live.
      Apr 5
    • Intel phdsbn
      Agreed- Bay Area is the worst place in America to live for kids.
      Apr 5
  • Lyft waud32
    If you’re financially comfortable, hire a nanny to help out w mundane tasks so that all the time you spend w the kid is actual quality time
    Apr 5 1
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Yeah. We already have one for the first one. It’s not too bad right now. We will definitely hire someone if we have the second one.
      Apr 5
  • Google wWsb10
    Have you considered switching to a different company or team with better wlb before having the second?
    Apr 5 1
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Yeah. We’re working on that. WLB is really poor us. We’re even considering moving to a different state if this comes down to that.
      Apr 5
  • Cisco / QA CyberDemon
    lol my dad says either have 2 kids or no kids. 😂

    FWIW, I interact, help/take help more with my friends than my siblings.
    Apr 5 1
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      That’s the other thing. We don’t have a lot of help as we don’t have any relatives here. And we haven’t bothered our friends for kid related stuff because of personal reasons. Hiring a nanny is the alternative, which we have done with our first one. That we’ll definitely do even for the second one.
      Apr 5
  • Microsoft Omni
    If you are both in mid-30s, you may not have much time left to ponder. Come to a decision one way or the other quick. IVF treatments are costly and unpleasant.
    Apr 5 1
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Yes, we are very well aware of this as well :)
      Apr 5
  • Cisco wCdV78
    First year will be difficult.Hire nanny atleast for first year.First kid will play and fight with second one and they will entertain each other.my second one is almost 3 and we are coming back to normal life.Work is definitely doubled ,lot of half sleep nights but I do feel with the second one joy is quadrapled
    Apr 5 1
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      In our case, most likely, wife will stay home for the first year and I also have something like half a year leave. We plan to use both and then hire a nanny.

      In the long run, I’m sure we’ll cherish the memories and the kids will have problems of their own rather than fighting with parents. Which is always better 😄
      Apr 6
  • Life360 / Eng
    ftlerr

    Life360 Eng

    PRE
    Life360
    ftlerrmore
    Go for it! If that is what you want prioritize for that everything will follow along. I am having a second baby soon and we decided to have 2 as we are in similar situations and raising a lone child without siblings would be pretty sad for our first child growing up in the Bay area.
    Apr 5 1
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Congrats and thanks for the encouragement. We also feel that we’ll somehow be able to absorb the workload.
      Apr 6
  • Amazon ggtyuhyg
    Honest...didn’t you have the same dilemma with the first one? If you think you will regret no having a second kid few years from now, that’s your cue right there to have it now.
    Apr 5 1
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Not really. Only because we were too naive :) It hit hard after I started going to work.
      Apr 5
  • Uber / Eng RObC74
    Is your first baby old enough to take care of second baby? 😉
    Apr 5 1
    • Cisco CdYe23
      OP
      Haha, I wish.
      Apr 6
  • Intel Act2016
    2 kids are way harder than 1 and 3 is again harder.

    Selfish. One of you should quit and raise your children. My wife and I decided to drop our income to be there for them. Not have institutions raise them.
    Apr 5 1
    • Intel phdsbn
      Sounds like you made a selfish decision.
      Apr 5