Thinking of getting married? Read this first.
Sharing my experience in an attempt to get any help and to warn others.
Married almost 12 years, going through divorce now. Shocked of what is going on.
My wife was abusing me on all levels all these years. It worsened slowly year over the year. Eventually I had to call police and she was dragged out of my apartment. Filed for a divorce in a couple of months.
Later the “fun” began.
She replies to divorce and said that she wanted alimony. Some time after that she filed a DV case against me. The case had non-stop lies about me. I showed that she was lying. I had to defense myself, spend money on lawyer.
At the same hearing I was assigned to pay $10000 to her lawyer, $5000 one time for housing and $2500 every month until the court. My lawyer at that time told me that they were “inflating the court” on purpose.
I showed in the hearing that she was lying and absolutely nothing happened. Apparently you can lie in a court. Remember raising your hand in a court from movies saying that you’re telling truth? This means NOTHING. I asked two lawyers and both told me that nothing is going to happen to her, she just MIGHT LOSE. Yep.
At that time I had $80000 debt. I was thinking about doing nothing, but it scared me. Eventually going through loan organizations I was able to get another loan, used my car as a collateral and paid all of it. I owe $100,000 now and my debt is increasing every day.
I changed the lawyer. On the first meeting he told me that I’m in a bad position because I’m a man. He told me that I’ll pay her for years, the question is only how much.
I’m shocked of what is going on. I’m shocked at “judicial” system and of people working there, or their apathy and ignorance. I went to Seattle court for a 101 on divorce and talked the presenter afterwards. He told me, and I quote “This is your problem”.
So this is my reality. I feel like I’m being raped by “the law”. There is a DV case against my ex. I have proof that she abused me. I have proof that she is a lyer. And I’m made by the court to pay her. And I’m getting into huge debt day after day.
Every day of my life is a struggle now. I’m trying to accept THIS. I feel like a prisoner.
Have no idea what to do next. I’m looking for ANY suggestions, ANY help. I’m thinking about going public with all of it and I’m afraid that I’ll see the same apathy.
Think twice before getting married. Especially in CA, WA and other states with ridiculous laws. Choose a partner very carefully. Choose a partner with the same level of career.