Hi folks, I am going through a very bad phase in my marriage. Sorry for the long post. Just want to vent it out. I had a love marriage, and my in laws seemed very supportive. I come from a middle class family with not a huge family support, took a education loan, finished my degree, paid it off by working full time, doing pretty well in career. We didn't have a own place to live. Parents and me were in a rented apartment. Dad was abusive to Mom, all through my life. Saw this shit and grew up for my entire life. I met my partner when working at the same organization, we had mutual interest and he was very supportive. I explained to him my family situation, he seemed very supportive and proposed marriage. Got married after 2 years of dating. Everything was going well, until my father in law bought up this topic, on how our family didn't have a own place to live and how there were so many matches for his son, who were ready to give him a own house and all that shit. Initially it didn't bother me much, but Everytime I visit his home, his father brings up this topic and front of all his relatives he kind of asks my dad's salary, what was he doing all this long. Kind of very embarrassing. I bought this topic with my husband, and how it is unfair for his father to talk about earlier matches front of me, and also I had explained my family situation before marriage. He just shuts me up saying, he is just old and we need to compromise. Same with my mother in law, she has a different complaint of her own, on how I don't do household work and stuff. I pretty much do a full time job and spend my weekend getting groceries and cleaning up our space. Husband is very little supportive in helping household work. All this is getting to my head and not leading a peaceful life with husband too, as we have frequent fight because of in laws. I am really not sure how to handle this situation. Not having a supportive parents too, so kind of left alone Anyone been in a similar situation.? And how you dealt with it Any thoughts are highly appreciated at this time for me.
Sorry you’re struggling with the in-laws. My parents are also not doing the best financially coming from a working class household. Have you thought about hiring some help with the house? I know working full time is difficult and you might enjoy some relief there. As for the in laws, it seems there is some resentment and communication issues maybe counseling might help?
Thanks for the suggestion. I should definitely try to keep some help in the house. And as for counseling, my husband assumes counseling is for such people who don't have decision making skills. A pretty weird way of his thinking!
Good advice here. 👍
Ask your in laws their TC, and have them post it here.
Loss of power ( money, job, status) and reducing mental faculties makes it very hard...clearly ur husband did not meet his parents expectations....few solutions 1.keep interaction minimal with in-laws 2. Give more pain/deprive pleasure to ur husband so that he changes ur in law behavior towards u. 3 . Give divorce and move on These are extreme solutions but final solution will be hybrid
> Give pain/deprive pleasure You're not an Indian woman by any chance are you?
😂😂🤣🤣
Your inlaws are just following blind rules and asking your fathers TC. Just give it
Tell them they work at Albertsons and they'll STFU and bring you guys 💐 every time they see you.
It is certainly unfortunate situation to be in...if son marries parents choice then he complaints (minus exceptions)....if son marries of his choice then parents complaint (minus exceptions)...when his parents start saying all these...just walk away...don't say anything...continue to express ur displeasure to ur husband but don't let it affect ur relationship...silence is golden...I have learnt hard way but expressing elsewhere will be the best...IMO blind is therapeutic so vent it out here...distract urself watching tiktok videos (shameless plug :))
Just wondering what race are you? In my culture, the guy is supposed to own the house, not the other way around. I say ignore your in laws. Don’t visit them at all. Tell your husband your reason
They will keep doing it more and more if you act bothered by it. Act calm and say yes, yes and there's no chance they wouldn't stop after 3-4 yes. - And if they say about how he got other rishtas, say "yeah that's so good. I didn't get any but my husband still chose me". In a respectful yet crisp manner. - to your husband, he's the future. Don't complain. Act normal anf just tell that you're working on keeping it behind you and trying to pull through. Parents can't be changed at old age. Only you can change the mechanics around
Bottom line is give respect + smartly get the message across that it's too late to complain oldies, I ain't giving fucks and you saying won't change things so peace out homies
Your husband needs to tell his dad to STFU and respect you. As you say in your language “BAS madarchod apni patni ko respect karo haramzade”
My wife and I had a similar situation (my parents messed with her head saying the same kinds of things) and I ended up doing this. It didn’t go well at first and my parents and I cut contact off for about a year before telling again. Still worth it, and I don’t mind too much that we aren’t as close anymore because my wife > my parents at this point in my life.
Good on you for doing that mate, right thing to do... It’s like a rite of passage into manhood for desi households these days.. f*ck all that “adjust” bs, as in “Thora adjust karna parega” seriously f*ck that
As parents get older they act like kids with big bodies....treat them like kids
Parents do indeed act as kids. I never admired/idolized mine (as most kids do) even as a kid. I have pity for most of humanity as they easily disappoint. We're all spiritually sub evolved "babies" in the gray zone between good and evil.