Try to make it work or move on?

Sabre IVPL81
May 21, 2018 69 Comments

Turning to good people of blind for some neutral perspective.

I and my wife have been married for about 2 years, no kids. It was an arrange/love marriage where met through online matrimonial site, our parents got involved, exchanged numbers for us and we started talking. I was in US and she was in India before marriage and I went to India a few times to meet her. Except for a fight we had before marriage where parents got involved to sort things out, everything went great (we got married after about a year)

After marriage, however, more things started to come up every month. More and more differences (on finances, things to buy, how to take care of a future child, topics on what each other’s parents said, etc) started to come up, where we couldn’t see in the same direction for 80% of decisions. A few days back, she had a couple of glasses of wine, we had a fight and she called 911 and gave them a fake complaint. I was lucky enough that I wasn’t at the place where they were called at and hence nothing serious happened. Next day, she regretted her call and told me that she was drunk.
I have lost my trust on her and with continuing fights and deteriorating relationship, I am afraid there isn’t much love left.
I have thought of separating from her and all my friends and family support that. But I am looking for some neutral perspective.
If you guys/gals or your friends have been in a similar situation, please let me know what you or they ended up doing? Did you/they try to make it work or moved on?

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TOP 69 Comments
  • Cisco / Eng zGcY85
    Sounds like a crazy chick. Get out while you can. People have been thrown in jail for years because of shitty lies their vindictive wives told the cops. Other guys have been beaten, stabbed, etc and the wives just claim it was self defense and you’re always going to be looked at as an abuser. She’s already shown a propensity for that - it’s likely to get worse. GTFO.
    May 21, 2018 3
    • What if her craziness could be treated?
      May 21, 2018
    • GoDaddy
      nuutellla

      GoDaddy

      BIO
      I love my job at GoDaddy. The views expressed on this site are mine alone and do not reflect the views of GoDaddy or its affiliates. Also, bam bam lolol
      nuutelllamore
      The treatment will cost you 50% of your wealth 😆😆😆
      May 21, 2018
    • LinkedIn tLnQ54
      Never stick your dick in crazy.
      May 21, 2018
  • Microsoft NullData
    If she would call the po-po on you, there's really no limit to what she's capable of doing. Get a lawyer. Get her out.
    May 21, 2018 0
  • New / Eng
    Luffy, M.D

    New Eng

    PRE
    Facebook
    BIO
    Prematurely grumpy old man
    Luffy, M.Dmore
    Fake 911 report would be beyond forgiveness for me, pretty much on the same level as physical abuse. This will not get better.

    Might be worth talking to a counselor about how to manage the separation and divorce but mainly go talk to a lawyer now.
    May 21, 2018 0
  • Facebook / Eng Theforce1
    I would have said counseling up until reading about calling police with a fake report. That is so crazy that I would go to divorce.
    May 21, 2018 1
  • Facebook
    tGQvudet

    Facebook

    PRE
    Microsoft
    tGQvudetmore
    Separate. It’s not a good long term sign that she called the police to file a fake report while drunk.

    You would do well to find out what you may have communicated, intentionally or otherwise, to make her upset. Some people are just different and won’t get along, but there’s a lot of middle ground where someone may think they’re being supportive or caring but they’re not getting their behavior interpreted that way. Ask her if you changed after marriage. Try to take his opportunity to learn something, anything, about yourself. Future partners will thank you.

    But separate. Seriously.
    May 21, 2018 3
    • LinkedIn tLnQ54
      And do it while you don't have kids. Child support is not fun.
      May 21, 2018
    • New / Eng
      Luffy, M.D

      New Eng

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      Prematurely grumpy old man
      Luffy, M.Dmore
      This. For the love of all that's holy, don't take the risk of getting her pregnant.
      May 22, 2018
    • LinkedIn tLnQ54
      I've seen mothers use their own children just to spite the father for revenge. And the family court system allows this. Makes me sick.

      Just think of it this way: if you have a child with her, you will have to deal with her in some way shape or form for a minimum of 18 years until that child becomes an adult. If you break it off cleanly, you won't have to deal with her ever again.
      May 23, 2018
  • TrueCar / Other
    aGuttman69

    TrueCar Other

    PRE
    Edmunds.com
    aGuttman69more
    Go see a marriage counselor.
    May 21, 2018 2
    • New iSfX03
      Based on your story this wouldn't work. You can try but definitely you don't love her. Marriage counselor CANNOT change it!
      May 21, 2018
    • Amazon Ogrdq
      The success rate for this path is extremely low. This is not sound advice.
      May 21, 2018
  • New Kaskad3
    Are you Indian
    May 21, 2018 4
    • Cisco / Eng zGcY85
      Arranged marriage where she lived in India and the parents were involved, is this a serious question?
      May 21, 2018
    • New Kaskad3
      Yes. Did you just assume their gender too?
      May 21, 2018
    • Cisco / Eng zGcY85
      No, but if you’re chasing your SJW Merit badge for calling someone out on that, I’m sure you’ll earn it soon enough.
      May 22, 2018
    • Cisco slimjack
      Great question
      May 22, 2018
  • Google Mickey
    Start taking to lawyers. Get out, but make sure you protect yourself on the way out.
    May 21, 2018 7
    • Sabre IVPL81
      OP
      She earns the same as me but I have more savings than her in the time we have been married
      May 21, 2018
    • Google Mickey
      Do you want to protect that savings?
      May 21, 2018
    • Facebook / Eng Theforce1
      If she's willing to call police with a fake report I would be worried about other things than money.
      May 21, 2018
    • Google Mickey
      Depends how much money we’re talking about ;) But yeah, probably wiser for him to just leave today.
      May 21, 2018
    • New / Eng
      Luffy, M.D

      New Eng

      PRE
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      BIO
      Prematurely grumpy old man
      Luffy, M.Dmore
      If you have documentation of it, savings from before you were married should remain yours.
      May 21, 2018
  • Honeywell / Eng that1guy
    My relationship was horrible the the first year or so after marriage. Same shit. Fights and such big differences that I honestly felt like it was better to split. We kept at it and we found our groove. We started to see eye to eye. We don’t agree on everything but pretty close. I could never imagine leaving now.
    No one can give you the best answer with only a couple paragraphs of history. But it sounds like you want out. Don’t be afraid to walk away though. Arranged marriages are shit. You need to know the person.
    Let me ask you this. Consider you are dating her now and haven’t gotten married yet, would you marry her?
    May 21, 2018 3
    • Sabre IVPL81
      OP
      The answer has been “no” for quite some time. And it’s the same with her. We have posted this question to each other before and both of us said No, we wouldn’t have gone forward with marriage
      May 21, 2018
    • LinkedIn tLnQ54
      Well there you go.
      May 21, 2018
    • Yahoo clpmst
      That’s a wise reply. I know people in similar situation. Some stick with it and some are forced to stick with it. Either way it is not going well for them. Only you can decide what’s good for you. Hope you find your solace soon.
      May 21, 2018
  • Amazon Flows
    Get out. Now. She has demonstrated bad judgement, vindictiveness, and aggression. It is absolutely risky to stay with this person and these sorts of actions also color all your future interactions as they impact your perception of safety
    May 22, 2018 0
  • Equinix SV123
    I’m a woman. Run from her. I wouldn’t trust her either if she calls fake 911 on you, doesn’t matter while drunk or not.
    May 21, 2018 0
  • Qualcomm Wowza
    Sorry to hear about your situation.
    What was the reason for her calling 911? Sounds like she wants out as well? Why don’t you talk to her about separating?
    I know a few of my friends with arranged marriages where the parents were too involved and they had to separate because of that.
    May 21, 2018 1
    • Sabre IVPL81
      OP
      When I talk to her about counseling, she wants to separate. When I talk to her about separation, she doesn’t want to do that and want to try counseling.
      May 21, 2018
  • Cisco slimjack
    Do you have sex still with her?
    May 21, 2018 1
    • New Kaskad3
      If no, DM me her number and I will
      May 22, 2018
  • What keeps her busy? Job/studies?
    May 21, 2018 1
    • Sabre IVPL81
      OP
      Job
      May 21, 2018
  • Apple Okidoki
    I know a girl who provoked her husband verbally again and again so that he finally couldn’t kept his cool and indeed dragged her to the bedroom and threw on a bed. She’s got a bruise and happily ran to report it to police. Fast forward couple of months she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and they were at risk of losing their permanent residence status because of that charge. I don’t approve of the guy, but she herself regrets what she had done and was sure it was the illness that made her verbally attack him again and again. Maybe I am quick to project, but this post just reminded me that story. Also keep in mind that even if she wants to separate she is probably under a lot of social pressure from her family and friends and it is not easy to decide to become a divorcée.
    May 21, 2018 6
  • Expedia fiic42
    This is never going to work out. She called 9-11 it proofs she has no respects for you. The earlier you get divorced it will be better.

    Sorry to hear that you are going through taught patch of your life.

    Consult with your parents. They are your best advisers.
    May 26, 2018 0
  • Google / Mktg
    Younguy

    Google Mktg

    PRE
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    Younguymore
    Send out for a spa day, pack your shit and then tell her you want out. It will get worse and if she gets knocked up your toast forever. If she called P.O. P.O. then she will not stop at anything. Don’t waste your life, there is better out there and you will be much happier long term. Happy wife, Happy life is a true statement
    May 22, 2018 0
  • Amazon / Eng FirePhone
    Dude get out of that shit if you don’t you’re just as crazy as she is!
    May 21, 2018 0
  • New / Eng ++
    Here is the thing. Human brain gives up under pressure pretty soon, I would say shortly after 40. Female brain goes nuts earlier. Factors that accelerate degradation is all kinds of stress: instability, long hours at work, work that you do not like, lack of physical activity.
    Some people manage to contain the negative effects, but many can't, mostly due to not realizing what they are supposed to do, or not told by parents/society.
    You basically have two choices: live miserable life with your wife, or cut your losses asap and try again.
    May 21, 2018 2
    • Google Mickey
      Lol wut
      May 21, 2018
    • PayPal Sonars
      You should articulate it better! Half of what u wrote sounds very weird!
      May 21, 2018
  • I recommend beating her. If you’re going to get a rap sheet you may as well do the crime. Am I right.
    May 26, 2018 0