Turning to good people of blind for some neutral perspective.
I and my wife have been married for about 2 years, no kids. It was an arrange/love marriage where met through online matrimonial site, our parents got involved, exchanged numbers for us and we started talking. I was in US and she was in India before marriage and I went to India a few times to meet her. Except for a fight we had before marriage where parents got involved to sort things out, everything went great (we got married after about a year)
After marriage, however, more things started to come up every month. More and more differences (on finances, things to buy, how to take care of a future child, topics on what each other’s parents said, etc) started to come up, where we couldn’t see in the same direction for 80% of decisions. A few days back, she had a couple of glasses of wine, we had a fight and she called 911 and gave them a fake complaint. I was lucky enough that I wasn’t at the place where they were called at and hence nothing serious happened. Next day, she regretted her call and told me that she was drunk.
I have lost my trust on her and with continuing fights and deteriorating relationship, I am afraid there isn’t much love left.
I have thought of separating from her and all my friends and family support that. But I am looking for some neutral perspective.
If you guys/gals or your friends have been in a similar situation, please let me know what you or they ended up doing? Did you/they try to make it work or moved on?
Turning to good people of blind for some neutral perspective.
- Cisco / Eng zGcY85Sounds like a crazy chick. Get out while you can. People have been thrown in jail for years because of shitty lies their vindictive wives told the cops. Other guys have been beaten, stabbed, etc and the wives just claim it was self defense and you’re always going to be looked at as an abuser. She’s already shown a propensity for that - it’s likely to get worse. GTFO.
- I would have said counseling up until reading about calling police with a fake report. That is so crazy that I would go to divorce.
- Facebook tGQvudetmoreSeparate. It’s not a good long term sign that she called the police to file a fake report while drunk.
You would do well to find out what you may have communicated, intentionally or otherwise, to make her upset. Some people are just different and won’t get along, but there’s a lot of middle ground where someone may think they’re being supportive or caring but they’re not getting their behavior interpreted that way. Ask her if you changed after marriage. Try to take his opportunity to learn something, anything, about yourself. Future partners will thank you.
But separate. Seriously.
- I've seen mothers use their own children just to spite the father for revenge. And the family court system allows this. Makes me sick.
Just think of it this way: if you have a child with her, you will have to deal with her in some way shape or form for a minimum of 18 years until that child becomes an adult. If you break it off cleanly, you won't have to deal with her ever again.May 23, 2018 1
- Start taking to lawyers. Get out, but make sure you protect yourself on the way out.
- Honeywell / Eng that1guyMy relationship was horrible the the first year or so after marriage. Same shit. Fights and such big differences that I honestly felt like it was better to split. We kept at it and we found our groove. We started to see eye to eye. We don’t agree on everything but pretty close. I could never imagine leaving now.
No one can give you the best answer with only a couple paragraphs of history. But it sounds like you want out. Don’t be afraid to walk away though. Arranged marriages are shit. You need to know the person.
Let me ask you this. Consider you are dating her now and haven’t gotten married yet, would you marry her?
- Qualcomm WowzaSorry to hear about your situation.
What was the reason for her calling 911? Sounds like she wants out as well? Why don’t you talk to her about separating?
I know a few of my friends with arranged marriages where the parents were too involved and they had to separate because of that.
- I know a girl who provoked her husband verbally again and again so that he finally couldn’t kept his cool and indeed dragged her to the bedroom and threw on a bed. She’s got a bruise and happily ran to report it to police. Fast forward couple of months she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and they were at risk of losing their permanent residence status because of that charge. I don’t approve of the guy, but she herself regrets what she had done and was sure it was the illness that made her verbally attack him again and again. Maybe I am quick to project, but this post just reminded me that story. Also keep in mind that even if she wants to separate she is probably under a lot of social pressure from her family and friends and it is not easy to decide to become a divorcée.
- Luckily yes. Still a lot of lives could have been saved if they got help. This is a very recent story, the guy started treatment and removed guns from home, but somehow was still allowed to drive: https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/05/21/us/surf-turf-car-crash-murder/index.htmlMay 23, 2018 0
- Google / Mktg YounguymoreSend out for a spa day, pack your shit and then tell her you want out. It will get worse and if she gets knocked up your toast forever. If she called P.O. P.O. then she will not stop at anything. Don’t waste your life, there is better out there and you will be much happier long term. Happy wife, Happy life is a true statement
- New / Eng ++Here is the thing. Human brain gives up under pressure pretty soon, I would say shortly after 40. Female brain goes nuts earlier. Factors that accelerate degradation is all kinds of stress: instability, long hours at work, work that you do not like, lack of physical activity.
Some people manage to contain the negative effects, but many can't, mostly due to not realizing what they are supposed to do, or not told by parents/society.
You basically have two choices: live miserable life with your wife, or cut your losses asap and try again.