Want to get divorced in my late 30s, what to do?
Male, in my late 30s, 2 little daughters. Have personality conflict with my wife and we have quarrels almost daily, mostly on trivial stuff or if we want to have any serious conversation. The only reasons that I got married in the first place was fear of loneliness and good sex. And we were in a long distance relationship at the time when she asked me to either get married or part ways. Long distance created less tension and gave me false hopes. I was young and naive. Hoped things could get better over time but it just didn't. Even vacations became big pains that we have big quarrels every time we go on vacation because she got too invested into it and became nervous and irritable for any little thing that didn't go as she planned or any doubt that I have about her choices during the vacation. I don't taking yelling well as I got traumatized by violence from my father when growing up. Now with 2 kids it gets much harder to divorce. My girls are adorable and I love them very much. I want to be with them when they grow up. But it's just difficult to feel genuinely happy as I recover slowly from quarrels. Sometimes I feel 2 weeks of business trip can make me much happier overall. With the bay area house price, maintaining another house nearby so that I can take turns on taking care of my kids is hard. Also it'll be hard to find love again as an Asian male at this age with kids. What shall I do?
Have you and your wife tried couples counseling?
I wish Blind introduces a dislike button - just for Amazon's reply
You could try to get her to agree to a rule that the first one that raises the tone has to give the other $10 every time and try to talk things through peacefully instead
She always say this is her way of speaking and she doesn't feel that she raised the tone...
Use an objective measurement to be the judge. E.g. a sound meter app. Anything above 60 decibells triggers the penalty...
Tried therapy already long time ago. Therapist asks us to change the way we talk to each other. Not helpful at all.
Are you seriously expecting relationship advice here in blind? Please see a couple therapist and try to make it work one last time before you do something irreversible.
We were in similar situation about a year back . However, we decided that divorce is off the table, may be we were looking for ways to part ways and used to get annoyed with each other on every small thing. Once we made a decision, whatever the situation is we wonât divorce and work to resolve calmly. Itâs been working for us. We do still get annoyed but donât fight anymore rather tell each other the reason to avoid doing it again. Itâs a lot of work. But It will be stupid to think, next marriage will not have these problems. Good luck.
Leetcode
Talk to your wife. There are things you can try before going for divorce. Divorce is also not the end of world, life moves on.
How does she feel about the relationship?
Marriage is hard work... for everyone... Just do some plain-speak with your wife and encourage her to do the same. Pledge to try and resolve conflicts and to make your marriage work. Have some patience and give it time. Getting out is the easiest thing to do. Staying in is the hard part and more necessary for the young kids.... they deserve a healthy upbringing. Tomorrow, just bring a single red rose to her and just say you felt like giving it. Take the first step.
Great advice
Great advice really? What if she stamps on it? Why should the man always do it first?
You could get a job where travelling happens all the time so you have time to decompress.
What job is that if youâre an engineer?
My wife doesn't like the traveling. It's very stressful to take care of 2 kids while working full-time. And she would look for a job like this as well to make it back. It's only going to make things worse.