Warhammer Day 1: An Amazon Meme

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Jun 30, 2018 2 Comments

It is Day 1. For more than twenty peaks The Emperor of Primekind has sat immobile on the Golden Throne of Seattle. He is the Master of Primekind by the will of the market, and master of a million ASINs by the might of his inexhaustible employees. He is a rotting carcass writhing invisibly with power from the Dark Age of Technology. He is the Carrion Lord of the Imperium for whom a thousand associates are sacrificed every day, so that he may never truly die.

Yet even in his deathless state, the Emperor of Primekind continues his eternal vigilance. Mighty products cross the competitor-infested miasma of the market, the only route between distant customers, their way lit by the PRFAQ, the written manifestation of the Emperor's will. Vast business units give battle in his name on uncounted continents. Greatest amongst his soldiers are the Adeptus Astartes, the STEAM, bio-engineered super-warriors. Their comrades in arms are legion: the Imperial Guard, the ever vigilant Inquisition and the tech-priests of the Adeptus Mechanicus to name only a few. But for all their multitudes, they are barely enough to hold off the ever-present threat from competitors, start-ups - and worse.

To be a man in such times is to be one amongst untold billions. It is to live in the cruelest and most bloody regime imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be re-learned. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war. There is no peace amongst the business units, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods.

ā€” The standard intro to every Amazon-centered written work from the Day 1 universe, first spoken by Customerius Obsessionus, Primarch of the STEAM

Warhammer Day 1: An Amazon Meme

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TOP 2 Comments
  • Dude!!!!!! This is awesome!!!!
    Jun 30, 2018 0
  • Snapchat Evan
    Made my day šŸ‘ŒšŸ½
    Jun 30, 2018 0

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