What causes you to hold on to someone
I’ve got feelings for this guy for 2 years now. Met at an offsite (In the reporting chain, our LCA is an SVP under Sundar - so no, we don’t ever work together) We grab lunch together quite often, three or four times/week. I know he kinda/sorta likes me - I’m not sure how much, but from his actions, I also know deep down, it’s not enough for him make the relationship any more serious than friends. (Ok, you can never know for 200% accuracy but really, it doesn’t take magics or rocket science. ) I’ve been trying to think of us just as friends - hasn’t been very successful. I don’t believe in forcing people’s feelings, so honestly since he doesn’t care enough, I don’t want to be involved. I just can’t get him out of my mind. It frustrates me not understanding this... Anyone got some wisdom they want to share? (TC , since you’ll ask, 220)
Sounds like you are already bf/gf. And he seems to be a shy guy. Just invite him to a setting outside work environment, e.g. coffee or lunch, and test the waters there. Once again, outside work setting.
Doesn’t sound like that at all. Having lunch with someone doesn’t mean I wanna bang them.
Yeah, “bang them” sounds like the words of a person one should ask for advice. Check the frequency of their get-togethers. And what i suggest is to test the waters instead of waiting for more years.
What is your gender?
Female
yea probably start dating outside. You guys been using Google’s free food cafe to just test each other out, what an insult to the cooks there 🤗
I think you should invite him out outside of work and see how he reacts. If it’s low energy, or if he makes excuses, I would strongly encourage you to stop trying to be friends with him and set some distance. I spent valuable years on a “relationship” like that, an utterly fruitless one, that could have been spent on broadening horizons and getting to know others. You deserve someone that values you in the way you want to be valued and who loves you in the way two people can love each other. Go for what you want, and if he says no, mourn a bit, dust off your feathers, set some distance and move on.
What do you usually talk on your lunch together ? If it’s been 2yrs of having lunch together, I suppose you must have known what activities each of you like / dislike. Use that info to build up a relationship. Tell him you are looking for a company to go do <insert some activity outside of work> Then see how that goes. If goes well, add more activities/repeat. Ask about his dating life. His interest in having a romantic partner. See how that goes.
I had a female friend in college I had dinner with a lot. I liked her and enjoyed her company but was never attracted to her. We are still friends and dating different people. Getting lunch together doesn’t really mean anything. Either make a move and risk the friendship or just be glad you have a good friend to hang out with.
I was in the same situation and agree
Go for it.
OP, we guys are pretty stupid when it comes to sorting out our feelings. Start off being a bit subtle but direct. If you two talk a lot and meet up at work a fair amount, just be direct and say something like, “Hey, we’ve been having lunch together a couple of times a week for a long time. I really enjoy your company and would like to go out on a date together—as more than just friends.” Have dinner together and go do something fun and bf/gf like and see how he reacts. If things go well and you still like him in that way, give him a nice kiss at the end of the first date. He’ll know you really like him and put yourself out there... then he needs to figure out if he feels the same way. If he’s really dense, it might take the shock treatment for him to get the hint. That’s what happened to me back when my wife and I were friends. She just blurted out “I think I’m in love with you” one day. It took me days to recover from the shock but I did ask her out.
I’m not sure “subtle” and “direct” go together. But thanks! I think we’re passed that. I’m not sure I need any “confirmation” from him in terms of feelings. I’m more frustrated with myself. I know for with reasonable amount of certainty! And I don’t expect/hope for anything more - just not gonna happen. And yet, I’m still not really able to move on.
Next time you have cafeteria lunch, write him a poem and stand up in front of yourdistinguished colleagues and recite it to profess your unconditional love (wear your Google spinner hat).....Then que-in the Mariachi band. After this, get on one knee and propose to him to go see a movie by handing him a Viagra pill and two AMC gift certificates you purchased the day before at Costco to go see "VICE".🌹 Trust me you'll get into his pants.👍 You're welcome! 😚
Have you ever asked him to meet outside of work?
Yes, once. It was a work sponsored fun activity for the weekends. Asked if he’d like to come, he said no. (gave semi legit excuse 🤷♀️)
Just make a move? For real this time. Not for a work event.