Why are you still single?

Oracle / Engggues
Mar 14 110 Comments

Not everyone has self awareness of why they are still single despite them not wanting to be

What's your story? Esp for folks over 30 what do you think you should have done differently?

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TOP 110 Comments
  • Ugh 😑 I’ve been running into guys who repeatedly ask me to sleep over on the first or second date. It’s not attractive and it reduces my attraction to them.

    I stop going out with them afterwards entirely and reduce my communication with these guys since I can’t get it out of my head they’re only looking for sex. I guess it’s easier to be in a relationship if you’re willing to hook up before having an emotional connection. 😑
    Mar 1420
    • Facebook rookg8
      31yr guy here and much more interested in meaningful connection and not just increasing number of partners. Had a few long serious relationships, but outside of them I can and have gone months or a year without sex. I am guarded and slow because I want to make sure she’s special to me. Have said no to lots of women looking for what you say you don’t like guys looking for.

      That said, in a relationship—it’s on 😏 maybe I just save up haha
      Mar 17
    • Facebook rookg8
      Also of my relationships I haven’t ever *asked* in the sense of ever pushing the issue, it was natural and right when we did whether after a couple weeks or a month or whatever
      Mar 17
    • Axtria Ktz329
      @New and @Facebook I stopped believing guys like these exist, and so I stepped out of the dating market, kinda happy on my own. I hope you find the right person, if you haven't already.
      Mar 17
    • When I graduate, get a job and stop moving around so much, maybe I will. I'm perfectly happy on my own and enjoy focusing on improving myself. If it happens, it happens : )
      Mar 17
    • Facebook rookg8
      Glad you’re happy Axtria, and thank you.

      I’ve never used or been on a dating app, no idea if that matters or is relevant, but more context.
      Mar 17
    • Axtria Ktz329
      @Facebook in my experience, dating apps are a shitshow if you want to take time to know someone and build a connection.
      Mar 17
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      In today's world its hard to find someone organically. How do you guys manage to find someone outside dating apps? ^^
      Mar 17
    • @ggues One of the few questions I always ask myself. I get a little worried sometimes because I know once I enter the work force making friends will be way more difficult without the context of school/classes where you have more frequent points of contact, and where you have like minded peers in a similar life path.

      Maybe the more experienced folks can chime in XD
      Mar 17
    • @rookg8 sex is the easy part imo. Finding someone whom you can relate to and connect with on a deeper level is harder to achieve.
      Mar 17
    • Facebook rookg8
      Of course, but it’s related. It is so much better when you have the connection on a deeper level and actually love each other
      Mar 18
  • Tesla 100thieves
    Because I am not able to finish LC hard in 20 mins.
    Mar 145
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Be happy that you can solve LC hard
      Mar 14
    • Tesla 100thieves
      Thanks dad
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Now get back to leetcoding son
      Mar 14
    • Tesla 100thieves
      Ok daddy
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      You are grounded
      Mar 14
  • Kemper King Ruby
    Mom, get off blind.
    Mar 141
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      You have a uber cool mom ;)
      Mar 14
  • Be happy you’re single and don’t have to deal w crap. I almost got married and looking back it would’ve been a disaster with that guy.

    The grass is always greener on the other side.
    Mar 1410
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Always?
      As humans we are social creatures. Not sure if being single forever will fill the emotional void
      Mar 14
    • I’m sure you won’t be single forever. Don’t live by society’s rules imposed on you to make you feel like shit.
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Lol am far from following societal rules

      But reality is its hard for women to find partner as they age. Its the hard truth which i have to come terms with
      Mar 14
    • It’s true but to be honest I don’t feel like I have less options now than when I was in my 20s. I think it’s all in what you tell yourself. The guys at this age you don’t have to baby them. They take the lead and take charge. It’s way more attractive than when we were in our 20s.

      My best friend is marrying a guy 9 years younger and she always told me she can find a boyfriend within 2 weeks. And she always does. It’s all about feeling happy with yourself and you attract those guys.

      By now most people are in relationships so there are fewer single people. That’s the problem. But there are still a lot of available men.
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I was optimistic like you in early 30s :)
      Mar 14
    • I’m 38 👻
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Way to go girl. Like your positive attitude

      Sometimes reading replies on blind relationship threads makes it worse. Some replies are just too brutal and toxic
      Mar 14
    • New / HR
      jesaisrien

      NewHR

      PRE
      Snapchat
      jesaisrienmore
      If you keep a positive attitude good things will come (albeit eventually). When I was single it wasn’t the thing that defined me. I never let my relationship status change me negatively (or at least I tried my best). I think the most inspiring thing for me was when a previous coworker married the love of her life at 46. She didn’t meet her husband until she was 45. She never settled and has now been happily married now for 10 years.
      Mar 14
    • I actually love dating and being single. Flirting is fun. Lol 😀 I think the journey is fun regardless of the result.

      Don’t you think it’s fun when you’re at a random place, see a cute guy and you’re allowed to say something to him 👻? If I’m married I’m probably on a different mindset and wouldn’t be in a flirty mode.
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Happy that you have a good dating life. Have fun!
      Mar 15
  • New NcEf26
    For whatever reason it’s really hard for me to find an intelligent decent looking white girl who hasn’t partied and slept around a ton. My standards aren’t astronomical, and I have no issues getting dates. But I’m repulsed by modern women, and I’m not religious. Maybe I should just turn catholic and find a girl that believes in that stuff.

    Quick fact:

    A girl who’s had over 16 sexual partners has an 80% chance of divorce.
    Mar 146
    • What about guys? I think most girls and guys tend to party a lot too and people who don’t belong in this category get screwed.
      Mar 14
    • New NcEf26
      Scientifically, the effect is not the same for men. Call me a misogynist, but number of sexual partners has less correlation with divorce when it’s a guy. The effect is still there, but it’s much lower.
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Why is everything in favor of guys?

      Age, number of sexual partners and what not - just so unfair
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      If it was only up to me

      No matter what i believe the sad reality is its hard for women above 30 to find partner. How can anyone change that
      Mar 14
    • 🤔 ncef26 - you miss the fact that society is a progressive society and numbers of the past don’t correlate to the future. Also 16 by what age? If you’re 60 I’m sure that’s a low number compared to 30.
      Mar 14
    • Cisco CiscoKid.
      Catholic girls will be worse. They believe their bad behavior is forgiven.
      Mar 14
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      So all men should wait till they are over 30?
      Mar 14
    • Nope. All of you guys that settled down in your twenties, we thank you. It increases the pressure and the single guys in their 30 benefit from it. Please stay settle down
      Mar 14
    • Cisco meowwww
      Speak for yourself
      Mar 14
    • Genentech GUDDAYSIR!
      Get em before 40 cuz that’s where you see a lot of the divorced ones.
      Mar 14
  • Facebook rxvt
    The girls I like don't like me back.
    Mar 141
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Haha, story of most folks life
      It hurts bad
      Mar 14
  • Cisco CiscoKid.
    Dating in Silicon Valley is more vicious than game of thrones. People aren’t seeking love. They seek status and ‘prestige’.
    Mar 140
  • Amazon MortyRicky
    As a female, i think it’s a combo of a) being being too used to spending time by myself (antisocial to be frank) which leads to feeling of invasion if anyone tries to get into my life, b) moving around too often so no deep connection, c) obviously being too picky and d) don’t really see the benefits esp if I make more than enough to support myself 🙄
    Mar 147
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      As long as you are happy being single or attached . Nothing else matters
      Mar 14
    • Intel Intelegacy
      In the same boat. Not sure if I should try to get out of this feeling.
      Mar 14
    • Amazon MortyRicky
      Good to hear!
      Mar 14
    • Intel Intelegacy
      As a male I don’t have the option to chose D
      Mar 14
    • Axtria Kg$71
      In the same boat, I am comfortable being by myself to an extent that relationship seems difficult. I am happy for now. But I also haven't really met anyone who I would like to stay long term with (I know it may or may not happen but I should at least feel this when I am starting out). Having said that, I haven't invested a lot of effort in finding someone. If I happen to meet, I might take the plunge.
      Mar 14
    • VMware jazzzz
      How is D even on the list? Is that the only benefit you see in finding a guy?
      Mar 15
    • Datometry / EngLangEr
      The unmatched parentheses in this triggered my OCD.
      Mar 17
  • Facebook Probe
    MGTOW
    Mar 147
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Are you in that club?
      Mar 14
    • Cisco meowwww
      Loser
      Mar 14
    • Facebook Probe
      funny, coming from an underpaid Cisco employee with a leash from his wife.
      Mar 15
    • Cisco / QACyberDemon
      such an unoriginal and cliched comeback for an overpaid employee.
      Mar 15
    • Facebook Probe
      better to be overpaid than underpaid, stay salty.
      Mar 15
    • Cisco / QACyberDemon
      😂
      Mar 15
    • Cisco meowwww
      I’m not even at cisco anymore
      Mar 15
  • Amazon / EngxgIO00
    - Afraid of being close to someone.
    - Feeling that I have to work more on improving myself before meeting someone
    Mar 141
    • Microsoft / Engsudо
      "improving yourself" this is a continuous process, and with the right person you'll be able to work on it while being a couple.
      Mar 14
  • Autodesk vChu05
    I think i’m too picky
    Mar 143
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Tell me about it
      Even if you don't realize others will make you realize it :)
      Mar 14
    • Autodesk vChu05
      I thought I wasn’t but a realized some people get into relationships just to be in a relationship
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      True. I think it's a mindset. Some folks just want to have fun

      At least i don't think of it that way and endup being single. So don't know which one is better
      Mar 14
  • Salesforce tensorchic
    1) do not want to compromise on my values and what I've built for myself.
    2) moved around considerably in my twenties for career sake - no opportunity for deep connection.
    3) am comfortable with myself emotionally and financially - I don't need to rock the status quo boat unless I find someone really compatible. I.e., can live with me and not get under my skin.
    4) no time.
    Mar 150
  • Netflix <empty>
    Burned badly before, then over focused on work and getting health back to top. Now taking the plunge and am amazed by the abundance of choice. Not feeling the time pressure to compromise on standards when dating. Which is nice.
    Mar 144
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Good for you
      Mar 14
    • Facebook bl@ckmamba
      Are you male or female?
      Mar 14
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Ofc empty is male
      Mar 14
    • Cisco meowwww
      Why do u say that
      Mar 14
  • Apple Apple🍎
    1) Hard to meet new people.
    2) Guys on dating app are looking for quick hookups which I am not
    3) I realized I am picky
    Mar 171
  • New / Mktg
    NotALifer

    NewMktg

    PRE
    Amazon, Expedia
    BIO
    Performance marketer. Primarily in leadership roles.
    NotALifermore
    I got married just before turning 30 and I’m glad I don’t have to try to date in this new world. On the one hand things seem easier to get a hook up. On the other hand I’m just not as comfortable sending a D pic over the inter-webber-nets 🤷🏻‍♂️
    Mar 142
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Lucky you
      Mar 14
    • New / Mktg
      NotALifer

      NewMktg

      PRE
      Amazon, Expedia
      BIO
      Performance marketer. Primarily in leadership roles.
      NotALifermore
      It was meant as a joke about D pics. But whatevs
      Mar 14
  • Unity Lvl1Crook
    Why bother? Esp in your 20s
    Mar 143
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Hope you have the same view after you turn 30
      Anyway, sadly it differs if you are a man or woman
      Mar 14
    • Cisco meowwww
      Not really. People find love of all ages
      Mar 14
    • Apple OFOM41
      eh wait till you are in your late 30s and still single
      Mar 14
  • Amazon undertaker
    I am 28 and never had a girlfriend. I think reason is that I was always waiting for the one and never found her. I sometimes think that i should just date anyone as i was always single but then i think if I have waited this much, i should better wait sometime more and find the one
    Mar 171
    • Facebook rookg8
      As long as you are open
      Mar 17
  • Guidewire Califrag
    No good role models/ bad childhood/erring on the side of single. It’s not so bad.
    Mar 151
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Nothing wrong with being single

      But don't let your past affect your future. Hope you heal!
      Mar 15
  • Facebook psh
    25, not good at socializing with international folks, no folks of my nationality to socialize with except for tons of established couples.
    Mar 200
  • Tesla / Engjinjin09
    Cause I’m ready to mingle
    Mar 140
  • Google vOw81
    I wish I were...
    Mar 142
    • Google Bdjdjxhcsj
      Lol what is your story?
      Mar 15
    • Google vOw81
      Ugh, there's a whole separate post that blew up about it. Basically, I married a great guy, was in love at the time, had a baby and went through a major shift of identity, and now I wish I just never married. I'm having trouble with the monogamy part of marriage.
      Mar 15
  • Picked bad choices in men. W A lot of the guys I dated we don’t resolve conflicts well together. We were never able to discuss things openly and resolve issues together. Residues of issues eventually destroyed the relationship. I’m more aware now and looking for this key quality now in a guy.

    I’m also better about reframing the issues and communicating in a way that’s not blaming my guy.
    Apr 300
  • Facebook rookg8
    Had a few serious relationships and looking back genuinely believe I let the last one get away. Each was special and loved me, but each time I just felt like “I really like you but I don’t know” and I ended them. Sex life was great, smart, good upbringing and values. I realize now I was an idiot. What I had and found a couple times is actually pretty rare
    Mar 170
  • Apple / EngEverybody
    I feel rly attacked right now
    Mar 141
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      Its a simple question but not easy answers
      Mar 14
  • Axtria Kg$71
    Because I am happy.
    Mar 140
  • Amazon / R&D
    ps.ily

    AmazonR&D

    PRE
    Google
    ps.ilymore
    I’m not
    Mar 140
  • Yahoo chipotle!
    Spent less time studying and working in my early ages. Instead, leaving India as early possible, delete anything Indian inside of me, live and travel more in the west, spent more time building better looks, and be more around females. I could have gone to college later. I am no millionaire now, wouldn't be otherwise but I could have experienced a relationship.
    Apr 291
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      A lot of indians have relationships. I had one when I was 16, which had minimal intimacy. But I had my first intimate relationship at 19. There are a lot of Indians who study/work and maintain a relationship simultaneously.
      Apr 29
  • Juniper / Eng
    u71ghty

    JuniperEng

    PRE
    Juniper Networks
    BIO
    Software engineering intern, juniper networking. Software engineer, Tata Elxsi. Master's in Computer Engineering, San Jose State University. Computer Vision.
    u71ghtymore
    NSFW
    Mar 151
    • Oracle / Engggues
      OP
      How about husband then?
      Mar 15

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