So I have nothing against marriage and am happy for people who found love and have had successful and happy marriages and are happy today.
I am a young 28 year old, earn good money, can support myself, doesn't want to have kids and don't feel like being tied down to someone at this stage in my life.
Been wondering as to why people who earn we'll get married. That's like saying "I bet you half my shit that I will never mess up our relationship", that just seems like a bet for suckers.
Marriage and relationships are hard work and to me the effort vs return on them doesn't seem worth while esp if you don't plan to raise kids ever.
So I have nothing against marriage and am happy for people who found love and have had successful and happy marriages and are happy today.
Flagged by the community.
- I thought that way for decades. Now I’m 42, single, never married. I feel like I missed out on the best parts of life and acknowledge that I’m probably going to my grave alone. I’m no longer looking forward to a bright and happy future and am somewhat lonely. When you’re in your 20’s and 30’s you think your friends will be around forever, however, what you don’t realize is that in all likelihood, they’ll get married and no longer have time to hang out with you.
One day in your 40’s you’ll look around and realize that you’re alone and there’s no one left - it’s sort of depressing
- Google / Eng bonnimoreAt some point of financial excess you realize all of your "shit" is meaningless. Nice home, nice car nice _stuff_, whatever.
Friends matter. Family matters and having a partner to journey through life is worth any amount of "stuff" and risk.
- Undereducated intellectuals about life outside of sims. Marriage and divorce hurts women on all levels. The education of children is dependent upon the education of the mother because “nature” is not robotics, they sacrifice themselves for their husbands and their children. By nature they become a slave to others bc of the commitment to raise up others over themselves.
My question is - did you grow up without a mother? Or do you just have a history of seeing all women as weak and takers? This is a serious question.
- I hate my mother. Useless woman. Will never be like my father. And giving up their job to stay at home or collecting child support and alimony - what a sacrifice bro. I respect women who are independent and are not dependent on a man. I have zero respect for someone who lives on alimony and child support payments n
- Marriage is for fools OP. Stay on this track. Marriage is simply a legal means to ensure the woman can take money from a man. There is absolutely NO benefit for a man. Check out reddits mgtow theredpill. No point being a beta cuck for some woman.
- Google MarsianThe amount of work is a lot and ever going but the returns from being in a healthy marriage is invaluable.
- In no way it is rigged. If you do not like the contract dont sign it.
The point is if you think both sides are 'equal' then you are a victim of liberal brainwashing. Everybody is in for different goals. Women seek protection and financial support to raise children, and men are looking [put here what your expectations are, sex, company, etc]. It could come as surprise for younger folks, but majority of women can live without sex just fine.
- Facebook ⭕w⭕I'm married, and both my wife and I agree that marriage is actually quite stupid. The probability that we will end up getting a divorce in the future is high enough that it doesn't really make sense to marry from a financial perspective.
The only real benefit we found in marriage is that when times get really tough, we will stick through it because getting a divorce is a very messy and painful process. If we weren't married during some of those tougher times, I am certain we would have broken up already.
So basically, to us, marriage is like having on a pair of handcuffs with your partner lmao. We really got married due to societal and family expectations. Tax benefits are a minor benefit as well.
- Microsoft / Data _john_doe^this.
I think marriage should be a wise decision made through a thoroughly thinking during a healthy state of mind so that it should keep you together during not healthy/wise times. So you won't regret a rush/easy decision. Also it gives both partners some form of trust in the continuity of the marriage otherwise by the time passes you will be asking yourself "how long". Relationshipt is like working at a startup you get benefits and more excitment but by the time ypu get old you want a safer coast for your ship so you go to msft. :) you want be willing to go to clubs picking up chicks trying to find the next partner for your relationship when you are 50 just to have someone who would leave you bc you don't put down the toilet. You want someone you will stick together no matter what till you or they die.
- Marriage is totally illogical for a man in there days. I intend to have kids, likely with multiple people, and use better contracts than marriage to protect all of us
- LOL. As a woman, who agrees that marriage is useless and has been part of open relationships...you’re full of yourself. I can’t pinpoint exactly where you find your fuel for that ego but it must be the size of a hot air balloon.
Are you white or extremely attractive? I hope you don’t think TC will land you lots of partners.
- Well yeah they need structure but you’ve two kids at 32, and then two more at 50. Raise the first two with the first mom and then the rest with the second mom.
I’m thinking a future of multiple long term relationships (not necessarily monogamous) and not necessarily one single marriage for the entire course of your life.
Lmao I just photos dude - no one reads descriptions anyway 🤷♂️
- Just wait till the shit really hits the fan. Then you find out who your real friends are and which family or SO will stand by you. “For better or for worse” sounds really good when your own birth family doesn’t stand by you when you need them, or when your gf/bf leaves you when things get real. My wife has been my go-to person for almost half my life now. I’m so glad I decided to settle down with her.
- You’re looking at it from the standpoint of “yours” and “mine”. My wife and I have had joint accounts since the beginning and managed finances together while engaged. We both also have a lot to lose if we were to split up, and so even if we weren’t happy, we’d still find a way to make it work. This attitude helped us overcome two rough patches. If you’re both all in with one another, the problem you pose also goes away.
- Broadcom Ltd. ilbIt depends. If you get the right person, life is better. If not, it is lot worse than staying single. And people change too, usually for worse. I have not seen bad marriages get better but only good ones get worse.
Can you stay being single and alone?
- Facebook bl@ckmambaMarriage is like investing in a volatile stock - High risk high reward. If your marriage is shitty your life is ruined, if it is a good marriage the benefits are priceless.
- I am a woman and I don't feel I have an upper hand in marriage. Financially post divorce, maybe yes. But the damage that the divorce brings along is huge for both. So entering a marriage believing I'll have an upper hand is bs. Entering a marriage with commitment is what's required, from both ends.
- Literally do the opposite. Once you're married she knows she doesn't have to put out anymore and if you leave you lose half your shit. Bad deal. Also as you get older your sex drive will fall while her money drive will continue to increase. Why don't you use your Goldman Sachs risk modelling and see how it goes?
- That's been my thought process. With all the risks associated with marriages and experiences of people around me it just doesn't seem a worthwhile risk to return deal. I can still decide to stay single and have a good family with my siblings, parents, friends etc and live a happy life while dating people who think like me.
In today's world, getting married just doesn't seem valuable esp if you don't want kids. It ends up destroying lives as everyone is very independent and would rather live on their own terms than fight and bargain with their peace of mind.
- I agree with OP. I am a single woman and I am _almost_ sure I want to stay single forever. Although occasionally comments like the one from @megamanx above makes me wonder if I am making the right decision.
But then more often I bump into people who are compromising in their life just to make their marriage work, and I would rather be single than be one of those. Also, although there's a small void for having no one to hug when I feel down,for now my friends compensate for that. Overall I have been happy in my single life, I don't want to trade my peace of mind - not for sex, not for money, not for anything else.
- You can protect your loved ones legally by getting married. Especially when it comes to sicknesses and deaths, you know, what will happen inevitably.
- Even if you want kids you don't necessarily need marriage. It is hardwork and exhaust you so much and you are bound to it because of the fear of socioeconomic status. Raising a child as single parent is easier you can raise them your own way. Fear of being alone when you are old or someone to take care of you when you are sick is the most dumbest reasons you can ever have, what if your spouse dies before you in an accident then you need to take care your ownself. Don't make decisions based on unknowns.
- @quarks true! To be honest I don't think real love exists. What people call real love is just a synonym for two individuals agreeing to rough it out through thick and thin and that's exactly my problem. After a while enough compromise starts clawing away the happiness and peace part of life. Ideally for me to even consider marriage the sum of happiness between two individuals should be many times more than how happy I feel by being single or not married.
And to sustain that sum of happiness and peace together throughout a lifetime that's hard work and close to impossible.
- @OP can't jump into conclusion of real love exists or not. We still didn't decode the brain neural system of humans yet. But yes you are right, unless the happiness you get is much more than you feel now it is really not worth it. And why is that one person is the "one" when there is 7 billion people out there. I'm yet to find a legitimate happy married couple in my life and failed to do so.
- I was pretty happy living together. Then all of her friends started getting married - so it was a bit of a peer pressure. Till now, happily five years into it I think the following the my takeaways.
1. Don’t evict yourself voluntarily from the gene pool. Look at marriage a society accepted way to checkin your contribution to the whole gene pool.
2. TC alone is less than or equals to (TC wife + TC husband)
So support your partner’s WLB. Tax laws favors marriage.
3. You become more stoic, learning to live with each other’s OCD. Just like designers and developers do. in the end it’s about setting and meeting expectations. Like you and your product owner.
However, one word of caution is do enough research before getting married. Beyond physical attraction, you would want to get some insight into the family. Like the research you do to see if the team culture fits you before accepting a new job. You marry the person and their family. And the person in most cases will have the same family values
- I got married because I realized that I do better with the company of my wife. You could argue that could be replaced by a quality roommate and rotating female companions but I had that at one point too and I find myself much happier now.
My wife stays at home, something we jointly decided and supports me. Let’s me focus on my career while she handles budgets, household work (cooking etc) and it works for her because she’s not passionate about a career (I’ve encouraged her to try tech many times as she has excellent soft skills and could excel as a recruiter or even an engineer if she wanted).
You could say I could get this without being married but I (we) get less taxes, can share benefits, and a few other practical benefits.
It’s hard to have this kind of upside without deeply coupling yourself with someone. You get the benefits of sharing a narrative of your life. Yes we could divorce and yes that could be problematic but the early in a marriage the less risk that poses and (ideally) the further you are in your marriage the more confident you should be about it.
We plan to have children but I believe I’d still enjoy this arrangement even if we didn’t so I don’t have much to comment on that.
That’s my perspective, with that said I don’t prescribe marriage. I celebrate it with people who take similar paths as I do but I don’t encourage anyone to follow it. Like many things in life that involve risk I think it’s something that requires a great deal of thought and rich context to know what’s the best for someone else.
Worth noting my wife and I are both a bit younger than you so it’s possible we’re naive and this thing will crash and burn. I doubt it but it’s not like that isn’t a risk.
- Facebook ishygddtLol this thread is proof why you should never waste your time dating an autistic software nerd, no matter how high their TC
- It will make more sense in about 40 years when you are dying alone in a nursing home.
- I know the person I married quite well, and I’m confident in the manner we’re raising our kids. I have sacrificed a lot for them. And my wife has sacrificed a lot for us too. My grandmother spent the last several years—her few remaining years—caring for my grandfather who has Alzheimer’s. My father just spent an entire year and much of his retirement money trying to keep my mother alive and comfortable even though she had terminal cancer with a maximum 6 mo prognosis. I come from a long line of strong nuclear families. Sometimes I forget how rare this is becoming.
- Amazon / Eng DeepObsessMarriage is for the purpose of raising your own biological kids, there's really no other reason to get married. If typical humans were ok with raising other people's kids then we wouldn't have the societies we have today. People today distort the meaning and purpose of marriage to the point that a lot of folks here question its necessity. Look at any community with a lot of illegitimate children and you'll understand why marriage is important to society.
- New / Eng Mr StarkWhat I haven't seen mentioned here yet is old age, I think it might get quite lonely without family and when parents have passed away. Maybe if you actively try to find purpose in life, you will be able to find it outside a family but having one makes that easier.
- If you have an all consuming goal in life, which takes all your time and effort, and you are obsessed with that, then don't marry, you don't need it. If not, marriage, and later kids, will give you meaning in life: something to wake up to.
- If you marry an amazing person then marriage is amazing. You feel closer and more connected to that person and your relationship feels stronger.
But plz, make sure you marry an amazing person! The risk of divorce is only like 2% if you think the person is better than any of other person and she thinks that of you and you’ve been in a serious relationship for many years before hand
- Bloomberg errorsMarriage is bullshit. It’s just a legal contract that leads to bad things in relationships. It involves families and then fights.
The only benefit is that one of you can take some risk in life or sacrifice career to some level for the sake of other or the family including kids. Without Marriage both will compete with each other in career because both of them wants to secure their future as their is no one they can depend on financially.
- People who marry another are people who haven’t yet learned to love themselves so they must love “another” which is perceived as an extension of themselves and that makes them think they are indeed loving themselves. But that is an illusion. The cycle of suffering is perpetuated even further when they procreate and then try to love their mini-me’s, again, an extension of themselves and not themselves.
Some do learn to love themselves through marriage, you can tell if they are not possessive and jealous of their partner, some learn to truly love themselves when they have kids, you can tell by seeing how they love their children truly by letting them do whatever they want, and not impose on them what they didn’t achieve.
If you truly don’t feel the need to marry or procreate, don’t, radically accept that, but do marry yourself. Self-development, self-actualization, self-love is the ultimate sacrifice and the path to freedom and cessation of suffering. Namaste. Join us.
- To have kids and raise a family. My incremental contribution to improving the world :)
It's freeing to have someone to depend on and keep yourself in check. Like doubling your brainpower / time / opportunities. It also helps if you're religious and was raised in a culture of pro-marriage, pro-family.
- Microsoft summSo, the very essential part of having a committed relationship and contribute to their joined growth, is the appealing part, and imo is THE reason why people get married.
I think the main problem people have with it is the stupidly outdated and arbitrary rules we have all over the world. Like defaulting child custody on a person based solely on their gender.