Why do people marry?

Goldman Sachs secdb
Jun 2 210 Comments

So I have nothing against marriage and am happy for people who found love and have had successful and happy marriages and are happy today.

I am a young 28 year old, earn good money, can support myself, doesn't want to have kids and don't feel like being tied down to someone at this stage in my life.

Been wondering as to why people who earn we'll get married. That's like saying "I bet you half my shit that I will never mess up our relationship", that just seems like a bet for suckers.

Marriage and relationships are hard work and to me the effort vs return on them doesn't seem worth while esp if you don't plan to raise kids ever.

Thoughts?

comments

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TOP 210 Comments
  • Apple Snut Ella
    I think you sound like an entitled child.
    Jun 2 22
    • Apple Snut Ella
      Yep agreed. Apologized in my second reply. I jumped the gun. Blind kinda does that to you sometimes.
      Jun 2
    • Capital One
      thickmama1

      Capital One

      BIO
      Woman struggling to pass interviews
      thickmama1more
      Does Apple really ever help?
      Jun 2
    • Microsoft / Eng cbCv23
      I married my wife for religious reasons. The fact that for some reason the government decided to give me a tax break and apply binding contracts was just a secondary effect.

      I honestly don’t know why seculars marry. *shrugs* To fit in?
      Jun 2
    • New / Consultant
      LHBR

      New Consultant

      BIO
      Always looking how to do Business better.
      LHBRmore
      You have never experienced love greater than yourself. It’s ok. It’s not for you. Just don’t promise or imply love is real to get a some tail. That just kills the hope of romance for one that would die for something greater than TC.
      Jun 2
    • Flagged by the community.

  • Microsoft megamanX
    I thought that way for decades. Now I’m 42, single, never married. I feel like I missed out on the best parts of life and acknowledge that I’m probably going to my grave alone. I’m no longer looking forward to a bright and happy future and am somewhat lonely. When you’re in your 20’s and 30’s you think your friends will be around forever, however, what you don’t realize is that in all likelihood, they’ll get married and no longer have time to hang out with you.

    One day in your 40’s you’ll look around and realize that you’re alone and there’s no one left - it’s sort of depressing
    Jun 2 30
    • Cisco cbd
      I feel bad for all you red pill men. You lead a sad life
      Jun 3
    • Microsoft megamanX
      Why? Because I’m not paying for another dude’s kid???
      Jun 3
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Not as sad as someone who has to pay for a wife he doesn't have and kids he can't see. Don't think everyone will have a happy ending like you.
      Jun 3
    • Cisco cbd
      Because you don’t view women as people
      Jun 3
    • Google / Eng xbebj
      I do view them as people. People who have an adverse system on their side to enrich them.
      Jun 3
  • Google / Eng
    bonni

    Google Eng

    PRE
    Google
    bonnimore
    At some point of financial excess you realize all of your "shit" is meaningless. Nice home, nice car nice _stuff_, whatever.

    Friends matter. Family matters and having a partner to journey through life is worth any amount of "stuff" and risk.
    Jun 2 25
    • Google / Eng xn743
      No, I don't have women. I just hate the system that lets them steal mens wealth.
      Jun 3
    • Boeing ySWB75
      Sorry. My bad. You don’t hate women. Just your mother.
      Jun 3
    • New / Consultant
      LHBR

      New Consultant

      BIO
      Always looking how to do Business better.
      LHBRmore
      You mean a system that allows lawyers get rich and keep the fighting going between two people that once had made something special like little humans. That is the System that steals from our kids.
      Jun 3
    • Google / Eng xn743
      I don't disagree with you but doesn't take away from the fact that the man is the biggest loser in the end.
      Jun 3
    • Intel D’s🥜
      *Only if daddy says that mommy is a lazy wh*re*

      🤑🥃🥃🥃🤢🤮
      Jun 3
  • Google / Eng xn743
    Marriage is for fools OP. Stay on this track. Marriage is simply a legal means to ensure the woman can take money from a man. There is absolutely NO benefit for a man. Check out reddits mgtow theredpill. No point being a beta cuck for some woman.
    Jun 2 15
    • Google / Eng xn743
      If you're taking about prenups they get thrown out in court all the time for being 'unfair'. You really need to look into the family court system before you get fucked up.
      Jun 2
    • Amazon / Eng frogman47
      Chad?
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Chad is the meme Chad Thundercock - the more attractive guy who steals your girl
      Jun 2
    • Intel D’s🥜
      And the Incel truth is out. Buddy, you need some help for these negative thoughts.
      Jun 3
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Nah you need to stop swallowing the blue pill and get red pilled on reality
      Jun 3
  • Google Marsian
    The amount of work is a lot and ever going but the returns from being in a healthy marriage is invaluable.
    Jun 2 9
    • Google / Eng xn743
      You're talking about marriage. I'm talking about divorce rigging.
      Jun 2
    • New / Eng # %
      What is wrong with divorce? Woman gets 50% and financial support to raise kids if there are any.
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      If you don't see what's wrong with that then by all means go ahead and get married.
      Jun 2
    • New / Eng # %
      Getting married, taking drugs is all personal choices. I understand blind has mostly immature audience, but nobody is forced to do anything in life. Nobody is forced to work at fang for example. That sense of peer pressure in the head is bullshit.
      Jun 4
    • Google / Eng prsdj
      Yeah where else do you get six figures? I work here for the money
      Jun 4
  • Facebook ⭕w⭕
    I'm married, and both my wife and I agree that marriage is actually quite stupid. The probability that we will end up getting a divorce in the future is high enough that it doesn't really make sense to marry from a financial perspective.

    The only real benefit we found in marriage is that when times get really tough, we will stick through it because getting a divorce is a very messy and painful process. If we weren't married during some of those tougher times, I am certain we would have broken up already.

    So basically, to us, marriage is like having on a pair of handcuffs with your partner lmao. We really got married due to societal and family expectations. Tax benefits are a minor benefit as well.
    Jun 2 4
    • Microsoft / Data _john_doe
      ^this.

      I think marriage should be a wise decision made through a thoroughly thinking during a healthy state of mind so that it should keep you together during not healthy/wise times. So you won't regret a rush/easy decision. Also it gives both partners some form of trust in the continuity of the marriage otherwise by the time passes you will be asking yourself "how long". Relationshipt is like working at a startup you get benefits and more excitment but by the time ypu get old you want a safer coast for your ship so you go to msft. :) you want be willing to go to clubs picking up chicks trying to find the next partner for your relationship when you are 50 just to have someone who would leave you bc you don't put down the toilet. You want someone you will stick together no matter what till you or they die.
      Jun 2
    • Amazon / Eng frogman47
      But it’s not stupid if it serves its function of keeping you two together through tough times, no? Unless you’re strictly referring to the Disney woowoo people talk about when they’re encourage you to marry.
      Jun 2
    • US Air Force hardAF
      I’m speechless to hear that someone thinks like this.
      Jun 5
    • Intel pakajdj88
      Also, there are no tax benefits if you both work.
      Jun 13
  • Twitter Oomnj
    Marriage is totally illogical for a man in there days. I intend to have kids, likely with multiple people, and use better contracts than marriage to protect all of us
    Jun 2 10
    • Twitter Oomnj
      Well yeah they need structure but you’ve two kids at 32, and then two more at 50. Raise the first two with the first mom and then the rest with the second mom.

      I’m thinking a future of multiple long term relationships (not necessarily monogamous) and not necessarily one single marriage for the entire course of your life.

      Lmao I just photos dude - no one reads descriptions anyway 🤷‍♂️
      Jun 2
    • Capital One
      thickmama1

      Capital One

      BIO
      Woman struggling to pass interviews
      thickmama1more
      Not a dude, but that makes sense about the bios.

      What are you going to do with the first mom and kids?
      Jun 2
    • Twitter Oomnj
      Nothing - if raised right kids would be their own independent adults making me proud haha.
      The mom is her own person so it’s her own life wrt what she wants. People break up and divorce all the time right?
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Exactly so why lose half your money when it happens
      Jun 2
    • Intel pakajdj88
      Terrible strategy for everyone else besides the poster
      Jun 13
  • Amazon echo $?
    Just wait till the shit really hits the fan. Then you find out who your real friends are and which family or SO will stand by you. “For better or for worse” sounds really good when your own birth family doesn’t stand by you when you need them, or when your gf/bf leaves you when things get real. My wife has been my go-to person for almost half my life now. I’m so glad I decided to settle down with her.
    Jun 2 4
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Same thing applies to your wife. She can also leave when shit gets real and she will also take half your assets and alimony unlike your friends/family who will only take themselves.
      Jun 2
    • Amazon / Eng YcUP73
      This ^
      Jun 2
    • Amazon echo $?
      You’re looking at it from the standpoint of “yours” and “mine”. My wife and I have had joint accounts since the beginning and managed finances together while engaged. We both also have a lot to lose if we were to split up, and so even if we weren’t happy, we’d still find a way to make it work. This attitude helped us overcome two rough patches. If you’re both all in with one another, the problem you pose also goes away.
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Joint account- never heard of a more dangerous idea
      Jun 3
  • Broadcom Ltd. ilb
    It depends. If you get the right person, life is better. If not, it is lot worse than staying single. And people change too, usually for worse. I have not seen bad marriages get better but only good ones get worse.
    Can you stay being single and alone?
    Jun 2 7
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Yes there is social pressure. But would you rather lose everything in a divorce?
      Jun 2
    • New / Eng blindor
      It’s relatively hard before marriage to predict how things will end up
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Exactly - so don't marry. Too much at stake.
      Jun 2
    • New / Eng blindor
      How do you justify and rationalize that to your partner/ family etc.? They would just see that as being selfish, wouldn’t they?
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      You say that you don't believe in marriage and it's an outdated tradition that costs too much. Pull them towards Long Term Relationships. If they insist ask them why they want to get married and to others you can ask them to mind your own business.
      Jun 2
  • Facebook bl@ckmamba
    Marriage is like investing in a volatile stock - High risk high reward. If your marriage is shitty your life is ruined, if it is a good marriage the benefits are priceless.
    Jun 2 5
    • Goldman Sachs secdb
      OP
      This makes sense to me. I guess I will soon realise we all need companionship and it just boils down to the willingness to take risk.
      Jun 2
    • Apple Snut Ella
      Funny thing is I look at it as the opposite. More like a CD. It’s really hard to get out of, which makes you HODL. That’s a feature because life has ups and downs and the contractual aspect of marriage forces you to ride out the crap.
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      This. no matter happens the woman will have the upper hand.
      Jun 2
    • Neurocrine D.Trump
      I am a woman and I don't feel I have an upper hand in marriage. Financially post divorce, maybe yes. But the damage that the divorce brings along is huge for both. So entering a marriage believing I'll have an upper hand is bs. Entering a marriage with commitment is what's required, from both ends.
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      I meant upper hand in divorce
      Jun 2
  • Cisco / QA CyberDemon
    do you get laid easy? no? marry.
    Jun 2 10
    • Neurocrine D.Trump
      I agree with OP. I am a single woman and I am _almost_ sure I want to stay single forever. Although occasionally comments like the one from @megamanx above makes me wonder if I am making the right decision.

      But then more often I bump into people who are compromising in their life just to make their marriage work, and I would rather be single than be one of those. Also, although there's a small void for having no one to hug when I feel down,for now my friends compensate for that. Overall I have been happy in my single life, I don't want to trade my peace of mind - not for sex, not for money, not for anything else.
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      I want female friends to hug
      Jun 2
    • Goldman Sachs secdb
      OP
      @neurocrine you just described exactly how I feel. Thank you! It's good to know there are more people like me who also struggle with this.
      Jun 2
    • You both are fearful creatures. Why don’t you both get married and live in a new life of combined great fear? Or best, cancel out each other’s fear?
      Jun 3
    • Neurocrine D.Trump
      Yes, it's 50% fear. Breakups instill fear, nothing surprising about it. The other 50% is my comfort in singlehood.
      Jun 3
  • You can protect your loved ones legally by getting married. Especially when it comes to sicknesses and deaths, you know, what will happen inevitably.
    Jun 2 5
    • Arthrex quarks
      In Us, you can make a medical power of attorney to anyone you want and even if you are married you can sign the will saying that your spouse doesn't have any rights on your medical decisions so it doesn't add any value.
      Jun 2
    • Cool piece of info! Thanks for spreading knowledge, man.
      Jun 2
    • Arthrex quarks
      Woman, and you are welcome!
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Lol you can just create a will and achieve the same thing. There are thousand ways to make things safe without handing your neck over to your wife.
      Jun 2
    • T-Mobile fun oh
      When you're dying anyway having a grudge against your wife isn't such a great move.
      Jun 2
  • Arthrex quarks
    Even if you want kids you don't necessarily need marriage. It is hardwork and exhaust you so much and you are bound to it because of the fear of socioeconomic status. Raising a child as single parent is easier you can raise them your own way. Fear of being alone when you are old or someone to take care of you when you are sick is the most dumbest reasons you can ever have, what if your spouse dies before you in an accident then you need to take care your ownself. Don't make decisions based on unknowns.
    Jun 2 8
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Yes bro everyone who got divorced got married and thought it was real love. But I'm sure your love is different
      Jun 2
    • Goldman Sachs secdb
      OP
      @quarks true! To be honest I don't think real love exists. What people call real love is just a synonym for two individuals agreeing to rough it out through thick and thin and that's exactly my problem. After a while enough compromise starts clawing away the happiness and peace part of life. Ideally for me to even consider marriage the sum of happiness between two individuals should be many times more than how happy I feel by being single or not married.

      And to sustain that sum of happiness and peace together throughout a lifetime that's hard work and close to impossible.
      Jun 2
    • Arthrex quarks
      @OP can't jump into conclusion of real love exists or not. We still didn't decode the brain neural system of humans yet. But yes you are right, unless the happiness you get is much more than you feel now it is really not worth it. And why is that one person is the "one" when there is 7 billion people out there. I'm yet to find a legitimate happy married couple in my life and failed to do so.
      Jun 2
    • Goldman Sachs secdb
      OP
      Same. My own parents were never truly happy, they settled for each other and then just roughed it out cause they wanted their kids to live a better life than they did.
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      See the same shit in my family and siblings family. They just tolerate each other and yet they try to push marriage on everyone. Misery loves company.
      Jun 2
  • New
    \🐃

    New

    PRE
    Bank of America
    \🐃more
    I was pretty happy living together. Then all of her friends started getting married - so it was a bit of a peer pressure. Till now, happily five years into it I think the following the my takeaways.

    1. Don’t evict yourself voluntarily from the gene pool. Look at marriage a society accepted way to checkin your contribution to the whole gene pool.
    2. TC alone is less than or equals to (TC wife + TC husband)
    So support your partner’s WLB. Tax laws favors marriage.
    3. You become more stoic, learning to live with each other’s OCD. Just like designers and developers do. in the end it’s about setting and meeting expectations. Like you and your product owner.

    However, one word of caution is do enough research before getting married. Beyond physical attraction, you would want to get some insight into the family. Like the research you do to see if the team culture fits you before accepting a new job. You marry the person and their family. And the person in most cases will have the same family values
    Jun 2 3
    • Google / Eng xn743
      You can have kids with a surrogate mother and protect yourself from child custody battles and support.
      That TC will get halfed if your marriage fails
      #3 sounds like shit. I'd rather walk away than forced to be put up with some bullshit.
      Jun 2
    • New
      \🐃

      New

      PRE
      Bank of America
      \🐃more
      You definitely should if it’s not mutual. If you can’t acknowledge your own flaws or don’t see a reciprocation - then there was something wrong in the beginning.
      Jun 2
    • Oracle fandantan
      This sounds like survival mode. Decisions made based on fear can’t yield happiness. But everything is perfect. Trust that. Just keep swimming.
      Jun 2
  • Amazon / Eng frogman47
    I got married because I realized that I do better with the company of my wife. You could argue that could be replaced by a quality roommate and rotating female companions but I had that at one point too and I find myself much happier now.

    My wife stays at home, something we jointly decided and supports me. Let’s me focus on my career while she handles budgets, household work (cooking etc) and it works for her because she’s not passionate about a career (I’ve encouraged her to try tech many times as she has excellent soft skills and could excel as a recruiter or even an engineer if she wanted).

    You could say I could get this without being married but I (we) get less taxes, can share benefits, and a few other practical benefits.

    It’s hard to have this kind of upside without deeply coupling yourself with someone. You get the benefits of sharing a narrative of your life. Yes we could divorce and yes that could be problematic but the early in a marriage the less risk that poses and (ideally) the further you are in your marriage the more confident you should be about it.

    We plan to have children but I believe I’d still enjoy this arrangement even if we didn’t so I don’t have much to comment on that.

    That’s my perspective, with that said I don’t prescribe marriage. I celebrate it with people who take similar paths as I do but I don’t encourage anyone to follow it. Like many things in life that involve risk I think it’s something that requires a great deal of thought and rich context to know what’s the best for someone else.

    Worth noting my wife and I are both a bit younger than you so it’s possible we’re naive and this thing will crash and burn. I doubt it but it’s not like that isn’t a risk.
    Jun 2 1
  • SAP $AP
    because i love her.
    Jun 2 0
  • Facebook ishygddt
    Lol this thread is proof why you should never waste your time dating an autistic software nerd, no matter how high their TC
    Jun 2 1
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Rich coming from Facebook autist a company run by an autist
      Jun 2
  • New / Eng QTdN03
    It will make more sense in about 40 years when you are dying alone in a nursing home.
    Jun 2 5
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Implying your kids and wife won't put you there themselves
      Jun 2
    • New / Eng QTdN03
      Well, that depends on the person you marry and the way you raise your kids, I guess.
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      Exactly you don't know
      Jun 2
    • New / Eng QTdN03
      I know the person I married quite well, and I’m confident in the manner we’re raising our kids. I have sacrificed a lot for them. And my wife has sacrificed a lot for us too. My grandmother spent the last several years—her few remaining years—caring for my grandfather who has Alzheimer’s. My father just spent an entire year and much of his retirement money trying to keep my mother alive and comfortable even though she had terminal cancer with a maximum 6 mo prognosis. I come from a long line of strong nuclear families. Sometimes I forget how rare this is becoming.
      Jun 2
    • Google / Eng xn743
      You married a gem. Very difficult in these days of Tinder thots
      Jun 2
  • Amazon / Eng DeepObsess
    Marriage is for the purpose of raising your own biological kids, there's really no other reason to get married. If typical humans were ok with raising other people's kids then we wouldn't have the societies we have today. People today distort the meaning and purpose of marriage to the point that a lot of folks here question its necessity. Look at any community with a lot of illegitimate children and you'll understand why marriage is important to society.
    Jun 2 1
    • New / Eng JexD77
      Kids, is our BCP.
      Jun 3
  • New / Eng Mr Stark
    What I haven't seen mentioned here yet is old age, I think it might get quite lonely without family and when parents have passed away. Maybe if you actively try to find purpose in life, you will be able to find it outside a family but having one makes that easier.
    Jun 2 1
    • Nvidia wagecuck
      It’s not a good metric for solving loneliness due to divorce rates. To reiterate, marriage neither guarantees nor precludes partnership.
      Jun 2