This isn’t targeted to people who are already parents. There is no way you will admit that having kids was a mistake, even if you know it was. For others, what motivates you to have kids? Especially once you consider financial cost, no independence, less opportunity to live life for yourself, and increased stress.
Kids are awesome!
I'd like to know as well. There was another thread on this but definitely dominated with people who already had kids :) there were some friends of parents who have kids who said their friends wish they hadn't had kids.
For that sweet, sweet 4 month + $4k FB paternity leave package...
Kids are the reward for being a genetically thriving biological organism, it’s hard wired into the human psyche.
Yeah but humans are highly intelligent beings that can and do make rational decisions all the time. Are you saying there is no other reason apart from biological imperative?
There is no reason for anything including humans.
I put my kids to private schools since our public schools in the area are horrible. I can afford it so I try to give my kids the best opportunities in life. I don’t care about financial costs. We also make sure our kids are well rounded individuals so we take them everywhere and enjoy and experience life. I also grow as a result. We go camping, hiking, biking you name it. My life is actually more fulfilling with them. I’m not missing my independence. Sorry you said no parents but just wanted to give my opinion. I didn’t really know what to expect before having kids just like you. Kids are awesome, but certainly not for everyone.
Once you have had kids, it’s really hard to analyze your life rationally. You love them, obviously you can’t bring yourself to think that your life might have been better without them. That is why I said no parents.
I would be doing the same thing I’m doing now but without them, so it will be boring in my opinion.
Based on the way you asked the question, I was not sure if should answer but I will oblige anyway. Having kids is a personal decision between you and your wife/husband/partner. So everyone should make their own decision but... Having kids is life changing, no matter what your life will change I happen to think for the better. You seemed to have a taken a cynical view that it will be for the worse by pointing to less sleep, less opportunity, and increased stress but all of those things are definitely false and assumptions made by someone who does not actually have kids and is clearly relating it from what they “hear” rather than speaking from real world experience. First I would like to counter your assumptions then I would like to give you some reasons why it’s a great idea to have kids. Counterpoints: 1) Less sleep - this one will be true for say the first six months while you have to wake up to feed the baby but after that they are human beings they can sleep through the night. 2) Less opportunity - this one is incredibly off the mark and it is an argument I often hear from people who do not have kids and who do not understand human motivation at all. Having kids forces you to push yourself and seek new opportunities, there is no more powerful motivating force than this, you are now responsible for another human being and their livelihood until they are an adult as such not seeking opportunities means your letting yourself down but your also letting others down who depend on you. In short having kids will in fact push you to new heights of your career. Not to mention that becoming a father / mother is an incredible learning opportunity which translates directly into business success and understanding other human behavior. I became a far better engineering manager after having kids and I push myself all the time when I feel like I may have enough, I push myself so my kids can have more. 3) increased stress - this like the sleep is short lived, if you are stressed because you got less sleep for six months that is well worth it because it will pay dividends in the future. Going home from a long day of work and having a human being be excited that you are there, your offspring that loves you unconditionally, is an incredible stress reducer. A few more reasons to have kids: 1) People mentioned not being lonely but that’s only part of the reason, the love that you get from kids and that you give to kids, if you do your job as a dad or mom, cannot be reproduced by anything in this world. No partner can give you that nor can you give that to, nothing can. No matter what. You have to experience it to understand. 2) when you leave this world there will be no trace of you, nothing. Every material thing no matter what is not you, you will be gone but your genes are the only thing you leave behind. This is the very foundation of life, this is how we immortalize ourselves. Maybe you don’t care about this but passing your genetic material on was the only reason you were put on this earth for. That is the meaning of life. 3) Fast forward 30 years -> when you get sick, need help, want someone to talk to, want someone who is exactly like you who can relate and speak your language. Want something to be proud of in your life, your kids will be there with their kids to do that for you. If you put in the time and raised kids, if you didn’t because you thought it was too much of a burden then they won’t. Like I said it’s your choice, I’m going to have 3 😃
OP, There are many ways to find fulfillment in life. Kids is just one of them for which there is a well established pattern around you. What would be your story if fulfillment ? You don’t need to have fulfillment in life. But are you going to be OK with it ?
I'd rather not have kids and regret it later, than have kids and regret it later
There's plusses and minuses to every decision. Biologically you're driven to reproduce. They can add an extra dimension to your life that can be very rewarding. Think of it like building your own company from the ground up.
That outlook will lead you to a lonely and unsatisfying life.
I have friends, a life partner, my parents, my sisters, their kids. I am close to all of them and I am pretty satisfied with my life.
Are you hetero? Just curious.