Why would you have kids?

Google / Eng rPMq81
Sep 1, 2018 97 Comments

This isn’t targeted to people who are already parents. There is no way you will admit that having kids was a mistake, even if you know it was.

For others, what motivates you to have kids? Especially once you consider financial cost, no independence, less opportunity to live life for yourself, and increased stress.

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TOP 97 Comments
  • New FlRs27
    That outlook will lead you to a lonely and unsatisfying life.
    Sep 1, 2018 14
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      Can you give a rational reason or will you just rely on platitudes about regretting 10 years later?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • New FlRs27
      Hapa children also have a higher instance of mental illness (I've read studies about this)
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Aon Hewitt Health
      What's hapa?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • New FlRs27
      Half Asian half white
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Google XOBD04
      What's the P stand for?
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Jet.com hbzOg
    Based on the way you asked the question, I was not sure if should answer but I will oblige anyway.

    Having kids is a personal decision between you and your wife/husband/partner. So everyone should make their own decision but...

    Having kids is life changing, no matter what your life will change I happen to think for the better. You seemed to have a taken a cynical view that it will be for the worse by pointing to less sleep, less opportunity, and increased stress but all of those things are definitely false and assumptions made by someone who does not actually have kids and is clearly relating it from what they “hear” rather than speaking from real world experience.

    First I would like to counter your assumptions then I would like to give you some reasons why it’s a great idea to have kids.

    Counterpoints:

    1) Less sleep - this one will be true for say the first six months while you have to wake up to feed the baby but after that they are human beings they can sleep through the night.

    2) Less opportunity - this one is incredibly off the mark and it is an argument I often hear from people who do not have kids and who do not understand human motivation at all. Having kids forces you to push yourself and seek new opportunities, there is no more powerful motivating force than this, you are now responsible for another human being and their livelihood until they are an adult as such not seeking opportunities means your letting yourself down but your also letting others down who depend on you. In short having kids will in fact push you to new heights of your career. Not to mention that becoming a father / mother is an incredible learning opportunity which translates directly into business success and understanding other human behavior. I became a far better engineering manager after having kids and I push myself all the time when I feel like I may have enough, I push myself so my kids can have more.

    3) increased stress - this like the sleep is short lived, if you are stressed because you got less sleep for six months that is well worth it because it will pay dividends in the future. Going home from a long day of work and having a human being be excited that you are there, your offspring that loves you unconditionally, is an incredible stress reducer.

    A few more reasons to have kids:

    1) People mentioned not being lonely but that’s only part of the reason, the love that you get from kids and that you give to kids, if you do your job as a dad or mom, cannot be reproduced by anything in this world. No partner can give you that nor can you give that to, nothing can. No matter what. You have to experience it to understand.

    2) when you leave this world there will be no trace of you, nothing. Every material thing no matter what is not you, you will be gone but your genes are the only thing you leave behind. This is the very foundation of life, this is how we immortalize ourselves. Maybe you don’t care about this but passing your genetic material on was the only reason you were put on this earth for. That is the meaning of life.

    3) Fast forward 30 years -> when you get sick, need help, want someone to talk to, want someone who is exactly like you who can relate and speak your language. Want something to be proud of in your life, your kids will be there with their kids to do that for you. If you put in the time and raised kids, if you didn’t because you thought it was too much of a burden then they won’t.

    Like I said it’s your choice, I’m going to have 3 😃
    Sep 1, 2018 9
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      Because I absolutely enjoy living life right now. Why would I cut that short? That is a ridiculous argument.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Qualtrics huuciciv
      How is it ridiculous? If what you do during the time you are alive makes no difference to you then why enjoy it right now? Like you said, it won’t matter when you’re dead.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      It makes a difference to me right now, when I am alive. It won’t when I am dead. Is that really too hard for you to understand?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Qualtrics huuciciv
      Yes, how can something matter now when it won’t matter when you’re dead? It’s not as if having kids or not having kids or enjoying yourself or being miserable makes a difference in the end?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      Because I am alive now experiencing stuff. By your logic, nothing should matter for you as well since in the end, the universe will end? Why do you live? Why do you keep your kids alive?
      Sep 1, 2018
  • New / Eng Painkiller
    Kids are the reward for being a genetically thriving biological organism, it’s hard wired into the human psyche.
    Sep 1, 2018 7
    • New / Eng Painkiller
      It’s like asking why ants milk aphids. Part of their imperative.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      Aren’t we better than ants?
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Oracle grumpydwrf
      No, there is no other reason. Pros and cons can be discussed, and having kids is a necessity for the species (may not be for every individual). In the grand design, humans have only incrementally more intelligence than ants, thus humans are not any more important in nature than ants or fishes.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      Great. That’s good to know that there is no other reason.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Oracle grumpydwrf
      Lol. Did you read the rest of it? 😋
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng
    UTukMyJerb

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Electronic Arts
    UTukMyJerbmore
    I'd rather not have kids and regret it later, than have kids and regret it later
    Sep 1, 2018 2
    • Amazon / Eng
      legend

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      developers developers developers
      legendmore
      For me it's the other way around.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng
      UTukMyJerb

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Electronic Arts
      UTukMyJerbmore
      Not fair to the life you are bringing to this world. But to each their own. I'm all for live and let live.
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Yahoo Borat S.
    I put my kids to private schools since our public schools in the area are horrible. I can afford it so I try to give my kids the best opportunities in life. I don’t care about financial costs. We also make sure our kids are well rounded individuals so we take them everywhere and enjoy and experience life. I also grow as a result. We go camping, hiking, biking you name it. My life is actually more fulfilling with them. I’m not missing my independence. Sorry you said no parents but just wanted to give my opinion. I didn’t really know what to expect before having kids just like you. Kids are awesome, but certainly not for everyone.
    Sep 1, 2018 7
    • Amazon amzn1863
      @rPMq81, isn’t it the same way for those who don’t have kids? They can’t tell what it would be like for them to have kids, so they also can’t analyze the impact to their life rationally. It’s hard for anyone to think about what they haven’t experienced.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • NetScout / Eng batua
      rPMq81s reasoning sucks. Why would parents not be able to give opinions? You are cherry picking opinions to confirm your bias. Think about this. As a parent you get to experience a whole different part of life. Parents have done the single life thing. At some point you gotta move on and stop doing the same old crap. On your tombstone it will just say: did not like getting outside of his comfort zone, but at least he got to ride many Ubers to the same bar to waste his money. You will be just a forgotten spec while the rest of us live on
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      See that sort of reasoning makes no sense. You don’t really get to live on because your kids are still alive. You die and that is just it. Do you really remember the name of your great great grandfather? You will be forgotten like everyone else. And even if you are remembered, what difference does it make? You’re dead.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Microsoft jxndjdn
      To make wonderful memories and life worth living.
      Sep 2, 2018
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      This isn’t cherry picking. I already know that people with kids will never admit they made a mistake. However, there are people without kids who absolutely love the idea of having kids. It’s their viewpoint that I am trying to understand.
      Sep 3, 2018
  • For that sweet, sweet 4 month + $4k FB paternity leave package...
    Sep 1, 2018 4
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      Kids cost 4K every month. And take away all your sleep.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Oracle grumpydwrf
      Like you were gonna sleep off if you didn't have kids! Lol
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Intuit / Design canary
      I was surprised to hear how little leave Facebook gives when compared to Google and Intuit.

      And also that 4 month leave is capped if you have government benefits...
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Google UJBa23
      Google gives 3 months paternity and barely any cash so FB is doing a way better job at this
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Pandora dipthong
    It’s better if some people didn’t have kids. OP sounds like one of those people. Might be better for the world if they didn’t reproduce.
    Sep 1, 2018 2
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      Wow what a brilliant rational argument. Glad you reproduced.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Pandora dipthong
      That’s exactly it. Having kids is not rationale. If you’re looking for a rational argument to having kids you’re looking for the wrong answer. No one can make you see this. You have to feel it yourself.
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Uber / Eng
    meowimacat

    Uber Eng

    BIO
    Im a cat 🐈! Meowww...
    meowimacatmore
    I'm with OP, I don't want kids. Seems it's a major contributor to stress and significantly lowers your sex life with your partner.
    Sep 1, 2018 0
  • Amazon Chillin😎
    Kids are awesome!
    Sep 1, 2018 0
  • Pinterest IaLK25
    Married. No kids. No plan to have kids.

    I personally think it’s a deal breaker to not be in line on this. Don’t bank on the hope you or your partner will change.

    Why? I’ve never had the urge to have kids and I’ve been happy with life.

    Do I think perhaps I’ll have the urge at some point? Maybe but unlikely.

    In the grand scheme of things, humanity needs to reproduce. Let those with urges do it and go enjoy your childless life 🤑
    Sep 2, 2018 1
    • Aon Hewitt Health
      ^this
      Sep 2, 2018
  • Aon Hewitt Health
    Curious to see who had made a good case, so far I've only seen: it's the next stage in life, it's an ego thing and kids from being bored. I don't see any of these as good reasons 😬
    Sep 3, 2018 7
    • Aon Hewitt Health
      eBay why don't you enlighten us...
      Sep 4, 2018
    • eBay / Eng jjgffdgg
      You know what, on second thoughts I take back my comment. It is perfectly reasonable for two people to read the same text and interpret in different ways. I have my biases and you have yours. For example, what I interpret as "kids keep your motivation level high", you may interpret as "have kids otherwise you will be bored". Both are correct from our respective point of views.
      Sep 4, 2018
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      Thanks, I can appreciate that.
      Sep 4, 2018
    • Aon Hewitt Health
      👍🏽
      Sep 4, 2018
    • Aon Hewitt Health
      Good perspective eBay
      Sep 4, 2018
  • Microsoft mPFr70
    OP, There are many ways to find fulfillment in life. Kids is just one of them for which there is a well established pattern around you. What would be your story if fulfillment ? You don’t need to have fulfillment in life. But are you going to be OK with it ?
    Sep 1, 2018 2
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      I am okay with living a fulfilling life without kids. There are ways you can make an impact, help people already in the world.
      Sep 1, 2018
    • Microsoft mPFr70
      As long as you are sure about your ways towards fulfillment (or not), you are good to go 😊
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Upstart imherenow
    I never liked kids until ~35. Then I started to find them cute. Then after a while I started wanting them and felt very weird. Then I got 2. It is really hard work and it does delete all your free time. So wait for your calling. If it never comes just don't have then.
    Sep 1, 2018 1
    • Google / Eng rPMq81
      OP
      That’s reasonable. Thanks for not a being judgmental asshole
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Google gdude
    Historically it was to raise someone who will help you with your farm and take care of you when you are old. Now I feel this is mostly to have something common with your SO that would keep you together. Also sometimes it’s to keep your wife busy when she doesn’t work.
    Sep 1, 2018 0
  • Microsoft
    vdasher

    Microsoft

    PRE
    Amazon
    vdashermore
    I'm not saying this is a reason.... But, your social life will nosedive if you're without kids in your 30s & 40s. To me, living a full life is being able to coexist with friends & family. You'll always be an outcast if you're not married or don't have kids. Not saying people will be mean, but you can clearly see them move on from things they do & conversations they have compared to a decade ago when they were single or carefree. So be prepared to spend almost all your time with your SO.

    I guess what an trying to say is, you better have a hell of a relationship with your SO that'd stand the test of time, as you two will be spending an awful lot of time together
    Sep 1, 2018 0
  • eBay / Eng cfufffuc
    In my opinion having kids is the nature's way of keeping us motivated. Assuming you are in late 20s or early 30s, even though you are motivated to work and travel right now, your motivation levels will decrease as you grow and you might not enjoy these things as much in future. Kids give you a reason to wake up in the morning. Having said that, there will always be times when you regret your decision to have kids. The same is true if you decide not to have kids too!
    Sep 1, 2018 0
  • Oath kwWK84
    I did not want kids for the longest time, but then i had one (unplnned).., changed my life completely (in a positive way) and gave it purpose and meaning. I do more now with my kids than i did when it was just me. You wont understand unless you have kids. I know because i didnt get it when i was childless as well.
    Sep 6, 2018 1
    • Microsoft mwirdsqpqp
      I did want kids for the longest time and then I had one (planned)... changed my life completely (in a negative way) and did not give it purpose and meaning. I do less now with my kids than I did when it was just me. You won’t understand unless you have kids. I know because I didn’t get it when I was childless as well.

      This is all true.
      Sep 6, 2018
  • GE / Eng
    weakPtr

    GE Eng

    PRE
    General Electric
    weakPtrmore
    Deciding to have kids can rarely be justified by analysis. Like you pointed out, it just doesn't make a lot of sense. The average financial burden for having a child is at least 200k (that's just to keep the child alive), but realistically will incur a cost of 300k+.
    This doesn't take into account opportunity costs, negative health impact, stress etc.. and despite all the resources required the child can still turn out poor - resulting in 18+ years of wasted effort, 200k+ of lost cash and a lot of sleepless nights, stress and abandoned dreams.
    Yet people still have children. For the last 10 years I was adamant against having children, it didn't make sense and it certainly felt like a life sentence (I'd be working hard, sleeping little to feed a crying, screaming mouth and come home to a stressed, frantic wife)... yet now I am starting to feel an urge to have a child.

    Partially because I don't want to be alone when I'm (very) old - although I know there is no guarantee that my child won't just put me in a nursing home.
    Partially because I want to leave something that resembles me when I pass away (vanity?).
    Partially because my wife wants one so bad.
    Partially because just having fun and doing whatever I (we) want is starting to feel a bit hollow and bringing another life into the world seems like it'd be a worthy, deeply fulfilling endeavor.
    But mostly because I'm starting to have the urge to have one.

    So yeah, I guess in the end it's biological urge.
    But if you don't want to have kids, then don't have one. Pretty simple.
    It's like asking people why you should eat a chocolate cake when you hate chocolate. Pretty hard for people to give you good reasons besides, "Chocolate cake is awesome, it's delicious!"
    Sep 2, 2018 1
    • New hqWe60
      sounds like you need a hobby
      Apr 8
  • Visa / Eng >-<
    FOMO
    Sep 1, 2018 1
    • Aon Hewitt Health
      Seriously this ^
      Sep 1, 2018
  • Apple / Eng Serialized
    Because I am a virus and my stupid virus programming is telling me to multiply.
    Sep 2, 2018 0

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