Me and my wife have frequent fights, mostly abour very very silly things. My wife gets mad really quickly usually for no clear reason and starts yelling at me and saying disrespectful things to me in front of the kids. In the vast majority of the cases, I don't even understand why we are fighting. I usually stay calm and try to say nothing and let her say everything she wants. If I try to say anything she shuts me up and says she doesn't want to hear me. I am very annoyed by this and don't know what to do. I told her 1000 times that we can discuss anything without having to fight and insult each other; and that it's normal that we disagree sometimes. But, she only increases the level of insult and disrespect time after the other. I am really concerned about the kids seeing us fight all the time. My wife even speaks to them during fights saying your father is this and this and this (saying negative things about me like liar, lazy, irresponsible, etc.) Really don't know what to do. I am fed up with being insulted and worried about the kids. Any advice?
Sheâs unhappy. Find out why. Maybe find a marriage consultant.
That's a good point. But, when we don't fight we are very happy together. I give her everything she wants. It's just that we easily get into fights. When this happens she goes mad really quickly and goes out of control and starts saying very disrespectful things to me. How can I find if she is unhappy and why she is so? Any suggestion?
try talking to her when she's not mad. i would strongly recommend couples counseling if things don't improve.
Is there a possibility that you are actually a lazy irresponsible liar?
No, I believe am not. I work 10 hours a day, then after work I help with house work, help kids with homework, etc. I never lie. If I make a mistake I don't hesitate to apologize immediately.
Believe it or not, but that 10 hours is a part of the problem with your wife instance. Several kids is a huge toll on woman' mental health.
Leave how
just buy a new one, thereâs billions of them out there
@jack
Super sorry about this. Mariage counseling could help. Would you say that sheâs happy with you? Does she have any insecurities about herself + your couple?
Hmmm. I don't see a reason why she shouldn't be happy, but I am now not sure if she is really happy. :(
Happens at some point of time to everyone. Use your sibling or her sibling to sit down and mediate. Usually that works. Try to change on certain things that is in your hands, like say, doing chores at home or taking care of kids. Give her some time off/break from regular work and allow her to meet and have fun with her friends etc. May be take a vacation or go for a movie with her. Do things that makes her perceive that you are trying to be different. However if there is some history such as a sour wedding or issues due to family/in-laws or finances etc, it will take a much more wholistic approach. Couselling or advice from the closest sibling or friend might help.
This is a great advice. I try to do all that already except counseling. I'll try to do more and see.
Would highly recommend not to involve family/friends in this without the explicit agreement of your wife. She might feel exposed. A 3rd party counselor might be better. Also, as others have suggested, might be worthwhile asking her (when things are calm) as to what is causing the fights and intensity. Maybe she doesnât feel heard about something....
Marriage counseling
This is exactly my situation, except I'm not married yet, been dating since 2 years
Then just move on
She wasn't like that at all while I was courting her, and says I changed her into this crazy psycho. I'm exactly like this OP dude. I just wanna know how common is it for women to be this way, because if it's common, then finding another girlfriend might not be the best idea. I also wanna explore if she can change. Also, how can one know if the girl is a crazy psycho if she doesn't show any symptoms in the courting period (which was one and a half years)
Everybody immediately says - Marriage counselling but thats a big big NO for Indian ladies. It bears a huge stigma and they gt irated much more as they feel they are being exposed/dragged into something avoidable, thereby complicating the problem. Minor mediation from a friend or family member ought to be the first step IMHO
It doesn't matter if there is a stigma. For his own mental health and for the kids they need to either repair the relationship, end the relationship, or suffer the relationship. It's not something that's going to be fixed on its own. They've already failed at maintaining the relationship themselves.
It's also worth mentioning, you can go to a couple's counselor yourself initially. And work with the counselor on helping the other person understand why you feel it's important.
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