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My wife is quick to notice and highlight the negatives in people. A comment here and there and she is quick to judge them. Leads to situations where half the conversation is about what people said and what they should ideally say and getting frustrated. I am an easy going person. I don’t like to dwell on what/how people say things. I like to be happy and not discuss negatives. Just don’t know how to approach these conversations. We have been married for 10 years. If I say “perhaps that’s now what they meant”, I get schooled on how I don’t understand what she is trying to say or how I keep finding faults with how she perceives the world. #FML.
I’m in similar situation but not as bad as yours. Probably because my wife doesn’t do it as much as yours and I’ve also learnt to ignore some of it. Also, I’ve found in some cases that she was indeed right.
Agree. I don’t disagree with her assessments. People are people man, they are not perfect. Fuck it and move on!
Look dude - We’re into our almost 30 years of being together. There’s only one way to crack the code if you want to be happy. Just say the following two sentences every day with utmost conviction when you both wake up: 1. “You are the most beautiful woman in the whole world “ 2. “I am sorry for everything wrong that I’ll be doing today “ This just works!
After 10 years, you should be able to talk to her about it instead of asking strangers on Blind.
15 years of marriage and there are certain topics where I will never understand what she thinks. Avoiding those topics is why we are still happy 15 years later.. My advice to the OP: listen and nod and then change the subject to something where you are more in sync.
Denial != happy
"my dear, let's try to be positive"
My wife has similar tendencies sometimes... I feel like it’s getting worse with age? Or maybe I just ignored it before. I just remind her to relax and see the bigger picture of life and focus on herself, and ignore people that bothers her. After 10 years, you should know how to put things into perspective for your wife.
What's her tc?
My ex-wife was also like this. She ended up hating nearly everybody and driving away most of her friends. Note the ex part. I attribute this in part to mental illness - I believe she has borderline personality disorder, undiagnosed, since she refused to ever talk to any professional. But she insisted I must, because obviously there was something wrong with me (shrink told me I was perfectly normal, but my wife was not - though he could not diagnose somebody he was not seeing as a patient of course). Whether mentally ill or not, this sort of outlook will surely make a person absolutely miserable. Life is too short to be around somebody like that.
Did you not notice this while dating?
Did not come out until after our first child was born. Started with postpartum depression (and she hit some major career issues that made it worse). She refused to treat it, and other mental health issues cropped up from that. We dated for a year, were engaged for about 10 months, another year before baby came along and saw no issues until she had the baby.
My wife has a similar, though less intense, problem. I have told her to 1. either inform me about the positives only 2. Or take some action to improve the negatives and then report back. I do this every time she starts going on a negative counting spree, and it seems to have improved things.
“Inform me on the positives “ great idea
My wife is the same and she comes up with the most outrageous negative interpretations if it has to do anything with my family . I’m at 7 years of marriage and can’t take it anymore but stuck because of a baby. My advise is to run away if u don’t have a baby
Man, reading that is like a flashback. Sorry to hear this bro, was the same for me in my marriage. She finally filed for divorce when our second kid was almost 3. And it was a blessing in disguise. I am much happier divorced, despite the logistical and financial badness around divorce. Life is too short to be trapped around negativity all day.
Thanks ; any divorce resources for men by any chance ? She literally hit me today and I am wondering how to start with divorce
It’s part of the superiority complex. People highlight negatives in others to justify how themselves are superior to them.