Wife wants me to pay for In-Laws flight tickets to visit us

Apple / Other holiday!!
Dec 17, 2018 216 Comments

Indian guy here, my wife expects me to pay for my Father & Mother In-Laws air tickets from India to US to come and visit us and also take them on mini vacations when they are here.

They visit every year for 1-2 months, they are retired but have decent money/pension etc and can very easily afford the tickets.

I do it because it makes her happy.

Its not a huge amount, its 4-5k every year. Bay area is an expensive places, I am the single earner and most of my salary goes is basic expenses, I have never spent 4-5k to buy something for myself.

I feel bad that I am being selfish. Also, my parents died when I was young so I don’t have strong family bonds.

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TOP 216 Comments
  • Uber
    u6&2+_($

    Uber

    PRE
    Google
    u6&2+_($more
    See it this way: if you don't pay that money - is the cost of dealing with the fallout worth more than 4-5k?

    On the flip side, maybe if you discuss this with your wife in a calm and logical manner maybe she would understand and the fallout would be minimal?
    Dec 17, 2018 9
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Let park that for another day
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Intel rtl
      I feel for you, OP
      Dec 18, 2018
    • New / Eng JohnMcPop
      OP's wife is probably busy with managing two kids and the housework, which is a full time job imo.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Zillow Group / Eng iplaypoint
      you are being taken advantage of my guy. you have no obligation to fly her parents out
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Nutanix sasuke99
      Hey,
      Do you have kids also? What’s your TC? I think spending the 4-5k extra is worth it. I am also a single earning guy. You need to maintain a strong bonding with your family and In laws family is your own family. Feel free to message me.
      Dec 18, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng FreeBees
    Seriously, stop asking these questions on blind! Now that you did, stop being cheap and pay for the damn tickets! 5K is not going to rip you apart. While you are at it, go spend 5K on yourself and give 5K to a cause. See it still didn’t do anything bad to you now, did it?
    Dec 17, 2018 12
    • Amazon / Eng FreeBees
      @Fv¢|< Well that was some incoherent text, nevermind
      Dec 17, 2018
    • New
      ex-Googler

      New

      PRE
      Google
      ex-Googlermore
      @holiday!! Wow. I think you should book whatever the hell you decide to put them on. You’re paying for it and expect all of this other stuff too. They will get there either way. Comfort? Well, then they can call the airline and pay for their own upgrade to business if they don’t like it. And yea, China Eastern... heck, I think Malaysian Airlines has deals too. ;)
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Dropbox / Eng coolstarry
      Why don’t you talk to her about this? Tell her that this expense seems a bit steep and that you’d rather split the cost and see what she says.

      Regarding the mini vacations, align them with your interests or do something conveniently near you. If she insists on X, have her do the legwork (you still probably have to pay here).
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Facebook ojeK42
      If things are going well with your wife then I'd suggest paying for the trips. Maybe you can talk about booking cheapest flight tickets.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Yeah I am trying to convince her to take a cheaper flight
      Dec 18, 2018
  • New / Eng
    CnfusdSprm

    New Eng

    PRE
    Starbucks
    CnfusdSprmmore
    Book cheap tickets for them, air China / China eastern , off season tickets will easily cost less than 700 per person ,

    Also when they come here, take them around in a greyhound. That’s it they won’t come again. 😊
    Dec 17, 2018 5
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Easier said than done, it will be a disaster
      Dec 17, 2018
    • eBay rbBE18
      This ^
      Dec 17, 2018
    • New / Eng ❄️❄️
      And leetcode
      Dec 17, 2018
    • New
      ex-Googler

      New

      PRE
      Google
      ex-Googlermore
      Greyhound and Motel8 :-D
      Dec 18, 2018
    • New
      ex-Googler

      New

      PRE
      Google
      ex-Googlermore
      In all seriousness, it sounds like there’s a disconnect or wrong expectations about how well you’re living and how much your TC really is. Maybe the wife is pumping them with too much or the wrong info? This can be fixed
      Dec 18, 2018
  • New iLuy87
    Divorce and enjoy single life
    Dec 17, 2018 3
    • RingCentral / Eng
      Duck-Bezos

      RingCentral Eng

      PRE
      Yahoo, Oath
      BIO
      One life to live!
      Duck-Bezosmore
      Yeah and then fuck himself?
      Dec 17, 2018
    • Qualtrics huuciciv
      Guaranteed his wife doesn’t fuck him either
      Dec 17, 2018
    • New
      ex-Googler

      New

      PRE
      Google
      ex-Googlermore
      Yea. Sounds familiar... :-/
      Dec 18, 2018
  • Microsoft naaam
    Well, you're too late buddy. Once you married, you're done. Surrender to your wife and in laws.
    Dec 17, 2018 1
    • New CiOI38
      No. Don't do this.Too many Americans let their wife steamroll them. The term "happy wife, happy life" is such a bad mantra that needs to die.Whenever someone says it, simply say "bullshit" to whomever repeats it.

      Yes, more wives are sensor/feelers than males (statistically) but that doesn't mean you let it rule you. Everyone is equal... everyone contributes domestically and career wise equally. No one "sleeps on the couch". Everyone should call each other on their shit in a relationship, with love.

      <experience: happily married, 2 kids>
      Dec 18, 2018
  • New tLFu71
    Fuck that stand firm. Sorry the market is in terrible state right now and can not afford additional expenses be it 1k or 5k+. They can pay on their own if they want to come.
    Dec 17, 2018 7
    • Amazon 123raj
      And where will this drama stop? Next it'll be anpther demand. But sure let her walk all over you till she gets to the point where she has 0 respect for you.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • New CiOI38
      I would say to them, look $5k is $108k compounded over 40 years @8% which I planned to pass on to our kids. (even if you don't have kids, make them think it). When I use numbers + maths - I can shut down any emotional discussion.

      Edit: unless they come into town and spend a significant amount of time watching your kids, leaving time for you and your wife. Then maybe that's worth paying 30% of it, for example.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      @CiOI38 - lol if u think that math and logic and make sense to a woman and make her back off in such a scenario then u've clearly never been with one
      Dec 18, 2018
    • New CiOI38
      @123raj Married happily for 10 years, 2 well adjusted kids. The key is to filter at the onset..... I didn't even date a woman I liked if she showed high emotional variance. In woo-woo Myers Briggs parlance, I'm ENTJ and she's ESTJ.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Well sure ideally you want an emotionally stable woman but those are hard to find.
      Dec 18, 2018
  • Microsoft yad
    It starts with a 5k ticket. And then things escalate
    Dec 18, 2018 4
    • Amazon 123raj
      Found the wise man on this thread 👏🏽
      Dec 18, 2018
    • LinkedIn / Eng
      Gill Bates

      LinkedIn Eng

      BIO
      [Insert epic sax here]
      Gill Batesmore
      That's how the luxury brands make money
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Microsoft Fordfiasco
      Haha
      Dec 19, 2018
    • Microsoft Fordfiasco
      Said like a true pro
      Dec 19, 2018
  • New / Mgmt Fv¢|<
    Find middle line. Ask them to share tickets of one side.
    Dec 17, 2018 3
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Easier said than done, I mildly proposed that they take a cheaper airline and it almost started a fight.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Microsoft *cW2x91p
      They and/or she sounds very immature.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • New
      ex-Googler

      New

      PRE
      Google
      ex-Googlermore
      South China Airlines instead of China Eastern?? :-D
      Dec 18, 2018
  • New
    nYsJ38

    New

    PRE
    Google
    nYsJ38more
    Suck it up. Stop complaining. Be a man. You both got married and both of you depend on each other. And if you wanted a traditional family, she’s not working and taking care of the kids while you’re providing for the family. And like the Uber driver guy said, it’s a small expense compared to the fighting, stress, and frankly, frustration of her not seeing her family. You gotta do it....
    Dec 17, 2018 5
    • Uber
      u6&2+_($

      Uber

      PRE
      Google
      u6&2+_($more
      The message has merits. But "be a man" is a bit sexist / old school mentality, don't you think?

      Also, "Uber driver guy" 😤😤😤. Just let my equity vest and I'd never be called that again 😂
      Dec 17, 2018
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Interesting comment

      Things are not that simple, being a house wife was her choice, I always motivated her to have a career in any area of interest
      Dec 17, 2018
    • New
      nYsJ38

      New

      PRE
      Google
      nYsJ38more
      Sexist to tell a guy to be “a man”?!? Huh? Hopefully it vests before Uber deflates... or cash out while you can btw.
      Dec 17, 2018
    • New
      ex-Googler

      New

      PRE
      Google
      ex-Googlermore
      ^There is nothing sexist about that
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Clover Health / Eng doenfh
      It takes skill in reading subtext to see that it is indeed sexist. By saying, "be a man," in this context, it implies that he should be some sort of provider for a woman. It also implies that he is not being a man currently, so refusing to provide is some weak, woman. (non-man) behavior.

      If subtext is not your forte, all of this can also fall into gender-normative fallacies.
      Dec 18, 2018
  • LinkedIn / Eng
    Gill Bates

    LinkedIn Eng

    BIO
    [Insert epic sax here]
    Gill Batesmore
    Start cutting down on other parts of the budget to save the 5k elsewhere, especially if you can do it in ways that are uncomfortable.

    Sorry honey, we're only eating half plates of food tonight, need to save money to fly your in-laws. We're also switching to one ply TP institutional sandpaper, setting the thermostat to 50F to save on heating bills, moving to Gilroy to save on housing costs (and cheaper garlic), etc.
    Dec 18, 2018 4
    • Amazon 123raj
      Sounds passive aggresive as F
      Dec 18, 2018
    • LinkedIn / Eng
      Gill Bates

      LinkedIn Eng

      BIO
      [Insert epic sax here]
      Gill Batesmore
      OP is a door mat that won't confront his wife to tell her she's spending too much. Passive aggressiveness or paying for peace are his only options until he grows some balls.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Amazon 123raj
      Agreed - he needs some 🎾🎾
      Dec 18, 2018
    • LinkedIn / Eng
      Gill Bates

      LinkedIn Eng

      BIO
      [Insert epic sax here]
      Gill Batesmore
      Considering the mess OP is in, he needs 🏀⚽, 🎾 won't do.
      Dec 18, 2018
  • Microsoft Ranveer
    You should just talk to your wife dude. Sort it out with her. Be honest about how you feel. If things get too heated, make out, have some make up sex. Enjoy.
    Dec 18, 2018 5
    • New / Mgmt Fv¢|<
      Would you join to makeup
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Microsoft Ranveer
      What a weird question! Sounds kinky, but no.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • New / Mgmt Fv¢|<
      It's taunt to your funky comment.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Microsoft naaam
      May work with Deepika but not OPs wife. She'll make him sleep in the patio 😂
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Microsoft Ranveer
      lmao. alrite OP i rescind my make-up sex advice :)

      Just talk to her.
      Dec 18, 2018
  • New HBhogle
    Off topic question: did you have an arranged marriage ?
    You said your parents died when you were young, were your in laws ok in marrying their daughter to you without any apprehension. Going though something similar so wanted to know
    Dec 17, 2018 4
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Not arranged, she was a recruiter and contacted me, though I did not interview at her firm, we started talking and dating

      Her parents were apprehensive but ok after a year, they were happy to see that I had a good career etc
      Dec 17, 2018
    • Microsoft naaam
      Why wouldn't they. They knew they found a bakra. Kudos to daughter 😂
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Microsoft Ranveer
      lol @naam
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Amazon kfh
      If you had a good career you would have money to plane tickets
      Dec 18, 2018
  • Pay for it but demand more sex.
    Dec 18, 2018 2
    • Amazon 123raj
      That's his wife. Not a whore.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • A marriage is like a business deal
      Dec 18, 2018
  • eBay cvgh46
    This is ultra cheap thinking OP. If I were your wife, I’d get a job just to be able to get my parents flight tickets and not have to ask you ever again. It doesn’t matter if they have the money or not, if I want them to come visit me, I’d want to pay for their tickets.
    Dec 17, 2018 2
    • New / Mgmt Fv¢|<
      It must be two ways, baby!

      They also wants to meet her. So should be shared.
      Dec 17, 2018
    • Microsoft naaam
      Problem with Indian wives on h1b is they either can't work or used to easy life and don't want to work
      Dec 18, 2018
  • PayPal squarecash
    Think about the situation - you talk to your wife about it and she gets upset. She cancels her parent’s plan and you don’t spend that 5k.
    Now, as you said your wife is a homemaker, just think how upset and depressed she would be with this and she is at home alone most part of time.
    If you are not emotionally attached just think of it as a reimbursement of having her life dependent on you and taking care of you and kids.
    If my words annoy you - u might want to talk to a divorce lawyer.
    Dec 17, 2018 4
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Like i said I do it with a smile just to make sure she is happy

      Being a home maker is her choice, motivated her 1000 time to do anything of her choice

      I just don’t feel it’s fair deep in my heart and that is why I have these thoughts that I just keep inside me OR share here
      Dec 17, 2018
    • PayPal squarecash
      Dude - you can definitely earn money in future. Parents, siblings and friends are way more important than that. God forbid but once you loose them they don’t come back and all you do is regret.
      And I understand your frustration(believe me)
      Dec 17, 2018
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      I understand what you are saying

      Its just that I feel that when they can easily afford it why not do it.
      Dec 17, 2018
    • Intel rtl
      Because they want to take advantage of you
      Dec 17, 2018
  • Microsoft Influencer
    If u didn’t had Baby then I would be on your side, but you have a baby and it’s his/her rights to get Baby grandparents love . Also your wife does have a job , cooking cleaning taking care of kid, think it as your wife fair share of what she does in house.
    Dec 17, 2018 1
  • OSIsoft alphomega
    Paying for in-laws is not the issue here. The unreasonable nature of OP's wife certainly is. Based on the information provided, it would appear OP's wife was raised to get her way. She sounds like an entitled princess. OP, you need to set boundaries and make a stand. If you do not, before you know it, you will be living the rest of your life as a doormat.

    Update: If it helps, try discussing finances with your wife. Explain to her that saving x amount now will help your (and that includes her) future retirement, kid's college, etc. Definitely, appeal to her maternal feelings. Worst case scenario, next time her parents are here, bring this up with everyone in the same room. Tell all that you cannot support the family and its future in this way. No doubt that will cause an explosion, but think about it as removing a really high-glue band-aid. Will hurt for a bit, but is OK later.
    Dec 18, 2018 5
    • Microsoft Fordfiasco
      Listen to this. I agree
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Medallia sPDm17
      +1
      Dec 18, 2018
    • New / Eng ❄️❄️
      Dude I also agree, but it’s going to cause a lot of friction between the couple.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • OSIsoft alphomega
      No pain. No gain.
      Dec 18, 2018
    • IEEE cfgauss
      +1
      Dec 20, 2018
  • Facebook Letitrain
    How about you tell your wife that this time instead of them coming over lets plan for a trip outside to ourselves only and use this money.

    The problem you have is that its becoming an habit. I know of people that did that only to get their inlaws move into their homes by securing a GC. Many would say nothing wrong in it but you are fighting for your independence and your being settled comes first.

    You may have this conversation sometime in your life so sooner the better.

    My 2cents
    Dec 17, 2018 5
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Sorry I don’t understand the GC part
      Dec 17, 2018
    • Microsoft marymoor
      Facebook guy knows what's up. Ping him.
      Dec 17, 2018
    • New
      ex-Googler

      New

      PRE
      Google
      ex-Googlermore
      ^yea, slightly unrelated, but yea, just make sure 2 months doesn’t turn into never going back and living with you. Happened to a friend of mine married to a Peruvian woman, she brought her parents over, then before you know it they were remodeling the f-ing detached garage into a small apartment. And then were always in the house. Fricking leeches. Yea, they got divorced within 3-4 years. Just make sure to set boundaries, BUT do so compassionately. It’s ALL about HOW you say it. Don’t be a dick.
      Dec 17, 2018
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      I don’t think that will be a problem, thay have enough money/properties in India to leave behind.

      Infact the good part is that they don’t stay more than 2months
      Dec 17, 2018
    • New
      ex-Googler

      New

      PRE
      Google
      ex-Googlermore
      2 months is a loooong time. In fact, it’s long enough to raise suspicion by the US CBP (immigration). They will suspect they plan to stay indefinitely and could even send them back home. Maybe there’s a chance... lol ;)
      Dec 18, 2018
  • Intuit EC
    I’m not Indian and I hate my in laws too. I offered to pay hoping they would not come. Now they are coming and I am still paying in blood, sweat and tears.
    Dec 18, 2018 2
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      Honestly I don’t hate them, they are a good company 2months a year
      Dec 18, 2018
    • Intel Tnpv
      Dude if you don't hate their company, just pay for it. If it makes her happy. I've realized that doing stuff for others... To see others happy by your actions is the among the handful of things that brings satisfaction in your life. So, if it is petty amount then don't sweat it. You are getting more out of this transaction as well. This arrangement is not permanent. They get older and can't afford to travel state is coming soon enough.
      Dec 18, 2018
  • Amazon amzn101
    The bigger issue here would be having them move in the house for 1 to 2 months. Is your wife a homemaker or does she have her own career? If it's the former, this is expected as part of a relationship.

    Your other option is to pay 1,500 to send your wife to India for a month...
    Dec 17, 2018 1
    • Apple / Other holiday!!
      OP
      She does that already in winter, her parents come in Summer
      Dec 17, 2018