Hi, I’m really stressed out about my marital life. We have been married for couple of years and knew each other for around 3 years before that (not dating). She is a bit short tempered and because of that we have many arguments. But every time I try to address a concern, it is ignored and if I hold a standpoint, she does all sorts of name calling on me. She brings in lots of old things and tries to picture a very bad image of me. Whoever’s fault it is, I try to calm the situation down and normalize things. However all those words said still remain in my head and there is no way I can express my sad feelings. I had told numerous times that don’t call me names and it’s not good, it’s ok to express your concerns, but name calling is not good. But, everything is blamed on me and ultimately she says she doesn’t want to live with me. She has said this like 100 times. Again, recently there was a big argument and she mentioned about leaving again, to which, this first time, I didn’t resist, and because of that, she has finalized the move. I don’t understand how to deal with this. I really love her and she is my life, but I feel very insulted sometimes. I don’t have lot of friends as I dedicate my time to her and that is fine with me. My only issue is, there is no way for me to express my hurt feelings from the insults. She is leaving the house and I am really saddened, and it takes toll on my health. I am unable to concentrate at my job. Is there anything I can do? We tried counseling but it didn’t help as anything I said over there was negated. She is a good person, but I’m not sure how to deal with this.
How do you justify saying that she is a good person?
Yups. Move on. She is not going to change. You will remain miserable with her.
As in, she does not think bad of any one or of me. But she has a huge ego and a very short temper.
So u married a short tempered person and expect a Disney movie ending? Lol
Grow a pair
Like as in, leave her?
Or grow a pair of chickens. Food for later.
Just get divorced
At this point it might be a blessing in disguise. No doubt you love her and care for her, but you also need a partner who can reciprocate. This sounds incredibly unhealthy, talk to a therapist.
I don’t understand why you want to stay with someone who devalues you. You need to get a divorce ASAP and seek help to deal with your codependency issues. Is there addiction in your family? Either of your parents dismissive narcissists? You need to learn how to build healthy relationships and select a mentally stable partner.
Thanks for the advice. There is no addiction in my family. My parents are very supportive. But I have always been very vulnerable to change.
You come across as an emotionally fragile person, you need to find the root cause and deal with that. There is something in your family you are not facing. Try analysing your parents’ dynamic with each other next time you see them.
Don’t worry. Just remember that you are not alone. This happens at sometime in every marriage. In these situations, it’s important to take a breather, let time heal things. Find out something that you love doing and go do that solo or with a friend. After a while, things will calm down and whatever happens, it will be for the better.
Thanks for the suggestion. Do you recommend that I let her leave this time and then figure things out alone for a while?
Yeah. Give it a week.
Dedicating your time to her makes her appreciate you less. You can change that or be thankful for not having kids in that mess and move on.
I am really sorry that you are going through this. Seems like you have tried many options to make it work ( counseling etc..) sometimes marriage just do not work out, nobody’s fault. Have a discussion with her and ask her what she wants and work out the situation amiably. How did you guys meet ?
Talk to a therapist. And also a lawyer, just in case.