About to be 41, want to have a baby now. Is it too late for women? What are the risks? We have one kid of our own. Adoption not an option
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- Uber UberSimWhy not adopt? So many needy children in the world. Health and mental risks are high post 35
Flagged by the community.
- Don’t adopt unless you have put to rest you won’t be able to have your own kids. Adoption won’t replace the desire to have your own children. Don’t do it for the sake of the adopted children. They deserve to be in a home where they are a first choice, not a second. Pisses me off when people throw our adoption so frivolously. It’s not that same thing and are completely separate. Yes I am triggered.
- eBay See2020I have two kids, love to death. But wont suggest to have second kid with 11yrs difference. They will never play together. When my first one became teen, she stopped playing with second one, more fights than play. We feel first one need company, but it never works out. Dont have second one because he/she wants sibling. Best option get is to a Dog. By the time second one is 18, you will be 60s, when the mental stress will be more, can you handle the pain when physically less strong ?
‘Emotionally confused and pained’ You will be fine after few months. Enjoy one plus a dog.
- Microsoft / Eng peasantonI don't necessarily agree with this aspect of it.. I have a sibling that's 9 years younger than me.. It comes with some perks.. My parents always had a babysitter.. I was able to help around with the baby.. Once I entered my teens we did fight a lot and barely got along because of the age gap - but that was a phase.. Once in my 20s we got close again.. They'd come visit me during summer vacations and since I was earning, I got to spoil them.. And we're really close now.. A lot of kids irrespective of age difference go through phases of not getting along.. My coworker has boys who are 5 and 3 and she's sent one of them to live with her ex for a bit simply because they don't get along.. These things can happen doesn't mean they won't eventually get along..
As for the age part of it - I have only anecdotally heard that the age is a bigger factor for 1st child not second.. More and more people are having kids at an older age now so perhaps a doctor can give you the best advice..
- Amazon FetchHaving a child because your kid wants one is not a great plan. Especially with the age difference and your age. They kids won’t play together or share interests given the age gap.
My parents had my sister (5 years older than me), then me and then had my brother (11 years younger than me). None of us ever got along or had shared interests due to our age gaps. My older sister and I hated being “built in babysitters”.
The youngest is now in their 30s and my sister and I are in our 40s. We all do get along now, but for most of our life we didn’t interact much as we were all in different phases of life. It wasn’t till the last few years that we enjoy each other. We’re also all very different personalities and chose to live life in very different ways.
Given the age gap for the kids and your age, I wouldn’t do it. Plus, your current kid asking for a sibling is also a phase. It’s very common for kids to ask for siblings. The reality is that they don’t understand the complexities of another human in the house, especially a tiny one....or what it means for your health, finances and long term impacts of having a young child at home while you age.
- Microsoft QueasySee if you can get pregnant first. There are DNA testings you can do during to diagnose Down syndrome. You can then decide to abort or continue if that happens to be the case. Go to a doctor and ask for a referral for genetic counseling.
- Facebook bl@ckmambaDon’t risk it. There’s a pretty high chance for complications. You should have done it earlier instead of chasing tc
- Google 🦄🏴☠️Seeking medical advice on blind is probably a sign that you aren’t ready to be a parent yet 🤪
- Come on now! I highly doubt op will make their final decision based on what random people on blind are saying.
Posting these sorts of questions are typically meant for getting a sense of what others might think about a situation and whether they can provide some input specially if they have gone through something similar.
That’s what makes blind and other social apps fun.
- My point is don’t even ask questions like this at all on Blind. You’re going to have a bad time.
Plenty of people ask questions on here that show me they simply don’t know how to adult and lack critical thinking skills. They will blindly take what people on Blind tell them as the source of truth.
It’s dangerous, especially when the question belongs with a qualified expert instead.7d 1
- How do you know people will accept blind info as source of truth?
For instance in this case, op is thinking of having a second kid at 41. They will make an appointment with a doctor to find out risks and etc. but they will also ask this question on blind to find out what others may think about this and if someone has a shared experience. I think it’s harmless and fun. I’ve personally asked a bunch of questions on blind in parallel to seeking expert opinions elsewhere.7d 1
- Wife had two kids lost 37. She was fine and I would add she isn’t healthy. If you are over 40 odds are your kid will be fine. Yes it’s way more risky but the kids most likely will be born healthy. Only adopt if you want to. If you want your own kids go after it and make sure the OBGYN treats you as high risk and get tested and taken care of. You will be fine. Don’t listen to the sausage fest on blind. You can also talk to other women who have had kids over 40.
- There is ample documentation on rates of various problems as a function of maternal AND paternal age at conception (many are unaware of the latter) . Any obstetrician can walk you through this if you do not want to google it and find a reputable source.
Rates of problems go up with age and perfectly normal kiddos are born too. If you are worried (and are still younger) harvesting ova younger for implantation later can improve odds.
There is never a perfect time to have kids. You just kinda have to go for it and let the chips fall where they may . It is about prioritizing what is important to you.
- LinkedIn graU21If you’re healthy and fit then go for it. Otherwise adopting might safer option
- I think risks are high if it is your first baby at 41. If it’s not the first, Risks are lesser. Is that correct ?