Will it be ok?

Microsoft loveislife
Jul 9 52 Comments

About to be 41, want to have a baby now. Is it too late for women? What are the risks? We have one kid of our own. Adoption not an option

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TOP 52 Comments
  • Google
    GCoin

    Google

    PRE
    Apple
    GCoinmore
    You already have a kid. Why do you want to go through it again?
    Jul 9 9
    • Facebook / Eng QGhE38
      😂😂😂 Exactly... They sounds much better than it
      Jul 9
    • Amazon Nsgdbp
      Exactly. Very weird referring to them as ‘it’.
      Jul 9
    • Microsoft loveislife
      OP
      In my native tongue, for gender neutral reference ‘it’ is used in a petting, fond way for referring to younger ones. ‘They’ is used for elderly in a respectful way.
      Jul 9
    • Arista Networks jfkjfjci
      Not sure why people are nitpicking on you, but I admire your strength in answering them.
      Jul 9
    • Lockheed Martin / Other
      Schz3

      Lockheed Martin Other

      PRE
      industrialoptic
      Schz3more
      Do not have a whole child for the sake of your child’s request! This is something you should want . Even if your child wants a playmate , they might not understand what the age gap means.
      Jul 10
  • Uber UberSim
    Why not adopt? So many needy children in the world. Health and mental risks are high post 35
    Jul 9 5
    • Microsoft loveislife
      OP
      Cannot due to various factors
      Jul 9
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Amazon / Eng tenders
      Mostly cultural
      Jul 9
    • Google / Eng pumaupma
      Yoyoyoyo richardhea
      Jul 9
    • Procore sundance
      Don’t adopt unless you have put to rest you won’t be able to have your own kids. Adoption won’t replace the desire to have your own children. Don’t do it for the sake of the adopted children. They deserve to be in a home where they are a first choice, not a second. Pisses me off when people throw our adoption so frivolously. It’s not that same thing and are completely separate. Yes I am triggered.
      Jul 9
  • eBay See2020
    I have two kids, love to death. But wont suggest to have second kid with 11yrs difference. They will never play together. When my first one became teen, she stopped playing with second one, more fights than play. We feel first one need company, but it never works out. Dont have second one because he/she wants sibling. Best option get is to a Dog. By the time second one is 18, you will be 60s, when the mental stress will be more, can you handle the pain when physically less strong ?

    ‘Emotionally confused and pained’ You will be fine after few months. Enjoy one plus a dog.
    Jul 9 5
    • Google
      GCoin

      Google

      PRE
      Apple
      GCoinmore
      ^this
      Jul 9
    • New Sulker
      I respectfully disagree. Dogs are great but siblings are better, whatever be the age difference. It’s better to try now than repent later
      Jul 9
    • Microsoft / Eng peasanton
      I don't necessarily agree with this aspect of it.. I have a sibling that's 9 years younger than me.. It comes with some perks.. My parents always had a babysitter.. I was able to help around with the baby.. Once I entered my teens we did fight a lot and barely got along because of the age gap - but that was a phase.. Once in my 20s we got close again.. They'd come visit me during summer vacations and since I was earning, I got to spoil them.. And we're really close now.. A lot of kids irrespective of age difference go through phases of not getting along.. My coworker has boys who are 5 and 3 and she's sent one of them to live with her ex for a bit simply because they don't get along.. These things can happen doesn't mean they won't eventually get along..

      As for the age part of it - I have only anecdotally heard that the age is a bigger factor for 1st child not second.. More and more people are having kids at an older age now so perhaps a doctor can give you the best advice..
      Jul 9
    • Google
      GCoin

      Google

      PRE
      Apple
      GCoinmore
      I think having another child just because your kid is pushing for a sibling is not the best idea.
      Jul 9
    • Amazon Fetch
      Having a child because your kid wants one is not a great plan. Especially with the age difference and your age. They kids won’t play together or share interests given the age gap.

      My parents had my sister (5 years older than me), then me and then had my brother (11 years younger than me). None of us ever got along or had shared interests due to our age gaps. My older sister and I hated being “built in babysitters”.

      The youngest is now in their 30s and my sister and I are in our 40s. We all do get along now, but for most of our life we didn’t interact much as we were all in different phases of life. It wasn’t till the last few years that we enjoy each other. We’re also all very different personalities and chose to live life in very different ways.

      Given the age gap for the kids and your age, I wouldn’t do it. Plus, your current kid asking for a sibling is also a phase. It’s very common for kids to ask for siblings. The reality is that they don’t understand the complexities of another human in the house, especially a tiny one....or what it means for your health, finances and long term impacts of having a young child at home while you age.
      Jul 9
  • Microsoft Queasy
    See if you can get pregnant first. There are DNA testings you can do during to diagnose Down syndrome. You can then decide to abort or continue if that happens to be the case. Go to a doctor and ask for a referral for genetic counseling.
    Jul 9 2
    • Google ggtf45
      Genetic counseling is sensible advice
      Jul 9
    • Microsoft loveislife
      OP
      Thank you, wasn’t aware of genetic counseling.
      Jul 9
  • Facebook bl@ckmamba
    Don’t risk it. There’s a pretty high chance for complications. You should have done it earlier instead of chasing tc
    Jul 9 2
    • NetApp gthssybd
      Irony, how you just assumed she was chasing TC. There could be other reasons too. Next time may be use your mind. Wide and open.
      Jul 9
    • LinkedIn Wiener
      OP said she had one child already.
      Jul 9
  • LinkedIn / Eng chiknCurry
    Something tells me this question is better suited for a qualified professional than a bunch of anonymous internet randos.
    Jul 9 0
  • Seeking medical advice on blind is probably a sign that you aren’t ready to be a parent yet 🤪
    Jul 10 5
    • Oath Atinlay2
      My point above and I got attacked for it
      Jul 10
    • Google
      GCoin

      Google

      PRE
      Apple
      GCoinmore
      Come on now! I highly doubt op will make their final decision based on what random people on blind are saying.

      Posting these sorts of questions are typically meant for getting a sense of what others might think about a situation and whether they can provide some input specially if they have gone through something similar.

      That’s what makes blind and other social apps fun.
      Jul 10
    • Oath Atinlay2
      My point is don’t even ask questions like this at all on Blind. You’re going to have a bad time.

      Plenty of people ask questions on here that show me they simply don’t know how to adult and lack critical thinking skills. They will blindly take what people on Blind tell them as the source of truth.

      It’s dangerous, especially when the question belongs with a qualified expert instead.
      Jul 10
    • Google
      GCoin

      Google

      PRE
      Apple
      GCoinmore
      How do you know people will accept blind info as source of truth?

      For instance in this case, op is thinking of having a second kid at 41. They will make an appointment with a doctor to find out risks and etc. but they will also ask this question on blind to find out what others may think about this and if someone has a shared experience. I think it’s harmless and fun. I’ve personally asked a bunch of questions on blind in parallel to seeking expert opinions elsewhere.
      Jul 10
    • Lockheed Martin / Other
      Schz3

      Lockheed Martin Other

      PRE
      industrialoptic
      Schz3more
      Anonymity breeds frankness and honesty that you won’t get on Facebook or twitter . Yes there is still bullshit too but the ratio is better.
      Jul 10
  • Procore sundance
    Wife had two kids lost 37. She was fine and I would add she isn’t healthy. If you are over 40 odds are your kid will be fine. Yes it’s way more risky but the kids most likely will be born healthy. Only adopt if you want to. If you want your own kids go after it and make sure the OBGYN treats you as high risk and get tested and taken care of. You will be fine. Don’t listen to the sausage fest on blind. You can also talk to other women who have had kids over 40.
    Jul 9 0
  • Lockheed Martin / Other
    Schz3

    Lockheed Martin Other

    PRE
    industrialoptic
    Schz3more
    There is ample documentation on rates of various problems as a function of maternal AND paternal age at conception (many are unaware of the latter) . Any obstetrician can walk you through this if you do not want to google it and find a reputable source.

    Rates of problems go up with age and perfectly normal kiddos are born too. If you are worried (and are still younger) harvesting ova younger for implantation later can improve odds.

    There is never a perfect time to have kids. You just kinda have to go for it and let the chips fall where they may . It is about prioritizing what is important to you.
    Jul 9 0
  • Amazon •OP
    Doctor should give you the best answer.
    Jul 9 0
  • LinkedIn graU21
    If you’re healthy and fit then go for it. Otherwise adopting might safer option
    Jul 9 1
    • Microsoft loveislife
      OP
      I don’t know how to define healthy. Vitamins and stuff are fine, weigh 125 pounds , coffee addict no other vices, exercise in moderation, look fairly young, stamina low.
      Jul 9
  • Google ggtf45
    OP you will be almost 60 when they graduate from high school. Just brace yourself for that extra energy in their growing years
    Jul 9 0
  • Samsung
    chajimogo

    Samsung

    BIO
    Stressed out but surviving
    chajimogomore
    It’s possible. My sister in law had hers at 42. But the risk of birth defects are much higher post 40 so you will just have to assume that risk.
    Jul 9 0
  • Amazon / Mgmt hq2yomama
    Risks go up for miscarriage as well as various issues such as Downs Syndrome and Autism past 35. But risk is not certainty.
    Jul 9 0
  • Oath Atinlay2
    You need to consult a doctor. Not strangers on Blind
    Jul 9 2
    • Microsoft loveislife
      OP
      Wanted opinions from people who have gone through it or researched the topic
      Jul 9
    • Apple py1
      No harm in using it as a starting point
      Jul 9
  • New Sulker
    I think risks are high if it is your first baby at 41. If it’s not the first, Risks are lesser. Is that correct ?
    Jul 9 2
    • Microsoft loveislife
      OP
      Is this true? I have an older child, had at 30
      Jul 9
    • New Sulker
      As far as I know, this is true from a mother’s health point of view . But from a kids health perspective , risks are still there. Best is to ask your doctor, pretty sure no doctors in blind 😀
      Jul 9
  • Oracle alwzangry
    If you're healthy enough, why not? I know several people who have had a child in their 40s. Nature knows best, and then the next best advisor is your doctor.
    Jul 9 0
  • Google ggtf45
    check with your doctor but definitely laden with a lot of risks.
    Jul 9 0
  • Facebook
    whatnext?

    Facebook

    PRE
    Microsoft
    whatnext?more
    Make adoption an option. Don’t take risk. 41 is 41.
    Why do you want to have a baby?
    Jul 9 0