Worst feeling in the world is seeing your ex getting married

Microsoft Sexybeast
May 7 92 Comments

We had so many dreams. Of where we would travel to. That we would walk on the beach in Barcelona, holding hands on a moonlit night. Or how we would hug and kiss each other on a gondola in Venice. Or the names we would give to our baby. Or how I would always wipe away her tears and make her laugh no matter what.

All in vain. All paper dreams. She left me because she was not sure that I would stick around. And now she is getting married to somebody her parents fixed for her.

Have never felt depressed like this. It is excruciating, hollow, gut wrenching. Feeling very worthless and unloved. I can try to concentrate on work to forget this, but this will take a long time.

FFS, don’t ask for TC.

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TOP 92 Comments
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Microsoft
    Microsoft

    Microsoft

    PRE
    Expedia
    Microsoftmore
    Worse is seeing her having a baby.
    May 72
    • Dude, leave the room.
      May 7
    • Flagged by the community.

  • Amazon / EngQVHz54
    I'm sorry you're hurting.

    One thing that stands out to me about your post is that the loss being verbalized is not the loss of her but the loss of your plans with her. Think carefully about that. Are you sad because you love her and she's with someone else or are you sad because you're alone?

    Something caused her to worry about whether or not you'll stay and that led to her moving on. What caused that fear? Learn from that experience. Grieve the loss but also learn from it so when you're ready to move on you'll be able to without making the same mistakes.
    May 76
    • Boeing ySWB75
      This ☝️
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      What is meant by “loss of her”? You never bereave a person, you bereave the memories you shared. You miss the soft touch of her lips. You miss the sound of her laughing at your silly jokes. You miss the loving gaze she would drench you in. You miss the velvet of her smooth hair. “Her” is an abstract concept. You never miss a person, you miss the memories, the things you shared with that person.
      May 7
    • Amazon / EngQVHz54
      That's an interesting way to look at relationships.

      When I think of my partner it isn't really in terms of just our relationship. Sure, I value the way he makes me feel and what we share but who he is outside of me matters so much more. He's not at all abstract to me... He's a very specific person making a very specific impact on the world.
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Dunno. I miss her as well. Just that I mentioned some of the things I miss.
      May 7
    • VMware / Engliftkarade
      From personal experience, go to gym, start running, like 3-4 miles per day, it will help.
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Probably. Will try.
      May 7
  • Facebook bl@ckmamba
    Are you Indian?

    Also the irony in the statement ‘ She left me because she wasn’t sure I would stick around’ is pretty stark.
    May 75
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Didn’t get you. What do you mean by stark here?
      May 7
    • Equifax
      flstercluk

      Equifax

      PRE
      Chase Paymentech
      flsterclukmore
      It’s a game of thrones reference
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Oh okay. I got it. I guess he meant “ironic”.
      May 7
    • Honeywell that1guy
      It’s because she is a hypocrite, leaving you because she’s afraid you’ll leave her. Stupid
      May 7
    • Twitter Is Amazing
      Nobody watches that
      May 9
  • You are yet another casualty of desi arranged marriage
    May 74
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      How do you know? Are you an Indian?
      May 7
    • Equifax
      flstercluk

      Equifax

      PRE
      Chase Paymentech
      flsterclukmore
      Every one here is indian.
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Here..meaning on Blind? 😱
      May 7
    • “she is getting married to somebody her parents fixed for her” - what more evidence does one need ?
      May 7
  • Microsoft Topher
    Happened to me. She left me just as she started dating one of my "best friends" behind my back. They got engaged some six months later and married a year after that. All our mutual friends supported them because they thought they made a better looking couple. My misery didn't fit that narrative, so naturally everyone distanced themselves from me. I wound up having to block/unfriend a lot of people on social media because I knew what was coming, and didn't want to see the photos. Which meant I was socially isolated without any kind of support network.

    The dude that was seeing her behind my back was someone i trusted. I had reached out to him when he was going through severe depression while she and I were dating. He never accepted my offer to listen. I contemplated all of this and to this day, those memories still haunt. Absolutely the darkest period of my life.
    May 73
    • Microsoft
      Google

      Microsoft

      PRE
      Expedia Group
      Googlemore
      Sorry man. I feel for you. I hope they end up rotting in hell.
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Sorry for that experience. Definitely far worse than mine. I hope that you find the strength to move on.
      May 7
    • Microsoft Topher
      This was 6 years ago. I'm just now starting therapy, man. Definitely recommend starting now. Waiting will be like a self-imposed jail sentence, confining you from the life that you otherwise could have had.
      May 7
  • ConocoPhillips 8&z
    TC of new guy?
    May 72
    • Square git_pull
      ... and YOE
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Definitely lower than me. But that is why I loved her. She never cared about things like TC.
      May 7
  • Google youngthong
    Why don't you just find another babe?
    May 71
    • VMware lmbgggtyr
      Not everyone is flipping babes. Some people are emotionally involved and take time to move on when things like these happen.
      May 7
  • Google !any-cist
    Worst feeling is what you get when you know you are marrying the wrong person. Trust me, you are better off :p
    May 72
    • Bose sockerfan
      No worse is knowing u married the wrong person
      May 7
    • Google !any-cist
      After you are married, you take it one day at a time, which isn't that bad.
      When you are about to get married, you think of your entire life slipping out of you're hand.
      Don't ask me how I know this 😀😑
      May 7
  • SpaceX ________
    Find someone else... POF out there, you will get over it, it is not the end of the world.

    In any case, these "feelings" will go away after a while. Time heals everything !
    May 71
  • Microsoft / Engsonofa🍑
    I understand you feel bad now, and some comments here don't make it any better.
    I just wanted to tell you that somehow your username always makes me smile. On a day I joined Blind, your username was the first thing I saw, and I laughed imagining how all these nice and polite people from work go home and post on Blind under their "sexybeast" profiles. Then under some post you replied to my comment explaining that your username is literally the opposite of what you are in real life, and this self irony was fun too.

    I hope it gets better for you soon, OP. Sometimes things just suck, and I wish there was a switch to turn them off. But hey, it won't last forever anyways, and will get better at some point.
    May 71
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Thanks buddy. I hope it does! 😊
      May 7
  • Salesforce tensorchic
    Hey, been there. It took me 3 years to come out of that experience. What you miss most is the loss of what life would have looked like. It's the loss of what could have been. Cry over it as much as you need to. Just know that you owe it to yourself -- the biggest stakeholder of your life -- to eventually do what's right for you. You'll know when it's time to trust again.

    From what you've written it feels like she left because of a nagging intuition. Nothing you could control. Just pray that she's happy with whom she ended up with.
    May 83
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Thanks buddy!
      May 9
    • OP she’ll call u in about 5-10 yrs and say she is now separated and check if you are still available. She would have even named one of her two kids after you. This really happened to me! Of course I asked her to fu k off 😆
      May 11
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Hopefully she's happy and he is happier and this drama doesn't need to happen.
      May 11
  • Amazon xm729
    B!tches ain't shit but hoes and tricks brah
    May 70
  • Google / EngSexyVirgin
    At least you had a good time. I don't even have any good time to be sad about :(

    I guess it's just like getting laid off. It's tough at the beginning. You have more experience now. Just find another one with higher TC (boob size in this case), and you'll be fine. Nobody is irreplaceable.
    May 74
    • SpaceX ________
      "I don't have any good time to be sad about"

      *User name checks out*
      Damn
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Nah man. I never get attracted to a woman because of her boob size. I can’t even if I try.
      May 7
    • Google / EngSexyVirgin
      Of course there are many other important aspects to consider besides boobs.
      I was just kidding. Hopefully it was entertaining ;)
      May 7
    • SpaceX ________
      You meant higher TC, combined with least/lesser YOE :P

      IYKWIM
      May 7
  • Amazon Am A Bot
    I would try something different: be happy for them. Positive feelings beget more positive feelings and the same is true of negative ones. If you can open your heart and feel happiness for someone you used to love it will help heal you so you can love again.

    Someone I know was not just invited to his ex’s wedding but was asked to be in it. Everyone thought he was crazy and it killed him to do it but he did. It made him heal a hell of a lot faster by doing so.

    As my wife says “love expands to fill the space you give it.”
    May 81
    • Microsoft Topher
      Sorry. My heart's just three sizes too small. -.-
      May 8
  • Oracle ffzz76
    Feel for u. 😢
    May 70
  • Intel falalalala
    I've felt this way until very recently, and totally understand what you must be going through. I want you to know that this is all temporary! While you might argue that it's not, and remain strong on your point that you can never be happy again: I've been there too. First step is distraction. Whatever works better for you. Delete all memories, create a dating profile and start talking to girls, focus on self-growth and indulge in hobbies you haven't spent time with in a while. Literally anything that can keep you going for now, just do it(I've done all of the above)! Along with this, continue talking to someone about how you feel. Friend, stranger, family. Anyone whom you think can give you good advice. You'll get through this. Be strong!
    May 111
  • Cisco / Eng0xdeadbad
    Sorry you are hurting, but, if you wanted her so bad, why did you not go all out and fully commit to the relationship instead of giving off mixed signals? I wouldn’t blame her for not sticking around.

    Anyways, hang in there, time heals all wounds.
    May 73
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      I committed to her fully. Never gave any signal which can remotely be construed as mixed. She said openly that it is not my fault that she could not trust me, that I had tried my best but she still had nagging doubts.
      May 7
    • Cisco / Eng0xdeadbad
      Then you did your part, all I can say is hang in there and find some productive activity to immerse yourself in that will take your mind off for a while - like hitting the gym, running, hiking or volunteering at a community center.
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Yep. Will try probably.
      May 7
  • Amazon jQpf16
    You are Indian. I can just tell. Life is no bollywood she did not want to be with you. she left. You are hurting, she has moved on. Be smart, move on. Live your best life thats the best revenge. With time you will get over it all.
    May 81
    • Isn’t Revenge porn the go to standard ?😆
      May 8
  • Time heals everything. You will move on if you get yourself involved with other mind occupying activities
    May 71
  • New / Eng
    hymn84

    NewEng

    PRE
    HP, NETGEAR
    hymn84more
    Life is a mixture of feelings. This is one kinda feeling you will one day cherish. Am sure most of us came through this situation. Best time to focus on something you do wanna achieve. All the best.
    May 71
  • Microsoft iambored
    Don’t worry you will get over it. You need a trip to vegas 😛
    May 71
    • SAP barnobi
      There are a few things money cannot buy. Love happens to be one of them.
      May 7
  • You will get over it faster than you can imagine. Just explore / at least keep eyes open - the world is full of beautiful people
    May 71
  • New kvzR50
    Is the breakup still fresh? If so then I understand, if not then wtf dude?
    May 71
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Breakup was a bit while ago, today I learned that she is getting married, and damn, the floodgates opened up.
      May 7
  • SpaceX ________
    User name checks out
    BEAST

    Pff
    May 70
  • Facebook lkj630
    Moral of the story? If you want someone, let them know, don't play hard to get.
    May 122
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      What the fuck? I never played hard to get! She just dumped me stating that she is not certain.
      May 13
    • Facebook lkj630
      You said she left you because she was not sure that you'd stick around. To me that sounds like she wasn't sure you were invested in the relationship. Did you mean something else?
      May 13
  • TriNet / EngyOXI71
    I feel you brother. Time will heal everything. Good luck 😎
    May 72
    • VMware / Engliftkarade
      Yes she might will feel the same you are feeling right now once you get a hot chick.
      May 7
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Hope so. Thanks.
      May 7
  • Bose sockerfan
    Maybe u dodged a bullet
    May 71
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      Possibly. It sucks the same though..
      May 7
  • New eNBa60
    Keep doing things you love and/or do an activity you always wanted to do. You’ll hopefully meet someone just as awesome while chasing your passion. Believe me, I thought I’d never do “better” than her. You’ll likely meet “different” yet great too. If she died, you’d still have to meet someone else or be alone - approach it the same way. Good luck!
    May 71
  • Facebook pACM57
    I’m sorry. Feel the feelings fully instead of avoiding them or distracting yourself. Cry it out. Have faith you’ll find someone and she wasn’t right for you. And find a therapist - couldn’t have gone through my break up without mine, and I feel stronger after the experience. You got this!
    May 71
  • Microsoft eYxJ12
    I’m sorry. Have been there and also learned that dreams aren’t always logical or right for you. Example: beaches in Barcelona are crap. Everyone who lives there travels for a good beach. I’m not dissing. Just pointing out that what you thought you wanted is probably not what you actually want.
    May 71
    • Microsoft Sexybeast
      OP
      I did visit Barcelona and loved the beach there. May be it was solitary when I visited and crowded when you did.
      May 7
  • New hqWe60
    sounds like the best feeling because someone else is stuck with the crazy ex
    May 90
  • Intel apsodj
    It’s good to vent and process, but end of the day, there are 4 billion potential mates out there.
    May 70

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