So here is some background, I work in US and she lives in Italy. We met in 2017 while I was there and eventually started dating. Then I left for US later that year and since then we see each other for a week or two every 3-4 months in different locations. Today she said something along the lines that she wants to feel wanted again and how being apart most of the year is hard. So she wanted to talk about an open relationship. I kind of get her but not sure how to respond. She said she was at an event and was dancing with a guy and he tried to kiss her. She said no to him but was thinking about feeling wanted. She said she likes me a lot and I feel the same but the long distance makes it hard. She still wants to be with me in the long term. From what she said she just wants to flirt occasionally.. but I doubt it will stay there I did tell her that she is free to do as she pleases and I dont have the power to control her but I am confused. We will discuss over call more later. We really like each other and staying apart for 1.5 years is hard. But I am not sure if opening the box of open relationship will just spring a bunch of new problems and will eventually break what we have and I really dont think it can just start and end with some harmless flirting. Any opinions on open relationships and long distance relationships? Anyone has been in either of our shoes before? Edit: Sorry should have mentioned future plan. She is finishing university right now and she will be done around September. She plans to come here for a month in October and look for jobs here. But she is very European and personally prefers to live in Europe. However I am not a US citizen and if I move to Europe (I am still learning italian and know about 10%) and things dont work out I cant come back here. Its different for her and she understands and she can just pack her bags and leave and US has more diversity + her English is fluent. But it’s hard to get a job here, especially in her field of aerospace engineering so idk what the future holds. I also proposed an alternate that we move to Canada.
Hate to break it to you but she’s already open bro hahaha
Long distance open relationships never work if neither of you has a *short term* plan to move to where the other lives. It just doesn't.
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She has no respect for you.
It can work but needs lots of open communication and mutual trust.
Stay woke
Move on
Do you two cam sex or anything like that?
I've heard that this solves a lot of the problems. Especially if you record it then post links to find the uploaded recordings on Blind. Definitely solves it.
I think you would be the best person to answer this question. If the feeling makes you uneasy and you know you'd feel awful if she flirted or did anything with someone, definitely ask yourself why you feel like that, but also DEFINITELY don't open it up if you know you'd feel that way. Talk it through with each other, set up rules that you know you would be comfortable with. I know personally that there exist these types of set ups that 100% result in zero jealousy or hang ups or leaving someone because of it, but it really really depends on the situation.
read the book Opening Up. it's totally cool and doable. you just need to be mature and willing to work through your own baggage and insecurities.
Yep. I won’t lie I don’t feel mature and secure about it but I am trying to and trying to find the best option
My advice would be to do whatever it is that you both can feel honestly good about, while being in integrity and truly honest with yourselves and each other. If you can't find anything in that realm /together/, then the best thing may be to end or change the relationship. And that's okay! Relationships can evolve or end, without stigma or judgement. I wish you all the best.
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What is your long term plan? Do u have plans to live in the city in the end?
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