feeling intense anger and hatred

New fuath
Oct 3, 2018 37 Comments

A few weeks ago, I was riding high at work. I was well liked, and had a string of successes under my belt.

Then I got in trouble. Not for something I did, but because I was friends with someone that quit under duress. HR called me in with my supervisor one morning, and I was put on a PIP of sorts. My performance is excellent, but I was told I can be fired no matter how good my performance.

Now I can’t do anything right. I can’t look at my phone without getting an email warning me about looking at my phone when I should be working. Countless other things like that.

All of this was very unexpected. My friend that quit apparently knows something that’s potentially damaging to the company. I don’t know what that is.

Of course I started interviewing almost immediately. I have offers rolling in now, and I’ll more than double my TC. I will have to relocate, though. There just aren’t many good job options in my area. That means my kids will have to leave their friends. We’ll leave our home. My wife and I will leave our friends.

I’m so full of anger and hatred right now. I’m stressed out each day at work. My blood pressure is incredibly high. I workout multiple times each day to help curb my emotions, but it’s not working well.

I’ve had a long and excellent software engineering career. I feel like the industry has grown worse, with more immaturity and toxicity - but that could just be me getting older.

I’m rambling now. I had to get this off my chest. Have any of you dealt with something similar? Where you were treated unfairly and had no recourse? How did you deal with it?

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TOP 37 Comments
  • New aLuu55
    Get over it and move on. This is hard advice to receive, it’s easier to dwell on shitty things people/companies have done to you than it is to move on. But you have to.

    Focus on what’s next. Maybe you can salvage the situation at work and don’t have to leave?
    Oct 3, 2018 3
    • New fuath
      OP
      I am moving on, it’s the getting over it part that I’m struggling with.
      Oct 3, 2018
    • Oscar / Eng tc / gtfo
      When you do, burn the bridge and tell us the name of the company.
      Oct 3, 2018
    • VMware BabyDoll
      Lol yes
      Oct 3, 2018
  • eBay 101&
    I can understand that this is really really tough for you but trust me whatever happens, happens for a good. As Steve Jobs said dots will connect later on, when you look at al this backwards some time in future. Don’t stress about it!
    Oct 3, 2018 2
    • New az1924
      Well said.
      Oct 3, 2018
    • New fuath
      OP
      Good advice, thanks.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • Uber 6👻9
    Definitely lawyer up and gather evidence, this is a great opportunity, do not let the company get away easily.
    Oct 3, 2018 2
    • Microsoft 8675308.9
      This
      Oct 3, 2018
    • New fuath
      OP
      Not a bad idea.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • O'Reilly Media Feminist
    I feel the same way sometimes. I can’t imagine what it’s like with a family. Cut your losses and move on. No it’s not you getting older. The times are changing and things are becoming rigid. Make sure to vet for this toxicity as you make your next decision. You’ll move away from friends but it sounds like you’ll have your family by your side. Many of us would die for that unconditional love that comes from a family. Count your blessings. Good luck brother.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      🙏
      Oct 3, 2018
  • VMware BabyDoll
    I think you should move on. Coz even if things become alright here, they would never be the same as before. I am curious if you have spoken to this friend of yours! Why would the co. penalize you for something your friend did/knows? It’s not like you are related to them so there is potential conflict of interest or something.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      I’ve wondered that, too. I have spoken with my friend, but I haven’t asked what he knows.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • New / Eng
    blind6691

    New Eng

    BIO
    Tc= imbroke
    blind6691more
    Be nice. When you are ready, give them a 3 hour notice that it's your last day,this is a sufficient middle finger
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      Good idea.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • rewardStyle dreadnot
    Sounds like my company. You have offers, so you know what to do. As for the anger, it should subside when you no longer have to go into your office and face those assholes each day.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      I hope so.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • New fuath
      OP
      😂
      Oct 3, 2018
  • Google / Other fireflie
    Do you feel like the trouble you're in now is unjustified?
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      Completely. My supervisor and HR told me that my friendship was evidence that I lacked company values.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • Apple Vhff45
    There’s no company loyalty anymore... only shareholder loyalty. Become a larger shareholder aka more TC. It’s hard for companies to justifying letting go of someone with lots of RSUs.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      That makes sense, thanks for the advice.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • Oracle br_exit
    Where's that friend of yours who quit now? Get together with him/her and get lawyers. This is terrible.

    Watch out for family, especially kids. Sometimes, career needs to take the backseat for their well-being. Try to find something without having to move.
    Oct 3, 2018 2
    • New fuath
      OP
      Thanks for the advice. I am concerned about how this may affect my kids.
      Oct 3, 2018
    • PeerStreet / Other
      MonGarl162

      PeerStreet Other

      PRE
      Amazon
      MonGarl162more
      Your kids will get over it.

      Moving isn’t a big deal, if your kid is broken by having to relocate they probably wouldn’t have survived the world regardless.

      Adversity builds character.
      Oct 5, 2018
  • rewardStyle
    Striking similarities to our company. Really sorry you have to go throughly this op. Take an offer and run, you’ll be happy again soon enough.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      Thanks.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • Google / Eng Bluths
    I only have as much loyalty to companies as they have to me. None.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      I’m developing the same outlook.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • New / Eng
    blind6691

    New Eng

    BIO
    Tc= imbroke
    blind6691more
    Loyalty is a commodity that can be bought , traded and or discarded. At least for businesses, cut your losses quick and move on, those dudes only care about their bottom line and you know it.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      You’re right, thanks.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • Microsoft Hehaha
    I was in a similar situation years ago. One of my very good friend who was also a colleague had an argument with his manager, it got personal and my friend was fired the same day. 2 days later I was called and asked to leave as well. They thought he could influence me and spoil the team environment. HRs have weird logic. Good to leave such people, they don’t deserve you.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      That’s terrible. Thanks for sharing.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • Amazon HBkS82
    Move before they find some way to fire you. Seen it happen too often.
    Oct 3, 2018 1
    • New fuath
      OP
      Thanks for the advice, I am worried about this.
      Oct 3, 2018
  • New / Eng AussieSWE
    Just remember, if you leave, it’s harder to win a lawsuit against your company. And they can’t fire you while you have a lawsuit going on. :)
    Oct 4, 2018 0