got surprising feedback from teammate without asking

Intuit Omlw07
Aug 29 37 Comments

today my teammate approached me saying her goal for this year is to give people more feedback. then she asked me why i didnt go to yesterday’s meeting. i said i dialed in online. she said: is that because i slacked you if you are coming? i replied: no, i was going to dial in anyway. she then confronted with me why i joined at 9:30 instead of the beginninh (8:30am). I defended myself 8:30 is welcome and breakfast time. i dont see a point to dial in so early. after that, she still kept selling her points that she hope i can go to meetings in peron instead of dialing in. eventually i had to say ok.

she’s not my mentor or manager. we just work on the same team. I am feeling weird about these feedback from her. people dial into meeting all the time, especially that early. and do people give feedback without being asked?

what do you all think?

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TOP 37 Comments
  • Amazon фoo
    Tell her your goal for the year is to ignore unsolicited feedback.
    Aug 29 2
  • IBM / Data bbWI22
    Sounds like she’s trying to make a play for a management role, and looks like she’ll be a shitty manager.
    Aug 29 1
    • Intuit Omlw07
      OP
      That’s how I feel too...micro managing coworker😂😂😂
      Aug 29
  • Credit Karma dead_beat
    *shakes head* People read radical candor and take it too far.
    Aug 29 1
    • Intuit Omlw07
      OP
      I should probably read that book too :)
      Aug 29
  • T-Mobile / Eng flog
    Interesting! Here is the other side of story for you -
    Your colleague had a problem with you not joining meeting in person and may be other issues as well, which you don't know or pretending to not know.

    Your colleague went to your/her reporting Manager and talked about it. RM did not want to give that feedback to you and take it on itself. RM asked your colleague to give you direct feedback, your colleague must be surprised by this ask and thought how should she give you this feedback without hurting your feeling and what should be starting point. That's why she said that her goal is to provide people more feedback. Believe me, by People she meant you.

    You should be careful and talk to your manager about this feedback if you trust your manager, and say that you appreciate it and ask her to guide you for your approach to improve yourself. Your manager will have to tell you details and all. Or you can keep it to yourself and let your colleague give her side of story to your manager again.

    All the best.
    Aug 29 4
    • Intuit Omlw07
      OP
      thanks for this feedback. Our manager is actually on paternity leave. I recently joined the team and started to work with her. But I guess my right move is to talk to my manager after his leave. Just need to figure out the best way to address this.
      Aug 29
    • F5 Networks bhai-log
      Your goal of the year should be - brevity
      Aug 29
    • T-Mobile / Eng flog
      Yes, your right move is to talk to your manager about this, he will guide and tell you what he wants, or he will talk to the other person or will ask you to ignore it. In any case you are just showing your manager that you are trusting him and asking for guidance, and he will support you if he is a good manager. Win Win for you.
      Aug 29
    • Microsoft UMbR31
      F5 Bhai you just made my day 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
      Aug 29
  • Uber 一一
    Is she Chinese? Not a racist comment, but we Chinese over value presence as commitment
    Aug 29 2
    • Intuit Omlw07
      OP
      Chinese American. 😅
      Aug 29
    • Uber 一一
      There you go, just a difference of cultural values
      Aug 29
  • Netflix FckTheWrld
    She must be a former Netflix employee ;)
    Aug 29 0
  • Spotify / Eng qbeforeu
    It does sound kind of weird to join a meeting an hour late, unless it was some sort of all day thing with a scheduled agenda and you joined for a certain discussion.

    But it sounds like maybe some details here are missing.
    Aug 29 2
    • Intuit Omlw07
      OP
      Yeah it was an all day long meeting with a scheduled agenda. Not discussion. It’s PMs share their work and their goal for next year. (I am not PM)
      Aug 29
    • Intuit lhdg
      Oh geez I just skip those sorts of meetings altogether. I don't understand how people get work done if they attend all the meetings they're invited to (I suspect they simply don't contribute much of value?)
      Aug 30
  • Veritas Khiar
    Either she is a crazy person or has legitimate concern or feed back.

    If crazy then say yes but do your own thing
    Else
    Get her in a conversation about cost vs benefits of being physically in a meeting
    Aug 29 2
    • Intuit Omlw07
      OP
      She said she wants me to be there in person and show I am good partner and doing important stuff. Also get to know the people on the team.
      Aug 29
    • Bloomberg / Eng
      offByOme

      Bloomberg Eng

      PRE
      Bloomberg LP
      offByOmemore
      You just ‘joined’ a team?
      Aug 29
  • Intel / Eng lil’nas
    May be she likes you
    Aug 29 0
  • Twitter pNAK04
    Nice way of firing back if she is on blind too :)
    Aug 29 0
  • New galo
    Give her unsolicited feedback back. Tell her she should stop bugging people to join meetings. That meetings that last over an hour are a huge waste of resources, specially if it starts 8:30am when people are half awake
    Aug 29 0
  • Splunk Splunkr
    Tell her to stop harassing you or you will have to file a complaint
    Aug 29 0
  • VMware doof_s
    I think you should have used this opportunity to provide feedback to her as well on her negative points
    Aug 29 0
  • Art.com teally
    It’s also possible your co-worker has listened to others complain about you because of your overly relaxed stance on meetings (and who knows what else). Perhaps this person likes you enough to give you a heads up that people are irritated with you...
    Aug 29 2
    • Intuit Omlw07
      OP
      I did think about that possibility. But still feel weird about uninvited feedback and this micro-managing style.
      Aug 29
    • Art.com teally
      Which is a legit response
      Aug 30
  • Dell / Eng
    .+

    Dell Eng

    PRE
    Dell EMC
    .+more
    Embracing more random feedback seems like a good thing, and id prefer more people to show up to meetings in person because it's way more effective to argue a case in person but .. that particular meeting sounds pretty useless so that's fortunately one I'd dial in to ..
    Aug 29 1
    • Intuit lhdg
      There are very very few cross functional all day meetings that should be mandatory. I doubt this was one of them
      Aug 30
  • Intuit 2650
    Ask her to send her feedback through email.
    Sep 3 0
  • Intuit KReJ50
    I think she likes you and misses you
    Aug 30 0
  • Microsoft
    Tier 1

    Microsoft

    BIO
    #1 in Prestige
    Tier 1more
    8:30am? Completely unacceptable.

    Just create a reoccurring meeting on your calendar that blocks that time out every day. And reject all meetings that early.
    Aug 30 0
  • Amazon CeoExtra
    She’s going to be your manager soon. Congrats OP 😭
    Aug 29 0
  • Zillow Group O~\~<
    Aug 29 0

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