weird woman - brother-in-law's wife - need advice

Wayfair pbSy87
May 28 47 Comments

hello blinders - i am getting married soon and my fiance arranged a meeting so she could introduce me to her relatives. when I met her sister in law, she asked me about where i worked and what i did. pretty generic question. i spilled out the details. then she asks me about my TC indirectly - which I thought was rude but managed to dodge. showing some reciprocity i questioned her back about what she did and she has the audacity to tell me that she doesn't talk about her work publicly. i am like 29, and she is 40 years old and has a kid. can you believe this woman?

damn. it pissed me off and thought i got played. it's been bothering me since then. how should I behave with her, if I encounter her again? I told my fiance about this and she said that not to bother too much and let go. but i feel this woman is a sneaky person.

all smart high earning techies out there - please be a beacon of light. any advice?

AWS
TC 210

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TOP 47 Comments
  • Intel 1090SC
    If you’re ethnically South Asian (Indian, Malay, etc.) be prepared for escalation from her.

    I would say formal kindness and not acknowledging the question. I’d also like to suggest that in front of your fiancé make it clear to the In laws that some items just cause confusion in the family, and to leave topics like income out of family gatherings.

    Better for everyone.
    May 28 12
    • Oh. Yeah we have a tendency to sweep problems under the rug and let them slowly simmer away until shit pops and hits the fan.

      Conflict resolution skills: very little
      May 28
    • Nutanix hmbsjc1
      Chinese people also. My dear friend was dating this sweet Chinese woman, had to break up with her because his parents didn’t think she’d make him rich. He cried for 3 days straight but went with their decision and married a banker instead.
      May 28
    • Intel 1090SC
      Asian culture in general tends to be passive aggressive. It’s sometimes better to be direct and call out BS. Or literally stonewall/firewall information.
      May 28
    • There’s a lot we can learn from the white people we make fun of so much 😂
      May 28
    • Facebook public2
      This is so weird to me. Money doesn't matter when you have love.
      May 29
  • Amazon jEEg41
    Stone cold biatch 🙂
    May 28 2
    • Facebook / Eng
      baldnshort

      Facebook Eng

      PRE
      Facebook
      baldnshortmore
      Maybe she's a stripper. Give her a break.
      May 28
    • Amazon jEEg41
      LOL
      May 28
  • Amazon jEEg41
    Don’t get her a Xmas present 👍
    May 28 2
    • New
      \🐃

      New

      PRE
      Bank of America
      \🐃more
      How about opposite - getting something pretty expensive, but refurb on deal
      May 28
    • Amazon jEEg41
      Haha, 😂 rub some salt
      May 28
  • CVS Health zzwJ42
    Since you know her now, stay away from her as much as possible.
    May 28 1
    • New / Eng
      Atr

      New Eng

      PRE
      McAfee
      BIO
      Looking for interview prep shit
      Atrmore
      This. Lesson learned, move on.
      May 28
  • Apple Henrie
    You didn’t get played. You were free to answer her question however you wanted to and share as much info as you deemed appropriate to share with people outside of work.
    You determined it was ok to share and she determined it wasn’t.

    I think the problem here is that you felt pressured to answer her questions and over-shared even though you didn’t want to and that’s why you felt you were played when she didn’t answer you.

    This is probably her just trying to size you up seeing how you’re marrying into the family and all. So, I wouldn’t make any decisions based on that one single interaction. Keep being friendly and hangout with them over a longer period of time before assessing any potential family issues. I’d also not share too much info at once.
    May 28 2
    • Google / Eng
      plaster

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Amazon
      plastermore
      Mostly true, but no, she was sizing up for a reason and is very sneaky, beware of her
      May 30
    • Universal Orlando Flying🛸
      Agreed.
      May 30
  • She wants to compare her life with that of her sister’s. Very sneaky, curious, and probably jealous personality type. If she sees your family is doing better than hers, she will attempt to cause problems. (By the way, if you have a sister, be prepared for the same thing.)

    From now on, don’t give her any information about anything personal. Make it clear to your fiancé that this will be your way of dealing with this sister going forward.

    Welcome to marriage!
    May 28 0
  • Broadcom Ltd. whtindname
    Ignore her
    May 28 0
  • Nutanix hmbsjc1
    When my Indian friends get nosey like this I tell them I am broke and have erectile dysfunction.
    May 29 1
    • Microsoft fjkl
      Lol
      May 29
  • Kaspersky Lab / HR aye dais
    When I got married for a second time we agreed that I’m handling my relatives, and my wife is handling hers. Best decision ever. She tells me when she is unhappy with anything my family does and I handle it with them and vice versa. So I only smile to her mother and have easy conversations. When her mother asks me about my TC I redirect her to her daughter. And when my wife is unhappy with my mother lectures on family life she complains to me and I talk to my mom.
    Works all the time.
    May 28 0
  • Facebook ⭕w⭕
    I said "biiiiiiiiiiiiiitch..."
    May 28 0
  • eBay / Eng
    mDBW53

    eBay Eng

    PRE
    NVIDIA
    mDBW53more
    You didn’t follow the rules. TC or GTFO
    May 28 1
  • Facebook public2
    Nothing. Don't be bitter, be better.
    May 28 0
  • Verizon / Eng ComTruis3
    People ask you what you do for a living to decide how much respect to give you.
    May 28 1
  • Tell her you are poor and having hard time paying bills 😄 and every time she tries to find out TC throw a random low ball number and most of all don’t let her bother you at all. She’s just one example my friend there are lots of ppl like that.
    May 28 0
  • Microsoft awshucks
    I think there was some power play at work here. You’re the outsider being introduced to the family so they get to assess you. And she’s the older person (important in many communities). And more importantly the “audacity” you displayed as an outsider and younger person questioning her probably means in her mind you’re the rude one. There is also the possibility that she’s the nosy jealous scheming type but not enough data to judge.

    Like so many have said above, these are all silly mind games that you should just leave alone and not engage with.
    May 28 0
  • Oracle iOFR21
    You could have simply replied you are asking exactly same questions that she asked you.
    May 28 0
  • Akamai Technologies akam
    Chill out dude, you are not marrying her. You cannot always avoided such people in life as relatives or co-worker. But you can definitely learn to ignore them.
    May 28 0
  • Oracle pzd
    Move on.
    May 28 0
  • T-Mobile fun oh
    Call her out! Say that you expect her to ask questions that she doesn't mind answering herself. Say that in front of maximum audience. Take no shit or GTFO.
    May 28 1
    • Bloomberg / Eng
      WPslayer

      Bloomberg Eng

      PRE
      Fidessa
      WPslayermore
      ”TC or GTFO!”
      *make a mic drop gesture*
      *dab on her*
      May 30
  • Wayfair pbSy87
    OP
    Thanks folks, the comments have been helpful. appreciate the advice.
    May 28 1
    • Autodesk / Other -oQo-
      Hi! I agree that you should ignore her. It is because she could find out your TC soon by asking your wife. She was probably testing you for whatever reason. Also she might have already known. She just wants to see how you react to an awkward question like this. Fortunately, she is not your bride. Just ignore her. You won't live with her anyway.
      Jun 1