why me
women and men of blind, i have a dilema that will need some strangers to weight in: what have i done wrong? 1st boyfriend for 2 year: broke up because he wanted to focus on making money to support his parents. he didnt know if he canhave a future with me. 2nd one for 4 years he had to move to different state for job after i supported his finance for a year. he wanted me to relocate but i was unable to since there wasnt any job for me there. he is kind and a great person but not financially strong. while he can take care of himself i worried i needed to be the main source of finance in the house for now and later future. the ongoing stress of providing without a retirement plan for him made me doubt of the future stability. 3rd one for 2 years has been my true love. we are compatible in eveything from career goal, money management and desire for kids. the only thing was that he seeks to get divorce with his wife. i understand and gave a year to finalize everything. just this weekend i saw on his phone that he has a daughter. this broke my heart as i would never ever come in btw a family. i believed there was nothing left btw them. i was broken in multi pieces is an understatement. i love each with all my heart. willing to far and wide for each of them but why me. each one promised me the love beyond everything but why am i aways the one that got hurt? what have i done wrong in selecting men? i usually shoot for those that are a but nerdy, good people and kind. i believe i was right but there has to be something wrong with my selection. i am not the most beautiful but i am on the average look, well educated, great family, decent income and most of all very low maintenance, never really ask for anything expensive. i thought with that setting i would be golden but my love life has been very painful so far. how can i do better?
It seems you are not saying “no” to people that ultimately have dealbreaker qualities. 1. was not that into you, 2. was financially incompatible, and 3. was married - and you stayed with each of them for years. Those first 2 should have been 3 dates max and the third guy should have been a hard pass as soon as you found out he was married. Start vetting your candidates better before falling in love with them. Learn how to cut your losses and move on.
Lowest common denominator. You probably need to work on yourself, whether that is better selection, or better personal attributes.
The fact that you have put yourself out there and given the best if yourself speaks a ton for you. Relationships are hard.. I told myself that even if I have to go through 100 bad experience to meet one right one .. I am on with that.. I met my wife through family friend but it took me couple of iterations .. 😉
Leaving 2nd boyfriend to avoid being the primary source of income in house is weird. Don’t guys do that most of the time? Where is the cry for equality here?
You are right. I come from a traditional family so I have certain expectation for the man to help plan the finance in the house. I planed all expenses, vacation, house purchase and get even more worried when he didn’t have a job. He was a kind man and would always be there for me. I just couldn’t picture a solid and a bit of excitement in life
3rd one sounds like the one for you
So you are dating someone who is married? What could go wrong?
You shouldn't have broken up with the 2nd bf. People go through hard times. Why was being the primary source of income in the house a concern, as long as he is a responsible guy. 3rd one - you dodged a bullet. If he hid the fact that he has a daughter, he doesn't deserve a second of your time after that. Having said that, there are the luckiest people who receive, recognize, build, and keep their love at the first go. Then there are the lucky ones who find love after a few iterations. And then there are others who never find it, end up settling down with someone, and make it work. You have plenty of time, you will get lucky again. Don't lose hope. Learn and move on.
You have identified yourself the problem as selection. My wife of 15+ years didn't find a lot in common. Still, our character and values played a major part in taking the plunge. More importantly, being nice only can take so far. Ability to confront and coexist will take u a long way. You sound realistic and grounded. Wish you luck in your journey!
Wow! The last is an obvious bad choice. You gotta except that, learn and move on.
Nice story