i have always wanted 2 kids. i had a hard first pregnancy and then a pre mature baby. went back to work, and had real issues with team and manager, so had to switch teams with juggling between pumping and managing separation anxiety and also trying to solve relationship issues with my husband and in laws stress. now that my baby is 1 yr old, i have started to feel back like myself, and things are improving with my husband. looking back, it takes atleast 2 yrs of commitment to be normal and get back to self and concentrate on work. now i am so confused if we should have another kid or not. i really want to do this as early as possible, and then get back to my career full fledged after i am back to normal. we have mortgage and daycare costs already every month. with a second kid, coats will just increase, and i am not sure how hard everything gets. what are some pros and cons you faced after having second kid?
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A friend said "One child changes your life. Two ends it". Then lied, and said three wasn't a big difference. Seriously, though, a second is great, as long as you can manage it within 2, 2.5 years. They will be best friends, and keep each other out of your hair. Leave the gap much more than that, and they feel like two different kids, and don't socialise quite as well. As for impact on you...twice as many kids give twice the chances for odd things to happen, days off because they are too sick, or stay up all night, or need sports etc. If it's worth doing one, it's usually worth doing two. As to how to do it in the Bay Area...no idea. I couldn't even imagine doing that to an adult, never mind a child. Seems you worked it out though!
Leave the gap much more than that, and they feel like two different kids So else they come out as 1?
The stress is on the 'DIFFERENCE', in the above sentence, NOT on the number 'two'. So, it means, with more gap, the kids will be quite different UNLIKE in the case if the gap is less, in which case they will be more SIMILAR. Sometimes you need to read between the lines/ more holistically.
Kids > Facebook
You work for your kids. They just subcontract you to another employer for some of your time...
Basically. Could be living in a fancy condo with bay view but stuck in suburban hell in a single family 2 car garage home so my daughter can go to a good school.
Non FAANG WLB
Physically, mentally and financially exhausting. Just had my second one 8 months ago. Two kids are 4 yrs apart. Managing childcare(nannies/daycare preschool) and work gets crazy. But the love amongst the siblings makes my day! Be ready for the rollercoaster of emotions from I am not good enough to care for the two kids to the other extreme that I love my kids to the Moon and back. Not in Bay area, but traveling from NJ to NY. Okayish WLB and of course non FANG salary. No mortgage as of now but looking to get into one as if life was not crazy enough. I am sorry if this wasn't helpful, but you are the one to choose and stick to your decision. On a lighter note: We can't return the younger kid to the doctor how much ever the elder kid insists.
How much is the daycare in the Bay area? You get a like 10-15% discount for the second kid usually.
Second kid would be additional cost, but you will manage. If you can physically afford to have the second child, just go for it. If poor people manage to raise more than 1 kid, you definitely can.
I have doubts on if we will be able to manage college fees for both..
College fees are overrated, you can pay for 4 years of college from just the sign-in bonuses that are paid in tech jobs. Also, student loans are very common and your kid can pay up from her/his sign on bonus :-) This literally seems like a ridiculous reason for not having the second child.
You have two kids with mortgage? Didn’t realize they were giving those out to kids. I guess now we’ll have mortgage debt crisis instead of a student loan crisis.
you tried
I’ve been struggling with my own decision. People often underestimate the cost. You need a bigger house. You need 1 additional car. Plus 1 more schooling cost. It’s an commitment of 30k/yr at about every stage of life, not including the house. Plus my first born keep saying he doesn’t want a sibling 👀
Never have 2 kids. Have 3 or 1.
May I ask why
For having 3, you gotta have 2 before right - i am trying to make a decision on how difficult life could get with 2