Dealing with a "toxic" family member

TLDR; I am taking advantage of this anonymous platform to vent out my feelings today. I am contemplating visiting a therapist but need to vent out anyways. I have a family member who's been toxic and controlling in my life (won't reveal gender). They have been highly successful and they've always been an inspiration to me. I looked up to them and celebrated their happiness always. But they've been extremely controlling and always played a victim. No matter how much I do, it's never enough. If I say no to one request, then they start thinking I don't care for them enough and says I feel lonely, I have no one. I have my own family and life but they expect I take decisions that revolve around their life. And makes me feel guilty if I take a decision that they're not happy about but which works for my family. There are a lot of other instances. For example, they say they're not happy with their marital life and always crib about how God has been unfair to them for giving such a spouse. But at the same time I see them being very close. Like my relationship with my spouse has been good (no complains) but even we don't talk with each other all the time. But if they stay apart for a few hours/days, they constantly text and call each other. They travel all the time, go out and do a lot of things together. It's not jealousy seeing them happy together coz I want them to be happy but I am confused as to how to react when they complain. At one moment they'll talk extremely negative about the spouse and the other moment they're happily together. They're also jealous about some of my life events and have said extremely toxic words to me. It's not that they've always been like this to me, they've been good and helpful to me in the past. That's why I am confused that I am not seeing their love but instead mistaking it for control. Cutting them out is not an option as they're immediate family.
#confused #venting#mentalhealth