this post is from Amazon Blind.. Do you see these in Facebook or Uber? I know Microsoft n Google are not brutal.
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I've been working as an SDE for over a year now, and this is my first job out of college. I received an NI rating during my last performance review in February and since then I've been working tirelessly to try to climb out of the hole. I was already under a lot of stress prior to the review and putting in long hours but I just doubled down and became more determined after the feedback at the expense of a personal life. The long hours and stress directly led to my recent divorce, which will be final in a month. My spouse just couldn't handle the pressure I was bringing home and I was given the ultimatum of them or the job. That aside, I've worked on some interesting projects and delivered some things I'm proud of since my review. My manager has also said he sees improvement and to not take my foot off the pedal. The problem now is that my latest project is, simply put, outside of my skill set and I just can't get it off the ground. I'm afraid at any moment that the axe is going to come down and my manager is going to chew me out in front of the entire team which he has done before. I feel like I'm just a burden to him and he acts like I should be lucky to even be allowed to stay on the team. I'm having panic attacks nearly every day and I'm contemplating suicide every day to the point of looking at options for hand guns, or exit bags as a less messy alternative. I just feel completely worthless and ineffective. I'm barely sleeping and I can't concentrate on this project which is already completely over my head. I can't explore other teams due to my rating and putting in applications elsewhere and interviewing seems incredibly daunting at this point due to how little time I have outside. I'm considering just resigning but I hear this is horrible if I don't already have something lined up. Has anyone else been in this position that could offer some advice?
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Seattle is full of developers smarter than I am who've been fired by Amazon. It's a shit system that values those who can best play the Bezos Game of Thrones.
Not worth your life.
Back when boxed software actually mattered, you could forecast divorce lawyer load in Redmond by looking at Microsoft schedule projections.
Spend your life to build your own happy life.