I am utterly burned out and hate myself

Sep 20, 2021 32 Comments

I joined as a new grad in January and burned myself out trying to earn a GE. I began having daily stomachaches, headaches, and diarrhea, and ended up with an EE. I cried for days after getting my rating and have been falling deeper and deeper into depression ever since. I feel like I've hit rock bottom: It sometimes takes me days to respond to messages, and my output has been low-quality even though I think about work 24/7 and have been unable to sleep because of it. I keep self-sabotaging and I don't know how to stop.

While I've seen various people take leaves for their mental health, I still worry about the stigma and about my job security since 1) I've only had one half here, 2) I've been letting down my teammates lately, 3) I'm in a non-tech role, and 4) my manager doesn't care about me. I don't even know if I care about myself these days: I haven't been consistently brushing my teeth, showering, or eating. Can someone who's been here advise me on how to get out?

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TOP 32 Comments
  • I don’t know the answer, but I want you to know that I’m going through the same thing. There are others, you aren’t alone in this.

    I was feeling like this at my last company, so I moved here thinking it would be better. But it’s not, it’s the same.

    Hope it gets better.
    Sep 20, 2021 4
  • Facebook / Eng
    Iove

    Go to company page Facebook Eng

    Iove
    I feel you man, sorry about this. It is my first half here as an E6 but I am so stressed out. My work productivity is close to 0 since I am tired all the time. I sleep less than 4h/day, cant stop thinking about work but cant be productive due to the lack of sleep.
    Sep 20, 2021 4
    • Amazon / Eng
      mog@mbo

      Go to company page Amazon Eng

      mog@mbo
      What went wrong? Did you choose wrong team, manager or both or something else changed afterwards?
      Sep 20, 2021
    • Cisco / Data
      lifeisgo

      Go to company page Cisco Data

      PRE
      Infosys, Wipro Limited
      lifeisgo
      OP while I am starting to look for a change FB was one of my target company. With all such stories coming out recently I sometimes feel money vs satisfaction peace’s of mind. FB shouldn’t be that bad culture but hearing from horses mouth at times feel is that money worth of mental torture
      Sep 20, 2021
  • Leave that company and find some hobbies
    Sep 20, 2021 0
  • Rubrik
    vhdrunchin

    Go to company page Rubrik

    vhdrunchin
    A bit of advice on trying for GE, it's very unrealistic to explicitly target and expect to get GE because it depends on way too many factors including how your teammates perform and your managers "perception". I think trying to hit EE and hitting EE consistently is more worthwhile and rewarding in the long run and you will probably hit a couple of GE's when luck decides to visit.
    Sep 20, 2021 1
  • Intel
    ltdwench

    Go to company page Intel

    ltdwench
    What's GE and what's EE
    Sep 20, 2021 3
    • Intel
      ltdwench

      Go to company page Intel

      ltdwench
      EE seems to be good right?
      Sep 20, 2021
    • Absolutely. I always aimed for EE and got it most of the time in 7+ years (14+ review cycles) and I make more than 95% of engineers in the company.

      But that’s where over achieving personality comes in. It works for the real stars, but burns out everyone else.
      Sep 20, 2021