Any tips on how to forgive myself and move on?
This is going to be maddeningly vague but due to the sensitivity of the situation, I can't reveal the exact details. But here goes:
I did something that I thought was just harmless fun to another person that I really like. It suddenly hit me like a brick that what I did was wrong because I was toying with someone's emotions. This person was happy at the time but has moved on now. If I confess to them, they'll never speak to me again, and in fact it'll destroy both them and me in various ways. If I don't confess, but gentle extricate myself from the situation, they won't even remember in a couple of days.
So I'm in a situation where confessing will destroy both parties utterly and completely so that's def not an option. The problem is the part where I said it hit me like a brick! I'm talking sudden onset of nausea, crawling skin, like my soul was being ripped apart. I believe this was a sign that what I did was wrong and damaging to my inner core and if I don't stop, it'll kill me.
So I've decided to recognize that what I did was wrong. How do I now forgive myself? I can't really apologize to this person who has no idea I wasn't being myself. How does one move on without the closure that comes from revealing a life destroying truth?